Jana 6: What's in Store for 2018?

[luv2laugh]

I don't see any reason why Jana & Laura couldn't get their own apartment and be roommates like other women their age. I think Jana stays because she is "mom" to those kids and doesn't want to leave them.

[TheRadleyPorch]

I don't know why so many people are so convinced that Jana has no interest in getting married. She's said that she wants to be married but just hasn't met the right guy yet and I just kind of take her at her word. Honestly, it kind of bugs me that so many people don't because I feel like the assumption is if you've reached the dreadfully old age of 28 without finding a man and there's nothing glaringly, obviously wrong with you, then you must just not be interested! I'm almost 29 and single and even in secular society people make the same assumption about me--either that or there must be something wrong with me that they don't know about. I would love to get married and have kids but unfortunately I haven't met anyone that I want to marry yet, and at my age (as people keep reminding me) it's getting less and less likely that marriage and motherhood are in the cards for me. Fortunately, unlike Jana, I can have independence and a career and dating and sex. Plenty of people just don't get what they want in life and I don't think that's unusual enough that we need to toss around all kinds of theories why Jana isn't married when she has already told us why.

[viii]

I absolutely agree with you, @TheRadleyPorch. I am 32 and still single, because I am incredibly selective. I don't want to risk 'settling', and wind up divorced. Not that it would be the end of the world, but I'd rather marry carefully. However, because I haven't married yet, people will think they can ask me the strangest questions, like it's any of their business. Lately most people assume I'm a lesbian, LOL. 

[singsingsing]

8 minutes ago, viii said:

I absolutely agree with you, @TheRadleyPorch. I am 32 and still single, because I am incredibly selective. I don't want to risk 'settling', and wind up divorced. Not that it would be the end of the world, but I'd rather marry carefully. However, because I haven't married yet, people will think they can ask me the strangest questions, like it's any of their business. Lately most people assume I'm a lesbian, LOL. 

I'm two (three?) years behind you and I'm basically in the same boat. Funnily enough, I don't really get any comments, though (except from new co-workers, weirdly, within the first few weeks of meeting me when they inevitably search for juicy gossip from my personal life and then are inevitably disappointed when there is none ). There are plenty of 'reasons' why I'm still single, but ultimately what it boils down to is that I just haven't met the right person, and that's not all that uncommon! Especially in this day and age when women don't have the same financial or social need to be married as in the past. (Obviously that's a bit different for Jana, but even in her case, she'd probably be financially and socially fine if she never married.)

The likeliest explanation for Jana still being single at the EXTREMELY ADVANCED age of 28 is also the simplest: she just hasn't met someone she wants to marry yet.

[viii]

I'm glad I'm not alone in this! I live in a smaller city where most of my friends married young and had kids quickly, so besides one close friend, all my friends are wives/mothers. Of course, now we're past wedding/baby season and entering the years of the divorces, LOL. I've already got a couple friends who have split. 

 

[JoytotheWorld]

34 minutes ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

I don't know why so many people are so convinced that Jana has no interest in getting married. She's said that she wants to be married but just hasn't met the right guy yet and I just kind of take her at her word. Honestly, it kind of bugs me that so many people don't because I feel like the assumption is if you've reached the dreadfully old age of 28 without finding a man and there's nothing glaringly, obviously wrong with you, then you must just not be interested! I'm almost 29 and single and even in secular society people make the same assumption about me--either that or there must be something wrong with me that they don't know about. I would love to get married and have kids but unfortunately I haven't met anyone that I want to marry yet, and at my age (as people keep reminding me) it's getting less and less likely that marriage and motherhood are in the cards for me. Fortunately, unlike Jana, I can have independence and a career and dating and sex. Plenty of people just don't get what they want in life and I don't think that's unusual enough that we need to toss around all kinds of theories why Jana isn't married when she has already told us why.

While I think it’s completely possible Jana would like to be married and just hasn’t found the right guy yet, I don’t think we should necessarily take her word for it. If she didn’t want to marry or even if she’s in no rush/ happy to not have a handful of kids already, it’s not like she could say that to the camera. I doubt she could express that to most of her family, but telling the world that wouldn’t be good for the Duggar quiver full brand.

[TheRadleyPorch]

Maybe this is a reach, but I feel like part of it (not just with Jana, but with all of us old umarrieds) is that people really want to believe in a just world where good people who "deserve" happiness and fulfillment get what they want in life, so when they see someone like me, an almost 29 year old single woman, they want to believe that it's either because I don't want that or there's something about me that makes me undeserving of it or unfit for it. When really, some people just don't get lucky in that way. I'm a hospice nurse so I meet people all the time who have lived out their life stories and have never gotten married or had children, even if they desperately wanted that and are lovely, kind, intelligent people. People don't really like to think about that happening because it's just too sad. 

 

And I agree that Jana probably wouldn't feel comfortable openly saying to the cameras (or her family) that she doesn't want to get married, but I think if she truly felt that way she could say she's in no rush, fulfilled in the Lord, trusting God's timing/plan, etc etc. But instead she has said that she wants to be married.  

[Kelsey]

I think they should let Jana and Laura live in the guest house right behind the TTH. Still under the umbrella but allows her to have some independence and her own living space. 

In the last episode, I actually thought she might be courting Pastor Caldwell until I realized it was him.

And she was wearing shorts.

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

Maybe this is a reach, but I feel like part of it (not just with Jana, but with all of us old umarrieds) is that people really want to believe in a just world where good people who "deserve" happiness and fulfillment get what they want in life, so when they see someone like me, an almost 29 year old single woman, they want to believe that it's either because I don't want that or there's something about me that makes me undeserving of it or unfit for it. When really, some people just don't get lucky in that way. I'm a hospice nurse so I meet people all the time who have lived out their life stories and have never gotten married or had children, even if they desperately wanted that and are lovely, kind, intelligent people. People don't really like to think about that happening because it's just too sad. 

This is so, so true. And I know for myself, a few years ago when I thought I really wanted to get married and have kids, I was absolutely terrified by the possibility of that never happening. I even thought that if I were happy being single and happy with my own life and not constantly yearning and striving for a relationship, I'd 'jinx' myself. I thought how awful it would be to be one of those women who are just single FOREVER. They NEVER get married, never have kids.

Then I met this truly remarkable woman - she's actually a distant cousin of mine, and a family historian. She's approximately 90 years old, never married, never had kids. She went to university, worked as a teacher, took care of her elderly parents and disabled brother until they died. She still lives alone in her own house. She still writes and participates in her community. When I visited her, her house was cozy and neat and lovely, and she had all of these photo albums on her shelves of trips she had taken with friends over the years, and something just clicked for me - this woman had it made. I don't know, maybe she's terribly sad that she never got married, but she's had an amazing life and is an amazing person, and I realized I was a fool to feel pity for someone like that, or to fear a future like that for myself. I realized that I would be damned lucky if I ended up like her!

Do I still hope to meet someone I love and have a happy life-long relationship? Yes! But I also now feel like there's absolutely no reason I can't have a very happy and fulfilling life without that. I will say that not wanting kids now is obviously a big piece of that, but back when I originally had that epiphany I still thought I wanted kids, and I realized that even if life didn't turn out the way I was hoping, it didn't have to be a tragedy.

[AliceInFundyland]

I just feel like saying this somewhere. Um, I want to get married. I'm 38. I don't really care about a wedding.... but .... ever since my last ltr ended (not by my choice, to the one I thought was "the one") I have felt adrift. And yes I am working on being content in my singledom and all that jazz.  I've done it before. I'm tired of it.  I like the ritual of ceremony and I'd like to take that step with someone.

[viii]

I want to get married and have children and yet... I don't. I've gotten very comfortable in my life, and there are parts that would be hard to give up. I'd like to think the pros would outweigh the cons, but sometimes I feel like I push potential partners away because as much as I want a certain future for myself, I'm afraid of it as well. 

[luv2laugh]

I think Jana surprises many of us because she's extremely gorgeous in a fundamentalist Christian family where the minute one is 18, they are sent off married and pregnant. This is what Jana was trained for and schooled in.

I think it's simply the case of Jana being the "mother figure" of many of these kids and too attached to want to leave them.  Jessa, Jinger, and Joy were not the "on-call Moms." Even Jill wasn't. Jill was 2nd in command though and look how she has fared since leaving her brood in the tin mansion...

I think Jana never enjoyed the limelight and being showcased on TLC. I've met her in person once and she is VERY quiet. She's also rarely featured on Counting On. She had her first episode showcasing her gorgeous garden after having it for years already.

I think she would like to get married but hasn't met anyone that would make her want to leave this life behind her yet. All the other sisters had more to gain by leaving than Jana. Jana could stay for even 7-10 more years and still get married and have a (small) family. It's obvious she considers some of these younger Duggars as HERS and so she's probably realized that having a large biological family isn't a big deal to her. Josie, Jordyn, Jennifer, Jackson, Johanna (am I missing any?) were all raised by her. These girls had all their diapers changed mainly by her which she subsequently potty-trained, bathed, puke cleaned up, teeth brushed, shoes tied, hair done, everything by her. Michelle is their mom in really, name only.

Jana probably will get married one day but it's going to be on her terms and that's how it should be. She's living her best life right now with "her kids". They are more independent and she gets to watch them grow up while having run of the entire house now that so many are gone.

[Jenn The Heathen]

I think it’s kind of like apples and oranges comparing Jana to unwed secular women her age or older.  My sister is 32, never been married, never had any kids and says while she may get married one day, she has no desire to have kids.  And I totally understand and support her decision.  It’s something that’s becoming more and more common and to each their own.

But Jana is different from my sister or any number of women in their late twenties and thirties who aren’t married because it’s not the norm we see in her family and amongst many fundies and I think that’s why it gets discussed so frequently.  Jim Bob is marrying off his kids left and right, but Jana is still there, being stunningly beautiful and a catch even by non fundie standards in a society where woman are expected to get married and start popping out babies for Jesus as quickly as they can.

[HermioneSparrow]

1 hour ago, viii said:

I want to get married and have children and yet... I don't. I've gotten very comfortable in my life, and there are parts that would be hard to give up. I'd like to think the pros would outweigh the cons, but sometimes I feel like I push potential partners away because as much as I want a certain future for myself, I'm afraid of it as well. 

This is me 100%. I thought I was the only one.

[melon]

Being married is great.Having kids is great.But implying that someone is not fulfilled because they have not done ,either,for whatever reason,is not great.

 

[melon]

Both of my sons,37 and almost 35,are single.People have  asked me.."When are they going to give me grandchildren?" etc etc.I don't know.I'd love to have grandchildren,but sometimes,I think it may pass me by.That's okay,too.Neither,of my sons has dated in awhile.One has issues with his self-esteem,the other is picky.I know they both love children and would make good fathers.

[seraaa]

2 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I think she would like to get married but hasn't met anyone that would make her want to leave this life behind her yet.

I can't speak for her, but it is a comfortable life. Say she doesn't mind being involved with the kids, and is comfortable - it would take a big incentive to do something different.

As someone who isn't inclined to drastic changes myself, I get that. 

[Rachel333]

I'm now 27 and not in a relationship at all, let alone married, and I actually feel like I have a hard time getting people to believe that I really am fine with it. I'm honestly just not currently interested in being in a relationship, and I don't really want kids anyway so that isn't a concern for me.

Even though I am totally fine with where I am now relationship-wise, it is weird to see other people my age in a completely different stage of life where they're married and have several children. (I also know a ton of people my age who are in the same place I am, so it's not like I'm stuck in fundie culture where almost everyone else my age is married with kids.) There can be a feeling that maybe I should be moving on like they are, even though that's not actually what I want.

I also feel like there should be a term for when you're happy for someone but also happy you're not in that position. That's how I feel when I see that my friends are having babies. I'm happy for them because they're happy, but I also think about how glad I am that I'm not the one having babies!

[luv2laugh]

I decided to get some pictures from the webisode on Jana's Garden. It's really impressive.

 

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

[beepy13]

It's really cute! I bet she would do a great job of decorating her own living space, if she had anything to call her own.

[luv2laugh]

I think at this point, JB & Michelle have allowed Jana to call these places “her own”. I think she’s given a lot of independence. I believe Jana is happy living at home and it’s a simple case of no one coming along that made her want to leave “her kids”. None of the Duggar daughters have even married real “winners”.

 In addition, JB & Michelle have given her a built-in buddy with Laura. She has her needs being met in this living situation. I’m pretty sure she wants to wait for Josie, Jordyn, Jennifer, Jackson, and Johanna get into the young teen years before taking off. This is not a sister relationship, it’s a mother and her children situation basically. Jana remaining in the home, given the fundamentalist Christian quiverfull context, is interesting but it really demonstrates that Michelle wasn’t a “mother figure” to the youngest kids, in my opinion.

On another note, I hope JB & Michelle leave the bulk of their inheritance to Jana. I believe Michelle only truly raised the first 7 with Grandma Duggar’s help. Jana was the 24/7 on-call nanny for years and deserves to be compensated for that. I think the whole family is very generous to her for this reason as well.

[MargaretElliott]

I suppose it all depends on what circles people run in. Most of my friends are in their late twenties to thirties, and only about a third of them (or less) are married. Lots of them are in long term relationships, and maybe one or two of them have kids. No one would ever dream of asking me when my boyfriend and I are getting married, it's just not really a polite question in that community (I mean, it is kind of like saying, "So, are you going to mash your genitals together forever, or just for now?" It's not your business, buddy). Then again, we're all a bunch of weird nerds involved in various art and alternative subcultures. The only people that bother me about when I'm going to get married is my family from the southern United States, all of whom got married in their late teens and early twenties. And they're gossipy, prying, judgmental people anyway, and think I'm "past my prime" if I don't get married before 25... 

That garden is AMAZING. I want one like it. I wonder about all the mulch though. I hate mulch, especially when it's mounded up and not cleared away. It's not great for trees, I wonder if it's different for vegetables? And it does cut down on weeds... Love the chicken coop, too. She's really put a lot of love into that project.

[metheglyn]

9 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

an actually interesting webisode. Jana's garden. 

https://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/counting-on/videos/janas-garden

We finally got a good view of Jana's garden, although, weirdly, the footage is all from last summer despite being released now. That's an outfit she wore in a lot of THs from a season or two ago, no less.

[nausicaa]

6 hours ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

Maybe this is a reach, but I feel like part of it (not just with Jana, but with all of us old umarrieds) is that people really want to believe in a just world where good people who "deserve" happiness and fulfillment get what they want in life, so when they see someone like me, an almost 29 year old single woman, they want to believe that it's either because I don't want that or there's something about me that makes me undeserving of it or unfit for it. When really, some people just don't get lucky in that way. I'm a hospice nurse so I meet people all the time who have lived out their life stories and have never gotten married or had children, even if they desperately wanted that and are lovely, kind, intelligent people. People don't really like to think about that happening because it's just too sad. 

As someone who is 32 and single, I find this to be true as well. 

As soon as people find out I've never been married, they try to scan for "what's wrong" with me. And often they settle on "you must have never put yourself out there." If I explain that for the past eight years I've done three online dating services, gone to countless singles events, deep dove with my therapist, and read every relationship book out there, they most often get almost angry or upset. I was puzzled for a while as to why they reacted that way. But I now think it's because this challenges their belief of the world being just, or that hard work always pays off. I understand ; it's been hard for me to accept as well, tbh. 

I also think that some people just click with others really easily and are always in a relationship without even trying, and it's difficult for them to conceive of how it is for those of us who have been single for long stretches against our wishes. 

[scribble]

Whether Jana wants to get married or not, I think there may be something to the idea that she isn't ready to leave the younger kids who look up to her as a mother figure. I keep thinking back to Joy's tearful reaction to Jill's marriage -- and Joy was a bit older than the youngest Duggar girls. Seeing the reaction of Jordyn, Jenni and maybe even Johanna if Jana did the whole "leave and cleave" thing would be absolutely heart-breaking.

Really, I suspect Jana is happy where she is.... and frankly I hope she never gets married because if she does, she'll get a twitter account, tweet about the vile things she (and her family) believe, and destroy any hope that there is still a spark inside her.