When I was a child I had to refer to all older (25+ish upwards depending on how old I was) people as Miss, Mrs or Mr depending on their marital state and gender. Now I'm not that old yet. I mean I might have some gray hair, but that doesn't mean I'm ancient. I grew up in the period where(at least in my world) there was a movement to start calling people by the first names. Some schools started doing this: instead of the godly mentor being Mrs Alexander she would be called Mrs Lori.
I, however, was not allowed to. It didn't matter if they expressed a desire that I addressed them by their first name, that was considered impolite and lacking respect by my parents. If they ever heard me call or refer to someone by their first name I would be in big trouble. Older people you obeyed, but only if in doing so you were obeying your parents.

Another thing a bit related for me is that males were always considered superior. A female must always be subservient to a male, and treat them with unabated politeness and respect. I never realized how much that had gotten under my skin until recently. It really became an automated response that I didn't think of. I wasn't aware I was always deferring to males, but I was.

I remember once I left home how damn hard it was to refer to people by the names they asked me to. People looked at me weird when I was 20 and calling everyone Mr or Mrs. It was so ingrained in me I felt rather uncomfortable for a few years while I adjusted to calling people by their given names. I only discovered the male superiority when I got my second degree. I was a few years older than most of my class. And one day when talking to a few I found myself wanting to disagree but unable to. When I reflected on it (my teachers would have been proud!) I realized that it had a lot to do with the fact that somehow I thought that  guys shouldn't be questioned. I was automatically giving them extra credit for their opinions simply because they were guys. That one is harder to solve than the Mr/Mrs complex. It is a lot more internalized and can be very subtle.

But what bugs me the most is I ended up with a major inferiority complex. Any sort of authority has the tendency to freak me out. Cops, seniority (of any type, including post count), supposed class difference, 'real authority' like bosses... It gets really hard for me to actually say my mind when I think I'm going to say something they might be in disagreement with. Don't even get me starting on calling someone out on inappropriate behavior. I really do feel about 1 foot tall internally if I need to enter a possible conflict with someone who I view as 'superior'. Sometimes this gets me down and I start telling myself that I suck. My current pick-me-up when that happens goes something like this: "It's OK. You are a product of your upbringing. As long as you're recognizing that and trying to change it then you're doing good. Little steps, that is all it takes, daily little steps, one at a time". Oh and I do get my celebration dance on sometimes when I go against my gut instinct and call people out on stuff when I don't feel I'm worthy

But really, you aren't the boss of me, I'm the boss of myself and slowly but surely I'm learning to live that one out.*

*except the whining dog currently outside my door. She is the boss of me . Her *whine whine whine groan sulk* noise that she makes lets me know she's about to bark. So I'm going to let her in so she can climb all over my face even though I say "no".

This blog post comes to you via my introspection and may not make much sense. Nurture really can have very subtle weirdarse influences on your life.