Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! A lot has happened since we last checked in with the Edens! Here is the history of the family so far (pictured below, and ages based on time of day children born and the corresponding month in my realistic aging plan):
Adam Eden (age 21) marries Eva Johnson (age 20) Jan 2010
Genesis (girl, purple) born Oct 2010 (That's right - honeymoon baby! *smiles*)
Exodus (boy, green) born Sept 2011 (11 month gap)
Leviticus (boy, orange) born Nov 2012 (14 month gap)
Numbers (girl, bassinet) born Feb 2014 (16 month gap)
Elsie Johnson (teenage girl in blue, born 1997) moved in with the Edens middle of 2013.
And of course, at the beginning of Year 6/2015, Eva was heavily pregnant with Blessing #5. Here she shares a precious moment with her newest baby, while largely ignoring her older children. Numbers may have the worst name but she's definitely been the best baby so far.
Numbers continued to be the perfect fundie daughter when she aged up to a toddler with the Independent trait! Happy birthday Numbers! We love your meek spirit!
Not too long after, Blessing #5 was born! (May 2015) Welcome to the world baby girl Deuteronomy! We can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you! (And again, sorry about the name)
Speaking of babies (?), the Lord laid it on Adam's heart to lose some of the sympathy baby weight he'd acquired since marriage, so Year 6 he ventured to the gym. Alas, NIKE! All the sluttish women there made him weep, gnash his teeth, and workout in a room by himself. If he can bring himself to go back he will have to ask Steve Maxhell how to bear short shorts.
All that getting-in-shape sure does a body good.
And guess what?!?! Blessing #6 is on its way! (Are you surprised? No? Adam's not either. He just wants to eat his breakfast in peace.)
In 2015, Exodus turned 4 years old! Adam told Exodus how special he was, how he was the answer to Adam and Eva's prayers, and how he would do great things to bring people to the Lord.
Well Genesis, it doesn't look like Exodus will need too much manhood-nurturing to accept his role as spiritual leader and fundie heir! What a smug-looking preschooler.
But of course, I know everyone is here to learn about Elsie! She turned 18 and was FINALLY ready for her future husband to find her! Could Cale be The One? She and Cale texted for a while in a group chat, and finally met again at the park. However, no longer living under her father's umbrella of protection, she seems to have forgotten her meek and mild spirit!
Not only did Elsie make SINFUL eyes at Cale, but she also BEAT him in Chess! (Pray for her.) Following this he left in a huff and Elsie was SEVERELY scolded on her Jezebel ways. After Elsie had sufficiently apologized and submitted herself to both Cale and her BIL/new headship, Cale was invited over to the Eden's home for some more getting-to-know-each-other. They jumped the gun and sat on the plastic courting bench though!
This setting severely confused Elsie, and after chatting about Cale's job (LANDSCAPER for a gardening company!!!!) and his love for dogs, Elsie let her feelings for Cale slip! Once again Cale left in a hurry and Elsie was so embarrassed. She thought for sure the getting-to-know-you period with Cale would end and that she would be gossiped about as "forward." Already giving away heart pieces for Jesus' sake! For the next few weeks Elsie kept her head down in servitude to God and to the Edens. She volunteered with Genesis, prayed with Adam for humility, and really just focused on her walk with the Lord. And the Lord forgave Elsie in her penance, and who should ask to come over again but Cale!!! Elsie was SHOCKED. Maybe waiting for a man to pursue her heart did work after all! This time, Elsie served Cale homemade food and agreed with him on theological points (much better) AS ADAM AND EVA FLAUNTED THEIR SPECIAL MARRIED PRIVILEGES NEXT TO THEM. Way to keep it classy
And Cale, like Ben, surprisingly did not run away screaming from this blatant display. Instead he started flirting with Elsie!! And they even snuck off to...take a picture together! Say "side-hug!"
And there ends year 6! Sorry that it was a bit of a hodge-podge. I hope to have a more cohesive story for year 7. Speaking of Year 7, when will Blessing #6 enter the world and whatever could its name be? Will Exodus turn out to be as much of a prick as he looks like? Has Adam checked out from child-rearing completely? Most importantly, will Elsie and Cale enter a courtship relationship? STAY TUNED! Edens out!
And ladies, let those men pursue you!