As someone that runs hot pretty much all the time, I thought how bad can hit flashes really be.   Then one day I was apparently transported directly to the surface of the sun. 

My husband could not leave the house fast enough to buy me a fan.  In February when fans are super easy to find, naturally.

mine have gotten less hot over time or maybe I've just gotten used to them.

I am glad you are alive though.  After you left for lunch and never returned we were getting a little worried!

I had a hysterectomy but kept my ovaries. I weondered if it would anything when THE change came. I better start stockpliing the chocolate now.

Holy crap. I've recently realised I'm of an age with you both. You have my sympathy, but @HerNameIsBuffy that was graphic! 

I'm not there just yet, but I'm very afraid.

6 minutes ago, littlemommy said:

I had a hysterectomy but kept my ovaries. I weondered if it would anything when THE change came. I better start stockpliing the chocolate now.

I kept mine, too...hence their need to still ovulate into a void.  The rest of me wants to do nothing productive but those fuckers will keep flinging eggs like a never ending game of Angry Birds...

But in all seriousness my gyn told me at the time that keeping them I'd just go into it as I would without the surgery...and I have no doubt that's the case.  I had a rough time with the onset of puberty, PMS/PMDD, and periods from hell...so why expect this to be easy?  Actually women who have severe reactions to hormonal changes like the above tend to have a worse time come "our season."  Super fair.  

The only thing I am grateful for is I got post-partum euphoria after each kid.  If the feeling of calm and blissful happiness I had for the couple of months after each kid came in pill form I'd be looking for a dealer.  Guess maybe I hoped I was going to get lucky and menopause would be a big love fest for me but apparently not the case.

26 minutes ago, Curious said:

As someone that runs hot pretty much all the time, I thought how bad can hit flashes really be.   Then one day I was apparently transported directly to the surface of the sun. 

My husband could not leave the house fast enough to buy me a fan.  In February when fans are super easy to find, naturally.

mine have gotten less hot over time or maybe I've just gotten used to them.

I am glad you are alive though.  After you left for lunch and never returned we were getting a little worried!

It would have been great if lunch was just THAT good that I was still there.  

Just goes to show I'm also flaking when it comes to things I enjoy so...I'm an equal opportunity slack ass.  

SO there with you, @HerNameIsBuffy!  I had my partial hysterectomy 4 years ago and finally found out just what that means to someone w/out a menstrual cycle to point out pms and mood swing expectations.  The kids and cat are now on High Alert Always to my outbursts, (both yelling and/or crying) sudden striptease acts while running through the house/store/yard/church, and maudlin recitations of how much I screwed up their lives, hope simultaneously they will flee for their lives from the horrible mom-ness that is me while begging them to never leave me.  And the dreams!  The wonky, absurd, extra-vivid, extra-horrifying dreams!  You didn't mention those...did I just spoiler you?  

My greatest obsession/fear right now is that even though I bought a light, sleeveless MOB dress for 4's wedding in June, I'll suddenly be overcome by a hot flash while walking her down the aisle and will be forced to abandon her mid-way while I run back to the bathroom to hose myself down.  It's not in any way a silly fear.

10 minutes ago, Kak said:

Holy crap. I've recently realised I'm of an age with you both. You have my sympathy, but @HerNameIsBuffy that was graphic! 

I'm not there just yet, but I'm very afraid.

I would tell you not to worry yet, but when people tell me not to worry I start thinking of inventive ways to impale them on things...so I won't.  

But it's true that everyone is so different.  I have two much older sisters and one had a very easy time of it and the other...well, let's just say she's my new mentor.  

I just keep thinking of the All in the Family episode where Archie tells Edith if she's gonna have a change of life she's got 30 seconds to hurry up and change.  It's exactly what I want to say to myself.  About minute 22 will never not be funny to me - but it's even funnier now.

No partial here.  In my early 50's.  I suspect my hormones are making me crazier than normal (or, well, crankier).  I don't typically do the sudden onset hot flashes yet.  Oh no.  Let's just get super warm (and I'm already warm most of the time anyway) and stay that way for a couple of days (or a week plus) then drop without warning.  I do PMS insomnia so the sleep issues are rather 'normal' in my world.  

5 minutes ago, violynn said:

SO there with you, @HerNameIsBuffy!  I had my partial hysterectomy 4 years ago and finally found out just what that means to someone w/out a menstrual cycle to point out pms and mood swing expectations.  The kids and cat are now on High Alert Always to my outbursts, (both yelling and/or crying) sudden striptease acts while running through the house/store/yard/church, and maudlin recitations of how much I screwed up their lives, hope simultaneously they will flee for their lives from the horrible mom-ness that is me while begging them to never leave me.  And the dreams!  The wonky, absurd, extra-vivid, extra-horrifying dreams!  You didn't mention those...did I just spoiler you?  

My greatest obsession/fear right now is that even though I bought a light, sleeveless MOB dress for 4's wedding in June, I'll suddenly be overcome by a hot flash while walking her down the aisle and will be forced to abandon her mid-way while I run back to the bathroom to hose myself down.  It's not in any way a silly fear.

Not a silly fear at all...I'm going shopping this weekend for more lightweight tops so I can layer at work and I'd be terrified if we had an occasion coming up where I needed an important dress.  

I've always had really intense weird dreams, which is why I've been so reluctant to try Melatonin since I didn't want to supersize them.  I am trying it this weekend though, since I need sleep.   I've always been really sensitive to anything drowsy inducing (a Tylenol PM or benedril after 7:00 PM and it's 70/30 if i can drive the next morning) so  want to experiment on the weekends.  

Part of me feels terrible that you and millions of others feel so shitty, too...but part of me is SO relieved since even with access to information I was really afraid there was something seriously wrong with me.  I can't imagine how hard this was for women in the days before easy access to factual info and when other women didn't talk about it.  I don't know how they functioned...today is a pretty good day and I did get like 5 hours sleep last night so I feel amazing compared to the last week or so...but I just want to go home hibernate until this is over.  And as it can last 10 years I'm willing to settle in for the long haul.

I had this fantasy of moving to Inuvik, near the arctic circle, just me in a little cabin.  There would be a couple of animals up there who need a home and we'd be fine ...never talk to another person.

Then I started wondering about going to the bathroom...how do septic systems work...how much toilet paper would I need to get me through the rest of my life and where would I put it in a tiny cabin...could I have a basement up there or is that impossible in the permafrost?  It all made sense until the toilet paper issue made it unworkable.

If I could just get some sleep and have as needed naked access to a walk in deep freezer I could probably be somewhat functional.  That deep freeze access is just not a common office perk.  

A post-menopausal relative referred to menopause as "puberty in reverse". That was scary enough. Now I'm really scared. 

I think I need a reassuring hug.  

Seriously, @HerNameIsBuffy, @violynn, and everyone else, hang in there. I'll probably be joining you sometime soonish.

I had a total hysterectomy with removal of both ovaries at 38...instant menopause about 15 years too soon.  Lovely.   The fun is never-ending even now at age 57. 

 @WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?.  Like @HerNameIsBuffy, I hate that everyone else female who lives to the age of menopause *will* get to join the ranks of the exhausted, hot and miserable.  But it is really helpful to know that one is not alone in the WTF!? of symptoms.  

HNIB, I share your fantasies of wanting to move somewhere wintry.  It got so bad last weekend, I actually hoped Trump would win the Presidential election JUST so I could move to Canada and be cold all the time.  I don't even have the luxury of celebrating that the cold doesn't bother my fibromyalgia pain anymore due to hot flashes, because of *course* cold still bothers me.  I dress in multi layers for warmth, and then in a 'flash' am in the lower depths of hell and cannot be undressed fast enough.  Figures.

1 minute ago, violynn said:

 @WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?.  Like @HerNameIsBuffy, I hate that everyone else female who lives to the age of menopause *will* get to join the ranks of the exhausted, hot and miserable.  But it is really helpful to know that one is not alone in the WTF!? of symptoms.  

HNIB, I share your fantasies of wanting to move somewhere wintry.  It got so bad last weekend, I actually hoped Trump would win the Presidential election JUST so I could move to Canada and be cold all the time.  I don't even have the luxury of celebrating that the cold doesn't bother my fibromyalgia pain anymore due to hot flashes, because of *course* cold still bothers me.  I dress in multi layers for warmth, and then in a 'flash' am in the lower depths of hell and cannot be undressed fast enough.  Figures.

I don't get the temp regulation thing at all.  I was standing in the kitchen in shorts and a t-shirt wearing the bare minimum of clothes I could get away with without scarring my kids for life and demanding my husband feel my head so he could see how hot I was.

He said I felt really cold and clammy...even though I was burning up.  I was furious he said I felt cold and demanded he feel my soaking wet head (my hair looked like I just got out of the shower - it was dry a second ago) like what....him acknowledging heat would make me feel better?  He was smart enough to then agree I was clearly literally on fire.

Honestly - he's not in court or helping me describe stuff to a doctor - if I need confirmation that I'm hot just agree with me - toss in some sympathy, tell me I'm brave...and a compliment about how amazing it is that I can be so pretty while miserable would really fucking help.

None of that is true and it doesn't have to be - of all the men in the world I get the one who can't lie to me.  WTF?

No kidding!  Why is it when we need our loved ones to lie to us they won't, but when you're attempting to walk out the door in an outfit that ages you 10 years, makes you look fat to a degree you didn't even realize you were capable of AND is so ill fitting it seems you dressed in the dark while drunk and chose an item from the closet you were going to use for rags they have the temerity to tell you that you look great!?  Great, now I'm retro-pissed at the eldest for that lie that happened 8 years ago. =/

2 hours ago, violynn said:

 @WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?.  Like @HerNameIsBuffy, I hate that everyone else female who lives to the age of menopause *will* get to join the ranks of the exhausted, hot and miserable.  But it is really helpful to know that one is not alone in the WTF!? of symptoms.  

HNIB, I share your fantasies of wanting to move somewhere wintry.  It got so bad last weekend, I actually hoped Trump would win the Presidential election JUST so I could move to Canada and be cold all the time.  I don't even have the luxury of celebrating that the cold doesn't bother my fibromyalgia pain anymore due to hot flashes, because of *course* cold still bothers me.  I dress in multi layers for warmth, and then in a 'flash' am in the lower depths of hell and cannot be undressed fast enough.  Figures.

I normally run cold, and consequently, I normally dress as if it's freezing out, with leggings and turtlenecks, all the way up until it's clearly summertime hot.  Most people dress light and add layers when they get cold; I default to many layers and only remove them when I get uncomfortably hot. 

I never had especially horrible cycles -- some unpleasant cramps as a teenager but then it all went blessedly mild for the next few decades (until the fibroids and then the hysterectomy 5 years ago which left me with one ovary). So I guess that matches my current experience now on the other end of the line -- I get hot flashes but they are brief!  As in, if I take off any layers during them, I'll be putting those layers back on in about five minutes.  And when I do feel chilled, I now warm up quickly when that never used to happen before -- it would take me hours to feel warm in the past.  

For years I joked that I was planning to schedule my hot flashes for the wintertime...  Didn't quite work out that way -- they started I think about a year ago, one or two or three a day, some at random times and some seemingly at the same time every evening -- just an intense flush of heat as if I blushed so deeply that it made me sweat -- and then in a few minutes it would be gone.  When I read this thread today it reminded me that I don't think I've had any in several days -- could it be that's all I'll get?    I've been prepared too, hearing stories of them continuing for years and years...  Guess I can only wait and see -- but you won't find me complaining, because I know my experience is so mild compared to these stories and others I've heard.

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I had this fantasy of moving to Inuvik, near the arctic circle, just me in a little cabin.  There would be a couple of animals up there who need a home and we'd be fine ...never talk to another person.

Then I started wondering about going to the bathroom...how do septic systems work...how much toilet paper would I need to get me through the rest of my life and where would I put it in a tiny cabin...could I have a basement up there or is that impossible in the permafrost?  It all made sense until the toilet paper issue made it unworkable.

Do you need me to post pictures of Lamb's Ears again?  

I'm supposed to get a hysterectomy (whenever I am "ready" or 40 or cysts come back). My gynecologist who I love dearly says that with the hormone replacements I won't notice. Because there are so many other things in my life that I need to worry about I have chosen not to obsessively google this and wait the 4ish years to deal with it. Is that true? (I know you guys don't know) There has never been a stage of womanhood that has gone smoothly. Ever. I just don't believe him when he says taking it all out will solve the problems. Even if he does look like Hugh Jackman.

You have my sympathies Buffy.

@AliceInFundyland--FWIW, my mom did hormone replacement therapy (Premarin) back when it was common for most menopausal women. I don't think she had any menopause symptoms until she stopped the Premarin. Not really the same as your situation...

@HerNameIsBuffy: I can totally sympathize on the sleep deprivation front (although I'm not quite to the "change" yet...fingers crossed!). I've had several epic bouts of insomnia over the past year, and a few years back when I was coming up on the deadline for filing my dissertation, I was awake for about 70 hours straight.

That was *Hell*. I was actually at the point where I was microsleeping and having hallucinations (weird shapes cavorting in my peripheral vision) and getting the giggles over absolutely. freaking. nothing. It really makes you feel like you're losing your mind to not get proper sleep.

Hang in there. I hope it starts to even out.

Turning 50 at the end of the year.  I'm a bit nervous about hitting this new season of life, and your stories are not giving me much comfort!!    I've had a mirena for the last five years and are waiting on results of a blood test to check my hormone levels to see whether it needs to be replaced.  I have noticed an increase in my crankiness, but maybe that's just me and not a sign of things to come...

Just reading through everyone's experiences, and I have to comment, @Tikobaby I had no idea you were the age you are!  Maybe this comes back to people thinking other posters look like their avatars, but I honestly thought you were maybe mid 20s!

Oh boy yep yep this is me. I am 50 in 5 months and weird shit is happening. The sleeping bit is the worst. I can't sleep at night but I nod off on the couch in the afternoon all the time.

I actually took a sick day this week because I was so exhausted. I took the kids to school, came home, climbed into bed at 9.00am and slept through to 2.30pm when I crawled out to go pick the kids up again. It was bizarre.

I haven't had day sweats yet but I've been drowning at night regularly. My mum didn't get day sweats so I'm hoping I don't either.

Our house is just a barrel of laughs with two teens going through puberty and a perimenopausal mum. 

5 hours ago, Karma said:

Turning 50 at the end of the year.  I'm a bit nervous about hitting this new season of life, and your stories are not giving me much comfort!!    I've had a mirena for the last five years and are waiting on results of a blood test to check my hormone levels to see whether it needs to be replaced.  I have noticed an increase in my crankiness, but maybe that's just me and not a sign of things to come...

Just reading through everyone's experiences, and I have to comment, @Tikobaby I had no idea you were the age you are!  Maybe this comes back to people thinking other posters look like their avatars, but I honestly thought you were maybe mid 20s!

My avatar of the lovely Jeri Ryan in character as Seven of Nine must have lulled you into a false sense of my being younger than I am!      

Yep, you look damn good for someone your age, @Tikobaby! 

8 minutes ago, Karma said:

Yep, you look damn good for someone your age, @Tikobaby! 

 

I can only dream of looking as good as my avatar,  @Karma!   

So, yeah, menopause, it's some seriously epic shit, isn't it? 

My own confused little ovaries randomly decided to power down when I was in my late 20's (because apparently that is a thing.  And not even an overly uncommon thing, although I had never heard of it.)  There was an advance warning memo in the form of a mammoth three week period from hell that I somehow shrugged off as the result of stress from Final exams.  Also stress from having to duck into the toilets every 2 hours to change the 3 layers of ultra strength feminine protection products so that I wouldn't  recreate that scene from Carrie all by myself.  But I digress.

The next thing I know I'm 30 with hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia and, what was that other thing?  Oh, yeah, memory lapses.  If these things happen to you at 50 it is not that hard to figure out what is going on.  At 30 I had no idea and it freaked me the hell out. 

Even after the appropriate tests were done and I knew what was happening it still took a while to wrap my head around it.  Getting on HRT made a huge difference for me (not Premarin -derived from pregnant horse urine (ew) and implicated in the WHI study that came out against it) I'm on an Estradiol patch plus a progesterone pill.  

The other thing that helped was finding other people who had undergone the same thing so that I didnt feel like such a freak of nature. There is a sisterhood for everything (Yay Internet! )

I am now approaching 50 and I have to say that I almost cried in my Dr's office when she told me that I can stay on my HRT. I had been so dreading having to go through menopause *again*. Once was bad enough, 2x?  No. Just No.

Do the HRT thing if that is am option for you, otherwise go ahead and blog away about the whole messy,ridiculous, uncomfortable business and to hell with TMI. People need to know what this shit is like for real so that they can either be prepared for their own happy fun time, or, if they are lucky, be truly thankful for having it easy. 

Also chocolate is obviously going to be a medical necessity for you at this time.  

Buffy. I feel your pain.

1. I have forgotten all the things
2. Can't sleep, yawn all the time and then cry because OMG so tiiiiired......
3. Have become some screaming, sweating remnant of myself, and generally have all the menopause symptoms WHILE....
4. I HAVE MY PERIOD AND THE GODDAMN CRAMPS FROM HELL!!!!!
5. Yes, I have ALL the things at once.
6. I am too old for this shit.

FML. I shall show myself out...if I can remember where the door is.

Oh, goody! Now I'm getting ads for "Estroven: Menopause Relief" at the bottom of my screen.   Gotta love the adaptive ads!