So I've been married for several hundred years now and as yesterday was Valentine's Day I thought this would be a good time to share a little bit with you about my marriage. Because like J'Chelle I, too, think having the extremely rare achievement under my belt makes me an expert in all things relationshippy.
Q: How did you know he was the one?
A: Because when we first got together this happened...and I hate the phone.
Q: How did he propose?
A: I don't remember the exact wording because I wasn't really paying attention but it was something like...
Q: Did you say yes right away?
A: Yes. I had already evaluated his flaws...
And decided he wasn't horribly unacceptable. And then I realized he was right...
Thus beginning our magical journey.
Q: So you did finally get married? Pics or it didn't happen
Q: Did you write your own vows?
A: Of course we did. We got married in a church in some denomination neither of us have ever heard of so I wasn't going to take a chance of the pastor (Preacher? Minister? Reverend? The guy who could legally sign the license) having stuff in there about him being able to forbid me to wear buttons in a contrasting color, drink Pepsi, or force me to make TTC every Thursday till death do we part. His were pretty generic about how beautiful I am, how he's not worthy of me, thanks God every day for the wonder that is me...you know, the usual. They were nice and I was pleased he wasn't taking his immense luck in landing me for granted.
Q: Hey, egomaniac...what were your vows to him like?
A: As wordy as you'd think I'd be, I kept it short because A) uncomfortable but very cute shoes so why prolong it? B ) explicit expressions of deeply felt emotions in front of other, some of whom hate me, just a teensy bit outside my comfort zone. So I said nothing and just handed him this printed ecard:
Which was more effort than you'd think as I had it laminated.
Q: So now that you've been married literally forever. Does your heart still skip a beat at the sight of his name on your caller id? Do you still adorably faux argue over who will hang up first?
A: To the second question...yes, kind of. Less out of lust and more because he knows I hate phone calls so I know it's either going to be an emergency (and there are no good emergencies) or something he could have texted instead. I know that call will bring me panic or annoyance, but that's still a reaction. And no, we no longer argue about which of us will hang up first. It's always me. Always. Hate the phone so as soon as business is concluded I'm done. He does sometimes comment that it wouldn't kill me to say goodbye before hanging up, but I wouldn't call it an argument. Or adorable. But he does understand that I'm busy and just really don't have the time to say goodbye properly.
Q: You make it sound so glamorous - what's marriage really like?
A: Like my wedding vows why use words when someone already ecarded it for me?
Q: If you have such a perfect marriage how did you celebrate Valentine's Day?
A: On Saturday February 13th he came home from grocery shopping with a dozen pink roses and two boxes of Fannie Mae candy. One of them being "truffles" which I suspect are the candies people don't order on purpose so they put them in boxes with Valentine's paper and sell them at a lower unit cost. The other being a box of Pixies which are fine...but they're his favorite candy, not mine. He kissed me and wished me Happy Valentine's day. I was appreciative and pointed out that VD wasn't until tomorrow the 14th. He absolutely insisted that this year it's the 13th and all the calendars say so. I made one more amused attempt to explain that this wasn't one of those floating holidays and it's always on the 14th at which point he made it clear this would be his hill to die on.
So my VD gift to him was allowing him to be wrong about something so easily disproved and not insisting he acknowledge how very wrong he was. Which was a win-win since he's not a fan of token gifts, really likes when I let it go when he's wrong, and saved me having to run out and get anything.
Lets unpack this:
My gift to him:
being less of a pedantic know it all than usual
What this says: I am lazy, unromantic, but know how to latch on to what will make him happy and benefit me at the same time.
His gift to me:
Flowers and candy
What this says: Pink roses rather than red may seen to be a faux pas to outsiders, but as loooooove pink he knew what would make me happy. + 10 points. The candy makes a more complicated statement. I do love candy and Fannie Mae is my favorite and traditional in my family for VD and Easter - so 5 points. The type he bought not anywhere close my favorites. -2 points. The pixies are his favorites. -3. After hearing me wax nostalgic every single year about the heart shaped box of assorted my Daddy would buy me he has still never once gotten me the heart shaped box. The VD wrapping paper is not the same. -5 pts.
Seriously every single year since I could remember my Daddy bought me the big heart-shaped box with a bow from Fannie Mae. If the box didn't have a bow incorporated (as they sometimes did) he'd have them tie one on because I loved the heart-shaped box with a bow. One year no bow..I was said. So going forward he made sure there was a bow. One of my sisters was more pragmatic and loved Meltaways and so she got the box of those with just the crappy wrapping paper. She was happy, since when he'd gotten her the assorteds she was pouty because so many in there she didn't like. She cared more about the inside than the packaging...what a sad existence for her.
Also - in the years after the divorce when my parent's weren't speaking at all (most of my childhood) he's always send us home with a spare box of chocolate covered cherries he just happened to pick up "just to take home - for the house." I'm sure it was completely coincidental that they were my mom's favorite candy ever
Candy and those sappy "to my wonderful daughter" cards with money in them. You can't beat that!
I've told this story every year. Mr. Buffy knows that I have a vital and (since my dad passed) unmet need for bows on heart-shaped boxes of chocolaty happiness yet year after year I go without. Ever denied. You cannot tell me that's not a passive aggressive way to let me know he'll never love me as much as my daddy did.
That sounds creepy. it's not. I just really love candy. And frilly packaging. And cards with money in them.
This is something to eat:
This is love in a box