Jana 6: What's in Store for 2018?

[SamuraiKatz]

We finally got a good view of Jana's garden, although, weirdly, the footage is all from last summer despite being released now. That's an outfit she wore in a lot of THs from a season or two ago, no less.

I am glad she has some things that are just hers. She is my favorite Duggar daughter.

[Sky with diamonds]

That garden is amazing, IMO. Too bad it wasn't shown on Counting On. 

I hope she is happy with her life. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

2 minutes ago, Sky with diamonds said:

That garden is amazing, IMO. Too bad it wasn't shown on Counting On. 

I hope she is happy with her life. 

right Jana's garden and what are the boys at home doing were both regulated to webisodes instead of making the show. what should have really been a webisode was Jessa cutting Spurg's hair and Joe and Kendra looking for groomsman ties. 

56 minutes ago, metheglyn said:

We finally got a good view of Jana's garden, although, weirdly, the footage is all from last summer despite being released now. That's an outfit she wore in a lot of THs from a season or two ago, no less.

well that's because everything that is on the current season is from May-September it picks up with Joy's Honey moon end of May and end with Joe's wedding beginning of September. this show is sooo far behind it's not even funny

[RainbowSky]

I didn't know they had chickens!

 

[Ivycoveredtower]

Just now, RainbowSky said:

I didn't know they had chickens!

 

they had Cows too at one point. I wonder if they still have those cows.

[AliceInFundyland]

1 hour ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

they had Cows too at one point. I wonder if they still have those cows.

Really? Do you recall when? I remember a discourse about getting cows out of the road...

[Ivycoveredtower]

7 minutes ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Really? Do you recall when? I remember a discourse about getting cows out of the road...

I can't and I tried to google it but couldn't find anything but I swear I remember a few years back some Duggar chores were posted somewhere and it said John was in charge of taking care of the cows. 

[TheRadleyPorch]

To clarify my earlier post,  I certainly don't think it's sad or pitiable when people don't get married and have kids when they don't want those things. But it does hurt my heart when people who longed for those things never got them, and it happens more often than people want to think. Plenty of people are able to live completely fulfilling lives without experiencing marriage and parenthood--and I wish I were one of them! Like @AliceInFundyland I'm tired of all the being content with my singledom. I certainly enjoy my life in many other ways, I love my job, I have wonderful friends, I do date and "enjoy the company of men" but fuck it, I want to have a partner, and be a mom. In five years or so I think I will go the single mother by choice route...

But back to Jana, I don't think that JB actually has quite as much of a say in his daughters' marriages as many think he does. For sure he has to approve suitors and give permission and all that crap, but I don't think he controls the process and timing so much that I would describe him as "marrying his daughters off." I think the married daughters got married because they were genuinely into their guys, whether or not that was actually a mature and informed decision is of course a different story, but I do think it was their decision. So I don't think it's surprising that JB hasn't "married off" his beautiful eldest daughter yet because I don't think that's really quite how it works. 

[Italiangirl]

I  think that Jana is happy were she is now, she simply dosen't want to change, and in some way i could also understand her; i mean she has already experience the most part of what marriage means in their circle raising babies and take care of the home, she's only missing sex and i could see how that could be a minor thing

[CarrotCake]

3 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I can't and I tried to google it but couldn't find anything but I swear I remember a few years back some Duggar chores were posted somewhere and it said John was in charge of taking care of the cows. 

I read somewhere that they had cows to take the benefit of some tax rules around farmers.

[SamiKatz]

I'm in my 50s and have never married/had kids.  Being single used to bother me a lot but when I was around 30, I thought to myself that I could easily live 50 more years, and did I want to live those years being bitter and unhappy about not marrying?  I decided I did not and have worked at building a good life.  I cannot imagine getting married now at all.

My family always says I'm single because "I didn't put myself out there", but as @nausicaa said, I joined dating services, went to singles events, was set up by friends, and when it didn't work out,  they would tell me I was "trying to hard". Just can't win.  

Generally speaking, I'm pretty happy with my life.  

 

[Ivycoveredtower]

8 hours ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

To clarify my earlier post,  I certainly don't think it's sad or pitiable when people don't get married and have kids when they don't want those things. But it does hurt my heart when people who longed for those things never got them, and it happens more often than people want to think. Plenty of people are able to live completely fulfilling lives without experiencing marriage and parenthood--and I wish I were one of them! Like @AliceInFundyland I'm tired of all the being content with my singledom. I certainly enjoy my life in many other ways, I love my job, I have wonderful friends, I do date and "enjoy the company of men" but fuck it, I want to have a partner, and be a mom. In five years or so I think I will go the single mother by choice route...

But back to Jana, I don't think that JB actually has quite as much of a say in his daughters' marriages as many think he does. For sure he has to approve suitors and give permission and all that crap, but I don't think he controls the process and timing so much that I would describe him as "marrying his daughters off." I think the married daughters got married because they were genuinely into their guys, whether or not that was actually a mature and informed decision is of course a different story, but I do think it was their decision. So I don't think it's surprising that JB hasn't "married off" his beautiful eldest daughter yet because I don't think that's really quite how it works. 

I think for most of the girls they made their own decisions but I have to disagree on Jill I think Jim Bob met this man he thought he could control and pushed his perfect kool aid drinking Jilly Muffin towards him. unlike her sisters who had actually met and got to know the guy. JIm bob says to Jill oh I Have this prayer partner you should talk to him. she talks to him for a little jumps on a plane to Nepal and bam instant  courtship then he's back in the United States only two months and they are engaged. 

jill tries to play Happy Family but i doubt she had much choice in it. 

 

if/When Jana gets in a relationship I hope she takes the Jessa route and gets to know the man for a few months and then has a lengthy courtship. 

[nausicaa]

11 minutes ago, SamiKatz said:

My family always says I'm single because "I didn't put myself out there", but as @nausicaa said, I joined dating services, gone to singles events, been set up by friends, and when it didn't work out so they would tell me I was "trying to hard". Just can't win.  

Ha! Yes. If people find out all that I've done they tell me, "Maybe you're trying too hard!" But if I'm not interested in a guy (whether it's cause he's dumb as a rock, talks incessantly about his ex-wife, or is a wanted serial killer) it's "You're too picky." Seeing this contradiction actually was sort of peace-inducing for me. I realized you can't please everyone, and people are going to always have a criticism of you no matter what, so you may as well trust your instincts and learn to filter out the noise. 

I have to admit I am still not at peace with being single for the next fifty years and I feel envious and resentful a lot. I hope I can get to a place of acceptance and closure about it one day. It's hard to talk about that too, because like @TheRadleyPorch said, sometimes the "You have to just LOVE every part of your single life" rhetoric is a bit onerous and victim-blaming even though I know most people don't intend it that way. 

By the way, for anyone struggling with this, I highly recommend the book It's Not You: 27 Wrong Reasons You're Single by Sara Eckels. Stupid title, but a great, beautifully written book that deep dives into a lot of the emotional and societal aspects of being single that I've never seen discussed anywhere else. 

[singsingsing]

"You're too picky."

"You need to clarify all the things you want in a man so you stop wasting time on guys who aren't right for you."

"You need to lower your standards."

"You need to be the kind of person you'd want to date."

"You're trying too hard! Stop thinking about it and it'll happen when you least expect it!"

"You need to try harder! Nothing will ever happen if you don't put yourself out there!"

"You need to relax. Men don't like uptight, frigid women."

"You need to respect yourself. Men won't view you as wife-material if you're too promiscuous."

"If you want to have kids, you'd better just settle for 'Mr. Good Enough' before it's too late."

"Never settle. It's better to be alone and have missed out on having kids than to be stuck in an unhappy marriage!"

 

[seraaa]

9 hours ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

To clarify my earlier post,  I certainly don't think it's sad or pitiable when people don't get married and have kids when they don't want those things. But it does hurt my heart when people who longed for those things never got them, and it happens more often than people want to think. Plenty of people are able to live completely fulfilling lives without experiencing marriage and parenthood--and I wish I were one of them! Like @AliceInFundyland I'm tired of all the being content with my singledom. I certainly enjoy my life in many other ways, I love my job, I have wonderful friends, I do date and "enjoy the company of men" but fuck it, I want to have a partner, and be a mom. In five years or so I think I will go the single mother by choice route...

But back to Jana, I don't think that JB actually has quite as much of a say in his daughters' marriages as many think he does. For sure he has to approve suitors and give permission and all that crap, but I don't think he controls the process and timing so much that I would describe him as "marrying his daughters off." I think the married daughters got married because they were genuinely into their guys, whether or not that was actually a mature and informed decision is of course a different story, but I do think it was their decision. So I don't think it's surprising that JB hasn't "married off" his beautiful eldest daughter yet because I don't think that's really quite how it works. 

Yes, so it appears. There are men from their social circle around; Jana just hasn't initiated anything that's gone to the next level. Yet.

[Georgiana]

Aw yisssss, another 30 year old single lady checking in!  I expressed on one of the Rod threads how FRUSTRATING it is to watch these fundie girls with 100-box checklists get men when I'm over here with like 10 criteria and still struggling (and to be clear, these are not difficult criteria to meet.  My requirements are things like "Must have a job" and "No flat Earthers").  

But then again, I didn't get an extra-binding marriage to Derick Dillard, so I do have that going for me, which is nice.  

I finally switched over to eharmony because my mom offered to pay ($139! I see how they afford their TV ads), and it's like EXHAUSTING just to keep up with smiles and matches and whatever.  It's like wading through a swamp of men, trying to avoid the swamp monsters, and just hoping that for some reason there is a good guy (NOT a "nice guy", another one of my criteria) also lost in the swamp.

The hardest part for me isn't actually dissatisfaction with being single, it's the fact that everyone else is paired off! I feel like I'm falling behind on life!  And I realize life would be SO much easier with someone to share the chores with  

[melon]

33 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

"You're too picky."

"You need to clarify all the things you want in a man so you stop wasting time on guys who aren't right for you."

"You need to lower your standards."

"You need to be the kind of person you'd want to date."

"You're trying too hard! Stop thinking about it and it'll happen when you least expect it!"

"You need to try harder! Nothing will ever happen if you don't put yourself out there!"

"You need to relax. Men don't like uptight, frigid women."

"You need to respect yourself. Men won't view you as wife-material if you're too promiscuous."

"If you want to have kids, you'd better just settle for 'Mr. Good Enough' before it's too late."

"Never settle. It's better to be alone and have missed out on having kids than to be stuck in an unhappy marriage!"

 

"He's too picky"

"Why aren't the women beating his door down?" That gem is from one son's ex.Well,dummy,the only one he wanted was you.

"He needs to put himself out there"

"Does he have girlfriend?Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

And many similar things as above,my sons hear or I get to hear.

[viii]

@melon, maybe you need to set your sons up with some of us girls here!! lol

[PigtailHeadband]

Hi all! Longtime lurker and this is my first post! This thread drift seemed too perfect not to just dive in and get involved. I'm 34 and recently divorced, waited until 31 to get married and still got it wrong, unfortunately. Reading Free Jinger has been a source of comfort over the last year of newly single life (nobody else in my life understands why i "hate-follow" the Duggars/fundies). I'm still working through being on good terms with being single and reading your stories in this thread has been extremely inspiring. 

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

46 minutes ago, viii said:

@melon, maybe you need to set your sons up with some of us girls here!! lol

Rufus would bless that marriage so hard.  

[AnnaRuk09]

1 hour ago, seraaa said:

Yes, so it appears. There are men from their social circle around; Jana just hasn't initiated anything that's gone to the next level. Yet.

According to the Duggars, it’s wrong for a women to initiate something with man. So probably a lot of people have approached JB and they either don’t qualify under his or Jana’s standards. And if they do with both, it doesn’t eventually pan out. But yeah, I agree she has not met the one who she clearly sees from God as a soulmate. 

I think people excessively talk about her singleness at 28. I know it’s inevitable, but still. And it’s sometimes annoying because they don’t mention John, who is also still single. But I guess I can see why that might be. She’s the oldest and every one of her sisters who is old enough to marry has already been paired off. Not to mention she’s very beautiful, sweet and has strict Christian values. She just has high standards and will never settled for less - which is good. But she will continue to wait until it truly is time, when she has found “the one.”

[Beermeet]

@Georgiana. What do you mean by nice guy?  Like, a guy who is putting on a front but is really a jerk?  

 

Personally, I give kudos to all you single ladies!  You are not settling.  That is a mistake many women make just to avoid being single.  I think you're  all doing awesome,  being yourselves.  Good shit.

[nausicaa]

11 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@Georgiana. What do you mean by nice guy?  Like, a guy who is putting on a front but is really a jerk?  

 

Pretty much. There's this phenomenon of "nice guy syndrome" also often written as "Nice Guys™" which is a category for men who see women as some sort of sexual vending machine where a guy deposits "nice" (flowers, listening, paying for dinner) and gets out sex. If women for some reason aren't interested in him, for a variety of reasons, they are wronging him from what he is "owed" and he will not hesitate to denigrate them and claim the uninterested women deserve to be with an abusive partner or remain single forever. 

Nice Guys™ completely disrespect women's autonomy and complexity and think that they should be worshiped for doing the smallest things that most of us do every day to just be decent to other humans (hold doors, listen to others, be polite, don't physically assault others). These men also tend to be very whiny and claim victimhood in all situations. 

Basically they are manipulative, entitled guys who aren't actually feminist or nice at all despite hiding behind that veneer. 

[Beermeet]

@nausicaa. Ah, yes.  Those.  To be avoided at all costs.  Agreed. Worse than a player because at least you know what to expect with a player.  

[singsingsing]

28 minutes ago, AnnaRuk09 said:

And it’s sometimes annoying because they don’t mention John, who is also still single.

Right? We've got an entire thread dedicated to Jana, and 95% of it is taken up by speculating about and bemoaning the fact that she's still single. No thread about John, very little speculation. Everyone seems to laugh and give JD virtual high fives for staying single and being a 'bachelor till the rapture' but with Jana it's like some kind of tragedy. Why?