Lori Alexander 34: The Woo Is Strong with this One

[louisa05]

30 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I'm not sure what's happening casa Seahorse this year regarding decorating. I have never been a big fan of Christmas as it was the holiday my parents fought over the most. Especially once they were divorced and dividing the holiday up could be unpleasant when the Paternal Unit had another LadyFriend to impress.

 

Last year Mr Wrangler was taken to hospital on the 17th December and died just after midnight 1st January. So we are still not sure what we are planning to do for the holiday season yet.

 

I'm hoping for a low-key break and fortunately the children are old enough to not want a full-blown all-singing all-dancing Christmas Extravaganza.

My dad died in September of 2015. That first Christmas, we had it at my house and ate soup. My mom didn't even put her tree up. Last year, we were back at her house, but she still didn't want the tree up and we ate soup again. This year, she wanted a tree, but a smaller one, so we found her a new smaller artificial tree and put it up last week. And we've decided soup is our new Christmas tradition. Everyone brings a pot and we all have a bit of each one, then split up the leftovers. 

The year my dad died, we went to a grief seminar on handling the holidays sponsored by our hospice. They really emphasized that you should only do what you can handle the first year and not force yourself to do things the way you always have. They also suggested that new traditions are okay, whether they are traditions to remember the deceased, or just things you decide to do differently. Soup is our new tradition. 

[jerkit]

We plan to put the tree up this weekend. We got a dog in August who loves balls but is afraid of almost everything, so who knows how he’ll react.

[EowynW]

6 minutes ago, jerkit said:

We plan to put the tree up this weekend. We got a dog in August who loves balls but is afraid of almost everything, so who knows how he’ll react.

Treat it like its no big deal. They pick up on your nonchalance about it. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

20 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

My dad died in September of 2015. That first Christmas, we had it at my house and ate soup. My mom didn't even put her tree up. Last year, we were back at her house, but she still didn't want the tree up and we ate soup again. This year, she wanted a tree, but a smaller one, so we found her a new smaller artificial tree and put it up last week. And we've decided soup is our new Christmas tradition. Everyone brings a pot and we all have a bit of each one, then split up the leftovers. 

The year my dad died, we went to a grief seminar on handling the holidays sponsored by our hospice. They really emphasized that you should only do what you can handle the first year and not force yourself to do things the way you always have. They also suggested that new traditions are okay, whether they are traditions to remember the deceased, or just things you decide to do differently. Soup is our new tradition. 

Last year I bought beef for Christmas dinner since I didn't want the two girls (then 18 and 15 ) cooking a large turkey and sides while I was sitting in ICU.  They want me to cook beef again.

My SIL is trying to push me into celebrating with her family and friends to help distract her from what happened. I'd rather not do that this year. If I want to show how I feel I don't want to be the show pony nor do I want to be the stoic widow while she's the chest-beating, clothes-ripping hired mourner..

She likes to be the centre of attention.

[BlackSheep]

@Seahorse Wrangler, hugs to you. Christmas has so much attached pressure. We’re all pulled in so many directions. Whatever you and your family feel like doing or not doing, go with it. No one has the right to tell you how to celebrate - or how to grieve.

[jerkit]

21 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Treat it like its no big deal. They pick up on your nonchalance about it. 

You would think that but this dog is speeeeecial. He was rescued from an Amish puppy mill and so he was horribly abused. He has a lot of difficulty  following any cues like that.

poor little baby. He’s really cute though.

 

[usmcmom]

Lori's latest addition to her IG story is about the fires in California. She shows a bit of video of the smoke way off in the distance and ends with "I guess we'll be sleeping with our windows closed tonight."

Not a word of concern about those who are leaving their homes. No worries about families who may have already lost homes. No sympathy for those who have been injured or lost their lives in these fires. No offers of help of any kind. Not even a mention of prayer for those in danger. She's just concerned about how these fires are going to impact her sleep. 

God help us all if the fires get close enough to Lori's house that she might have to leave. Whatever will she do?!? 

[Pammy]

5 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Lori's latest addition to her IG story is about the fires in California...

God help us all if the fires get close enough to Lori's house that she might have to leave. Whatever will she do?!? 

We know exactly what she'll do. She'll grab her makeup bag and wait for anyone manly enough to rush in and rescue her from her self-imposed helpless uselessness.

[louisa05]

34 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

Last year I bought beef for Christmas dinner since I didn't want the two girls (then 18 and 15 ) cooking a large turkey and sides while I was sitting in ICU.  They want me to cook beef again.

My SIL is trying to push me into celebrating with her family and friends to help distract her from what happened. I'd rather not do that this year. If I want to show how I feel I don't want to be the show pony nor do I want to be the stoic widow while she's the chest-beating, clothes-ripping hired mourner..

She likes to be the centre of attention.

I have a sis-IL like that. She has no connection to my father (husband's sister). She distinguished herself in several ways when my dad died, though. A sampling: 

--Dad died on a Friday morning. She called husband on Saturday morning and among other offensive responses, told him that it was too bad he died on a Friday and "ruined your whole weekend". Husband: "because spending a weekend with my father-in-law dying in a hospice center would have been so much fun". 

--Insisted on talking to me in that same phone call and told me that when everything was done, I should come to the yoga class she teaches as it would "release the grief toxins" and then I would "so be over it all". 

--Refused to close her business the day of the funeral and tried to make her mom work  there and miss it. My FiL put his foot down on that one because MiL wanted to be there for us. Mind you, she had previously closed the business for the funeral of a person who once exterminated it, for the funeral of the father of a childhood friend of my husband whom he is pretty sure she never met, and for the funeral of a random teenager who sometimes bought coffee there. (The last was a suicide that kind of rocked the community, so she had to be in the middle of that). 

--Four days after the funeral, she sent me a random humor card in the mail with a note that she thought it was time for me to "have a laugh". This was apparently in lieu of a proper sympathy card. 

And, finally, in October, she informed my husband that she was so glad my dad died in September because that meant I would be "past it" by Thanksgiving and Christmas and "not bringing everyone down". 

 

[desertvixen]

@Seahorse Wrangler, I hope you manage to have a good Christmas season, no matter what that looks like. 

@louisa05, that's horrible.

I'm waiting to see if we will be able to decorate (i.e. how did my stuff survive the move?) in the New House!

[Seahorse Wrangler]

41 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I have a sis-IL like that. She has no connection to my father (husband's sister). She distinguished herself in several ways when my dad died, though. A sampling: 

--Dad died on a Friday morning. She called husband on Saturday morning and among other offensive responses, told him that it was too bad he died on a Friday and "ruined your whole weekend". Husband: "because spending a weekend with my father-in-law dying in a hospice center would have been so much fun". 

--Insisted on talking to me in that same phone call and told me that when everything was done, I should come to the yoga class she teaches as it would "release the grief toxins" and then I would "so be over it all". 

--Refused to close her business the day of the funeral and tried to make her mom work  there and miss it. My FiL put his foot down on that one because MiL wanted to be there for us. Mind you, she had previously closed the business for the funeral of a person who once exterminated it, for the funeral of the father of a childhood friend of my husband whom he is pretty sure she never met, and for the funeral of a random teenager who sometimes bought coffee there. (The last was a suicide that kind of rocked the community, so she had to be in the middle of that). 

--Four days after the funeral, she sent me a random humor card in the mail with a note that she thought it was time for me to "have a laugh". This was apparently in lieu of a proper sympathy card. 

And, finally, in October, she informed my husband that she was so glad my dad died in September because that meant I would be "past it" by Thanksgiving and Christmas and "not bringing everyone down". 

 

That's bad..The worst thing she did was berate some-one who had a family member in the next room who had just been admitted from a serious car-crash. They were making too much noise by being admitted. At 3 pm, during the day.

[Coconut Flan]

Carry on here: