Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[DancingPhalanges]

Ok folks

The big question? Is man food skinless wieners? I ask you fellow sis' ARE YOUR WIENER'S skinless and full of gravy? 

And seriously, isn't Shady Acres a retirement home somewhere?

Sis Dancing

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

32 minutes ago, DancingPhalanges said:

And seriously, isn't Shady Acres a retirement home somewhere?

Hey sis, I dunno if its a reel one, but thats where my hubby and his sister and brother always say their gonna send his mom.  (She thinks it's funny. They've been making that joke since they were in high school.  )

Sis WWJCD 

[General Jinjur]

Skinless weens are probably woman food eating, because they're so tender (like us wimmin folk what with our delicate sensibilities).

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks, how are they able to afford this very nice room of which he speaks?

Are they all staying in one room? Five people in one h/motel room is...frowned upon (worked in hospitality for 13 years).

Dosh sponsored? So many questions.

Also, Bro Gary, you have gotten boring. I need a rant with some hilariously terrible grammar and spelling to get me through. Even a preaching video with KFC buckets would suffice, or a FB Live full of unintelligible nonsense interspersed with Weenese Tourette's would soothe my soul.

Spoiler

 

Also just had v terrible thought: what if Bro and Sis Hawkins decide to embark upon a session of Sweet Fellowship? Would they do that with the children right there? Surely not. Please tell me I am being gross and ridiculous. Maybe even tell me the Hawkinses have never consummated their blessed union. 

[MarblesMom]

Hey Folks.

And ME.  And ME. 

Grammar Police patrolling.  Rollin' on up and issuing a CIIIIIItation.

HAY umen.   Good ticket writing, right there.  HAY umen.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

6 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

Ok Folks, how are they able to afford this very nice room of which he speaks?

I wonder if it's a "very nice room" that a church is letting them use? I went on a trip with my church youth group in high school and we mainly stayed in churches for free. In one little rural church, we slept on the wooden floor of the sanctuary. Other churches we stayed in were big and let us use a room or two in their education or fellowship wing. If we were really lucky, the room might have a couch or two that we could take turns sleeping on. That one would be "a very nice room". Either way, I hope the kids get their own room! 

[Texas Heifer]

6 hours ago, MarblesMom said:

Hey Folks.

And ME.  And ME. 

Grammar Police patrolling.  Rollin' on up and issuing a CIIIIIItation.

HAY umen.   Good ticket writing, right there.  HAY umen.

OMG YES. SOMETIMES IT IS "AND ME." 

THANK YOU! I feel weak. Someone finally said it!

 

[smittykins]

He is good to my Family. 

He is good to ME.

He is good to my Family and me.

Take note, Bro Gary!

[Carol]

He is good to I

They is good to someone

Don't be correcting' me

I is not the dum one.

You is!

 

Bro Gary

[Georgiana]

Ok folks, 

Bro Gary is taking his LORD in for service. When was the last time you serviced Rufus? Please remember to service our deer lord yearly or every 2,000 grifts. Whichever comes first. 

Proper LORD maintenance is the WILL of the polar octopus. 

 

[smittykins]

In order to service the LORD, do you have to take Him to an authorized dealer so you don't void the warranty?

[Closed Womb]

On 1/21/2018 at 2:01 AM, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I wonder if it's a "very nice room" that a church is letting them use? I went on a trip with my church youth group in high school and we mainly stayed in churches for free. In one little rural church, we slept on the wooden floor of the sanctuary. Other churches we stayed in were big and let us use a room or two in their education or fellowship wing. If we were really lucky, the room might have a couch or two that we could take turns sleeping on. That one would be "a very nice room". Either way, I hope the kids get their own room! 

A church I attended had an on-site apartment for visiting pastors/evangelists.  It was bigger than your average extended stay hotel room, with a separate bedroom, a decent sized living/dining/kitchen area and fairly nice (especially the "free" part.)  I'm guessing that's what he's staying in.  

The same church had an unused school in the back and they would sometimes let GHaw types (down on their luck shysters preachers) stay in the school rooms with access to the old industrial kitchen, toilets, and showers in the old locker rooms.  As much as I gave the folks that would stay there side eye, I had to feel bad for an abandoned school being a luxury over their normal lives.  

[Flossie]

"Another great day to service the LORD?"

I'm not gonna touch that.

[FundieFarmer]

I wouldn’t worry too much about how he’s affording the nice room. It’s probably the same quality as the NICE Olive Garden.

Hopefully he’s not servicing the Lord in the nice room.

Ps I love Olive Garden plz don’t hate me k thanks

[Georgiana]

3 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Ps I love Olive Garden plz don’t hate me k thanks

Even the smelly and unlovely Olive Gardens?

[FeministShrew]

@FundieFarmerand the sluttish Olive Gardens?

[Georgiana]

27 minutes ago, FeministShrew said:

@FundieFarmerand the sluttish Olive Gardens?

Those dang sluttish Olive Gardens....showing the WHOLE WORLD their breadsticks!!! Don't they know that they are tempting their brothers and sisters to fall off the path?  HOW am I expected to keep to keto when their AMPLE portions of soft and tender pasta are just FALLING OUT of the bowl?!?  Am I expected to have SELF CONTROL and just eat salad when there are PASTA AND BREADSTICKS waved in front of my face?  HOW CAN I?  That's like waving a steak in front of a dog: you can't get mad if the dog grabs it*!  And humans are essentially dogs, so how can they be expected to exert any sort of control over their own behavior?!?

(No joke though, I found a low carb version of their zuppa toscana and is one of my FAVORITE meals)

*This is one of my favorite fundie analogies because I ABSOLUTELY expect my dog to 'leave it' unless she is offered it.  And she is HARDLY well trained, but that's very basic good dog behavior.    

[Texas Heifer]

On 1/22/2018 at 2:22 PM, Flossie said:

"Another great day to service the LORD?"

I'm not gonna touch that.

 

3 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

I wouldn’t worry too much about how he’s affording the nice room. It’s probably the same quality as the NICE Olive Garden.

Hopefully he’s not servicing the Lord in the nice room.

Ps I love Olive Garden plz don’t hate me k thanks

I am SO GLAD I am not the only gutter brain around here.

[Coy Koi]

Okay, I'm absolutely dying about you guys talking about the mighty Polar Octopus. I so want to tell my precious baby but it would be so hard to explain.

[DancingPhalanges]

49 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Okay, I'm absolutely dying about you guys talking about the mighty Polar Octopus. I so want to tell my precious baby but it would be so hard to explain.

My teen would tell us to get a life. He doesn't appreciate my sense of humor.  

[keepercjr]

Did Bro Gary just stop the post mid thought?  

[FundieFarmer]

Even the smelly and unlovely Olive Gardens?

I have room in my heart for ALL of the Olive Gardens, because I love as the Polar Octopus loves me.

[DancingPhalanges]

I love this thread. I'm all for soft bread throwing itself shamelessly at me. Looking all delicious, gleaming in a coat of butter. Give me the sluttish Olive Garden please!

Rufus and Polar Octopus I beseech you to bring me slutty bread!!!!!

Sis. Dancing-needs bread

[mango_fandango]

“Here’s what we need to do - Bro Gary Hawkins”??

Ew no. 

#offtoprayercloset #guttermindsunite

[DancingPhalanges]

22 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

“Here’s what we need to do - Bro Gary Hawkins”??

Ew no. 

#offtoprayercloset #guttermindsunite

We were talking about luscious bread sticks!! You. Did. Not. Go. There. 

Bro G diet, thanks! 

Ugh. 

Sis. Dancing