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Surviving it

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violynn

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So I've revised this blog entry six times now.  Really short and sweet.  So very verbose.  Descriptive, very descriptive, again with the short and more short.  Just like the sheaf of papers I brought in to the hearing yesterday, an oft-revised version.  

Four years I'd been writing that damn speech.  In my head, in a journal, in my therapist-assigned journal.  Finally on Saturday, settled in to Write The Speech.  That wasn't going well, so I called Oldest, J., all the way at the top of the USA, to read over the messes I was working from, to get her advice and suggestions.  She'd just finished writing her dissertation last month, and will be defending it for her PhD at the end of the month, so she knows what she's talking about.  After rambling through the pages, she told me to do the middle group:  that I had lined out the relationship from start to finish in almost bullet point formation, and that works very well in a persuasive speech.  So that's what I did.  We only had 30 minutes total time to speak to the Board, so I had to make sure my talk gave Youngest time to speak as well, and leave any room for questions or clarifications.  

So I'm gonna bullet point this too.  It worked yesterday, and it keeps my verbosity on point.

- Hearing was almost 5 hours away, so we went up Sunday night and stayed with K and her hubby-to-be so we didn't have to do the drive all at once. Didn't sleep worth a darn, ugh.

- I forgot the most important thing:  my photo identification.  Realized when it was too late for anyone to get it, get back to the hearing on time.  So much panic.  I castigated myself beyond belief until we figured it out with the assistance of Diane, the wonder Victim Services Lady and Don, the Security Guy. 

-Group hug outside the hearing right before we went inside.

-Warm, friendly, accommodating Board!!!  So incredibly NOT what at all what I expected.  Just mind-blowing.

-Emphasis on only 30 minutes.  I started with the speech, but stopped occasionally would emphasize a point with another point or example.  I felt very strongly it was important to look this group in the eyes, so I did.  I asked once if I was going long, as I didn't want Y to miss being able to speak.  They told me to take as long as I needed.

-Youngest had a speech prepared that was so good.  Eloquent, articulate, but heart-felt and kind as well.  They were blown away by her, of course.  The Chair asked her, "Are you SURE you're only twelve?"  She laughed and nodded.  I put in, "She only turned 12 in December!"  They spent ten minutes, no lie, telling her how much they admired her, the way she's handled all this, how well she spoke, how courageous they found her for coming to talk to them.

-Each member of the Board spoke to us, thanking us for coming, for speaking, for sharing our story with them.  They commented on seeing our group hug when we were coming in, and how that told them volumes about our closeness.

-The Chair told us that he couldn't tell us what the decision was, of course, but that he knew what it would be, and all the members nodded.  Said that we should walk out of the room knowing we'd done what we came to do, and while they didn't have to make the decision until the end of the month, I'd be getting a call before the end of the week, and we would be happy.  Just unbelievable how good they were to us!  We all shook hands.  Diane told us it was an absolute certainty they'd be giving him the longest deferrment:  24 months.  So we'll have to do it again in March 2018, but I'll never sweat it again.  I also saw it was 3:15!!  They'd let me go over so long!  Diane told us this was the longest hearing she'd ever been in during her 10 years doing this.  Also , the only hearing each of the members had spoken at the end.  She said they were all completely engaged, emotionally involved in our talks.  Incredible.

-Youngest turned and asked me, on the ride from the hearing, "Mom, have you ever felt a 100 pound weight on your chest, then suddenly found it gone?  I feel like I'm floating."  Bless her, yes, yes, I have.  She hadn't realized how much all this stress was getting to her, had often argued that NO, No, it wasn't bothering her!  When B, her other sisters, and I saw how dark and depressed she's gotten in the last six months.  As the Mule said, "What load?"

Good thoughts, prayers, care and hope MATTER.  I fully believe that along with how articulate and good Youngest is, how I went on instinct and the belief in telling the truth of what happened to me, that people who thought of us in these past weeks definitely had a hand in how proceedings went yesterday.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!  So many things could have gone wrong, badly, unluckily.  They didn't.  I am so grateful.  We are so blessed. 

  • Upvote 22

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OnceUponATime

Posted

Quote

Youngest had a speech prepared that was so good.  Eloquent, articulate, but heart-felt and kind as well.  They were blown away by her, of course.  The Chair asked her, "Are you SURE you're only twelve?"  She laughed and nodded.  I put in, "She only turned 12 in December!"  They spent ten minutes, no lie, telling her how much they admired her, the way she's handled all this, how well she spoke, how courageous they found her for coming to talk to them.

This part, especially the bolded, brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad you guys had a good Board. And I'm glad to hear that they spent the time positively supporting your daughter (and I'm sure your momma-bear heart was too!).

Thank you for sharing your story and being so open about it.

  • Upvote 7
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Fascinated

Posted

May I say that your sixth (or is it seventh?) version turned out to be perfection?

I am so happy for you and your family, and you must be so proud of your daughter.  You should be proud of yourself, too, @violynn, for so many reasons.  Not least, your daughter.

Congratulations on all of your family's awesomeness and for what will no doubt be the best result you could hope for!  Well done!!!

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MarblesMom

Posted

Awww, I have tears of pride and joy for you and your family!  Great job - great result!  So glad it went well  :)

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violynn

Posted

17 minutes ago, Karma said:

So happy for you all :) 

Thank you, @Karma!  We're over the moon!

 

10 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

This part, especially the bolded, brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad you guys had a good Board. And I'm glad to hear that they spent the time positively supporting your daughter (and I'm sure your momma-bear heart was too!).

Thank you for sharing your story and being so open about it.

I shed a few tears when I first started speaking and that was it, until Youngest spoke.  Then we all cried.  Included two of the Board.  They were all so very good to her, so yes, so blessed with that Board.  And my family...so blessed with them too! 

12 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

May I say that your sixth (or is it seventh?) version turned out to be perfection?

I am so happy for you and your family, and you must be so proud of your daughter.  You should be proud of yourself, too, @violynn, for so many reasons.  Not least, your daughter.

Congratulations on all of your family's awesomeness and for what will no doubt be the best result you could hope for!  Well done!!!

 

13 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

Awww, I have tears of pride and joy for you and your family!  Great job - great result!  So glad it went well  :)

Thank you, @MarblesMom!  We were lucky and blessed! 

  • Upvote 6
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violynn

Posted (edited)

26 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

May I say that your sixth (or is it seventh?) version turned out to be perfection?

I am so happy for you and your family, and you must be so proud of your daughter.  You should be proud of yourself, too, @violynn, for so many reasons.  Not least, your daughter.

Congratulations on all of your family's awesomeness and for what will no doubt be the best result you could hope for!  Well done!!!

Somehow the reply to you disappeared, @Fascinated.  Thank you so much for your supportive comments and thoughts. I'm so proud of all my young women. Youngest has the support of five very protective big sisters who adore and protect her.  I don't think I can be proud of myself.  But that's another post.  lol  

ETA  forgot to @OnceUponATime reply.

Edited by violynn
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iweartanktops

Posted

Oh, @violynn, this is amazing! What a journey you have traveled. I'm so proud of you and Youngest and the rest of the girls. You really have each other's support and love and I'm positive the board could feel it. It sounds like everything went as well as possible, considering what happened. Well done! :my_heart:

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violynn

Posted

3 minutes ago, iweartanktops said:

Oh, @violynn, this is amazing! What a journey you have traveled. I'm so proud of you and Youngest and the rest of the girls. You really have each other's support and love and I'm positive the board could feel it. It sounds like everything went as well as possible, considering what happened. Well done! :my_heart:

It really did, @iweartanktops! Love your avatar, btw!!  When I realized I'd forgotten the i.d. card, I almost lost my mind.  That was a very, very ugly 45 minutes waiting to find out if I'd be able to attend my own victim's parole board hearing!  Thank you so much for all your caring support, friend.  I appreciate it more than I can say.  

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blessalessi

Posted

Well done to you all.  I'm so pleased it went well. xxxxx

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samurai_sarah

Posted

Now, go on and continue being totally awesome! :)

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nonymouse

Posted

Sniff. Got a little something in my eye, too. VERY proud of you and your family, Violynn!

  • Upvote 2
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sawasdee

Posted

Blowing nose hard. So glad everything has worked out for you all. Your daughters sound magnificent!

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turquoise

Posted (edited)

I don't even know your family in person and I'm proud of all of you! Hope you don't mind a stranger telling you that.

Edited by turquoise
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      Edited by noseybutt
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