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Joy & Austin 21: Still Talking About Baby Gideon


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9 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

We’re not too strict with food, I don’t think. Unless a food has literally made you gag, you have to take one little bite. Same with any new recipe. I try to make sure that there are things everyone likes when I make something that I know someone doesn’t like. My husband did make a rule that no one can say that the food is disgusting. The boys got into a habit of that whenever I made anything that wasn’t an unhealthy comfort food (which is most of the time lol). He told them it was rude, disrespectful, and ungrateful to me to act that way when I work so hard to feed everyone. They can say they don’t care for it and I make a point to ask everyone how they feel about new recipes, whether they would want this again, etc. If they made an attempt to eat the stuff they did like and are still hungry they can eat yogurt or make themselves eggs or something like that. I would never make them gag down a bunch of stuff they hated. 

This is exactly how my parents did it with me and my brothers. We were all three very picky eaters, and at a certain point we used to say the food was disgusting. This made my mom upset, because she really tried her best to cook different types of food and put a lot of effort into the meals, so my parents explained that it was rude and disrespectful to my mom to say the food is disgusting. We were allowed to say we didn't like something, but only when we had actually taken at least one bite (unless we had tried that food before and it had made us gag or throw up. In that case we didn’t have to try it again for a long time.) We also had to always take at least one bite before we could have an "alternative" (yoghurt, fruit, or bread). My dad wasn't in favor of offering us alternatives, but my mom didn't want us to go to bed hungry, and our GP told her (she went to him for advice because we were really picky eaters) that any of those alternatives would work fine as well, and that as we got older we would probably start liking more different foods. And he was right.
I'm still a picky eater, especially when it comes to vegetables, but it's nothing compared to when I was a child. I manage to eat healthy and varied. I just really don’t like big chunks of vegetable. That literally makes me gag. However, I discovered that I can eat most vegetables when they’re chopped really finely (“julienne” it’s called, I believe) and when I can eat them together with something like rice, pasta, or wraps, or when I make them into a sauce or a soup. But a spoonful of only vegetable, especially without sauce and when the chunks are big or when it’s a spoonful of only one type of vegetable, I just can’t keep it down.

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10 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

My husband did make a rule that no one can say that the food is disgusting. The boys got into a habit of that whenever I made anything that wasn’t an unhealthy comfort food (which is most of the time lol). He told them it was rude, disrespectful, and ungrateful to me to act that way when I work so hard to feed everyone. They can say they don’t care for it and I make a point to ask everyone how they feel about new recipes, whether they would want this again, etc. 

Yay for your hubs! That's a good thing for people to learn, kids or adults. (Esp. when someone has cooked something for you or offered it to you.)

I practice this myself, after my former boss used to often denigrate my lunch choices (not from a nutritional standpoint, but a "how can you eat ham-and-pineapple pizza; that is disgusting!"). I finally got to the point where I'd say, "Good thing you're not the one eating it, then!" 

On another occasion (also as an adult), I was visiting acquaintances (friends of my sis) who had put out a selection of nibbles, many of which I was enjoying. One of the available items was pate, which I dislike because of how it traditionally was made (the cruelty issue) and also because I just really hate liver. The host husband offered me some, and I said, "No, thanks." He then said, "It's delicious; try some," to which I replied politely, "I'm not really a fan of liver; thanks." He continued to pressure me to try it, and despite feeling increasingly annoyed, I continued to politely decline with a simple "no thanks!" (ie, didn't make excuses or explain any further). Finally he said, "Wow, I can't believe you won't try it; that really changes my opinion of you." WTF, dude?!? I lightheartedly replied that one thing I appreciate about being a grown-up is getting to decide what I eat, and just left it at that. 

Now I wish I had told him that his continued attempts to try to force it on me - a guest in his home who politely declined several times - really changed my opinion of HIM, because it did; this happened almost 20 years ago, and it still pisses me off that he behaved like such as asshole. (And I haven't spent any time with them since.)

So anyway, I find it incredibly rude to comment on someone else's food choices, and I make a point not to do so.

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I am an extremely picky eater/borderline ARFID, and my parents would yell at me if I didn't eat the food, which made it all worse. Making a scene that the kid/teen/adult is not eating the food is not gonna help anything. No one should be forced to eat a certain thing. 

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I don't really understand how the "clean your plate" mentality prevents food waste. I suppose it does if you have someone who can babysit/persuade a picky eater at a table for hours. But why not just allow eaters to select serving size and maintain leftovers? I know a lot of cultures don't do that, but seeing as a lot of us view "clean your plate" as a depression-era mentality, and use of leftovers is common in the US, I just don't get it.

My family were sort of health nuts and made us try everything. We had beans and rice available at basically all times, so if you didn't like the other dishes there were always those available.

My stepson is picky with veggies (except leafy greens, thank God). We try to chop veggies as small as possible for baked dishes and sauces and he still manages to pick them out. It's almost impressive.

I still apply the "try everything" mentality as an adult. At this point, I'm okay with almost everything except some seafood and organs (but I always try). It's really hard for me not to feel judgemental toward picky eaters, but I know I'm in the wrong for a million reasons (EDs, cultural differences) and I would never say anything to them. There are just some situations, particularly as a foreigner in the country I live in, where seeing people pass up food offered to them feels awkward for me.

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@SorenaJ I had to Google ARFID, I think this is my sister and her 7 year old son. She will only eat a very limited variety of food, she refuses to try new things won't eat something if it is generic/off brand. My nephew will only eat Mac & Cheese, chicken nuggets, lasagna, PB & J (she will only eat this IF it is Jiff peanut butter with Welches grape jelly on a certain type of bread). Her 5 year old is almost as picky, when we were visiting them a few weeks ago the kids at easy mac for lunch and dinner 3 days in a row.  

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On ‎3‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 8:52 PM, lumpentheologie said:

This is such an interesting conversation -- it's never occurred to me before that people would like/feel attached to their name or not because of who else in their family had that name.  I feel like I'm attached to my name because it's my name, and I would feel wrong being called anything else, like I would feel wrong suddenly starting to call tulips roses. This means I also find it very confusing when my friends change their names, and I continue to think of them by their original names for a long time. 

This is me! I hate when I try to look up friends from (all girls) high school and can't find them because they have a different name. I kept mine. Because it's mine. There are 8 other kids in hubs family - they didn't need another one of me. And there is no one to carry my family name forward. So I kept it. 

I did change countries though - (not citizenship- but I live in Canada now) and feel like that was enough paperwork. 

Our son has Dad's last name, and so does the dog :P but the cats are hyphenated! 

What really drives me bonkers is family who passive aggressively uses my married name. My mom's cousin thinks it's just horrible that I didn't smack the Mrs. HisFirst HisLast all over everything the second I got married - so she still addresses things to Mr. & Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. 

(as an aside - I really hate that Mrs. HisFirst HisLast doesn't actually have HER name anywhere in that and I got in a fight with my mom when I did my wedding invites over that very thing. We went with first names to avoid it.) 

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4 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I hate when I try to look up friends from (all girls) high school and can't find them because they have a different name.

There's a reason some of us don't want to be in contact with others from high school. Just sayin'. 

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2 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

There's a reason some of us don't want to be in contact with others from high school. Just sayin'. 

Probably - but I'll still google ya. 

ETA: And this is why on FB - I'm super secret hidden and under an assumed name. (well - Hubs name) 

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@Meggo A friend of mine got married several years ago and she did change her name, however she is an MD and her husband is an accountant, they address things either Mr. & Dr hislastname or Dr & Mr hislastname. Her mom, grandmother and several families members would say she needs to be Mr & Mrs Hislastname, she told them all she spent 10 years to get her MD (she's a cardiologist) she's NOT going to be relegated to Mrs Accountantswoman. Her husband and I both backed her up we were both, if we had MDs damn right we'd flaunt that shit.

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9 hours ago, Bethella said:

You could try contacting the library and/or historical society in the community where you got your divorce. There's a good chance they would have the original newspapers from when you initially advertised your name change. 

Hmmm... now if only I could remember exactly when I posted those advertisements....

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With food,I like a lot of vegetables.I don't think I am a picky eater.My mother,who hated to cook,but was a good cook,said it was a pleasure to cook for me and one of my brothers.My parents also went through a phase,which did not last,that we had to eat what was served.My mother in law,a picky eater,catered to her sons.If one child didn't like a certain vegetable,another one was served.My husband is somewhat picky but has gotten much better.He will try new to him foods,so will one of my sons.With my boys,if they did not like what was served,they could find something else,then.My grandmother told me once,I should learn to eat what people served if I was a guest at their table.That it was the polite thing to do.How is gagging on food you dislike polite??I can understand tasting it,and I certainly would not expect a guest to eat something they do not enjoy.By the way,I have never tried  sushi...lol.Also, I had a friend,and when she'd come over,she loved to taste my cooking...she raved over certain dishes,but on the other hand..she would check out my freezer,no problem...but opening my freezer looking at my frozen cauliflower and saying,"UGH,Melon...WHO EATS THAT IT'S DIsGUSTING".That's rude.

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Its important to learn to politely refuse things, but I hate the idea of forcing anyone to eat.

On the other hand LO has taken to eating only one thing in a meal, and its a bit concerning.  Eating nothing but corn for two meals just seems like its not balanced.  Our doctor tells us that it will pass as long as there are also meals where he eats nothing but protein (eggs or chicken usually).  Kids are weird though :)

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My Mom grew up with a lot of siblings, so it was eat it or don't eat at all. She quickly learned to not be picky and assumed that it would happen with me and my brother. My Dad on the other hand, also had a lot of siblings, but my Nanny on that side was more understanding, my grandfather was picky as well. 

Well it's not picky, it's genetic stomach issues. We're very prone to ulcers and all types of digestive issues. My Mom thought that all she had to do was force us to eat. Well, when I vomited all over the table, she realized that it wasn't a good choice. Sometimes, it's not picky, it's "I remember that and it makes my tummy hurt." 

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41 minutes ago, melon said:

With food,I like a lot of vegetables.I don't think I am a picky eater.My mother,who hated to cook,but was a good cook,said it was a pleasure to cook for me and one of my brothers.My parents also went through a phase,which did not last,that we had to eat what was served.My mother in law,a picky eater,catered to her sons.If one child didn't like a certain vegetable,another one was served.My husband is somewhat picky but has gotten much better.He will try new to him foods,so will one of my sons.With my boys,if they did not like what was served,they could find something else,then.My grandmother told me once,I should learn to eat what people served if I was a guest at their table.That it was the polite thing to do.How is gagging on food you dislike polite??I can understand tasting it,and I certainly would not expect a guest to eat something they do not enjoy.By the way,I have never tried  sushi...lol.Also, I had a friend,and when she'd come over,she loved to taste my cooking...she raved over certain dishes,but on the other hand..she would check out my freezer,no problem...but opening my freezer looking at my frozen cauliflower and saying,"UGH,Melon...WHO EATS THAT IT'S DIsGUSTING".That's rude.

I most very likely have sensory issues when it comes to food and food textures. I also gag and vomit very, very easily. I am old, so in my day there was no testing for such. I am careful about what I eat. The texture of seafood bothers me, so I avoid it. I've never been rude at turning down a meal. My parents did not placate my food issues. I was lucky that my oldest brother would eat anything and I would just scrape off my food to his plate or trade plates, and all was good. 

1 minute ago, Carm_88 said:

My Mom grew up with a lot of siblings, so it was eat it or don't eat at all. She quickly learned to not be picky and assumed that it would happen with me and my brother. My Dad on the other hand, also had a lot of siblings, but my Nanny on that side was more understanding, my grandfather was picky as well. 

Well it's not picky, it's genetic stomach issues. We're very prone to ulcers and all types of digestive issues. My Mom thought that all she had to do was force us to eat. Well, when I vomited all over the table, she realized that it wasn't a good choice. Sometimes, it's not picky, it's "I remember that and it makes my tummy hurt." 

My mom used to tell me that my motion sickness was all in my head and I was heaving my stomach contents out. I called her out on that BS about 2 weeks ago. Her 80+YO self laughed.

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My sister was exceptionally picky as a child. We had a rule that you could make yourself a sandwich if you didn't like what was for dinner, but my mom also catered to my sister a lot. We ate spaghetti at least twice a week because it was one food my sister would reliably eat. After I moved out I didn't touch spaghetti for ten years, I was so freaking sick of it. I still don't like it. I somewhat resent my mom for letting my sister hold our family dinners hostage for so much of our childhood.

My sister is now getting a taste of her own medicine, though, because her two kids are both very picky and also the foods they like have barely any overlap with the foods my sister likes or with the foods their sibling eats. And they "don't like sandwiches". If my kid didn't like sandwiches I'd tell them to make do with whatever else they could find, but my sister ends up catering to their whims and making them something else.

Like others, I have a house rule about not calling things disgusting. Simply stated, "Don't yuck my yum." Nobody gets to say "Gross, how can you eat that?" at my house. I think my sister's kids do it at home, but they know better than to try it with Auntie Honeysuckle. It's extremely disrespectful to whoever put in the effort to make a meal.

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Picky eaters, help me out here because I'm thinking about this a lot now:

I'm a massive foodie. I cook nearly every night of the week, I love experimenting, I love all kinds of cuisines, I'm pretty obsessed with my sous vide machine (salmon sous vide will make you believe that there is good in this world), and I see houseguests and parties as an excuse to try out new recipes and techniques. Real talk: I'm already planning my Fourth of July party (sous vide chicken wings, chipwiches with homemade cookies and ice cream and/or apple pie, possibly puerco pibil tacos as well, but that might be a bit much). 

What do I do/how do I react if a picky eater loathes or at least declines everything I serve? Because knee-jerk emotional reaction would definitely be "oh god she hates my food and me and nothing I make is good enough and I suck and she sucks too and it's all a waste now why do I even bother fuck you go eat a Lean Cuisine", but I know that's irrational and not polite at all. Do I go run out to the store and go buy what they want?  Do I just let them starve? Am I a bad host for not knowing? How does a host effectively cater to picky eaters, especially if said picky eaters aren't friends where I'd already know their habits/issues? 

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I wouldn’t call myself a picky eater but if you ty to cater to everyone’s particular preferences you won’t be serving anything but water. 

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17 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Picky eaters, help me out here because I'm thinking about this a lot now:

I'm a massive foodie. I cook nearly every night of the week, I love experimenting, I love all kinds of cuisines, I'm pretty obsessed with my sous vide machine (salmon sous vide will make you believe that there is good in this world), and I see houseguests and parties as an excuse to try out new recipes and techniques. Real talk: I'm already planning my Fourth of July party (sous vide chicken wings, chipwiches with homemade cookies and ice cream and/or apple pie, possibly puerco pibil tacos as well, but that might be a bit much). 

What do I do/how do I react if a picky eater loathes or at least declines everything I serve? Because knee-jerk emotional reaction would definitely be "oh god she hates my food and me and nothing I make is good enough and I suck and she sucks too and it's all a waste now why do I even bother fuck you go eat a Lean Cuisine", but I know that's irrational and not polite at all. Do I go run out to the store and go buy what they want?  Do I just let them starve? Am I a bad host for not knowing? How does a host effectively cater to picky eaters, especially if said picky eaters aren't friends where I'd already know their habits/issues? 

I ask all guests for "dietary restrictions" and hope that if they really hate something they will let me know then.  Otherwise I try to make something that isn't too "out there" or spicy so they are likely to like something.  beyond that, if you still won't try anything you are the one being rude, and it must happen to you enough you should have an answer without pissing off your hosts.

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6 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@SorenaJ I had to Google ARFID, I think this is my sister and her 7 year old son. She will only eat a very limited variety of food, she refuses to try new things won't eat something if it is generic/off brand. My nephew will only eat Mac & Cheese, chicken nuggets, lasagna, PB & J (she will only eat this IF it is Jiff peanut butter with Welches grape jelly on a certain type of bread). Her 5 year old is almost as picky, when we were visiting them a few weeks ago the kids at easy mac for lunch and dinner 3 days in a row.  

I am so lucky my son was never picky. He was always willing to try foods and ate just about everything but spaghetti sauce when he was little. The kid taught me how to order/eat sushi when he was 9! 

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47 minutes ago, Honeysuckle said:

My sister was exceptionally picky as a child. We had a rule that you could make yourself a sandwich if you didn't like what was for dinner, but my mom also catered to my sister a lot. We ate spaghetti at least twice a week because it was one food my sister would reliably eat. After I moved out I didn't touch spaghetti for ten years, I was so freaking sick of it. I still don't like it. I somewhat resent my mom for letting my sister hold our family dinners hostage for so much of our childhood.

My sister is now getting a taste of her own medicine, though, because her two kids are both very picky and also the foods they like have barely any overlap with the foods my sister likes or with the foods their sibling eats. And they "don't like sandwiches". If my kid didn't like sandwiches I'd tell them to make do with whatever else they could find, but my sister ends up catering to their whims and making them something else.

Like others, I have a house rule about not calling things disgusting. Simply stated, "Don't yuck my yum." Nobody gets to say "Gross, how can you eat that?" at my house. I think my sister's kids do it at home, but they know better than to try it with Auntie Honeysuckle. It's extremely disrespectful to whoever put in the effort to make a meal.

This!It's exactly what I meant..when I said my friend would comment on food,in my home,or food I was drinking or eating.I used to eat with friends at lunchtime.One friend commented on my food and drink,daily.Yuck.UGH.Gross.HOw can you eat that Melon???Or I don't like that..my response???I said"Good.I didn't bring________ for you.I brought for me".

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@nastyhobbitses I would probably serve some traditional fourth of July food, whatever that is to you, in addition to your new recipes.  

I grew up being forced to eat everything on my plate and food was a battle children never won. I decided I would never fight about food with my child. Turns out she has sensory issues and being on the spectrum she also has extremely heightened senses, especially smell. Sometimes just the look of something makes her lose her appetite. I cater to her food wishes, although I realize this is possible because she’s an only child. She is allowed to eat anything she wants, when she wants it. She wants a cookie for breakfast? Great. It stimulates her appetite and then she eats something healthier. We have to keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t lose weight. (She’s 5’ 2” and weighs 95 pounds. ) 

Food is necessary for health and life. I don’t ever want food to be a cause for fear, anxiety, or other negative emotions.

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15 minutes ago, justoneoftwo said:

I ask all guests for "dietary restrictions" and hope that if they really hate something they will let me know then.  Otherwise I try to make something that isn't too "out there" or spicy so they are likely to like something.  beyond that, if you still won't try anything you are the one being rude, and it must happen to you enough you should have an answer without pissing off your hosts.

Oh, I always ask for those. I don't want to get caught with a pork dish with no alternatives if I have Muslim guests, or not have a gluten-free option for celiac people. It's more people who wouldn't say "oh, I keep kosher, so no meat/dairy products for me" or "I'm vegan" or "I'm super allergic to gooseberries" or "the UN classifies my post-eating-lactose farts as chemical weapons" - the people who just don't like anything or have really limited palates. I try to make crowd-pleasers/tone down spiciness unless that's the entire point of the dish, but I do take my cooking very seriously and personally, so I'm trying to preemptively/proactively learn to deal with rejection of my dishes without taking it as a personal slight. 

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12 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Oh, I always ask for those. I don't want to get caught with a pork dish with no alternatives if I have Muslim guests, or not have a gluten-free option for celiac people. It's more people who wouldn't say "oh, I keep kosher, so no meat/dairy products for me" or "I'm vegan" or "I'm super allergic to gooseberries" or "the UN classifies my post-eating-lactose farts as chemical weapons" - the people who just don't like anything or have really limited palates. I try to make crowd-pleasers/tone down spiciness unless that's the entire point of the dish, but I do take my cooking very seriously and personally, so I'm trying to preemptively/proactively learn to deal with rejection of my dishes without taking it as a personal slight. 

I guess my point is that I have had people respond to that with "I really don't eat spicy food" or "I don't like X" so it helps.  If someone has a really limited palate they usually let you know, because they know its a problem.  At least they do for me.

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1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Picky eaters, help me out here because I'm thinking about this a lot now:

I'm a massive foodie. I cook nearly every night of the week, I love experimenting, I love all kinds of cuisines, I'm pretty obsessed with my sous vide machine (salmon sous vide will make you believe that there is good in this world), and I see houseguests and parties as an excuse to try out new recipes and techniques. Real talk: I'm already planning my Fourth of July party (sous vide chicken wings, chipwiches with homemade cookies and ice cream and/or apple pie, possibly puerco pibil tacos as well, but that might be a bit much). 

What do I do/how do I react if a picky eater loathes or at least declines everything I serve? Because knee-jerk emotional reaction would definitely be "oh god she hates my food and me and nothing I make is good enough and I suck and she sucks too and it's all a waste now why do I even bother fuck you go eat a Lean Cuisine", but I know that's irrational and not polite at all. Do I go run out to the store and go buy what they want?  Do I just let them starve? Am I a bad host for not knowing? How does a host effectively cater to picky eaters, especially if said picky eaters aren't friends where I'd already know their habits/issues? 

I'm a very adventurous eater but this menus would turn me off but that is me and one of my weird quirks that have nothing to do with anyone else.  Just say you are making salmon, chicken wings, pulled pork tacos, homemade ice cream sandwiches and apple pie.  If people want recipes give them recipes. Unless you are cooking for Alex Guarnaschelli, or Ted Allen, then always remember KISS (keep it simple stupid, and I'm NOT calling you stupid).  People will be more apt to eat what they are offered if they understand what it is they are eating, hence keeping it simple. 

I would also set out an assortment of hors d'oeuvres & side dishes to supplement your main dishes.  Make dinner a buffet, that way people can pick and choose what they want and your feelings aren't hurt and no one looks "picky".   

Oh and make sure to ask about allergies, and with larger guest lists always have a vegan option available.

 

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49 minutes ago, Knight of Ni said:

I wouldn’t call myself a picky eater but if you ty to cater to everyone’s particular preferences you won’t be serving anything but water. 

I don’t like water. :pb_lol: Not even kidding. I hate ice. However, I was never a picky eater. I always ate everything on my plate, even food I disliked, (all 2 of them that I can recall), even food I’m allergic to, even when I wasn’t hungry. I thought it was rude to the hostess to not eat something. Only recently have I learned to pass on food I dislike, most of the time, (still just the 2 things), or to stop eating when I’m full. I try not to eat meat or dairy, but in the spirit of breaking bread, I will eat anything served to me. 

My kids were adventurous eaters, too. Escargot, liver, you name it, they ingested it. My stepchildren were very picky eaters. At first, I thought they would be happy to finally get to try so many new foods with us. They hated it. That’s when I realized picky eating had nothing to do with exposure or opportunity, and to not force kids to try things. They probably felt tortured. The only thing that upset me was their constant need to call things the rest of us were eating, “gross” and “yucky.” I didn’t expect them to try it, but they didn’t need to detract from our meal or insult those of us who were trying to enjoy ourselves. 

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