The years of bullying took their toll. All these years later I can stil hear the words, I can still feel the blows. What was so wrong with me that I was singled out for that? The words spoken over that young girl all those years ago broke her. Abused in the same way at home, her spirit was killed and left her a hollow shell unable to feel anything besides anger, rage and fear. Where others found passion, she found pain. She carried a knife for protection but wanted to use it on herself. All these years later she still feels alone and scared of people...just knowing that they will hurt her at the first opportunity. She makes jokes on herself, cutting herself down so no one else will. The words that were said killed me just as surely as if someone had shot me. Everything I could have been, should have been died then. The drugs, booze and men didn't revive her, the family she dearly wanted but didn't have just drove more nails in the coffin of my life. The neverending sense of loss is the dirt over my grave, where nothing grows.

The ones who tormented me never knew the damage they did, they just went on with their lives. They don't remember the girl they killed. They don't know that their torment still affects her now, 35 years later, and 35 years later, she is still waiting to die. What was so wrong with me that I was singled out?

I have tried to forgive and go on, but the words still ring in my ears.