When Courtship Fails - Thoughts from Natalie Nyquist

[mangoshake]

Not totally related but definitely snarky-worthy. Check out Gretchen's blog (little. pink .house.net). Apparently she was allowed to attend the blogging conference that her husband forbade her from going to. Some of you might remember a couple years back where she said her husband didn't want her to go. (And of course downplayed his command with romantic Jesus farts about never wanting to attend said conference without hubby....ya :roll: ). Perhaps she prayed for a set of gonads to stand up to hubby and demand her free will to pursue her interests as an individual?

Then notice how she makes a post elaborating how dreadful the conference will be without her husband and kids. Good grief! :hand:

Sometimes I wonder if deep down Gretchen is truly happy where she is at?

[Curly Girl]

Not totally related but definitely snarky-worthy. Check out Gretchen's blog (little. pink .house.net). Apparently she was allowed to attend the blogging conference that her husband forbade her from going to. Some of you might remember a couple years back where she said her husband didn't want her to go. (And of course downplayed his command with romantic Jesus farts about never wanting to attend said conference without hubby....ya :roll: ). Perhaps she prayed for a set of gonads to stand up to hubby and demand her free will to pursue her interests as an individual?

Then notice how she makes a post elaborating how dreadful the conference will be without her husband and kids. Good grief! :hand:

Sometimes I wonder if deep down Gretchen is truly happy where she is at?

There is already a thread about Gretchen and company about Allume: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=13497

[nataliemn]

Every once in a while, I find a fb commenter that I just would love to slap upside the head with a fist full of half-cooked lasagna noodles

I laughed out loud at this. In the middle of Starbucks.

I don't think it's helping her case that she's leaving out salient details of her experience in her argument against courtship. She leaves out mention of James Ference altogether and makes it seem as though her son is from her first marriage.

This was interesting to hear. I hadn't realized I'd left a "hole" in my information. I guess I wasn't thinking about the second marriage at the time because my focus was courtship. But several of you made good points as to why including a non-courtship marriage --> divorce would strengthen my case. I'm not sure I'll go back and re-write the piece but I'll definitely be writing more on it all in the future in some form or another.

I suppose I could write out some sort of chronology but it would get a bit boring and repetitive:

• 2005: Broken heart --> disillusionment about courtship
  2006: Marriage proposal --> declined --> disillusionment about men
  2007: Courtship --> engagement --> marriage
  2008: Divorce --> disillusionment about marriage
  2009: Dating --> marriage
  2010: Son born <-- highlight of my life so far
  2011: Divorce --> sweet relief

Like I said. (Of course, I could spice it up with other traumatic incidents, but that's not what this thread is about.) Incidentally, I really love my life. Call me crazy, but being a single mom can be awesome. I think I have the best of both worlds: I have all the joys and fun of raising a child without having to deal with, put out for, or "submit to" a husband. It is far better to be divorced with a "stigma" than in an abusive marriage. Anyone who says otherwise has never been in an abusive relationship. Yeah. We'll just leave it at that.

[fauxmenno]

There is nothing wrong with being a single mom. As long as you and your son are happier and healthier than you would be otherwise. Maybe someday you'll find the right partner, but being single is nothing to be ashamed of.

[synchroswimr]

I'm glad you're happy

[Wolfie]

There is nothing wrong with being a single mom. As long as you and your son are happier and healthier than you would be otherwise. Maybe someday you'll find the right partner, but being single is nothing to be ashamed of.

This. Our society often seems to say that everybody has to be part of a duo. No, we don't. We can be single too, and be perfectly fine. I'm trying to support a close family member through a divorce, and the hardest thing for her is that she has always seen what society says, not the reality.

(from somebody who has been a long term single and has gotten lots of judgement because of it.)

[Witsec7]

This. Our society often seems to say that everybody has to be part of a duo. No, we don't. We can be single too, and be perfectly fine. I'm trying to support a close family member through a divorce, and the hardest thing for her is that she has always seen what society says, not the reality.

(from somebody who has been a long term single and has gotten lots of judgement because of it.)

I personally don't attach any stigma to single women or single mothers as NN does. It's a challenge, but so are committed relationships and parenting. I could see where it could cut into someones time that is usually spent on the pursuit of beauty, but that was never a problem for me :lol:

[wild little fox]

Natalie, I'm glad to hear you are doing well! I wish you all the best!

ETA: one of the best pieces of advice I ever received: "what others think of me is none of my business" Try not to worry about stigma. I know your world has been shaken up but those who TRULY care about you will be there. The rest are just caught up in their own damage to the point that they can't see clearly.

-Lindy, also a fundie survivor

[Ex 2x2]

Natalie,

I don't know the details of your story, except what I've skimmed in this thread. I just want to say that you are 100% correct that it is better for you and your child for you to be a single mom rather than to be in an abusive marriage. Not that you need a stranger confirming what you already know, but I know that the fundies around you have possibly not been supportive. You sound like a strong woman raising a strong child.

-another fundie survivor

[nataliemn]

"what others think of me is none of my business" Try not to worry about stigma. I know your world has been shaken up but those who TRULY care about you will be there.

Yup. Very true. :)

(thanks Ex 2x2, also.)

[Witsec7]

Just as a point of information. I've decided not to fuel any more of NN famewhoring. I had to read her whole attention getting thread from Yaku, all twenty seven pages before I was reminded of how she comes over here to stroke her own ego. Nah I'm not gonna feed the pig tonight. Father Ted is far more entertaining.

[nataliemn]

I've decided not to fuel any more

Fine with me! I didn't start these threads, and am thankful for FJ because it's how I found out some of the lies my ex told. If a friend of mine hadn't told me to come see what was being talked about, I wouldn't have confronted him. I imagine eventually things would have come out, but it may have taken a few more years and I am so glad that my son, especially, didn't have to live that life.

I like FJ.

[Rosa]

wow, his recent facebook is all pro-gun stuff.

Way to care about the babies, dude.

[AnnC]

Natalie - Glad you are doing well! I was reading this thread from the start, and starting to really worry. Hats off to you for stepping out in truth.

[Witsec7]

Fine with me! I didn't start these threads, and am thankful for FJ because it's how I found out some of the lies my ex told. If a friend of mine hadn't told me to come see what was being talked about, I wouldn't have confronted him. I imagine eventually things would have come out, but it may have taken a few more years and I am so glad that my son, especially, didn't have to live that life.

I like FJ.

27 pages of your ego on the old board. Speaks louder than any of your brief quips this week.

[moodygirl86]

Natalie, what everyone else said. We're all behind you. Your story was inspirational.

And Experiencedd, I'm honoured to think that a bunch of us crazy British/Irish Fjers have introduced the joys of Father Ted to an elite selection of Americans!

[Witsec7]

Natalie, what everyone else said. We're all behind you. Your story was inspirational.

And Experiencedd, I'm honoured to think that a bunch of us crazy British/Irish Fjers have introduced the joys of Father Ted to an elite selection of Americans!

I'm jaded, I only watch British TV.

[hoipolloi]

Looks like the leopard hasn't changed his spots: http://jamesferenceisaliar.blogspot.com ... y-you.html

Wonder who the wrote the update to the 2007 warning - http://www.datingpsychos.com/psycho/988 ... id-Ference

[lilith]

Natalie, what everyone else said. We're all behind you. Your story was inspirational.

And Experiencedd, I'm honoured to think that a bunch of us crazy British/Irish Fjers have introduced the joys of Father Ted to an elite selection of Americans!

And the Aussies - I love Father Ted. I just thought of Dougal with his Dreams/ Reality signs and broke out in a huge smile.

[moodygirl86]

Father Ted has to be my all time top sitcom - I've got all 25 episodes on DVD and could probably recite them in my sleep!

[silvia]

27 pages of your ego on the old board. Speaks louder than any of your brief quips this week.

Just my two cents: if Natalie is indeed a famewhore, I say bring on the famewhoring. I learned quite a bit from Natalie's honest effort to answer FJers' questions about her life (and she didn't seem overly concerned with making herself look good, either). I only wish some of the other people we discuss on this board could gain as much perspective on their past choices.

In addition, as Natalie said, FJ supplied her with critical information about the true level of her ex's depravity, which helped empower her to cut and run. If that doesn't warrant a certain level of participation on the board, I don't know what does.

Natalie, I welcome your continued presence in the discussion here--I don't view your posts as unseemly in the slightest.

[treemom]

I feel bad for Natalie because of what some of her group said about her. But I struggle with the glimpse I see...like when she refers to women and sweet girls.

Natalie, my opinion doesn't matter, but I hope you are healthy and well because I hope that for every human. And I hope you are teaching your son different than the lies and mistruths spread in the name of religion that hurt men and women alike.

I hope your pain brought you growth and less judgement.

[Austin]

Natalie, I hope you keep speaking out against courtship as some magic formula to find the right spouse. Because of your fundie pedigree, for lack of a better term, you are uniquely positioned to do some real good and save other young women from the angst you had to endure.