Jump to content
IGNORED

When Courtship Fails - Thoughts from Natalie Nyquist


Recommended Posts

I remember this post very clearly. It was brief and written by Gretchen. It said something about how the "values" that Natalie was living by were no longer in keeping with YLCF and that she had been voted off or resigned from the bod or core team or whatever term they use. It was very shocking because no one outside of the irl friends knew about the marriage to Ference that motivated the parting.

Here's one to challenge your way-back memory - before Rick and before the courtship, Natalie was writing a series of posts called "The Journey." I believe she had written two or three installments describing a very dark time in her life where she was struggling with health issues, (pcos) and depression - a crisis of faith. She made the decision to go be a nanny, possibly in a remote place like Alaska iirc. Natalie promised to let her readers see her come out of the darkness of her situation, but all of a sudden - poof - it disappeared. Rick came on the scene and she just couldn't write about "The Journey" anymore. There was silence for a time and then she came back with her and Rick's courtship story. I'd love to ask her about the rest of the Journey today.

At least part of "The Journey" was transferred to Natalie's current blog, Pursue the Beauty: pursuethebeauty.com/2009/05/. It may all be there - haven't looked.

IIRC, Natalie went to Alaska to be a nanny in 2006, after Gretchen's wedding, but had a nervous/physical collapse after only a few months. After her recovery & return to her parents' home, and before Rick, she began The Journey series. I was impressed by its openness & honesty over her struggles with depression and with a chronic metabolic condition that posed health challenges for her (can't remember what it was).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 122
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I believe all of the Journey posts are archived here: pursuethebeauty.com/category/natalie/journey-series/. Natalie's blog only displays one post at a time, though, so you have to keep clicking "older" to get to the entries c. 2007.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wouldn’t it be better, if need be, to date and reap a broken heart a few times, if in the end you find someone who is good and kind? Could this not possibly be better than marrying the first guy you’ve ever been attracted to, so your heart will be “pure�

This divorce lawyer would answer "yes".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will someone PLEASE cut the arrogant Stacy McDonald down to size? I don't have the intelligence to do so, but she is on Natalie's blog talking nonsense. Surely one of you intelligent people could use a few choice words to show how ridiculous she's being.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe all of the Journey posts are archived here: pursuethebeauty.com/category/natalie/journey-series/. Natalie's blog only displays one post at a time, though, so you have to keep clicking "older" to get to the entries c. 2007.

Oh, thanks for the tip!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will someone PLEASE cut the arrogant Stacy McDonald down to size? I don't have the intelligence to do so, but she is on Natalie's blog talking nonsense. Surely one of you intelligent people could use a few choice words to show how ridiculous she's being.

She'd have to have some sort of insight and perspective to be susceptible to such pesky concepts as reason, logic and argument.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What on EARTH is Stacy on about, anyway? We're supposed to believe courtship leads to marriage and treat it as essentially a marriage that's just not legal/consummated yet, but we shouldn't be upset if the courtship doesn't work out?

HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT FROM DATING JESUS SUFFERING FUCK?!?!

Stacy makes me crazy. Even more so because she started this whole MLM scheme that happens to be in MY area of expertise and makes the whole field look bad. AIEEEE.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will someone PLEASE cut the arrogant Stacy McDonald down to size? I don't have the intelligence to do so, but she is on Natalie's blog talking nonsense. Surely one of you intelligent people could use a few choice words to show how ridiculous she's being.

Done! I'd love some backup from y'all, though. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She'd have to have some sort of insight and perspective to be susceptible to such pesky concepts as reason, logic and argument.

But God laid it on my heart... .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OH, and Stacey RELATES, because of her prior experience with Jessica's biological father.

(Actually, she doesn't really relate, she's just using her history to bludgeon Natalie with I AM RIGHT COURTSHIP ALWAYS WORKS AND SEE I MARRIED WITHOUT COURTSHIP AND WAS MISERABLE THEREFORE COURTSHIP = ONLY WAY TO GO.)

WHich makes me wonder, did Stacey and James "court," considering they were divorced singles with kids when they met? Or soon-to-be divorced? Come to think of it, WERE they divorced when they met?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Will someone PLEASE cut the arrogant Stacy McDonald down to size? I don't have the intelligence to do so, but she is on Natalie's blog talking nonsense. Surely one of you intelligent people could use a few choice words to show how ridiculous she's being.

Meh. Stacy is not that smart. You could probably take her. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OH, and Stacey RELATES, because of her prior experience with Jessica's biological father.

(Actually, she doesn't really relate, she's just using her history to bludgeon Natalie with I AM RIGHT COURTSHIP ALWAYS WORKS AND SEE I MARRIED WITHOUT COURTSHIP AND WAS MISERABLE THEREFORE COURTSHIP = ONLY WAY TO GO.)

WHich makes me wonder, did Stacey and James "court," considering they were divorced singles with kids when they met? Or soon-to-be divorced? Come to think of it, WERE they divorced when they met?

Good question, Bea. If Stacy and James didn't court, I think Stacy is being awfully hypocritical. (Although she'd probably say something like, "Oh, we'd never HEARD of courtship at the time we met! If we had, OF COURSE we would have done it!" Notwithstanding the fact that the parents of an older divorcee would probably spit out their coffee at the prospect of being asked to "oversee" a relationship.)

ETA: In her testimony, Stacy calls her relationship with James a "courtship." However, I'm skeptical that it was either parent-overseen or subject to the same rules and strictures that Stacy's daughters, for example, would now face were they to enter a courtship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As usual, Stacy is less than honest. In a comment to Natalie, she describes the McDonalds' definition of courtship as follows:

But courtship, as our family defines it, should be the “deliberate pursuit of marriage.†Motive matters. It doesn’t mean that it will always end in marriage, but marriage needs to be the goal, not perpetual romance. When young people guard their hearts, they’re using discretion, and this is a great protection, as well as a biblical trait for any Christian.

This definition conveniently leaves out her & James' assertion (at the time of daughter Tiffany's first engagement) that betrothal in the courtship system was really the same as marriage, and that if a betrothal is broken it's the same as divorce.

Don't go looking for this on their blogs because these two serial liars swiftly purged their online writings of any reference to this after Tiffany became engaged a second time, which ended in an apparently happy marriage.

This is why chances are excellent that Stacy's ever-changing description of how she & James met and got married is larded with falsehoods still, even after she was finally forced to admit they were both previously married to others.

Hypocrisy - thy name is Stacy McDonald.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She's certainly syrupy sweet on the blog in her responses. Natalie got a bit forcefully and I expected a cat fight but Stacy backed down. Sort of.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Serial courtship is no different from dating, why won't fundies learn this? Looking at you, Jocelyn Dixon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a lot of respect for Natalie. A lot. She was set up to fall tremendously, and she fell. But she got up, and fought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a lot of respect for Natalie. A lot. She was set up to fall tremendously, and she fell. But she got up, and fought.

Same here. *sigh* What will it take for fundies to learn that there are no formulas nor guarantees to life? Hope Natalie has found peace and light for her and her son.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a lot of respect for Natalie. A lot. She was set up to fall tremendously, and she fell. But she got up, and fought.

I also have a lot of respect for her. Her response to Stacy gives me hope that she's not going to let others make her feel bad about herself for events beyond her control.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also have a lot of respect for her. Her response to Stacy gives me hope that she's not going to let others make her feel bad about herself for events beyond her control.

This.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I give Natalie a lot of credit for realizing she'd been handed a line of bullshit and that it was up to her to educate herself, get a job, and take care of her kid - essentially, that this princess was going to have to rescue her own damn self.

And she has, for the most part. She's going to school to become a paralegal, taking care of her kid, and I think living with her parents (?) while she does it. For all the years she was with YLCF, she had this sort of "frail maiden" thing going on. It's nice to see that there's some steel under that facade.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I give Natalie a lot of credit for realizing she'd been handed a line of bullshit and that it was up to her to educate herself, get a job, and take care of her kid - essentially, that this princess was going to have to rescue her own damn self.

And she has, for the most part. She's going to school to become a paralegal, taking care of her kid, and I think living with her parents (?) while she does it. For all the years she was with YLCF, she had this sort of "frail maiden" thing going on. It's nice to see that there's some steel under that facade.

Indeed! I wonder if this is one of the things she was talking about when she said she'd gained strength from this whole ordeal--that for the first time in her life, maybe, she was forced to become more self-reliant, and she found that she was actually pretty successful at it. Quite a counterpoint to all the "delicate princess under daddy's protection" rhetoric she was exposed to growing up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, I do give Natalie's parents credit for supporting their daughter and seemingly respecting the choices she's making now, and I wonder if they might raise her differently if they had things to do over again, knowing what they know now. Her family seems like a close-knit one and I'm glad they've been able to stick together through everything that's happened.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, I do give Natalie's parents credit for supporting their daughter and seemingly respecting the choices she's making now, and I wonder if they might raise her differently if they had things to do over again, knowing what they know now. Her family seems like a close-knit one and I'm glad they've been able to stick together through everything that's happened.

Agree. It would really be something if her father -- president of Moody Bible Institute -- made some public statements about the fallacies associated with the courtship mentality, SAHD, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, I do give Natalie's parents credit for supporting their daughter and seemingly respecting the choices she's making now, and I wonder if they might raise her differently if they had things to do over again, knowing what they know now. Her family seems like a close-knit one and I'm glad they've been able to stick together through everything that's happened.

Daddy doesn't get a pass on this. He's in a position to influence change and advise against the pitfalls of courtship. Just because he supported his daughter doesn't mean he's supporting other women in the same position.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.