Not all TP is created equally. Some TP really does feel like sandpaper. Especially that one ply brownish dry looking stuff that is nonabsorbent. I don't get the point of that stuff. It's probably rougher than sheets of newspaper.

They may ad away, those things can be amusing

To help you decide which brand of toilet paper to spend your money on. Just like anything else. 

3 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

To help you decide which brand of toilet paper to spend your money on. Just like anything else. 

You are being far too practical here and losing the whole sarcastic point of this blog post.

I don't know about everyone else, but I use 2-ply. None of the thin nonsense!

It is not all created equally and the shady companies that try to sucker you with larger rolls, more sheets, less money when they are only 1 ply are the run by demons.

I don't know who invented 1 ply toilet paper, but clearly their motivation was pure hatred of humanity.  

And why did they stop making colored toilet paper?  

But there is only one correct brand of toilet paper and that is Charmin.  Angel Soft used to be the only acceptable alternative when it had the cute floral print of the pink flowers.

If you run out of cotton pads Charmin is strong enough to handle eye-make up remover and and soft enough to clean eye glasses without scratching.  

Also, if you have horrible children who don't always leave the bathroom in pristine condition and use the last of the paper towels under the sink without replacing them and then the doorbell rings and it's unexpected guests what do you do?!  You excuse yourself to use the bathroom and with a wad of Charmin and a couple of squirts of Windex and Scrubbing Bubbles your bathroom is ready for company in under 2 minutes and no one will know it isn't always the showplace they see before them.

Try cleaning a mirror with a wad of Scott's and see what happens.

I do not, however, approve AT ALL of the commercials which are too specific about exactly how clean it gets ...one's belower area.  And Charmin is guilty of this with the damn bears.  I don't want to know that there are people out there who are not cleaning properly no matter what kind of crap paper they have on hand.

I had no idea I had such strong views on the topic.  

ETA:  Btw - I don't know if anyone told you yet, but when you blog about a topic here you become the subject matter expert...so I'm hoping you'll be able to answer the bolded as it wasn't a rhetorical question.  

14 minutes ago, crazydaffodil said:

You are being far too practical here and losing the whole sarcastic point of this blog post.

I rather enjoy the overemphasis-on-the-literal-and-ensuing-pseudo-obliviousness-to-the-intended-sarcasm approach, myself. 

And @HerNameIsBuffy, don't get me started -- I have strong views on toilet paper too, but mine would be rather the opposite of yours, as I take an environmentalist-prepper's view of the whole thing.  Once, after moving into a new rental house, I posted a photo like this  online with the caption "Look!  I have toilet paper growing in my yard!"

9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

And why did they stop making colored toilet paper?  

ETA:  Btw - I don't know if anyone told you yet, but when you blog about a topic here you become the subject matter expert...so I'm hoping you'll be able to answer the bolded as it wasn't a rhetorical question.  

Thank you for your input, @HerNameIsBuffy.  Here is what I was able to find regarding your thoughtful question.

There are several reasons, but one of the primary reasons toilet paper is white is the same reason most toilets are, simply that white toilet paper looks cleaner than the natural brown-ish color the paper is before it’s bleached. If toilet paper was the original brown hue, on a purely aesthetic level, would you use it? Or, perhaps more aptly, would you prefer it over the white variety? The consensus among toilet paper makers, like Kimberly-Clark who rang in on this issue, is that people consistently choose the white. One can only assume they’ve done extensive marketing studies to back that notion up, but even without access to those studies, it makes intuitive sense.

That said, there are other factors at play as well. For starters, white isn’t just an aesthetic choice, the white colour of toilet paper is usually achieved by bleaching the paper and this can make the paper much softer. Why? The bleaching process can be used to remove lignin, a polymer in wood that to some extent functions as a “glue” to hold the fibers together and makes the tree more rigid. As Dr. Hou-Min Chang of N.C. State University in Raleigh said, “Without lignin, a tree could only grow to about 6 ft. tall.”

Besides the added softness, removing lignin also adds a significant amount of shelf-life to the paper. For example if you’ve ever seen an old newspaper, you may notice that the paper starts to yellow as it ages; this yellowing is due to the presence of lignin in the newspaper. Obviously toilet paper that yellows over time, especially unevenly, isn’t going to fly off the shelves.

So that’s partially why many toilet paper manufacturers bleach the toilet paper in the first place, but why don’t they still colour it in many countries?  There are a variety of reasons ranging from environmental impact of the dyes; potential for irritating certain people’s skin, along with other negative health factors; and increased time of decomposition of the toilet paper, which is particularly a problem when using a septic system.

Of course, things like environmental impact and potential health issues never stopped them from bleaching the TP in the first place, or adding many other chemicals to increase desirable attributes of toilet paper, which have many of the same drawbacks. It also hasn’t stopped companies from adding such dyes to other product if it will increase sales, despite any negative impact.

So while those are definitely factors in favour of leaving out the dyes, the primary reason here probably has more to do with the extra cost.  To make up for this, they’d need to charge a little more for the dyed version. If this would have the potential to increase sales, they’d no doubt start making coloured toilet paper tomorrow. But as people today already generally prefer the white, the extra expense probably isn’t going to get customers to buy more, unless they used some pretty clever marketing. But even then for a product like this, it would be a stretch unless it really was a superior product compared to the white version.  So add it all up, and there’s not enough incentive for the toilet paper makers to manufacture such an alternative to the now standard white variety.

12 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

And why did they stop making colored toilet paper?  

I believe it was because someone, somewhere decided dyes can leech out of it and be potentially dangerous to people and/or the environment.

I imagine it also costs more to produce.

Someone who is totally evil and beyond hope orders toilet paper here at work.  The stuff almost disintegrates when you touch it.  And what does hold together is indeed sandpaper.  The paper towels do a lovely job of shoving water around the counter but are horrible at soaking water up.  Unless of course your hands are wet and you're trying to yank a paper towel from the dispenser.  In which case it also disintegrates.  

My hat is off to you...I couldn't have hoped for a finer response.  And now I feel better about "the man" sacrificing my color choices in the name of other people's sensitive seaters.

If only they made these in a non-pourous material I could have whimsy and not have to quit my job to lobby tp manufacturers for more pink.  (I agree brown would be awful.)

I almost got the bottom kind once intended as family joke, until I looked closer and saw fabric.  Fabric right next to the yuck bomb that is the toilet?  No thank you.

8 minutes ago, clueliss said:

Someone who is totally evil and beyond hope orders toilet paper here at work.  The stuff almost disintegrates when you touch it.  And what does hold together is indeed sandpaper.  The paper towels do a lovely job of shoving water around the counter but are horrible at soaking water up.  Unless of course your hands are wet and you're trying to yank a paper towel from the dispenser.  In which case it also disintegrates.  

I had a bump over my eye last week because in trying to pull a paper towel the dispenser came apart and smacked me in the face.  

Injured and for what?  Our workplaces apparently order from the same place as ours seem to not only be non-absorbent but almost water resistant.  

We do have, not Charmin, but not unacceptable toilet paper most of the time but it's stored in the open like a weird little display in the bathroom.  When they get the individually wrapped kind it's just weird...when they are uncovered and just sitting out it's somehow gross.  I'm not sure how - since tp on the holder isn't covered - but it's just wrong somehow.

15 minutes ago, church_of_dog said:

I rather enjoy the overemphasis-on-the-literal-and-ensuing-pseudo-obliviousness-to-the-intended-sarcasm approach, myself. 

 

And @HerNameIsBuffy, don't get me started -- I have strong views on toilet paper too, but mine would be rather the opposite of yours, as I take an environmentalist-prepper's view of the whole thing.  Once, after moving into a new rental house, I posted a photo like this  online with the caption "Look!  I have toilet paper growing in my yard!"

This may possibly be the more horrifying thing I've read in a while.  Further cementing the fact that I'm an opposite of a prepper because take away the trappings of convenience and comfort and I'm out.  I'll sacrifice myself so everyone can split my rations but not only do I have zero practical skills that don't require a computer and electricity...but if I didn't opt out it would be a matter of days before someone kills me and goes Donner party right quick because there is only so much whining people can endure.

24 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

And why did they stop making colored toilet paper?  

Because they stopped making coloured bathroom suites?

Because 1970 ended a long time ago?

Because with all the many ways that soap powder evolved to make your tighty whiteys whiter than white, there grew a demand for ultra-white toilet roll to match?!

Now that Farrow & Ball Elephants Breath emulsion is the new Magnolia, and in a world where we are increasingly turning our washing machines down to 15 degrees C and using eco-friendly laundry products, I predict that Warm Contemporary Grey loo roll will become the New White.

You heard it here first! 

You can also get them in support your favorite team!  Or perhaps, what you are using it for, your least favorite teams!

1 minute ago, blessalessi said:

Because they stopped making coloured bathroom suites?

Because 1970 ended a long time ago?

Because with all the many ways that soap powder evolved to make your tighty whiteys whiter than white, there grew a demand for ultra-white toilet roll to match?!

Now that Farrow & Ball Elephants Breath emulsion is the new Magnolia, and in a world where we are increasingly turning our washing machines down to 15 degrees C and using eco-friendly laundry products, I predict that Warm Contemporary Grey loo roll will become the New White.

You heard it here first! 

I hate gray.  not was much as I hate beige, but close.

The bottom pic (hallway) is close to the color of our siding.  I hate it, but I also hate spending money, so I just pretend I live in one of the other houses on my street until I pull into the garage and live in denial until I need to go out again.  

And the brick work is ecru...it's like someone won a contest on who could design the most yawn inducing color scheme for the outside of a house.

In a way we're like Grimmauld place - no enchantment spell but colors so boring it's like it's not even visible.  (HP fans know what I'm talking about.)

24 minutes ago, church_of_dog said:

"Look!  I have toilet paper growing in my yard!"

umm you're doing it wrong. Pot it and have it growing next to the toilet. That is way handier... That is sage right? At least it will smell nice

I do have to say I miss that light yellow or light blue TP. I don't miss the pink stuff because that is my least favorite color. I also miss all the pretty patterns. I may have saved some sheets once because I like the pattern (unused of course). I think it was small pictures of cheeky lil puppies or something.

14 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This may possibly be the more horrifying thing I've read in a while.  Further cementing the fact that I'm an opposite of a prepper because take away the trappings of convenience and comfort and I'm out.  I'll sacrifice myself so everyone can split my rations but not only do I have zero practical skills that don't require a computer and electricity...but if I didn't opt out it would be a matter of days before someone kills me and goes Donner party right quick because there is only so much whining people can endure.

But - but - what could be more comfortable than the flannel-like softness of Lamb's Ears?  And convenience?  You think it's more convenient to have to go out to a store and pay money for something that has been delivered (and thus has the potential to be Out Of Stock or to be urgently needed during hours the store isn't open) than to have it growing in your own yard for free?   OK then; more Lamb's Ears for the rest of us. 

I don't remember the demise of coloured toilet paper.  I think my mother was one of the last people to keep buying it, but I was already whiter than white by that time. 

I do like an annual pack of snowman paper. It lends a very festive feel to the season and leads me into song in a very-squeaky-Aled-Jones-while-I-wee kind of way.

I heard that the dye was dangerous to the vagina @HerNameIsBuffy. 

Also, I agree about Charmin. 

Another thing, am I the only one who rips off the last piece of tp and disposes of it before ripping off my piece? Don't hate me, I know it's wasteful, but I'm weird. 

It was allergy inducing for some - including per my mother, one of my aunts.  

11 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I hate gray.  

We could officially never live together.  River rock gray and storm cloud gray are my favorite colors.

10 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

umm you're doing it wrong. Pot it and have it growing next to the toilet. That is way handier... That is sage right? At least it will smell nice

That is lamb's ears.  Sage might be equally fuzzy but I think the leaves are way too small for the purpose.  And you're right, growing indoors would be great, since it would dry out (and become decidedly not-flannel-soft) within a few hours of being cut.  On the other hand, most of us don't have a bathroom big enough for the size of plant we'd need to be right at hand...  

Which is why, Buffy will be relieved (argh!  pun not intended!) to know, I have never actually used Lamb's Ears as toilet paper, in spite of actually making the online post and comment as I mentioned.

2 minutes ago, church_of_dog said:

That is lamb's ears.

It's probably called something ridiculous like kid's toggles here. I shall have to look it up. I have been considering growing lavender in my toilets, but I'm not sure they could handle living in near permanent darkness. i did think about playing a switcharoo with them, but I'm sure I'll forget .

I wasn't far off. It's donkey's ears.

What you need is 7 pots, one for each day, and then just switch them out so they can regrow for 6 days...

38 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

I think it was small pictures of cheeky lil puppies or something.

That would be Andrex. Puppy embossed toilet roll and cute puppies in the adverts on t.v.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAO8U48_ShE

@HerNameIsBuffy

TP for you?

If you(general) don't want to get bored you could always go for this one

@HerNameIsBuffy you might like my favourite one with pink flowers  

One-ply?  I just picked up that there is such a thing as one-ply toilet roll?

Who would invent that, seriously! 

1 minute ago, blessalessi said:

One-ply?  I just picked up that there is such a thing as one-ply toilet roll?

Who would invent that, seriously! 

Why, the companies that know people will 1) go for the cheapest on the store shelf, and 2) use it up twice as fast because they use enough to fold over enough times to make however many ply feels right at the moment.

30 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

@HerNameIsBuffy you might like my favourite one with pink flowers  

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Here is the one for Buffy:

Yet another reason why @HerNameIsBuffy and I, while we might make for lifelong and loyal friends, could never share an abode...