Before we start this clusterfuck of a chapter, wine status: glass is full. There is no way to read this shit sober. Warning: it IS as bad as you are imagining. Go ahead and grab the fortifying beverage of your choice. I'll wait. :-P With that, let's go meet Teh Ebil Whore!
We open the chapter with a pencil (I think? I'm no art major.) drawing of a city street, complete with high rise buildings. No idea why, because, for some reason, Boring Plot Device is INTENTIONALLY having lunch with Nosy Busybody in the fucking park. Run Boring Plot Device, RUN! You are running out of chances to get Nosy Busybody's hooks out of you! Anyway, their quiet lunch is about to spoiled by the arrival of Teh Ebil Whore.
Teh Ebil Whore walks up, and immediately starts being horrible, because she's an evil whore and we DEFINITELY can't make her likeable in any way. Sigh. She launches into a rant about how Boring Plot Device never called her. Now, the implication, at least the way I read it, in the first chapter was that the date where Teh Ebil Whore came on to poor, innocent Boring Plot Device was a first date. Apparently, it wasn't. They had been going out long enough for Teh Ebil Whore to think that they were in a relationship. The writing is all over the place, and I'm not quite sure if they went out a couple of times or the relationship had been ongoing.
Jessie: No. But when a guy takes a girl out a couple of times in a row, and they get all interested in each other, then she expects he will call again, no?
Sakal: I did not know. So, dating, at least if you date ‘a couple of times’ and ‘you get all interested in each other’, implies obligations.
Jessie: Say, Andrew, who is this guy, anyway? He asks weird questions.
Ok, so, I'm honestly not an expert on dating (mister destiny was my first serious boyfriend and we've been together for twenty years), but I feel like Teh Ebil Whore's expectations here were valid. The text implies that she is being unreasonable and irrational, but if I had been going out with a man long enough that I felt like there was enough there to initiate sex, I would expect the man to call me, and to have the courtesy to break up with me before he asks out The Good Girl. I'm not sure how mainstream the expectation is, but I feel like she's being mistreated by the narrative here.
Oh, Teh Ebil Whore, I was all set to like you, and you had to go and ruin it. Why????? Boring Plot Device's response to her "Who is this guy?" was that he was a friend that knows the Bible and they were talking about dating. Her response is basically, "Ohlala, y'all gonna fuck?" Sigh. The way it comes across is petty and anti-gay, and that's one of my biggest hot button issues. Boring Plot Device is, of course, horrified at the implication, because god forbid anyone think he was gay. BRB, going for another glass of wine.
Andrew: No!! [Blushing] I meant we were talking about dating. He’s not from here and doesn’t know about dating...
Jessie: Oh, like from overseas. Cool! You do look kind of foreign. So what do you want to know about dating?
Oh Teh Ebil Whore....NO NO NO NO NO! How does ANYONE look "kind of foreign"? Perhaps I should introduce her to my BFF, who is a native born American who happens to be Latino, or another friend of mine who looks as stereotypically American as you could ever imagine, and is in fact from Wales. Fuck you and your casual racism Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper). *takes a sip.
Nosy Busybody asks Teh Ebil Whore what she was expecting out of dating Boring Plot Device, and wow, she comes across so. fucking. young here. She gives all the standard "worldly girl" reasons: someone to do stuff with, someone to talk about with her girlfriends, the fact that a boyfriend helps complete her, and someone to hang out with so she isn't lonely. Poor Ebil Whore. She sounds so unhappy. I want to sit her down and help her find something that actually completes her, and be her friend. Even though she says the most unlikable things, I still can't help but like her.
Sakal: [Turning back to Andrew] But you were tempted to think it was OK?
Andrew: [Nods glumly]
Jessie: What’s wrong with us sleeping together? It isn’t like Andrew and I had just met! We’d been going out for quite a while.
Ok book, we have been back and forth between a couple dates and going out for quite a while. WHICH ONE IS IT? If they have been going out for a while, I think I may have to change Boring Plot Device's name to Asshole Plot Device. Anyway, we go through the silly "women don't really want sex, they really just want someone to love them" trope, and sweet baby J, send help and more wine. I just ran aground, and I'm so close to the end that I don't want to go upstairs to get another glass. Of COURSE, women don't want sex because they like orgasms, noooooo, they only want someone to love them. I mean, of course, nearly everyone wants someone to love them, but why the shit are we playing to this shitty sterotype?
Jessie: Of course. Sex is fun, but it is really the relationship that is important for the girl. Let’s face it, nowadays everybody knows if you don’t put out the guy won’t like it and then he’ll drop you.
Sakal: I had thought that might be part of the reason. So when Andrew turned you down for sex, and then when he didn’t call you for a date the next week...
Jessie: I got the picture! He didn’t want me anymore. But it would have been nice of him to have told me!
Yes Ebil Whore, it really would have been. Asshole Plot Device, take a note. Let's not fuck this up again. Well, I'm sure you won't because it's pretty clear you are going to buy The Good Girl from her Salesman Headship, and live happily ever after, but still. I hope you end up feeling bad about this, but let's face it, Ebil Whore is just a plot device as well, not a real, fleshed out character, and now that Asshole Plot Device has dumped her for The Good Girl, we will probably never see her again.
Ebil Whore stomps off angrily (and good for her. Nosy Busybody is being a condescending asshole to her.), so we have to move on to the tried and true pieces of the heart are gone bullshit. I actually sort of agree with Nosy Busybody just a bit here:
Sakal: Perhaps you need to examine not just your goals, but the other person’s goals, when you begin a relationship. It seems when Jessie accepted your invitation to ‘date’, she heard more than you thought you were saying. She had hopes that your request to date was the first step toward something much more serious: in her eyes, a ‘relationship’. You, on the other hand, were just looking to ‘have fun’.
You not only ‘took her out’ once, but several times, and her expectations grew, until she felt secure in calling you her ‘boyfriend’, at least to herself. Then, when you decided to move on to someone else, that relationship was destroyed, and she was hurt.
If I understand the situation correctly, because you have rejected her, she is also now shamed in the eyes of her girlfriends. She has been, I believe the word is, ‘dumped’.
Bolding mine. He's not entirely wrong here. Relationships are built on communication, and having a talk about what you expect out of a relationship is a good idea. Because we have conflicting information in the text on how long they dated, it's hard to say if that conversation should have happened. I'm also genuinely confused by Asshole Plot Device's expectations here. He said in chapter 1 that he was dating because he wanted to get married. Now he's dating because he wanted to have fun. That's not to say that these things are mutually exclusive, but the whole, "you were just looking to have fun" isn't exactly what the text said. Perhaps Mr. Ohlman (who is a creeper) should have written an outline and a character study, cos Asshole Plot Device's character is as clear as mud right now.
Andrew: So, from now on, she will always feel ‘rejected’ by me. We will have a broken relationship, not just a non-dating relationship.
Sakal: And that is probably not her first time. She may have given part of her heart to a dozen boys already, and will give it to yet a dozen more.
Andrew: The poor boy at the end...!
Andrew: He will have to compete with the memory of all of those others!xxxii
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE PLOT DEVICE! Instead of being sad that he might have hurt a woman that one would assume might at the very least have considered a friend, he's on about the stupid pieces of her heart horseshit. It's all about the penis at the end of the line. Fuck you asshole, and fuck the patriarchy and misogyny that makes people think that fucking HORSESHIT like this is fucking OK.
Thank god that this chapter is over. It wasn't wtf-y so much as it was fucking sad. I want to give Ebil Whore a hug so. fucking. bad, and then sit down Asshole Plot Device and try to deprogram him.
Next time on this clusterfuck: we have a GotHard mention. Hopefully that one will be back to being funny wtf, not just depressing.