Tori Bates - Part 4: Pretty Dresses Hiding Ugly Ideologies

[BeccaGrim]

Maybe some of her improvement had to do with the fact that Michael got married and left.  Her 'sister-mom' in charge (who once stayed up all night just to pack them) left.  She had no choice. The other girls weren't Michael. Kelly couldn't quite rely on them the same way.  

[Jana814]

4 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

Maybe some of her improvement had to do with the fact that Michael got married and left.  Her 'sister-mom' in charge (who once stayed up all night just to pack them) left.  She had no choice. The other girls weren't Michael. Kelly couldn't quite rely on them the same way.  

Exactly. Michael did a lot of work around the house and took care of the kids. 

[singsingsing]

Also, her youngest kids are well out of baby/toddler mode by now. That age is very mentally taxing on a parent, and she used to have multiple in that range at the same time, and had for years. Maybe she's actually been able to gather some of her scattered wits over the past few years as the babymaking train has come to a halt. Not that that excuses struggling to name your own children, but it's probably partly to blame.

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Also, her youngest kids are well out of baby/toddler mode by now. That age is very mentally taxing on a parent, and she used to have multiple in that range at the same time, and had for years. Maybe she's actually been able to gather some of her scattered wits over the past few years as the babymaking train has come to a halt. Not that that excuses struggling to name your own children, but it's probably partly to blame.

I guess the youngest ones are lucky in that way. They will actually remember spending time with their parents and their parents will actually get to know them better. The middles are screwed in my opinion (example the three middle boys that seem fairly ignored just like the 6 middle Duggar boys seemed fairly ignored).

[ophelia]

On 27.12.2017 at 2:19 AM, Jana814 said:

Exactly. Michael did a lot of work around the house and took care of the kids. 

I think Michael did pretty much ALL of the work around the house. Maybe except for schooling. 

19 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess the youngest ones are lucky in that way. They will actually remember spending time with their parents and their parents will actually get to know them better. 

And they'll probably don't remember to go to bed hungry, because they seem to be much more stable financially now than back in the days.

[BeccaGrim]

4 hours ago, ophelia said:

And they'll probably don't remember to go to bed hungry, because they seem to be much more stable financially now than back in the days.

I came to the Bates later.  Did they go to bed hungry? I always got the impression that with the Duggars they did without a lot but weren't starving. Were the Bates? 

[VineHeart137]

49 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

I came to the Bates later.  Did they go to bed hungry? I always got the impression that with the Duggars they did without a lot but weren't starving. Were the Bates? 

While I haven't followed the Bates closely enough to know whether they ever truly went to bed hungry, I do know that Jim Bob is the more savvy businessman. He seems to be much better at managing money and investments than Gil, who has a reputation as more of a grifter. At one point Gil was borrowing money from his son to pay bills and buy groceries. So I wouldn't be surprised if the Bateses did struggle with feeding everyone more than the Duggars did.

[formergothardite]

I'm not sure they ever went to bed hungry. Gil and Kelly are another couple(like Jill and David Rod.) who never had money to buy their children things but always had money to plan couples vacations. 

The oldest ones were parented more by Gil and Kelly, but also dealt with the brunt of poverty and child labor. The middle ones grew up with reality tv money and sibling parents who were a bit older, but they had to grow up with being exploited on television as the norm and watching their sibling parent grow up and leave. The youngest ones probably do get the most attention from Gil and Kelly, but again, they are growing up being exploited by their parents and Gil and Kelly still don't seem to be that involved. They seem to travel constantly. When the one kids caught the house of fire neither parent was there and then Gil didn't stay at home long with them. The mega-family life is good for no child. 

[JordynDarby5]

2 hours ago, formergothardite said:

When the one kids caught the house of fire neither parent was there and then Gil didn't stay at home long with them. The mega-family life is good for no child. 

This is what makes me doubt the younger kids get much attention from Gil and Kelly.  

[Jigsaw3]

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

I think Michael did pretty much ALL of the work around the house. Maybe except for schooling.

And cooking: Alyssa did all the cooking.

No wonder Alyssa married and fled to Florida as soon as she could.

[Feministe9000]

6 minutes ago, Jigsaw3 said:

And cooking: Alyssa did all the cooking.

No wonder Alyssa married and fled to Florida as soon as she could.

 

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

I think Michael did pretty much ALL of the work around the house. Maybe except for schooling. 

And they'll probably don't remember to go to bed hungry, because they seem to be much more stable financially now than back in the days.

Agreed with yall!!!

No wonder Michaela has possessiveness issues, seems so awkward and strange about affection, and everything else.
She has spent most of her life so far working HARD, raising kids, being the 2nd mom, etc. No doubt there was alot of emotional manipulation/Pearl- esque going on with the Bates kids in the early days.

and then Alyssa! Yeah I would have fled to FL as well. Sweet Christ!!!

[Jana814]

Does anyone know who was in charge of the kids when the fire happened. 

[Kangaroo]

Just to add, I remember seeing a scene on YouTube were Michael (sitting with Alyssa I think) mentions that they used to have cold showers so their younger siblings didn't have to. I'm not saying that means they were poor and starved, but I certainly think it's a sign that the older group of children had it a lot tougher than the middle and younger ones.

The older kids definitely remember and comprehend more what it was like to be very poor, and when TLC/Up came along I'm sure that was spun to them as god rewarding and blessing their good behaviour. 

[BeccaGrim]

1 hour ago, Jana814 said:

Does anyone know who was in charge of the kids when the fire happened. 

If I remember from the episode correctly, Lawson pretty much saved the day.  I think he was in charge. And I remember Tori being there.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

If I remember from the episode correctly, Lawson pretty much saved the day.  I think he was in charge. And I remember Tori being there.  

Gil also had to borrow money from teen Lawson at one point. I can't really blame Lawson for not getting married and popping out a million kids just yet. 

[VineHeart137]

19 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

If I remember from the episode correctly, Lawson pretty much saved the day.  I think he was in charge. And I remember Tori being there.  

Lawson did save the day, but I don't think he was supposed to be in charge. He had been out late performing the night before and was still sleeping when the fire started. More likely Tori and/or Carlin were supposed to be in charge. I thought it was odd that the little boys chose to wake Lawson up rather than getting someone else, unless everyone else was still sleeping as well? But when we saw everyone outside it didn't look like they were all in pajamas (from what I remember). The whole thing was odd.

And then Gil up and left his kids who had just been through a tramautic experience. I call BS on the whole "Alyssa needed to know she's important too" excuse. Alyssa is a grown woman, I think she would have understood not wanting to leave your kids alone after they very nearly burned the house down. My guess is Gil just didn't want to deal with his kids by himself.

[BeccaGrim]

I've always wondered if he was contractually obligated to be in Florida.  Like he had to be there so he went.  Or if there was just something off with the "timing" of the reality tv. Like it happened but they didn't show it in order so they faked and staged some things.

[VineHeart137]

3 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

I've always wondered if he was contractually obligated to be in Florida.  Like he had to be there so he went.  Or if there was just something off with the "timing" of the reality tv. Like it happened but they didn't show it in order so they faked and staged some things.

Good point. This would make a lot more sense than the "Alyssa needs to feel important" BS excuse.

[HereticHick]

18 hours ago, Jana814 said:

Does anyone know who was in charge of the kids when the fire happened. 

Jesus

[JermajestyDuggar]

According to Instagram, they are having a second reception in FL. 

[BeccaGrim]

18 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

According to Instagram, they are having a second reception in FL. 

Who's Instagram?  That's not surprising.  He comes from a very different background than she does.  I bet its much fancier. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

Who's Instagram?  That's not surprising.  He comes from a very different background than she does.  I bet its much fancier. 

Bobby's instagram story. It may be gone now. It did looksmaller and fancier. 

[Seculardaisy]

3 hours ago, BeccaGrim said:

Who's Instagram?  That's not surprising.  He comes from a very different background than she does.  I bet its much fancier. 

It’s very fancy, Bobby’s parents have a stunning home. The house reception is decorated more nicely than the reception area of there wedding was.

Spoiler

Spoiler

On 12/28/2017 at 5:08 PM, VineHeart137 said:

Lawson did save the day, but I don't think he was supposed to be in charge. He had been out late performing the night before and was still sleeping when the fire started. More likely Tori and/or Carlin were supposed to be in charge. I thought it was odd that the little boys chose to wake Lawson up rather than getting someone else, unless everyone else was still sleeping as well? But when we saw everyone outside it didn't look like they were all in pajamas (from what I remember). The whole thing was odd.

 

So I watched that episode recently, Lawson’s said he was sleeping because he had been at a wedding until 5 a.m. (are fundie weddings that big of rangers?) and that he had come home and taken a nap when he was woken up. I believe Trace was running around screaming that there was a fire. Lawson then evacuated the girls and shut the laundry room door after Trace found the missing brother.

[Mela99]

I wonder if she'll put the dress back on for part 2

[nokidsmom]

On 12/28/2017 at 1:56 PM, Jigsaw3 said:

And cooking: Alyssa did all the cooking.

No wonder Alyssa married and fled to Florida as soon as she could.

IIRC when Alyssa first got married, she was not doing so much cooking at home.   I bet she needed a serious break from it after being responsible for cooking for a large family and, I believe, from age 12. 

I still think that while she honestly loves John, she was thrilled to finally get out of there.