Maxwell 15: Simplifying Thanksgiving into Less than Regular Dinner

[SPHASH]

I hope Molly didn't marry some John Shrader type.

[anjulibai]

3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I was reading through Chelsy's blog and came across this "adventure" where she and her cousin were locked out of their truck. They had to call for help and she had this to say about the young man who helped them: 

Maybe when she's married, she and her new sisters-in-law can go sit at airports, coffee shops, fabric stores...and make fun of the attire of other patrons. 

In the fundie mind, the only successful people out there are the ones that look like themselves. A job like a locksmith is definitely the sort a fundie could and would do, but fundies always have to be dressed just so to show their special godliness. People that don't dress like that can't possibly be successful.

Remember, this is a culture that thinks that a young man can get any job just by being presentable and showing his Christian bonafides. It's no wonder they are amazed that anyone not dressed and coifed like themselves is capable of being good at their job. 

[NotALoserLikeYou]

My 12 yo is reading The Clan of the Cave Bear.... can you even imagine how the Maxwells would react reading that book?! Evolution, rape, hallucinogenics lol 

[MamaJunebug]

4 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I was reading through Chelsy's blog and came across this "adventure" where she and her cousin were locked out of their truck. They had to call for help and she had this to say about the young man who helped them: 

Maybe when she's married, she and her new sisters-in-law can go sit at airports, coffee shops, fabric stores...and make fun of the attire of other patrons. 

Oh, really? Well, Chesty—er, Chelsy—you’ve just blown any regard I had  for you.  Hope John influences you more than the other way around, you smug, snobby so&so. Eat bean burritos & croak. 

[Naga Viper]

1 hour ago, SPHASH said:

I hope Molly didn't marry some John Shrader type.

That crossed my mind too. Then I started wondering what Poisonwood Bible would be like as written by Sarah. Let's see: Mollie's husband successfully converts legions of grateful Congolese to The Right Kind of Christianity. Her kids, amazing conversationalists all, break the household parrot of its habit of reciting the naughty words it was taught by Catholics. Her youngest survives a snakebite through the power of prayer. Her oldest grows up to marry a diamond smuggler, who mends his ways after being baptized and uses his profits to build the entire family an enclosed compound. And in the end everybody comes back alive and well to Kansas, where Mollie reflects on what a wonderful adventure it was and how they left Africa a better place because White Jesus.

And something about exploding bratwursts.

[FloraDoraDolly]

3 hours ago, socalrules said:

So with the books selling for $5.95, how much profit could Sarah actually be making when costs are taken into account? How many books does she actually sell? Will she even sell the 200 autographed copies? I can’t imagine fundy families will buy more than one copy each. The kids just have to take turns reading it.

The sample was painful. I feel bad because Sarah likely put a lot of work into it and has no idea it appears to be a first draft. I feel like Sarah should read an old Babysitter Club book because that’s the type of writing I think she is going for even though she has likely never heard of the series. I say this as a fan as a kid. 

 I think Molly had to be off in Africa because Sarah has no frame of reference for how an adult Moody/Maxwell Woman not named Terri is supposed to live her life. 

 

 

 

The money Sarah earns per book depends on the printing costs. I didn't check the page number count, but I assume it's low since it's a children's (uh, I mean young adult) book. If she were publishing through Amazon Create Space or a similar indie publisher, she wouldn't be making much at that price because the publisher would get their share. However, if she were publishing an ebook through Amazon Kindle, she'd earn 70% of the $5.95 list price. Other ebook publishers such as Draft2Digital and Smashwords are about the same. International sales are trickier to figure out because of the conversion between U.S. and foreign currency.

[lilith]

3 hours ago, SPHASH said:

I hope Molly didn't marry some John Shrader type.

If she did they’d still be living in a pop up camper in America, touring churches to raise support.

[lilith]

1 hour ago, Naga Viper said:

That crossed my mind too. Then I started wondering what Poisonwood Bible would be like as written by Sarah. Let's see: Mollie's husband successfully converts legions of grateful Congolese to The Right Kind of Christianity. Her kids, amazing conversationalists all, break the household parrot of its habit of reciting the naughty words it was taught by Catholics. Her youngest survives a snakebite through the power of prayer. Her oldest grows up to marry a diamond smuggler, who mends his ways after being baptized and uses his profits to build the entire family an enclosed compound. And in the end everybody comes back alive and well to Kansas, where Mollie reflects on what a wonderful adventure it was and how they left Africa a better place because White Jesus.

And something about exploding bratwursts.

That’s far too exciting for a Moody book, even the young adult editions.

Molly will marry her godly preacher after a no touch engagement. Mr Moody will allow the marriage because Missionary Boy has been saving from all his teenage small businesses (explained in excruciating detail) and purchased the house next door to his parents for them to return to after converting Africa. There will be a dramatic beverage mixup at the reception, but the crisis will pass and all will be well.

Molly and Missionary Boy will set up house in a hut in Africa (cause Africa is one homogenous country where everyone lives in huts). Molly will be shocked by the contrasting patterns on the local woman’s dresses and convert them to modest floor length denim skirts and t-shirts. They will convert many heathens because they are such great conversationalists, due to their godly isolationist homeschool educations. 

Molly will conceive her first blessing and Maddie and Mama Moody will fly over to help. They will make Molly the mayo laden salad she has been craving, using an obscure pizza cutter technique. This will excite the local women, who have been cutting salad vegetables with ungodly knives and have never even dusted their ceiling fans, raising the chance to tell them about Jesus and how they are the wrong type of Christians, living an ungodly unscheduled life. The salad recipe will be shared, but the mystic pizza cutter technique will not be - there will be a footnote that it will be shared in a future book.

Maddie will convert many local heathens through the power of balloon animals and face paint (Sarah will feel very clever for creating a composite character who has BOTH skills). Many tracts will be handed out and Missionary Man will baptise many converts. 

There will be a crisis when the latest set of tracts are held up by the African postal service, but one of their recent converts will be a postman who finds the parcel just in time and saves the day. Many souls will be saved.

Molly will retire for a nap and emerge with her baby - a boy named Maxwell (it’s a family name). Molly and Missionary boy will decide that Africa has been converted and that god is calling them home to live in Missionary  Boys debt free home and start a nursing home ministry.

[Naga Viper]

Yeah, that's more accurate—I'm admittedly kind of hazy on the details of Sarah's first book at this point (the only one I've subjected myself to), plus Poisonmoodys just makes for an uneasy blend of dramatic historical fiction and impossibly dull children's fare. I have a nagging suspicion Sarah attempting sociopolitical commentary based on decades-old world events would not go spectacularly...

Now you just need to work in how the pet-sitting thing would work in the wilds of heathen Africa.

[nastyhobbitses]

11 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I was reading through Chelsy's blog and came across this "adventure" where she and her cousin were locked out of their truck. They had to call for help and she had this to say about the young man who helped them: 

Maybe when she's married, she and her new sisters-in-law can go sit at airports, coffee shops, fabric stores...and make fun of the attire of other patrons. 

Ugh, what an asshole she is.

Look, lady, how someone dresses doesn't make them any less good at their job. I know that you do farm work and renovate houses in a skirt and perfectly coiffed hair, but most people with manual labor jobs dress for comfort. They're there to do their job, not pose for Instagram photos of themselves doing their job.

Also, I work in a job where I do have to dress up in at least business casual every day (so I'm usually wearing a pencil skirt, a sheath dress, or a pantsuit four days a week, and then nice jeans and a sweater on Fridays), and I understand that clients wouldn't feel very confident in the firm's or my abilities if I showed up dressed how I dress on weekends, but nastyhobbitses in yoga pants and a flannel shirt is just as good at what she does as nastyhobbitses in a sheath dress and stilettos.

[lilith]

22 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Ugh, what an asshole she is.

Look, lady, how someone dresses doesn't make them any less good at their job. I know that you do farm work and renovate houses in a skirt and perfectly coiffed hair, but most people with manual labor jobs dress for comfort. They're there to do their job, not pose for Instagram photos of themselves doing their job.

Also, I work in a job where I do have to dress up in at least business casual every day (so I'm usually wearing a pencil skirt, a sheath dress, or a pantsuit four days a week, and then nice jeans and a sweater on Fridays), and I understand that clients wouldn't feel very confident in the firm's or my abilities if I showed up dressed how I dress on weekends, but nastyhobbitses in yoga pants and a flannel shirt is just as good at what she does as nastyhobbitses in a sheath dress and stilettos.

The only godly attire for manual labor is farm overalls, laundered by ones sister while she memorises bible verses. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I grew up around many farm families and I never once heard any of them commenting about someone looking like a bum or should be better dressed. When you do farm work, you don't dress up daily. So they never expected everyone else to be all fancy. It's so obvious to me that Chelsy's way of thinking is fundie influenced and not farm influenced. That's not the "farm culture" I know. 

I mean Chelsy's going barefoot in her winter wedding ceremony! She has no room to talk. 

[PsyD2013]

The readability level of Mary's new book is a 4.1 grade level.  My 13 year old is currently reading The Foreigner for fun and A Tale of Two Cities in his literature class.  In 4th grade he read The Giver as part of an assignment in literature class.

[uber frau]

Heck, even the Roald Dahl books my preschooler is currently obsessed with deal with more challenging issues than this book.

 

 

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I grew up around many farm families and I never once heard any of them commenting about someone looking like a bum or should be better dressed. When you do farm work, you don't dress up daily. So they never expected everyone else to be all fancy. It's so obvious to me that Chelsy's way of thinking is fundie influenced and not farm influenced. That's not the "farm culture" I know. 

This is absolutely the truth. I grew up on a dairy farm, and we also grew and baled hay, and had a large garden for ourselves. I'm sure anyone showing up when we were working would think we were a bunch of bums, because you wear old stained (even torn) clothes and rubber boots - and not the cute rain boots either. Cow poop splatters. Hay is DUSTY. The dirt here is red clay, which turns to a fine dust when dry (that sticks to sweat and turns back into mud) and stains socks. We were absolutely FILTHY a lot of the time. Our laundry room attached to the garage, and there were times we just undressed out there in order to not get the house too dirty. I know at least once my youngest sister got hosed off before being allowed into the house. When my second grade class came to see how the farm worked, we stood outside the milking parlor and looked in the open windows. Except for the teacher, who regretted that pretty quickly. Cows have amazing timing. Splat!

[Captain Obvious]

22 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I got excited to see a cat on the cover but there's no mention of a cat. A book about a cat is much more interesting to me than a book about the moodys. 

I hope the cat is Mr Gibson and the miracle is a particularly nasty hairball.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I remember reading a story from an ex ATI member sitting in their car in a grocery store parking lot. Their parents had them talk about people walking into the store and their assumptions based on what they were wearing and how they carried themselves. It was so fucked up. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Wow,  I've had yet another family emergency and I'm far behind again in Maxwell-land! Here's my Maxwell comments:

1.  Mary, sweetheart, the world has been painting kids faces since the late 80s or so. We know how to do it.

2.  Sarah, I'd love to send you to Community College so you could take even an "enrichment" [non-credit] course in creative writing. I understand dreaming of being a writer. That said I cannot imagine how dull and awful your new Christmas book must be. I've read a Moody book and that's 27 minutes of horror I'll never get back. (I got it when it was free so at least no money was lost).  And, did the cat sign off on being a cover model???  [And please quit writing such crappy captions as "Paper Abounds...."] Get a vocabulary word-of-the day app or e-mail. It's not Bible time, but still loads of fun.

3. Yes to the Mom with the 12 year old reading Clan of the Cave Bear! I read GWTW and Winds of War at that age. My brother read the Godfather. Imagine!

16 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I remember reading a story from an ex ATI member sitting in their car in a grocery store parking lot. Their parents had them talk about people walking into the store and their assumptions based on what they were wearing and how they carried themselves. It was so fucked up. 

I did this in corporate diversity training in the 90's. I said the A-A guy in gold chains and backwards cap was a surgeon spending his day off on his sailboat. They thought I was nuts. I explained Peace Corps training to them.....

[theologygeek]

A photographer in the family, a white lab that is actually yellow, and she gets the book's cover picture off shutterstock.  https://www.shutterstock.com/g/tache?searchterm=adorable 

[Tatar-tot]

12 minutes ago, theologygeek said:

A photographer in the family, a white lab that is actually yellow, and she gets the book's cover picture off shutterstock.  https://www.shutterstock.com/g/tache?searchterm=adorable 

Unbelievable...

[usedbicycle]

There's a 5-year gap between Mitch and Maddie, then a 4-year gap before the twins. 

That's not a realistic Quiverfull family. Most religious families I know with 6-7 kids used NFP. 

[catlady]

2 hours ago, theologygeek said:

A photographer in the family, a white lab that is actually yellow, and she gets the book's cover picture off shutterstock.  https://www.shutterstock.com/g/tache?searchterm=adorable 

i followed the link and saw Sarah's cover-cat, and now all my FJ ads are for Shutterstock!    i'm kind of relieved; i was getting tired of Romwe.....

[meee]

2 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

There's a 5-year gap between Mitch and Maddie, then a 4-year gap before the twins. 

That's not a realistic Quiverfull family. Most religious families I know with 6-7 kids used NFP. 

I think I remember, from the free book, the mom having unexplained secondary infertility and the kids praying for another baby before the twins were born.

[FloraDoraDolly]

4 hours ago, theologygeek said:

A photographer in the family, a white lab that is actually yellow, and she gets the book's cover picture off shutterstock.  https://www.shutterstock.com/g/tache?searchterm=adorable 

I saw the cover photo for "Homeschooling With A Meek and Quiet Spirit" (the picture of the three small children walking down the path) used elsewhere, so that must have been a stock photo as well. That came as a surprise; I had always assumed the three kids in the picture were Anna, Jesse, and Mary.

[Hane]

1 hour ago, meee said:

I think I remember, from the free book, the mom having unexplained secondary infertility and the kids praying for another baby before the twins were born.

Yep. Maybe I’m odd, but I’ve always thought there’s something “off” about parents’ involving their children so deeply in their reproductive practices. “Praying Mommy gets pregnant” is a hell of a burden to lay on a child. So is chapter and verse about Daddy’s vasectomy and its reversal.