Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! Year 5 started off with a large expansion for the kids' rooms in expectation of a large expansion of the family. Notice the Heaven-Bound theme to keep little minds thinking about where they go when they die *smile*
Elsie started a barista job at the family church like her sister before her, because she clearly wasn't doing enough to earn her keep,
and Genesis turned 4!! As a child and no longer a toddler, she got right down to covering her body for Jesus and starting household chores.
In Feb, baby girl Numbers was born! Welcome to the world Numbers! We can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you! (Sorry about the name)
In true Eden fashion, after Numbers' birth Eva couldn't wait to again give her headship what only she could provide. Yes Adam, look at the fine
badonkadonk heart for the Lord your wife has.
What again Mom? Geez Louise! (Yep, Blessing #5 is on its way!)
Poor Genesis. Not only does she have to deal with an endless stream of younger siblings and start doing chores at 4, but she also has to homeschool herself. What could go wrong? (Also I would like to reassure everyone that what you see is a Creationist-approved science table. The state made them get it.)
Okay besides Genesis' trials (and there are many), the Edens had a nice thing going year 5. Elsie was the best help ever!!! and seriously bonded with the kids, the house was expanded and decorated, and Eva wrote her most successful manifesto to date, "Finding My Contentment: Abandoning my Personality for Jesus." Eva had indeed abandoned her personality and was on permanently-maxed motives. Sure, she still slept and ate sometimes but did she need to? No!!! She has turned all her needs over to God and become a great mom (but only to toddlers. Genesis is still SOL).
According to the MIT living wages calculator (http://livingwage.mit.edu/counties/51003), a two-parent one-worker family (in Albemarle County, VA because that's where I spent my early childhood) needs 50k/year plus an additional 5k for every kid beyond the first one. So even if Elsie is paying her own way, that's 70k/year needed for the Eden 6. Adam's job was $35/hr (salary equivalent $73,000) so they were jussssst squeaking by and with a new baby on the way. But the Lord provides! Mid-year, Adam was promoted to Hobby Lobby Regional Manager and is now bringing in $110,000!!!!! While Adam probably won't progress much further in his career, if he stays a job-type person the family will finally start to have some breathing room
and can stop grifting. Here's Adam in his new fancy suit.
The other big news in year 5 is that Genesis and Elsie began socializing with the outside world! Eva is really too busy to care about her oldest child and her sister-slave, so they've had some fun adventures. Especially Elsie. Elsie Elsie Elsie. Elsie took Genesis and Leviticus to the park to "give Eva a break"
and while it WAS super wholesome fun for Leviticus and Genesis, Elsie also just so happened to meet a teenager named Cale while she was there. He was playing with children on the pirate ship and clearly has a servant's heart! And if you take away his dyed hair and patch up his jeans, he actually looks a lot like the young man her parents told her to pray for (read: Republican)! During their conversation chaperoned by some elementary-school children, Eva learned that Cale loves music too! They have so much in common! Eva quickly remembered her modesty after this, but she just may have to take Genesis to the park again soon...
Goodnight Edens! Do you know where your super-sheltered super-oppressed super-horny fundie sister is? I kinda hope not! (As long as she’s safe) Edens out!