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Coconut Flan

Seewalds 28: Marketing Kids as Deflection

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Knight of Ni

@Flossie I think so. Every moment you spend with your children is making a memory. I didn’t get to spend as much time as would have liked with my daughter for the first 18 months of her life because of my work schedule. I worked at a company who staffed a skeleton crew and worked many hours of overtime every week. I wish I could have spent more time with my family then. They grow up too fast. Treasure the moments.

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singsingsing

I'm so tired of this meme that there's something wrong with them for spending a lot of time with their family. Most of the good memories I have involve being around my family as a kid, with nothing special going on. 

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Rebelwife
3 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I'm so tired of this meme that there's something wrong with them for spending a lot of time with their family. Most of the good memories I have involve being around my family as a kid, with nothing special going on. 

I have to second this.  We probably saw my maternal grandparents at least once a week when I was small, usually just hanging out at their house or maybe going down to the ocean to play since they lived a couple blocks away from it.  Nothing special, but I'm sure it was WAY more often than most of my peers saw their grandparents.  They are some of my most treasured memories.  (And I was raised a public-school attending, Catholic kid of two working parents.)

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SassyPants

We went to my grandparents house for dinner when my dad worked (fireman, so a couple of nights a week), and for breakfast on most Sundays, as well as dinner. My mom never, not once, cooked dinner for us. My mom was reallllllllllllly into her parents. Well at least until she had to care for her elderly father when her mom died suddenly. 

Sometimes it's because people can not mobilize to do it all. My mom was one of those people.

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NakedKnees

I have to admit that I do get a bit confused by FJ's general reaction to the second-gen Duggars spending time around the compound. On one hand, general opinion seems to be that sticking around NW Arkansas is evidence of enmeshment or control on JB's part (as evidenced by celebration of Jinger's trepidatious step out of there, and Josh's and Jill's less-than-triumphant returns). On the other hand, we don't react well to snarking on them spending time with family at the compound, because frequent time spent with family is often great. It can be a tricky line to walk around here.

I also have some personal resentment surrounding this subject in US culture. I lived at home with my parents until I was 22 and got some flack and judgement for not moving out at 18, as if it reflected my work ethic. Then, I chose to move out and to another country. While this was a personal choice and my family and I have our ways of handling it, people judge that like crazy too.

It sometimes feels like the only okay way to be around family in US culture is: moving out at 18-19, but settling within a comfortable drive of your parents' home. Obviously, that's an oversimplification and there are a billion ways to go about it in reality, but it's just something that I sometimes think is perceived a bit narrowly. 

Regarding the second gen Duggars: whatever floats their boats. I hope they're satisfied with whatever indepedence they do or don't have, and that any apparent "dependence" isn't coming from a shitty, dark, place. 

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Rebelwife
3 minutes ago, NakedKnees said:

I have to admit that I do get a bit confused by FJ's general reaction to the second-gen Duggars spending time around the compound. On one hand, general opinion seems to be that sticking around NW Arkansas is evidence of enmeshment or control on JB's part (as evidenced by celebration of Jinger's trepidatious step out of there, and Josh's and Jill's less-than-triumphant returns). On the other hand, we don't react well to snarking on them spending time with family at the compound, because frequent time spent with family is often great. It can be a tricky line to walk around here.

I also have some personal resentment surrounding this subject in US culture. I lived at home with my parents until I was 22 and got some flack and judgement for not moving out at 18, as if it reflected my work ethic. Then, I chose to move out and to another country. While this was a personal choice and my family and I have our ways of handling it, people judge that like crazy too.

It sometimes feels like the only okay way to be around family in US culture is: moving out at 18-19, but settling within a comfortable drive of your parents' home. Obviously, that's an oversimplification and there are a billion ways to go about it in reality, but it's just something that I sometimes think is perceived a bit narrowly. 

Regarding the second gen Duggars: whatever floats their boats. I hope they're satisfied with whatever indepedence they do or don't have, and that any apparent "dependence" isn't coming from a shitty, dark, place. 

No, I see what you mean I think.  I think there's a totally unhealthy way to be enmeshed with your family of origin (and I don't think my mom was at all, her parents just helped out a lot and we lived in the same town).  I was just objecting to the idea that you couldn't be building memories if you were just visiting with family and not doing something new and different.

Most of the 2nd generation kids we discuss here don't show any real practical independence, and certainly no independence of thought from their parents.  

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NakedKnees
2 minutes ago, Rebelwife said:

No, I see what you mean I think.  I think there's a totally unhealthy way to be enmeshed with your family of origin (and I don't think my mom was at all, her parents just helped out a lot and we lived in the same town).  I was just objecting to the idea that you couldn't be building memories if you were just visiting with family and not doing something new and different.

Most of the 2nd generation kids we discuss here don't show any real practical independence, and certainly no independence of thought from their parents.  

I agree with you completely! And I just want to reiterate that at the end of the day, there's no one right way to spend time with family. Everyone's personalities, circumstances, and experiences are different :) 

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SamiKatz

My step father died very suddenly of a heart attack, and I can guarantee you that everyone in my family really treasured and appreciated the time we spent with him and all together, doing nothing.  They are precious memories to all of us.

 

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Carm_88

I grew up so close to my Dad's family that my cousins were practically siblings. We spent so much time with our grandparents at their house and it was something that did not change until they day that they both died. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a support system like that. My parents knew that they could leave us with our grandparents and come back to us not wanting to leave Nanny and Poppy. 

Do the Duggars have unhealthy beliefs? Yes. Are they enmeshed? Likely. Does that mean that spending time with their families are wrong? No. 

Also, the Seewalds aren't there everyday, Jessa and Ben's house is quite small so it's likely more comfortable at the TTH

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MoonFace
2 hours ago, llg1234 said:

Looks like the Seewalds came to visit this weekend

 

Check out the second picture in!!!  It looks like JB is front hugging Josie!!!!   

By the way, when does he stop front hugging his kids?   Is there a cut off point? 

 

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SapphireSlytherin

I'm one who thinks the J'Adults spending every day* at their parents' house is a bit over the top. When I moved out/married, I saw my parents maybe every two weeks for the first three months of marriage - and I lived about 30 miles from them; and then every two or three months when I moved 500 miles away. Then I moved to Europe and saw them twice in two years.

After that, I moved back to their town and lived six BLOCKS away, yet I still only saw them every week or so - even with a small child and while I was working full-time.

 

*or so it seems from what we're allowed to see via social media

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Rachel333

But just because some people do or don't see their parents much after they move out does that mean that everyone else should do things the same way?

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VineHeart137
3 hours ago, Flossie said:

Is it really making memories when you're just hanging out at your parents house and you do that several times a week, and there's nothing really unusual going on?

Other people have said what I wanted to say, but I also wanted to point out that that post and caption was made by seewaldfamily which is run by Ben's parents, not Ben and Jessa. So yeah, I'm sure any time they get to spend with their grandkids is "making memories".

Edited by VineHeart137
Got the IG name wrong

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VineHeart137
17 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I'm one who thinks the J'Adults spending every day* at their parents' house is a bit over the top.

*or so it seems from what we're allowed to see via social media

I personally have never seen any evidence that Jessa or any of the other Duggar marrieds spend "every day" at the compound. The vast majority of Jessa's photos on IG appear to have been taken at her own house or in public. The last time she posted photos from the TTH was back in September. (I think- someone let me know if I missed something!)

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Carm_88
41 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

But just because some people do or don't see their parents much after they move out does that mean that everyone else should do things the same way?

No, family dynamics are different for everyone. What works for one person will not necessarily work for the other. The way I grew up is not for everyone but it was perfect for me! :) To each their own of course! 

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singsingsing
59 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

I personally have never seen any evidence that Jessa or any of the other Duggar marrieds spend "every day" at the compound. The vast majority of Jessa's photos on IG appear to have been taken at her own house or in public. The last time she posted photos from the TTH was back in September. (I think- someone let me know if I missed something!)

Thank you! I don't know where this is coming from. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone when this comes up again and again. All it takes is a quick look at her Instagram to confirm that the vast majority of the photos she takes are at her own house. 

Even if she were at the TTH every week, who cares? I remember someone saying, 'Well she has her own kids and her own house to take care of, she should be at home.' Uhhh... WHAT? What kind of logic is that? Even if she were at the TTH every damn day, she'd still probably be spending less time there than she would at work if she had a full time job.

I was at my grandparents' house almost every day when I was a kid (and I'm still there at least a couple times a week as an adult). My dad was at his grandparents' every day when he was a kid. My maternal grandma was at her grandmother's constantly as well. In some families this is 100% normal, and unless there are some screwed up codependent dynamics going on, if everyone's happy with it, it's a great, healthy thing! The Duggars definitely have some screwed up dynamics, but Jessa hanging out at the TTH on a regular basis isn't evidence of that. This is by far one of the weirdest and most difficult to comprehend criticisms I see come up here.

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divadivine
11 hours ago, Flossie said:

Is there a drawer on the bottom of the stove that holds a broiler pan?  The owners manual might be there.  I also knew a woman who was shocked to find the owners manual hidden in a metal pocket installed on the upper back of her washer.  After using trial and error to learn how to use the extra settings, when they removed it to make room for a new washer they found the manual in a dust covered plastic wrapper out of sight, but within reach the entire time they owned the washer.  It's the sort of thing the salesperson or the delivery person might not know to tell you about.

I checked the warming drawer, no manual. The stove is in between the cabinets so tightly, I couldn’t get it out without help. They are notorious for taking the manuals. They took the one for the dishwasher, too. However they always leave some mess for me to clean up. This time it was saw dust. They must have needed to cut something down on the cabinets to get the stove in... assholes. 

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Seculardaisy

I was browsing Instagram today and ended up on Ben’s sister jessica’s Instagram. She has a photo of herself with a boyfriend and she is wearing a tube top style short dress. She also has *gasp* Nike cleavage showing dresses. I just thought that was interesting, given Ben’s family seems so conservative and similar to the Duggars. 

And it doesn’t appear that either Ben or Jessa follow her on Instagram which I found amusing.

6FB37606-80C1-4179-8C2E-FF01A08294B8.jpeg

Edited by Seculardaisy

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JillyO

Yup. Jessica wears sexy clothes and has a boyfriend. She also has a job and has moved out on her own (a few hours away from her family, it seems). Too bad she holds the same hateful, toxic beliefs as the rest of her family and in-laws, and she's one of the more outspoken ones too. Lipstick on a pig.

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Carm_88

I think this says everything that we need to know about Jessica Seewald. 

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HereticHick

In the picture of Spurge playing on the floor of the TTH, who is the blonde in the Razorback shirt sitting on the bar stool in the background?

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JillyO
1 minute ago, HereticHick said:

In the picture of Spurge playing on the floor of the TTH, who is the blonde in the Razorback shirt sitting on the bar stool in the background?

Could be Kendra's mom. Maybe?

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brusselsgriffon

Weird that they don't follow Jessica, seeing as she loves Jesus, being a republican and spewing hate online :dontgetit: must be the immodesty and the boyfriend?

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Carm_88
5 minutes ago, brusselsgriffon said:

Weird that they don't follow Jessica, seeing as she loves Jesus, being a republican and spewing hate online :dontgetit: must be the immodesty and the boyfriend?

Perhaps it dates back to Jessica announcing that Spurgeon was a boy before Jessa or Ben had the chance to.

ETA: I would have had a fit too. It wasn't her news to spread!  

Edited by Carm_88
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