Jump to content

Musings of the Shepherd on the Rock

  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Rant about Misogynists/Misogyny




Why is it, that if you call out men for being misogynistic, racist, ableist, or any other kind of problematic, violent, sexually predatory behavior, or even just generally being an asshole, why is it suddenly about the guy being called out? Like, I could politely ask someone to exhibit common decency, but suddenly, I'm being just, so fucking mean. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I wasn't raising my voice, cussing, or anything, and you're acting like I'm suddenly doing SO MUCH for telling you that taking advantage of girls (often to the point of assault/rape), telling racist jokes, disrespecting women in ways you don't men, being ableist about women who claim you're problematic because they have a mental illness/are on the autism spectrum/whatever, being fatphobic/body shaming, etc etc etc is a shit thing to do and maybe you shouldn't.

If you are being called out, and you think it's TOO MUCH and it's coming from a woman, especially a woman at one or more other intersections of oppression (ie a queer, black, disabled, poor,whatever woman) and or who doesn't otherwise conform to societal expectations of femininity (keeping sweet, wearing makeup, pretending to be stupid, looking "pretty") then maybe you should question whether you are really so egalitarian as you think you are.

I have seen this way too much, men who will be like "I'm a feminist/ally" or some other kind of thing, and then engage in misogynistic, (in the case of a few of my peers, rapey/assaulty behavior) or racist, or some other kind of fucked up behavior then get super butthurt about being called out for it...

I'm not even super radical feminist- I don't engage in political lesbianism, and I still have a lot of male friends that I adore, etc, and I'm not about the "the government is inherently patriarchal" shit...I just voted for Hillary Clinton for christ's sake. But I don't think it's my job to coddle men through being fucked up, especially if they show no real desire to change, or want to blame it on women, and quite frankly, I don't have the time or mental health to do that. I know there's a lot of people that are okay with doing that, great. But it's not up to me, and I'm done arguing with misogynists.

First of all, I feel like I'm well within my rights to cuss someone out if they're being rapey and assaulty, full stop. But even with lesser behavior, which I politely(most of the time) call out why am I being rude? No, you're being RUDE for being problematic! Don't try to deflect the blame!

And this is not to say, that ShepherdontheRock is never wrong, or ShepherdontheRock doesn't have priveleges she needs to check...shit, I could write an entire 10-page or longer essay on priveleges I have that I need to be checking, and even post it up on here, if you care to read it. I mean, I definitely don't have a problem talking about that. But I'm not going to be, when calling someone out, "well I'm sometimes wrong" because that's besides the point. The point is YOUR fucked up behavior. I'm not having something be derailed by deflecting blame.

And, I am always open to having conversations with men about how to be a better ally/less fucked up, and we can even have a conversation about all our priveleges...but they don't want to talk. So what's the point about being nice to some of these men when they're just misogynistic af? I'm not going to do the whole respectable, ladylike bullshit when they can't even be decent human beings. So, no not being nice to misogynists ANY more.

  • Upvote 5

1 Comment

Recommended Comments




In my experience just because a person gets defensive when called out does not mean they didn't hear what you had to say. Sometimes it takes time for it to sink in.

This attitude starts when kids are little. I got in an argument with a man at a u8 soccer game last night over this kind of crap. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Posts

    • Alisamer


      That's a whole lot of words to say "Don't watch the documentary, It's false because I say so! And my mom was the godliest prophet ever. Gwen 4EVA!"

    • Freedbygrace


      5 hours ago, CRAnn said: 

      Elizabeth Shamblin Hannah posted this lengthy praise of her mother on the Weigh Down Ministries FB page…


      Thanks for sharing the long passage by Elizabeth. It is amazing to see the mindset that is still a part of RF. As I read through it I felt a mixture of sadness and anger. 

      I felt sadness because it is clear that the leaders of RF are completely blinded. They want to dismiss the documentary as “false accusations” from “enemies of God.” They want to claim that they have the TRUTH (always fully capitalized) and everything else is lies. From things Gwen taught while we were a part of RF, I know that if a prominent religious leader was killed in a manner such as she was she would have said that it was God’s judgment. But this writing makes it clear that they will not examine what they have done and people will continue to be hurt and abused by their controlling practices. 

      I felt anger because there is no remorse for anything they have done. The documentary brought that out regarding the death of the Smith boy - according to Gwen they did nothing wrong. They will not consider the stories of real experiences of real people that have damaged and, in some cases, destroyed lives. However I do believe that the lack of responsibility will lead to greater consequences. 

      • Upvote 1
    • Vivi_music


      7 hours ago, AprilQuilt said:

      Besides this, it looked like a nice wedding, the video was well made, everyone seemed happy, the lack of Josh was refreshing. I know only some of the brothers were groomsmen but given TLC wasn't filming they might have chosen to include him if they'd wanted to. That or they edited him and fam out because they felt it wouldn't go down well with the fans, and that's fine by me too. They get the message, on some level.

      I also think the more ''younger Duggars'' wedding we will see, the less Josh will be included in the wedding parties. The smaller kids are probably not even that close to him. Josh married in 2008 and thus left home when Justin was 6 YO. I doubt they are that close (thank goodness).

      • I Agree 1
    • Columbia


      I used to think chattel slavery might be wrong, but thanks to Doug Wilson I now know that anything can be justified if you just ignore the verses that say it’s wrong!

      • Upvote 1
    • Sullie06


      1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

      My kids are the same age and I agree! It is so much easier to go to a wedding without kids!

      This summer we went to my cousins wedding out of state and we took our kids as most of my family was attending. Well my sister and her kids, last minute I might add, were unable to come and my kids were the only other kids at the wedding. Thankfully we thought to bring my son's tablet (he has ADHD and OCD) so he just hid in a corner after dinner with my Mom and his tablet. My 6 year old though was cutting a rug all night, she was the life of the party lol. 

      • Upvote 3

  • Recent Status Updates

    • mango_fandango


      It’s always so freaking annoying when you’re supposed to have a phone call at a certain time and it never comes…
      · 0 replies
    • Cartmann99


      Can we please do fall now?

      · 0 replies
    • meep


      I HATE MICROECONOMICS. That is all. 
      · 5 replies
    • PinkGreyBrown


      LOL, I read the Bible an awful lot for someone who's a hard-materialist atheist. But, then, I was raised culturally Christian, & US culture is so deeply steeped in Christianity, it's difficult to escape it.
      I like the Bible websites, tending to like the gateway one better than the hub one, for usability reasons. I really like that they have all the versions, all the different books, & all the commentaries. I did buy a Bible, in college lol, a big fat scholastic bible with all the books & a ton of footnotes. I started an atrocity project with it long ago & it's full of post-its.
      I've definitely developed a preference in versions, liking the NIV best so far, it's marvelously clear & the least disappointing when I dig into the depths. The KJVs are muddled & difficult to understand. Recently I've gotten to thinking that's why all these my-own-private-patriarchal-cult & grifters & et al like the KJVs so much, cuz they're a more obscure version that requires more 'explaining', is more open to interpretation. In addition to the obvious historical reasons why, like feeling all connected to the Pilgrim eras, & sounding all Shakespearean.
      I mostly end up reading the Bible as a fact-checking exercise, wondering what the verses & chapters say, the verses that people will have in their bios or social media postings. Tho' I do a fair amount of wondering why people think a thing that ostensibly has Biblical roots, digging around that.
      · 1 reply
    • louisa05


      Second grade defeated me today. Worst class ever. 
      · 2 replies
  • Blog Entries

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.