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Destiny31's Corner

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Today, In I Read It So You Don't Have To

Destiny

1,295 views

Because I apparently hate myself, and am a glutton for punishment, I downloaded Captain Let Them Marry's book. Prepare for rants, probably fueled by altogether too much wine.

Now, if you have hung out with me at all, you probably know I'm an unashamed lover of fanfiction. That said, I am pretty damn good at NOPEing the hell out if a fic sucks. I opened the PDF, and immediately wanted to NOPE.

THIS FUCKER IS A DIALOG ONLY FANFIC! SEND HELP AND WINE.

Here's a selection of this beautiful dialog from page one:

Quote

Sakal: Yes, your pastor told us about most of the families, and gave us one of your directories with the pictures in them, so I recognized you. [Indicating the phone] So, is there something wrong with your phone?

Andrew: Yes, it won’t tell me who to call!

Sakal: [Chuckling] Your phone?! No, it won’t; it is a machine. It has no purpose, no goals. You want to call someone because you are human; you have purposes and goals. As soon as you determine your purpose for making your call, you will know who you should call... or whether you should call anyone at all.

SEND HELP.

  • Upvote 9


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Destiny

Posted

I'm probably gonna do one "chapter" per day so I don't die of alcohol poisoning. Chapter 1 features the sterotypical 'slut who tries to push the good Christian boy too far' character. It's every bit as offensive as you are envisioning.

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Fascinated

Posted

@Destiny, I, too, thank you.  Because this is gold. C'mon, that is really, really good stuff right there.  I am salivating awaiting your next installment. 

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

Posted

I still can't believe he wrote a book. Be very careful @Destiny. We really need you to not die of alcohol poisoning! :56247953c05d2_32(6):

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AmazonGrace

Posted

Come on stay with the times... no one calls anyone anymore, we have whatsapp.

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  • Posts

    • Idlewild

      Posted

      @llg1234- thank you for the recap. 
      Unless you are deeply interested in other women’s labour and delivery (and I’m not) I cannot see the appeal of episodes like this. A very young woman going through what sounds like a brutal time and Jessa and Ben shopping. They’re going to have to come up with something better- and I don’t mean Jeremy showing the bumpkins how sophisticated his parties are and Ben getting free surgery. The latter sounds like an updated version of the dentist trips they used to show.

    • llg1234

      Posted

      Counting On Season 11 Episode 6 "A Beautiful Miracle"

      Part 1

      Spoiler

      It's 7:30AM, 11 days before Lauren's due date. Her and Josiah are at home and making sure they have everything ready for when they go to the hospital. Jill is with them. Lauren was 2cm dilated at her last doctor's appointment and is having some contractions. They head over to the Swanson house to walk up and down the stairs and use their treadmill. They wanted to have Jill with them since she knows a lot about labor and she could help them decide when to go to the hospital. Lauren wanted a hospital birth because it's what her mom's always done and she has a good doctor. After the exercise, the contractions pick up but Lauren doesn't think she's dilated enough. They head back over to their house.

      It's been a week since Addison was born. Garrett wasn't too sure about Addison at first and he's been a bit jealous, especially when Kendra is holding her. Jessa & Ben talk about transitioning from one to two. Michelle advises trying to get the kids on a similar schedule. 

      At 5:45PM, Lauren's been in labor for 24 hours. They're now heading to the hospital; She's 3cm and 80% effaced. She could have labored at home a bit longer, but she's glad they went to the hospital when they did since her contractions started picking up soon after. Lana (Lauren's mom), Michelle, and Jill are with them. She's having a lot of back pain since Bella's head is against her spine. Lauren tries sitting on an exercise ball, but labor the pain is a lot. She gets an epidural and Michelle says she's doing amazing. She wasn't planning on getting an epidural, but the pain was too much around the time she was 6cm dilated. Her right leg feels heavy and she becomes dizzy from her heart rate dropping. She lays down, which helps with the nausea and dizziness, but the epidural doesn't seem to have helped much with the pain. After 2 hours, they decide to do another one. She still is in a lot of pain after that as well. 34 hours into labor, Lauren is starting to feel frustrated from the pain and the labor not progressing. She's been awake for almost 2 days and is exhausted, so she's given something to help her sleep. 

      Meanwhile, Ben & Jessa are going to put together a care basket for Josiah & Lauren. They head to the grocery store and Ben wipes down the entire cart with disinfectant wipes. Lauren's into healthy eating, so they want to get fresh foods. Spurgeon drops a mini watermelon and it cracks, so they end up with two melons. Jessa wants to eat them, but Ben is worried about germs. A TH of various Duggars saying what they would put in a care basket for new parents. Common answer include coffee, diapers, chocolate. Jessa & Ben get a laundry basket to fill up with everything they got.

      Part 2

      Spoiler

      It's now 40 hours into labor and Lauren has gotten some sleep. The doctor has said that if things don't start picking up within the next hour, they may have to discuss having a c section. Josiah says it's a scary idea, since it isn't what they wanted, but he knows they have to do everything they can do to protect the mom and baby. 3 hours later, her contractions were still too far apart, so they decide to give her some pitocin. Lauren feels like she can't do this for much longer due to the pain and exhaustion. The pitocin causes the contractions to pick up and her to dilate. She starts pushing. Bella Milagro is born on November 8, 2019 at 4:24PM, 6lbs 5oz & 18.5in. She opened her eyes right away and was looking around. Lauren says going through a loss and then finally having a healthy baby is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Jim Bob comes over to hospital later on to meet Bella and help them pack up. Michelle calls Lauren a 'woman of steel' for getting through that long, painful labor and says Josiah and Lauren are a great team. Bella smiles a lot and Lauren says she really is a gift from God to show her the joy in the world.

      3 weeks later, Jinger and Jeremy are making gingerbread cookies. Duggar family fun night is tonight and they're having a gingerbread house making competition. JinJer are going to participate via video chat. Jinger puts a pregnant belly on a gingerbread person and hopes the family will be able to see it. She's 10 weeks pregnant. Jeremy has to go to a meeting, so Jinger tries to make the cookies and watch Felicity at the same time. She's got less than a hour until fun night starts, so she's relieved when Jeremy gets back and she can focus on decorating the cookies. The teams have an hour to put together and decorate their houses. James and Jason decide to make a ship instead of a house. They used a hot glue gun to keep it together and a drill to make a hole for the mast (I feel like you should be disqualified for making it inedible, but good for them thinking outside of the box I guess). Jana's team is struggling and she says she gives up. JB comes over to try and help. He somewhat manages to get it to stand up. 

      Times up and Michelle goes around to look at all of the house. James and Jason's ship isn't half bad. Josiah and Lauren made a basic cottage and used graham crackers to make a chimney. Lauren had to decorate one handed since she was holding Bella. Jana picks up her team's house and tries to bring it over to show Jinger and Jeremy, but it ends up falling apart. JAbbie made a barn out of graham crackers with marshmallow sheep and a pretzel fence. Jinger and Jeremy reveal their house and Michelle takes a picture of the laptop screen. She doesn't notice the pregnant jingerbread person, so Jeremy moves it closer to camera. She figures it out and screeches about how Jinger's pregnant. Jana looks unamused. Everyone starts clapping and the little kids are jumping around. This will be grand baby number 18.

      Next week: Jeremy sets up a surprise birthday party for Jinger, Ben gets laser eye surgery to correct his vision, Michelle and Jana visit Jinger after her miscarriage.

       

    • AmazonGrace

      Posted

      4b4227.jpg.60e2042f3250f4ca7e18156f4190c395.jpg

      Funny how this truthy person spouts so much lies and bullshit.

      • Upvote 1
    • Cheetah

      Posted

      1 hour ago, JillyO said:

      I've mentioned before that Joy and I share a due date. Personally, I'm going in for induction tomorrow at 39 weeks exactly. According to yesterday's NST, I'm having lots of contractions, but so far they are completely painless. Hopefully I won't have to start the process completely from zero, but we'll see. Wish me luck! :happy-cheerleaderkid:

      All the best for a safe and easy delivery (and I hope you are back on your feet in time for Ultra Unlock Unova week 🤣 ).  

      • Upvote 1
      • Thank You 1
    • Idlewild

      Posted

      1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

      Exactly, and that was my initial point. Plus divinity school (is that what it’s called?) is hard. It deals with ideas and obscure concepts that require deep, critical thinking skills. He is going to have seriously buckle down and dig deep to succeed. It’s going to take much more effort than Brooks Brothers (RIP), fancy coffee, $80 haircuts and a new blessing every 2 years.

      I can’t help feeling Jeremy has struck a deal with his current college - he seems to associate with the staff and they clearly didn’t mind him skipping class to film, do private speaking engagements. Plus they had that beautiful home just waiting for the couple with TV money?? 
      Perhaps the college think Jeremy is good PR & will encourage other would be pastors with more money than sense. 
      Speculation of course but Jeremy does strike me as a ‘what’s in it for me?’ type. 

      • Upvote 1


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