The first service in Maine was indoors - maybe it rained yesterday, or Gary couldn't get together a team to put up the tent while he filmed. This church seems prettier than most they grift from - those windows help:
The pastor announces the hymn The Fight is On, and jokes how, when he was in Bible school, that was always the hymn sung at Wednesday night service when there was a wedding scheduled for the weekend. Ha ha ha.
They belt it out, a capella. I've never heard this one before - it really has a college football fight song to it. There's a recording of it played on piano, at the link above, if anyone wants to be amused. Rah rah rah - go team! Fight sin!
After collection, he gives them a choice of hymns to do next, and a woman calls out "Let's do 'em both." So they do, a capella, then the Hawkinses come up to sing I'm Gonna Die on the Battlefield at the piano. I fast-forwarded through it all. I have my limits when it comes to enduring (or endearing, as Gary says) torture.
Gary has actually brought his Bible up, and set it on the piano before they sang. Good job, Gar. Jacob still has to bring him a bottle of water. Ah, well.
This is a yelling church, and everything Gary says gets "c'mon, preacher!" and "I like that!" "oooooh," grunting, and even whistling responses, which adds to the feeling they're watching sports or having sex. The pastor acts like he's hearing the best comedy act ever, slapping his knee and looking around to see who else loved that last punch line.
Gary rambles before and after announcing 2 Timothy 4:1-7. He says his theme is "fightin' the good fight" this time, but we've heard his thoughts on these verses many times; anything new or especially bizarre is below.
He tells us that Jacob has some knives, and Gary asks him why he's bringing a knife to a gunfight. Let's hope the latter is just metaphorical.
"You see what's goin' on and our freedoms 'n' all those different kinds o' things, they're being taken away from ussss. And they was fought, for our, from our forefathers."
"We got a bunch o' sissies in our pulpits today! We got a bunch o' sissies, hanging back 'n' jus' settin' back and jus' lettin' things go. Paul didn't, 'n' ah'm gonna tell ya raht now, what I wanna know about Paul er he wasn't no sissy. Now ah did hear a preacher trah to put him down to bein' a sissy one tahm, but ah'm gonna tell ya raht now, ah have studied the Bahble, and he ain't no, he ain't no sissy, and a sissy ain't gonna set in jail for the cause of Christ AMEN!"
Matthew 16:18-20 Peter is the rock. My first thought was that next would either be "if the building ain't the church, burn it down" or "my Catholic stalker."
It was the former, with the added ornamental trills: "I've heard this thing so much through the pandemic, it's about making me - and I know it's making God puke amen" and "ah told 'em to burn the stinkin' thing down, amen? Ah'm jus' mad enough to do it. If you're mad enough to act stupid, ah'm mad enough to tell you off."
"Mad enough," all three times, may have been "man enough" - hard to tell. Either way, Gary is being an ass, so does it matter?
Gary gets heated up, takes his phone out of his jacket pocket (taking no chances with what he really values) and gives the jacket a toss to the piano, without even looking:
Gary, you're a fuckin' Fred Astaire.
He tells us to check his Facebook if we want to know how nasty he is, and tells us how he insulted his cousin, who claimed that it was OK to stay home, because she and her daddy were having church every day. "So if ya talk about church, you're havin' church, amen? 'N' ah said why in the world are you runnin' your mouth? You don't even go to church when there is church!"
He says something too garbled to understand (30:00 if anyone wants to give it a try), but clearly negative, about preacher's wives, because he follows it with "because they think they're better'n somebody else."
Even the few times he's missed church since the pandemic started was killing him.
The healing preachers on TV have all disappeared. He mocks Kenneth Copeland for a while.
After one of Gary's especially loud screams of "THE CHURCH!" the pastor puts his finger in his ear and rubs at it - I think that one hurt, Gar.
Isaiah 40:8 - The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.
"This boook is alahv! It ain't a dead boook, it ain't a book that you, uh, it ain't a fairy-tale book with some stuff that somebody made up - this is THE BOOK!"
Fizzions 5:22-33 Gary on marriage - great.
He says his boy "fell in love, fell in somethin', ah ain't tell ya, haven't figured out what it is yet. He'll figure it out real soon, now."
He retells the story about Becky telling him he was in the "wrong prayer closet" when he told her they were going on the road to preach, and how, when he met her "she was an NIVer." Gary pauses after the latter, and the congregation goes completely silent, as if he'd said she was a murderer.
He told her she was wrong, and she "got over it, amen" - they all chuckle, including Becky.
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
I shall resume after teaching, but I bet Gary will tell us to vote for Trump and whip our children - I'd prefer it the other way around, Gary.
As Douglas MacArthur once said . . .