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Musings of the Shepherd on the Rock

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Rant about Misogynists/Misogyny


ShepherdontheRock

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Why is it, that if you call out men for being misogynistic, racist, ableist, or any other kind of problematic, violent, sexually predatory behavior, or even just generally being an asshole, why is it suddenly about the guy being called out? Like, I could politely ask someone to exhibit common decency, but suddenly, I'm being just, so fucking mean. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I wasn't raising my voice, cussing, or anything, and you're acting like I'm suddenly doing SO MUCH for telling you that taking advantage of girls (often to the point of assault/rape), telling racist jokes, disrespecting women in ways you don't men, being ableist about women who claim you're problematic because they have a mental illness/are on the autism spectrum/whatever, being fatphobic/body shaming, etc etc etc is a shit thing to do and maybe you shouldn't.

If you are being called out, and you think it's TOO MUCH and it's coming from a woman, especially a woman at one or more other intersections of oppression (ie a queer, black, disabled, poor,whatever woman) and or who doesn't otherwise conform to societal expectations of femininity (keeping sweet, wearing makeup, pretending to be stupid, looking "pretty") then maybe you should question whether you are really so egalitarian as you think you are.

I have seen this way too much, men who will be like "I'm a feminist/ally" or some other kind of thing, and then engage in misogynistic, (in the case of a few of my peers, rapey/assaulty behavior) or racist, or some other kind of fucked up behavior then get super butthurt about being called out for it...

I'm not even super radical feminist- I don't engage in political lesbianism, and I still have a lot of male friends that I adore, etc, and I'm not about the "the government is inherently patriarchal" shit...I just voted for Hillary Clinton for christ's sake. But I don't think it's my job to coddle men through being fucked up, especially if they show no real desire to change, or want to blame it on women, and quite frankly, I don't have the time or mental health to do that. I know there's a lot of people that are okay with doing that, great. But it's not up to me, and I'm done arguing with misogynists.

First of all, I feel like I'm well within my rights to cuss someone out if they're being rapey and assaulty, full stop. But even with lesser behavior, which I politely(most of the time) call out why am I being rude? No, you're being RUDE for being problematic! Don't try to deflect the blame!

And this is not to say, that ShepherdontheRock is never wrong, or ShepherdontheRock doesn't have priveleges she needs to check...shit, I could write an entire 10-page or longer essay on priveleges I have that I need to be checking, and even post it up on here, if you care to read it. I mean, I definitely don't have a problem talking about that. But I'm not going to be, when calling someone out, "well I'm sometimes wrong" because that's besides the point. The point is YOUR fucked up behavior. I'm not having something be derailed by deflecting blame.

And, I am always open to having conversations with men about how to be a better ally/less fucked up, and we can even have a conversation about all our priveleges...but they don't want to talk. So what's the point about being nice to some of these men when they're just misogynistic af? I'm not going to do the whole respectable, ladylike bullshit when they can't even be decent human beings. So, no not being nice to misogynists ANY more.

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Grimalkin

Posted

    

In my experience just because a person gets defensive when called out does not mean they didn't hear what you had to say. Sometimes it takes time for it to sink in.

This attitude starts when kids are little. I got in an argument with a man at a u8 soccer game last night over this kind of crap. 

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