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On 3/19/2018 at 11:47 AM, rezski44 said:

On very cold days I have skied with a short puffy skirt over my ski pants. that ads a great deal of warmth. This was after a pro patrol friend lent me hers to try and called it a game changer. I had thought in the past that these skirts were a just a fashion statement.

Wow a patroller was allowed to wear a skirt to ski? That's pretty surprising, i used to patrol and teach ski and snowboard school and they were pretty strict on our uniform. I know with patrol there's a liability while running the sled or doing avalanche control of the extra fabric.

But outside of patrol, park crew and backcountry women I know who ski and ride in skirts are all Orthodox/Conservative Jewish and all say they don't feel restricted. They're anywhere from beginners to upper intermediate I'd say.

I know the skirts they make for hiking are quilted, very similar to down vests and i could see being warm. For skiing and riding I've seen those skirts over pants on more beginners and a lighter stretchier skirt over regular ski pants for higher levels because of the movement factor.

Here's some pics of my friend snowboarding with her skirt. I covered up her face because it's not me. The chair pic is so you can see the pants worn and if you look close you can make out the skirt under her board.

 

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Spoiler

 

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That Corgi!! I just want to squish it. :my_heart::my_heart:

By squish, I mean snuggle, not making like Derdick with the sled and the cat.

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Long term lurker here. This is the first time I have felt compelled to post. When I was in my early 30’s I found out I had an older brother. (Only 15 months older than me) He found me on Facebook and I really thought it was a joke or scam. I was completely shocked to learn my mom had a baby and put him up for adoption before meeting my dad, moving to America and having my sister and I. This happened in Ireland, btw. My brother and I have developed an awesome relationship, despite being in different countries. He desperately wants a relationship with my mom or at least wants to have a heart to heart conversation with her, but she does not want anything to do with him. (She is fine with my sis and I having a relationship with him.) I tried to encourage her to meet him and at least give him some answers to his questions. He has no idea who his biological father is and would like to at least know who he is. At first I  was angry with her for not being open to a relationship with him but I have recently tried to look to it from her perspective. That was an extremely painful time for her. In 1970’s Ireland it wAs horrible to get pregnant out of wedlock. Her parents kicked her out of the house and she Had nowhere to go. I think she has put that part of her life behind her and doesn’t want to revisit the past. But I do feel badly for my brother because I do feel he deserves answers. But I think my mom has the right to choose not to have a relationship with him. 

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14 hours ago, Jessesgirl said:

Long term lurker here. This is the first time I have felt compelled to post. When I was in my early 30’s I found out I had an older brother. (Only 15 months older than me) He found me on Facebook and I really thought it was a joke or scam. I was completely shocked to learn my mom had a baby and put him up for adoption before meeting my dad, moving to America and having my sister and I. This happened in Ireland, btw. My brother and I have developed an awesome relationship, despite being in different countries. He desperately wants a relationship with my mom or at least wants to have a heart to heart conversation with her, but she does not want anything to do with him. (She is fine with my sis and I having a relationship with him.) I tried to encourage her to meet him and at least give him some answers to his questions. He has no idea who his biological father is and would like to at least know who he is. At first I  was angry with her for not being open to a relationship with him but I have recently tried to look to it from her perspective. That was an extremely painful time for her. In 1970’s Ireland it wAs horrible to get pregnant out of wedlock. Her parents kicked her out of the house and she Had nowhere to go. I think she has put that part of her life behind her and doesn’t want to revisit the past. But I do feel badly for my brother because I do feel he deserves answers. But I think my mom has the right to choose not to have a relationship with him. 

Wow, your mom is rejecting her child and hurting him, just to avoid a few minutes of pain to herself. She should at least write down the answers he wants and give the paper to you, to pass on to him. Sorry, but I think she is being really selfish and cruel to her own child. Imagine how rejected that guy feels.

And, no, I don't think someone has "every right" to choose to reject a child. If you bring a child into the world (in difficult situations or not), you have a responsibility to that child. You don't get to reject him just because it hurts you to bring up bad memories.

Honestly, your mom does not sound like a good person.

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OK, so I jumped into conclusions. Don't shoot me. I don't follow them on social media so I didn't know it was the work of a child. 

 

I must admit that I haven't been following the Duggars as closely as I did when "Eleventy and counting" was still on, so I usually read here only when something happens (courtship/engagement/baby announcements etc.). If what I'm about to write about was already discussed here, please let me know.

So I was watching some youtube videos of the Duggars (mostly short recaps of "counting on") and I came across  a video called "Counting On Duggar Family Updates 2018" that was a collection of bits and pieces of Duggar home videos (https://youtu.be/SZ1kBaKhmoI). At around the 1:59 minute mark a bit of a Seewald home video started, showing Spurgeon naming shapes that were drawn on a white board hung on the wall. I took a long look at the board and well... I was appalled.

I don't know who drew the shapes and wrote their names. I assume it was Jessa. The spelling was atrocious, the square was unrecognizable, the shape they called octagon was actually a hexagon, and the shape they called hexagon was actually a pentagon... I took a screenshot. Have any of you seen this SOTDRT disaster before? and now poor Spurgeon is being dragged into this mess.

 

Edited to add that I made a quick search and found nothing about this before.

Duggars.JPG

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On 3/19/2018 at 12:35 PM, Meggo said:

Can I ask? How old were you? I have never (and would never) lie to my son about his adoption - but he just doesn't seem to care. 
He's been all about asking about babies in tummies lately because we have friends who are pregnant. But he asks if everyone is pregnant. All the teachers at school - including Mr. James. (and I am pretty sure he is NOT pregnant...). 
He has said things like "When I was born, I was a baby?" (yep - and you were teeny tiny) and "Do you have a baby in your belly?" (nope - no babies in my belly) 

And I'm just waiting for it to somehow come up in a conversation, either asking about when HE was in my belly or something. And it just hasn't. I did tell him once he was adopted (long story short - we were passing where we got the cats from and I said we adopted them - and paused.... and you're adopted) and he said "NO! I AM FOUR!" 
And we have a few books about being born and being adopted (more stories, less mechanics of birth) and ... he just doesn't get. (he's five now) 

 

The earlier the better. Don't wait until the kid asks. I know parents who waited, and really didn't talk about the adoption much, because their daughter was "not interested." A rude family member told the child all sorts of details (true and untrue) when she was about nine. It shocked the kid and really damaged her trust.

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5 minutes ago, CatNap said:

I must admit that I haven't been following the Duggars as closely as I did when "Eleventy and counting" was still on, so I usually read here only when something happens (courtship/engagement/baby announcements etc.). If what I'm about to write about was already discussed here, please let me know.

So I was watching some youtube videos of the Duggars (mostly short recaps of "counting on") and I came across  a video called "Counting On Duggar Family Updates 2018" that was a collection of bits and pieces of Duggar home videos (https://youtu.be/SZ1kBaKhmoI). At around the 1:59 minute mark a bit of a Seewald home video started, showing Spurgeon naming shapes that were drawn on a white board hung on the wall. I took a long look at the board and well... I was appalled.

I don't know who drew the shapes and wrote their names. I assume it was Jessa. The spelling was atrocious, the square was unrecognizable, the shape they called octagon was actually a hexagon, and the shape they called hexagon was actually a pentagon... I took a screenshot. Have any of you seen this SOTDRT disaster before? and now poor Spurgeon is being dragged into this mess.

Duggars.JPG

When Jessa posted this, her caption said that one of the cousins must have been giving him lessons. Spurgeon’s cousins are all 8 years and younger, meaning a young child wrote and drew those shapes. I’m also going to give the Duggars the benefit of the doubt and assume that all of the adults would be able to spell the shapes. SOTDRT might be bad, but the adults at least appear literate and able to spell.

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10 minutes ago, CatNap said:

I must admit that I haven't been following the Duggars as closely as I did when "Eleventy and counting" was still on, so I usually read here only when something happens (courtship/engagement/baby announcements etc.). If what I'm about to write about was already discussed here, please let me know.

So I was watching some youtube videos of the Duggars (mostly short recaps of "counting on") and I came across  a video called "Counting On Duggar Family Updates 2018" that was a collection of bits and pieces of Duggar home videos (https://youtu.be/SZ1kBaKhmoI). At around the 1:59 minute mark a bit of a Seewald home video started, showing Spurgeon naming shapes that were drawn on a white board hung on the wall. I took a long look at the board and well... I was appalled.

I don't know who drew the shapes and wrote their names. I assume it was Jessa. The spelling was atrocious, the square was unrecognizable, the shape they called octagon was actually a hexagon, and the shape they called hexagon was actually a pentagon... I took a screenshot. Have any of you seen this SOTDRT disaster before? and now poor Spurgeon is being dragged into this mess.

 

Edited to add that I made a quick search and found nothing about this before.

Duggars.JPG

We did discuss this. The shapes and names were clearly drawn and written by a child. Come on, you really think Jessa can't draw a square? Or spell 'shapes'? 

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5 minutes ago, Mayluka said:

When Jessa posted this, her caption said that one of the cousins must have been giving him lessons. Spurgeon’s cousins are all 8 years and younger, meaning a young child wrote and drew those shapes. I’m also going to give the Duggars the benefit of the doubt and assume that all of the adults would be able to spell the shapes. SOTDRT might be bad, but the adults at least appear literate and able to spell.

I stand corrected. I haven't really been following them on social media so I didn't see Jessa's post.

I'm actually glad that's not one of his parents who did this. They should have corrected it though.

4 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

We did discuss this. The shapes and names were clearly drawn and written by a child. Come on, you really think Jessa can't draw a square? Or spell 'shapes'? 

I actually did think that... I'm glad I was wrong.

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This is a normal developmental activity. This is how kids learn. Maybe an adult did come along and correct it later, but even if they didn't, it doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they're giving their kids a piss poor education, but I really don't think this is a good example of that. If anything, this is a good example of kids participating in appropriate developmental activities and probably doing pretty well. Now if someone can prove to me that Josie is actually the one homeschooling Spurgeon and this was part of his end-of-term evaluation, I will change my mind. :pb_lol:

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Whoever did write those shapes was a child and kids love to teach what they know to other kids. I used to do it with my younger cousins and then with my brother.  To me, whichever M kid did this, seems excited to learn. Which is a good thing! I just hope that they eventually get a proper education. 

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1 hour ago, Hisey said:

Wow, your mom is rejecting her child and hurting him, just to avoid a few minutes of pain to herself. She should at least write down the answers he wants and give the paper to you, to pass on to him. Sorry, but I think she is being really selfish and cruel to her own child. Imagine how rejected that guy feels.

And, no, I don't think someone has "every right" to choose to reject a child. If you bring a child into the world (in difficult situations or not), you have a responsibility to that child. You don't get to reject him just because it hurts you to bring up bad memories.

Honestly, your mom does not sound like a good person.

I can assure you that my mom is an incredibly strong, amazing lady. Stating that my mom does not sound like a good person is hurtful, judgmental and counterproductive. You might disagree with her choices, but there is no reason to be so nasty. My mom gave up her son in a closed, private adoption in the hopes that he would go to a loving family. Once she signed the adoption papers, she passed on responsibility for him to them. Thankfully, he was raised by loving parents with 2 adopted siblings. I disagree with your statement that she has a responsibility to that child if she brings him into the world. Not all biological parents who give up a child for adoption want to be found and have the tearful, happy reunion we see on TV and in movies. I simply wanted to share this story because I have the unique experience of seeing adoption from two different perspectives.  It has been difficult for my brother, but he has accepted my mother's decision. Unfortunately, He has no other choice. I'm hoping that one day my mother will change her mind. But until then, I stand by my statement that she has the right to choose the terms of their relationship. 

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Playing teacher is my 10 year old nieces favourite game and my 7 year old is her best pupil, he loves following rules as much as she loves making them lol

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16 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Whoever did write those shapes was a child and kids love to teach what they know to other kids. I used to do it with my younger cousins and then with my brother.  To me, whichever M kid did this, seems excited to learn. Which is a good thing! I just hope that they eventually get a proper education. 

I feel sorry for whichever M kid who played teacher. My Mom knew from her first day of school in first grade (70 years ago) that she wanted to be a teacher, so she played school with dolls, and any siblings/cousins that she could corall to teach. (Her 2 or 3 closest female cousins reciprocated by making her play nurse. All 3 became nurses.) She taught in elementary classrooms, took a break to have kids, then went back for a Master's degree and taught junior high and high school students with learning differences. I knew I wanted to be in a school, and I also played school with siblings, dolls, and stuffed animals. How sad that a M kid seems to have such a love of teaching, yet will doubtfully be able to go to college to pursue this.

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2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Wow, your mom is rejecting her child and hurting him, just to avoid a few minutes of pain to herself. She should at least write down the answers he wants and give the paper to you, to pass on to him. Sorry, but I think she is being really selfish and cruel to her own child. Imagine how rejected that guy feels.

And, no, I don't think someone has "every right" to choose to reject a child. If you bring a child into the world (in difficult situations or not), you have a responsibility to that child. You don't get to reject him just because it hurts you to bring up bad memories.

Honestly, your mom does not sound like a good person.

I'm just in a mood to tackle this right now, although normally I would let it pass as trolling or wait for someone else to react.

Here's the thing, @Hisey there are ways of saying things . . . and there are ways of saying things.  @Jessesgirl is a brand new poster; indeed, this was her very first post to FJ.  And it was personal and heartfelt.  She went out of her way to state that she was seeing both sides of the adoption issue. And the very first reply to her very first post on FJ was rude and unnecessarily hurtful.

I am not denying your right to have a different opinion or feeling about adoption rights---I don't know what your life experience has been.  Just as you don't have any idea what Jessesgirl's mother's life experience was.  We don't know that it wouldn't cause her more than a "few minutes" of pain to rehash these memories.  I would imagine that she's had a whole lifetime of pain already.  Who knows if this child wasn't born because of rape, for instance?  Maybe she is trying to protect her son from that knowledge? 

The upshot is that you could have stated things differently.  Perhaps: "I can see why your brother would want answers, and I wonder if your mother would be willing to talk to you instead or write down those answers for you to pass on." 

If you have experience from the child's point of view, I'd genuinely be interested in hearing that perspective.  I am honestly learning a lot from this discussion and just wish that we wouldn't have to attack one another.

 

 

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Just want to state, for the record, that sometimes children are better off when their parents reject them. I know I sure as hell would have been. Had my mother not been so very ill and selfish, and given us up, I would not now have to deal with the aftermath of everything. 

And what of parents of children who were conceived of rape of something? Is it any nobler for them to keep a child they might (not purposely) resent rather than give the child to a family capable of complete love? How would that be healthy for anyone in that situation? 

At the end of the day, I just don't think it really is selfish for a mother or father to demand no contact and enforce their wills on such a matter. Sometimes that decision really is better for everyone else. 

47 minutes ago, Jessesgirl said:

I can assure you that my mom is an incredibly strong, amazing lady. Stating that my mom does not sound like a good person is hurtful, judgmental and counterproductive. You might disagree with her choices, but there is no reason to be so nasty. My mom gave up her son in a closed, private adoption in the hopes that he would go to a loving family. Once she signed the adoption papers, she passed on responsibility for him to them. 

 

Thank you for sharing! But just remember, you are under to obligations to feel as if you owe someone an explanation. You were not in the wrong in any way and you shouldn't have to feel afraid to share you stories. 

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5 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I'm just in a mood to tackle this right now, although normally I would let it pass as trolling or wait for someone else to react.

Here's the thing, @Hisey there are ways of saying things . . . and there are ways of saying things.  @Jessesgirl is a brand new poster; indeed, this was her very first post to FJ.  And it was personal and heartfelt.  She went out of her way to state that she was seeing both sides of the adoption issue. And the very first reply to her very first post on FJ was rude and unnecessarily hurtful.

I am not denying your right to have a different opinion or feeling about adoption rights---I don't know what your life experience has been.  Just as you don't have any idea what Jessesgirl's mother's life experience was.  We don't know that it wouldn't cause her more than a "few minutes" of pain to rehash these memories.  I would imagine that she's had a whole lifetime of pain already.  Who knows if this child wasn't born because of rape, for instance?  Maybe she is trying to protect her son from that knowledge? 

The upshot is that you could have stated things differently.  Perhaps: "I can see why your brother would want answers, and I wonder if your mother would be willing to talk to you instead or write down those answers for you to pass on." 

If you have experience from the child's point of view, I'd genuinely be interested in hearing that perspective.  I am honestly learning a lot from this discussion and just wish that we wouldn't have to attack one another.

 

 

@Satan'sFortress Thank you! I appreciate your support. I understand that some may not agree with my mom's choices but there is a way to express that respectfully. I am totally open to a dialogue about this issue as long as it's done in a respectful manner. 

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@Jessesgirl It just sounds like a tough situation to me. I am sure that your brother would love answers but your mother is under no obligation to answer them. It is a part of her life and she does not have to explain her choices to anyone. 

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3 hours ago, Hisey said:

And, no, I don't think someone has "every right" to choose to reject a child. If you bring a child into the world (in difficult situations or not), you have a responsibility to that child. You don't get to reject him just because it hurts you to bring up bad memories.

Honestly, your mom does not sound like a good person.

Just to put some things in perspective. In Ireland in the 1970s, not only were abortions illegal, so was contraception. This woman really had no choice in the matter of bringing this child into the world. So basically you are arguing that anyone who has ever had sex has a responsibility for a child. Also, we don't know the circumstances under which this child was conceived, how much coercion happened, and how old the parties were. You are really painting people you've never met with a very broad, very severe, anti-woman, anti-sex brush.

And...way to completely turn off new posters from FJ. 

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@Jessesgirl I had clicked on to FJ and saw your comments just as the end credits rolled in the Judi Dench film "Philomena". If you haven't seen it it's the true story of one Irish woman's journey to trace her son who was adopted from a mother and baby home. I've seen it a dozen times and it still makes me cry hot angry tears. The history of babies born out of wedlock, adoption and the stigma attached to both is a stain that will never wash clean. Things may have improved slightly between the 50s and 70s but it was still more than bad enough to leave lasting scars on all sides. 

I'm glad your mother and your brother at least know of each other and I'm glad your brother has found sibling bonds. Giving her son up wouldn't have been an easy decision and staying separate from him now won't be an easy decision either. But if your mother was able to raise two daughters who are compassionate and empathetic enough to embrace a new sibling, support their parent, see all sides of the adoption story and refuse to condemn someone for the decisions they made in good faith then I can't see how she can be anything but a good person. Sending love and hugs to you all x

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13 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

Just to put some things in perspective. In Ireland in the 1970s, not only were abortions illegal, so was contraception. This woman really had no choice in the matter of bringing this child into the world. So basically you are arguing that anyone who has ever had sex has a responsibility for a child. Also, we don't know the circumstances under which this child was conceived, how much coercion happened, and how old the parties were. You are really painting people you've never met with a very broad, very severe, anti-woman, anti-sex brush.

And...way to completely turn off new posters from FJ. 

Women were also forced to give up children and placed in institutions.  Most women wanted to raise their baby's but were coerced or forced into adoption so if any don't want to relive that trauma and meet the child then who is anyone to judge them. The same way children placed for adoption shouldn't feel obliged to meet their birth parents.

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I will say I feel badly for woman that choose  adoption. and what they have to go through  to make that decision but I can't really stomach the fact that people are saying that these women have a right to keep things from the adoptee. that it's their live and they don't have to justify the choices they made. 

 

it's not just their life though. it's the adoptee's life. the choices the mother's made effect that child.  should they be forced to meet the child I will go with no but I do think the child has a right to know who their father is.  they have a right to know their medical history and if they have siblings out there. 

 

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@Jessesgirl  Welcome to FJ! I was just trying to catch up on some of the threads after work, and ran across yours. I’m so glad you and your sister have a relationship with your brother, even if your mom is not ready to. It takes a strong person to see both sides of the situation, and support both sides instead of being judgmental or shutting out a family member. Your mom must have raised two great daughters. Thanks for such a heartfelt post, and please keep posting! I don’t usually post a lot, but I have learned so much on so many topics (thanks thread drift!!), it was nice to see a viewpoint that supported both sides. 

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