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Buffy's Commentary

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When I grow up...

HerNameIsBuffy

1,529 views

As a mental exercise I shook off the constraints of actual education, skill, experience...you know, reality...and asked myself what I REALLY want to do for a living:

  • SAHCryptozologist - I would look for apocryphal creatures, but within the confines of my house and the internet.  So Nessie shows up in my utility sink I'm on it.
  • forensic anthropologist (and work with Sue Black)
  • genius programmer
  • Technical writer - only if it paid really well and I never had to leave my house.  I want to be Monk's brother Ambrose.  But with a clean house...and I wasn't named after a turtle.
  • Dave Barry (1980s-90s era)
  • IT Ninja - swoop in when all the users are snug in their beds and fix all their issues in the black of night...communicating only through helpdesk tickets and sticky notes.  They wouldn't know my name, or what I looked like...but words of my great acts would spread until the occupation of minstrel was revived just to sing my praises.
  • Statistician/Analyst (for weird and interesting data sets)
  • criminal profiler for historical cases (no in person criminals for me, thanks)
  • QA Evangelist - maybe start by traveling the country side preaching the word of controlled documents, and then once I had a following preaching on some obscure cable channel about the healing power of FEMCA (failure effect mode criticality analysis) and the 10th circle of hell which is filled with 8D reports submitted by people who don't understand root cause.
  • Professional FJer - if I could hang out here for a living that would be awesome.  For me.  And whomever wins the forum pool of how long it takes people to start a petition to tell me to STFU.

Of the the above 5 aren't real jobs, two of which even if they were I don't have the skills.  Of the 5 real jobs I have the skills for exactly none of them.  

I need a time machine...I've got some life choices I need a do-over on.  Had I made different choices at certain critical moments I'd be a world renowned SAHC by now and your children's children would read about me in their history books.

Some advice for the kids out there...

Spoiler

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  • Upvote 5


3 Comments


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Grimalkin

Posted

SAHCryptolozologost looks like a good choice! 

I wonder if I could put Pokemon go on my résumé?

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catlady

Posted

I used to want to be a professional book-reader.....I never did figure out how or why anyone would pay me to read books of my choosing.

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HerNameIsBuffy

Posted

1 hour ago, catlady said:

I used to want to be a professional book-reader.....I never did figure out how or why anyone would pay me to read books of my choosing.

Me too!  that's going on my list!

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  • Posts

    • SuperNova

      Posted

      3 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

      Braggie's instagram post today... What a judgmental b*tch. She has the most crabby, judgmental personality with the exception of Lori Alexander.  Braggie Abbie is a close 2nd. What an unlikeable person. 

      Here it is for those who can't see it on Insta. Abbie is such a smug bitch. How does she not see that her total reliance religion is just a socially acceptable crutch that's no different than wine or Netflix? I would feel differently if her faith wasn't so blind. 

      I also find it condescending and awful that she uses the term social justice gospel. Are the goals of social justice that different than her own gospel? Abbie isn't "sitting at the feet of Jesus", she's created a delusion and placed herself at the center of it. People who fight on behalf of social justice issues are actually working to make this world, and the only life we know we have, a better place. Meanwhile Abbie idles away her days playing with rugs and getting knocked up because Jesus. Give me break. Don't assign yourself as the arbiter of morality unless you're actually doing the work.

      Spoiler

      1944895520_Screenshot_20210126-1206022.thumb.png.fab65cc6baabde903f20420d389bf2ae.png499212418_Screenshot_20210126-1206202.thumb.png.440489932e259dfc51574a84814c4198.png1131938773_Screenshot_20210126-1206292.png.b124c2d6c20fc1753191e9b7d22ae75e.png

       

    • Iamtheway

      Posted

      On 1/25/2021 at 2:11 AM, Maggie Mae said:

      There will be even more voters in four years, and that record will be smashed, thank whatever deity. 

      Well thankfully Biden has the record. :)

      But Trump might very well smash his 74 millions himself. He’ll be back. Or one of his kids will. I’m sure of it. 😬😱

      The fact that it’s so hard for some Americans to vote, and that that’s an actual part of some politicians strategy to win makes me sad. In Sweden voting is so easy. My husband works for a local council and before the last election part of his job was to visit disabeled people to collect their votes so they didn’t have to travel.  No lines. No registration. No excuses not to vote. And we have a high turn out, 87% in 2018. 

      • Upvote 2
    • Coconut Flan

      Posted

      14 hours ago, OldFadedStar said:

      So, Jeremy was doing a q&a and he was asked if he believes in KJV only and his response was “Nooooooooooooooooo”. He recommends eSV or NASB which are actually the most accurate texts of the Bible. 
      This means Jinger is probably reading these versions of the Bible at least some what. 

      Jinger switched off KJV at marriage as did Jill.

      14 hours ago, OldFadedStar said:

      before anyone downvotes me or anything, yes this is probably not much more different than them wearing pants. But changing from KJV only means that they will be able to have more of their own thoughts about what they are reading because they will understand it more

      It's a known step from fundiedom to regular conservative.

      2 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

      I tried making divinity before and it was a complete disaster.  But if you ever want something that's the consistency of sheetrock mud hit me up.

      My grandmother used to make it and do it well.  There was secret to it she said and taught me.  But pre-schooler me did not retain the lesson.

    • thoughtful

      Posted (edited)

      Monday evening camp meeting - the Hawkins phone is way over to the right again.

      One of the things that has been interesting to me, watching Gary's videos from various places, is how traditions vary slightly, and seeing how people who are visiting or gathering from different churches react.

      When a pastor asks one person to give a prayer, sometimes you can hear just that person, and others don't call out, or react quietly (Gary, as we know, has a moaning prayergasm). In some places, a few men will pray loudly, and others will just react or mumble softly. At this camp meeting, the tradition seems to be for most of the men to bellow and scream prayers at once. This goes on for about 4 minutes.

      Host (?) preacher says he remembers the first time he heard praying like that. He was a child, in the car with his momma, and they heard it coming up out of the woods. "God came up out of the woods!" Lots of shouting answers.

      They scream, whoop and whistle with phony-sounding excitement when he announces There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood, and some of them continue during the song, and after it. Same for Amazing Grace.

      Part of the disconnect is that Gary's phone is far enough back that we see some congregants, and so, in the middle of all of the near-constant screaming, there are people walking by now and then  - to the bathroom, to change seats, whatever - looking bored as can be.

      Spoiler

      image.png.2617bb44dfb27c92caf2194b0434851a.png image.png.1832abd6049b6c08dcdabfc8b9c338fb.png

      Both of these screenshots were taken at moments when most of the men were shrieking and bellowing rapturously.

      After some more yelled prayer, the musical group is mostly drowned out by shouting as they do a fine Bluegrass version of Brethen, We Have Met to Worship, then It's Still the Blood.

      When the first guest preacher comes up, in a rare moment of silence, someone yells (I think) "Just be good, professor," which gets a huge laugh. :confusion-shrug:

      He gets a big laugh by starting with some line about how he was going to preach on "12 reasons ah know Jesus was not a Democrat." He gets shouts of affirmation when he says Jesus wasn't a Republican either.

      The irony that Jesus, if he lived today, would probably be way to the left of current Democrats, let alone Republicans, is, of course, nonexistent to them. They think Jesus would have been a far-right zealot.

      He's very tall, and, while expressing his thanks for "a good family," he says his Momma was the only mother in the neighborhood "who had to climb a ladder to whip her kid." Big laugh. "She did it. Ah'll tell ya about the beatin' she gave me with a ball bat one these days, but that's another story."

      There you have it, folks - IFB nostalgia.

      Oh, wait - there's some nostalgia that's not about being beaten. He tells a story about going out doorknocking as a teen, and how he and the other future preacher he was with "got in behind some Jehovah's Witnesses." They were taking Watchtower pamphlets off of doors, leaving their materials, and were packing the JW lit "to the garbage can as fast as we could."

      He says that the yelling you're hearing tonight is the result of preachers being "stymied" by Baptists for years, getting to the point "where the pop-off valve finally popped off, and glad to have a place to go, like this." Much screaming in answer.

      https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+8%3A41-56&version=KJV

      This guy fancies himself a comedian. When he gets to verse 55: And her spirit came again, and she arose straightway: and he commanded to give her meat, he says, "And her spirit came again, and she arose straightway: and He commanded to give her  - tofu, and bean sprouts, decaffeinated coffee, gluten-free pasta, imitation oleo."

      Because them liberal foods is funny, you see.  :roll:  They scream "NO!" at each of these, as well as laughing, and he finally finishes "He said 'give her meat'" to loud amens.

      He asks them to re-read the second part of verse 42: But as he went the people thronged him, and says his theme is What to Do When You're Stuck in Traffic.

      He sets it up by talking about people there who may feel stuck due to not getting a position, or their church not growing. No mention of personal growth, faith, or anything that might concern the women or children there. Nope, this seems to be about bolstering those poor, put-upon patriarchal preachers praying for power and pennies (oops - I Shradered. Excuse me).

      He uses the metaphor, warning against making a U-turn or taking a shortcut due to being "stuck" in their lives.

      The video cuts off - there's a second one from that same service, which I will get to after work.

      In the meantime, keep screaming!

      Spoiler

      1255208843_inchurchnoonecanhearyou.jpg.98128d3951e3f4410d0de2f458d68b5e.jpg

       

      Edited by thoughtful
      riffles
      • Thank You 3
    • JermajestyDuggar

      Posted

      4 minutes ago, geeklove said:

      I'm interested! Lisa is the trifecta of fundies: self absorbed, willfully ignorant and self righteous. 

      Life matters unless that life is forced to steal for survival and then they'll kill you for their own material possessions. Blue lives matter unless they're protecting abortion clinics. Family matters unless your family member is gay and then... bye! Babies lives matter but I hope they don't need health care. Religion matters, unless you want to have a Hindu prayer before a legislative meeting. (Her pastor was arrested for interrupting that very thing)

      As for healthcare, she let her daughter go around with a sewing needle in her foot for a month before she took her to get x-rays. I guess Plexus doesn't flush out foreign bodies.

       

       

      Lisa does remind me a lot of Jill. Their narcissistic qualities really set them apart from a lot of other fundie women who are supposed to be selfless, meek, submissive, work their fingers to the bone types. Lisa lays on her ass for months every time she gets pregnant while her kids do everything. Jill makes her kids do insane amounts of chores every day while she makes videos about plexus and goes on dates with her hunk hubby. They both talk constantly about their miscarriages. It’s creepy how they are so alike. 



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