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Edens Year 4: Calling In Reinforcement!



Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! At the beginning of Year 4, Eva practiced her crazy-eyed fundie love stare...


and Exodus expressed his dismay at having a new brother.


Which was really too bad because, as you may have guessed, the Edens cannot stay un-pregnant for very long. Congratulations Exodus! The Lord has opened your mother's womb again and you're going to have an even newer sibling soon! Everyone was SO excited! Especially Adam. 


Although the Edens could manage their brood sometimes, that was only on weekends or the one day of family leave Eva begged her headship to take.


When the holy penis-holder was away, Eva struggled with 3-in-3 and counting. Here, she takes a desperate nap as the toddlers play unsupervised outside and throw paint into the yard (where did they even get that?), dirty food begins to stink on the coffee table, and the baby cries in the background. #FAMILY (And yes, the Edens eventually sold that worthless giant teddy. The weird tree thing does a much better job of keeping the kids out of the way.)


Realizing that she was failing as manager of her home, Eva called up her former umbrella of protection and asked them to PLEASE ship over a sister-mom. And they did. Yay! Meet Elsie Johnson, Eva's 16-year old sister. She's an aspiring cook, loves children, loves to clean, and of course has a servant's heart! (Also notice Eva literally PRAISING JESUS for Elsie's arrival)


Elsie also totally graduated homeskool early so she can live with the Edens and help out full time. The Johnsons (Eva and Elsie's parents and some brothers) even went so far as to help the Edens build a little extension for Elsie's bedroom. How neat!!! (But don't mind Adam NIKE!!!!!!!!1!!!1!!)


Elsie took to her duties right away- cleaning, gardening, soothing the baby, playing with and teaching the toddlers, and cooking. She is such a blessing! Eva was even able to find a moment of peace to write her newest work, "Boys are Boys and Girls are Girls: a fun book for families."


Eva was also working very hard on her contentment (read: I was using cheats to max her motives) and their growing family was running very smoothly. Though Elsie was an overall net HUGE POSITIVE, she did not come to the Edens with any baking skills. So of course, this happened. Again.


Only the stove and the violin of the newly set-up SOTDRT was burned. This time, the Edens grifted for a home sprinkler system and a higher-quality stove. They are getting really sick of this shi...opportunity of growth from the Lord. After the fire, Eva and Elsie enjoyed some precious sister moments during which Elsie did not at all regret her new season of life.


And during the transition into the new year, baby Leviticus grew up! Happy birthday Leviticus! It totally makes sense that you got "clingy" for your toddler personality, since you were not AT ALL an easy baby!! (Lovely)


As you can see, Year 4 ended with Eva heavily pregnant, but no new baby Eden. For those keeping track, in 4 years that's 3.85 blessings, 1 wrong-generation sister-mom, 3 fires, an entire home extension and thousands of dollars grifted, 3 open-and-affirming tracts published, and at least 5 instances of paint-splattered lawn. Keeping their fingers crossed for a good baby this time, Edens out!

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  • Posts

    • TuringMachine


      The editing on those videos is so jumpy and distracting.

    • CarrotCake

      Posted (edited)

      Of course they should follow the rules in their state but here children up to 12 never had to do social distancing at all. Even when we still had a lot of new cases each day, none of them could be tranced back to children infecting each other.

      So as long as the only adults Felicity is close to are here parents, a playground should not cause any problems.


      But if it is against the local rules it is stupid of course. Don’t act like you don’t need to follow them.

      Edited by CarrotCake
    • Hane


      @Maggie Mae, in light of the fact that every single personal detail of these kids’ lives is on the family YouTube channel, I wonder whether he really wanted all of this shared.

    • Don'tlikekoolaid


      I am so angry.  Mr Kools nephew who hasn’t bothered with us for the forty years Mr K and I have been together phoned and wants to stop in for a visit!  This guy is a JW and was visiting the JW guy who lives about an hour down the road from us.  They severely want to convert us.  The nephew and his wife have been driving around and visiting people during a fucking pandemic and now all of a sudden need to see their beloved uncle, who they’ve ignored for forty f’ing years.  We had quite the conversation, In a nutshell I told them not to show up.  I hope they don’t because I’m no pushover, I’m the bitch gatekeeper and I will not be happy.  WTF is wrong with people, how stupid can they be?  If they show up tomorrow they are not going to like me at all.  We are not your mission field asshole.  

      Thanks guys, I just needed to vent. 

    • starfish


      Maybe he's targeting his chosen demographic (men ages 18-35)  in a last-ditch effort to recruit new

      potential mates so he can marry off the Robotkins.  He IS a total gas-bag. 

      • I Agree 1

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