I think you're the opposite of a crappy parent.  I have no words of wisdom, but for what it's worth I think I'd leave the dramas (I love that term!) at home, and decide closer to the day whether the youngest would be better off at school. Would the dramas listen if you sat them down and said that you are really relying on them to not cause any stress on the day, and that they need to be calm for the youngest daughters sake?

Good luck, we are here for you.

Thanks so much, @Karma!  Youngest is definitely going to school, but the PB hearing is in the afternoon, and 3 hours away, so there wouldn't be anyone home with her after school, and she's just 12, I'm not comfortable with her being alone at home for more than 20 minutes or so, and I stress during that!  So someone has to be there.  I hope the Dramas will listen, I'm sure they'll mean to do it...but a cranky 12 yo, 2 Dramas already stressed out...it can get pretty rowdy.  I'm going to have to stress how much I need them to keep it together, and just hope they all are in a cooperative frame of mind!

Maybe I'll bribe them with pizza, ice cream and a movie!  Gahhhhh...that's so ridiculous LOL!

Does your youngest have a best friend? Could you call her mom and ask if youngest can come over there after school? No need to explain why, just that you have an appointment that can't be changed and the dramas (totally gonna steal that!) have previous plans.

I understand this sentiment. I hope you guys can figure out a satisfactory arrangement.

And, as Karma says, we are here. I appreciate the fj community in my own time of psychological turbulence...it's as hands off as you need it to be.

Hey if pizza, ice cream and a movie has a chance of easing your stress on a difficult day , I'd definitely do that!

I want to start off by saying that you sound like an amazing mother and I'm sorry that you went through something so horrible, and have to deal with the stress (which seems to be an understatement) of the hearing.

I like the idea of seeing if your daughter can go to a friend's house or having a serious talk with the dramas that you need them to watch the youngest and are relying on them to get along. A pizza and ice cream bribe sounds great, and I think you deserve a treat and a chance to relax after what's going to be a tough day.

Thank you so much, @Chickenbutt, @AliceInFundyland, @Karma, and @HarryPotterFan.  I can't tell y'all how much getting feedback and support helps with all this.  I don't talk to the girls much about it because they're stressed out about it too, so it really does make things a little easier to have this blog and everyone's support with it all.

I don't know how I didn't think of having her go to a friend's for the afternoon, but that's a really good idea!  She's got a couple friends who are great with wonderful Moms I'd be happy to have her stay with, so YAY!  I'll make some calls today.  Still can't believe I didn't even think of that.  

Bribes always sound great when there's pizza and ice cream!  Though I think I'll have mine with a rum and coke!

Maybe youngest and her friend can make a night of it and have a sleepover. That will give you the evening to decompress, eat some ice cream, drink some rum and coke, have a good cry etc.

You are not alone. Many of us have faced similar circumstances and you WILL come out the other side a stronger person. Take care of yourself and your girls.

My advice is pretty simple. Take care of yourself first, then help your daughters if you still have the emotional resources. Just like the safety warnings on planes where they tell you in a crash you should put on your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else because you aren't going to be particularly helpful if you pass out.

      Whatever you all decide the best thing is to keep everyone busy. If you can't find a friend for your 12 year old to stay with perhaps they can go do something fun together. Maybe a movie or a resteraunt? Since your youngest is 12 I am assuming the dramas are teens maybe even late teens. My kids can fight like cats and dogs, but it seems like they can get along if they are left alone. Info tell my second daughter it's not her job to make DD#3 do chores or homework because that will end in disaster. I hope you work it all out. It must be stressful being three hours away and not knowing if they will behave.

@Chickenbutt  I gaveherthe option of friend or dramas, and she decided on dramas, I think because they offered Settlers of Kauton (sp?) as a further bribe.  

@Bethella  I am not the best at taking care of me, but eldest has put the word out to the rest of the gang for me.  But you are right, and I'm trying.  Thank you so much!

@Grimalkin   I have the same issues!  Dramas are 20 and 22, but 20 loveessss to tell 12 what to do/not do.  She's promised to chill for that day though.

Thank y'all so much!  <3 

Very good. Now that that is taken care of, you can concentrate on taking care of yourself on that day.

I would also reinforce with the dramas, what your needs and expectations are as the day approaches. Just so you are all on the same page.

I second you expressing your needs! they are not unreasonable and it's nice to know how to help someone. It's a good example for your kids too. Sending good thoughts your way.