Josh, Anna and the Ms 15: now with Mason

[singsingsing]

I'm 29, so right at that age when about a billion people in my social sphere are having babies. Down here in good old Ontario, I have seen plenty of gender reveal parties. It's apparently a thing now. I really, really don't get it. And I don't like it. But hey, it's not hurting anyone, so to each their own! I recognize that am a highly introverted curmudgeon, so I try not to judge people who like to have some fun in life. 

 

[unholypoledancer]

^ The laugh is because we think alike! I agree, I won't stop anyone from having fun, esp. if this is their first. I don't get it, but whatever! I also don't like to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving because, crowds (since you are from Canada, hopefully you do not have to deal with that). 

[SorenaJ]

4 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I'm 29, so right at that age when about a billion people in my social sphere are having babies. Down here in good old Ontario, I have seen plenty of gender reveal parties. It's apparently a thing now. I really, really don't get it. And I don't like it. But hey, it's not hurting anyone, so to each their own! I recognize that am a highly introverted curmudgeon, so I try not to judge people who like to have some fun in life. 

 

Gender reveal parties are kinda hurting the fetus by assigning them a gender, and colour coding the fetus based on the appearance of the genitals, before they are even born. Even after they are born it seems a bit random. It's your child. Stop pushing stereotypes onto it. 

[Screamapillar]

Gender reveal parties aren't my kind of thing, but whatever. If people like throwing parties, it's not hurting anyone. And I kind of get it. Pregnancy can be a long, arduous journey, often full of complications and stress. If it makes someone feel good for one day to have a goofy party, then rock on.

But then again, I'm an atheist, (American) football lover from the South so I'm probably just totally obnoxious and off base.

[JenniferJuniper]

2 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

Gender reveal parties are kinda hurting the fetus by assigning them a gender, and colour coding the fetus based on the appearance of the genitals, before they are even born. Even after they are born it seems a bit random. It's your child. Stop pushing stereotypes onto it. 

Exactly.   Good article below about gender expectations and stereotypes.  A young fellow who reports to me told me yesterday that they just found out the gender of their first child and while admitted he's a little disappointed because he was imagining a girl, his wife is thrilled it's a boy because she hates girly things.  She's very athletic and not super feminine.

Well, dear, don't be disappointed if your son doesn't live up to your personal expectations of what a boy should be. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-word-of-caution-on-gender-reveal-parties_us_57a8f834e4b08f5371f1d001

[SapphireSlytherin]

1 hour ago, SorenaJ said:

I suppose. A pastime in lots of Europe is making fun of Americans and being anti-American, which might not work out with actual Americans.  

Yes, you're 100% right about Europeans making fun of Americans, being anti-American, and just being plain fucking RUDE.

Are you my monstermother-in-law? My brother-in-law? Because you're coming across exactly as they do, which is why I spend less than four hours every 2-3 years with either one of them.

I'm an atheist, I like football (both European and American - but college FB only in the USA - SEC all the way), my husband's not circumcised, and my kid's airway wasn't suctioned.

 

[Dutch_girl]

2 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

I suppose. A pastime in lots of Europe is making fun of Americans and being anti-American, which might not work out with actual Americans.

It is?  Apparently I missed out on that hobby..

[HOTW]

20 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

Gender reveal parties are kinda hurting the fetus by assigning them a gender, and colour coding the fetus based on the appearance of the genitals, before they are even born. Even after they are born it seems a bit random. It's your child. Stop pushing stereotypes onto it. 

Totally  agree  when my daughter was  PG she did  not find out the sex..youd think she had commited a crime by peoples reaction!! And trying to find newborn clothes that were genderfree was almost impossible!

[JesSky03]

Aw, so much gender reveal party hate. I mean I get the hate when they are obnoxious and over the top and clearly a gift grab. But I think they can be fun. We just found out we are having a boy but we are waiting to tell our family until my husband's birthday mid October. I'm inviting family only and making a reservation at a local supper club. I'm thinking of having my husband open a birthday gift that will reveal its a boy. So we're keeping it pretty casual and using it as a way to get our two families together. I don't see it as imposing a gender stereotype on my child before they are even born but simply celebrating a milestone of our pregnancy. For years we didn't know if we would ever get to see 20 weeks so its pretty special for us.  

[cascarones]

I baked the cake for the gender reveal tagged onto a football kickoff party a few weeks ago. There wasn't a big fuss, she just really wanted my cannoli cream cake and it was a convenient excuse to have someone make her favorite fancy cake without getting comments about pregnancy cravings. Their other kids pulled poppers as the cake got cut and it was stinking cute, I don't think anyone brought gifts, it was just your regular potluck bbq with a few football screens. 

[SorenaJ]

13 minutes ago, Dutch_girl said:

It is?  Apparently I missed out on that hobby..

People don't have the same hobbies. Maybe you were anti-something else. Or liked painting or cricket or whatever. 

[JenniferJuniper]

2 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

People don't have the same hobbies. Maybe you were anti-something else. Or liked painting or cricket or whatever. 

What's cricket?  Ain't they bugs or the people who done played with that Buddy Holly feller?

See, I'm just an ugly American, obnoxious atheist who don't know shit from shinola about you foreigners. And it's such a small country, we're all the same here!  Y

Ya'll should be playing baseball anyway.  

[HarleyQuinn]

I guess I consider a hobby something like a sport, or enjoying films, or writing. Not hating an entire country.  

[SorenaJ]

2 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I guess I consider a hobby something like a sport, or enjoying films, or writing. Not hating an entire country.  

In this context, being anti a country doesn't mean hating it. 

4 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

What's cricket?  Ain't they bugs or the people who done played with that Buddy Holly feller?

See, I'm just an ugly American, obnoxious atheist who don't know shit from shinola about you foreigners. And it's such a small country, we're all the same here!  Y

Ya'll should be playing baseball anyway.  

Cricket is a sport played in white on grass, because apparently white and grass is a sensible combination. 

Nah, mate. We're are good with rounders. 

[justoneoftwo]

I like the idea of gender/sex reveal parties because its a party to celebrate where no gifts are expected.  We might do one for baby 2 because you don't have a shower for a second baby and its still nice to celebrate.  I don't know about gender being inherently harmful, but I am willing to be talked into it.  I think the stereotypes are harmful for sure, but my little boy loves his pink unicorn (its not his lovey simply because it is too big and I refuse to take it in the car, it takes up the whole back seat) and cooking and is fine.  It doesn't make him not a little boy (I suppose he might not be, but thats a different question and he appears to be a boy, so until he decides otherwise it makes sense to call him a boy). 

[Carm_88]

The child will have a sex, saying that the baby is a male or female isn't being an asshole. If the child later tells you that their gender doesn't match their sex and you continue to call them what they are biologically; that is being an asshole. 

[Greendoor]

32 minutes ago, HOTW said:

Totally  agree  when my daughter was  PG she did  not find out the sex..youd think she had commited a crime by peoples reaction!! And trying to find newborn clothes that were genderfree was almost impossible!

When I was at the ultrasound they asked if I wanted to know.  I said "no".  I bought white, yellow and soft green sleepers (6 total) and waited to be surprised.  Friends were happy to find out and supplied some blue things, and he wasn't old enough to know he wore white, yellow and green the first few weeks.  

I think this gender reveal is due to the immediacy of everything now.  No waiting to afford the new couch (credit for every purchase), no waitng for dinner to be ready (microwaves). Now  Now  Now.

[VelociRapture]

@JesSky03Congratulations!!! Fingers crossed the next twenty weeks (or so) are ridiculously easy for you. You'll be holding that sweet little boy before you know it!

(And I get why you're excited. We didn't make a big deal over it, but we were really excited to learn the sex too. It helped us relax a bit and made it a little easier to bond with the pregnancy.)

37 minutes ago, HOTW said:

Totally  agree  when my daughter was  PG she did  not find out the sex..youd think she had commited a crime by peoples reaction!! And trying to find newborn clothes that were genderfree was almost impossible!

Are you in the states? If you are, I'd recommend Once Upon a Child if your grandchild needs clothes or if you're ever in need of gender neutral baby clothes again. They sell used baby clothes and you can usually get a good deal on onesies. I found it easier to find clothes that were fairly neutral there, then at some of the bigger stores too. After you get out of the first few sizes it can get tougher, but I've found cute stuff for Velocibaby at Target that isn't heavily gender specific.

53 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

Exactly.   Good article below about gender expectations and stereotypes.  A young fellow who reports to me told me yesterday that they just found out the gender of their first child and while admitted he's a little disappointed because he was imagining a girl, his wife is thrilled it's a boy because she hates girly things.  She's very athletic and not super feminine.

Well, dear, don't be disappointed if your son doesn't live up to your personal expectations of what a boy should be. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-word-of-caution-on-gender-reveal-parties_us_57a8f834e4b08f5371f1d001

Some people don't have a solid understanding of how gender works. The couple you mentioned probably fall into that grouping. I think more and more people are starting to get it though, mostly thanks to more Transgender and gender non-conforming celebrities speaking out on the subject. Transgender rights in the states are probably where gay rights where twenty years ago. I have a lot of hope that with time, patience, and education most people here will start getting it at some point.

My personal philosophy is similar to how my parents (mostly mom cause dad worked a lot) raised us: Be accepting of who your child is, love them because of or regardless of whatever interests they have, and don't be a jackass about any of it.

4 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

The child will have a sex, saying that the baby is a male or female isn't being an asshole. If the child later tells you that their gender doesn't match their sex and you continue to call them what they are biologically; that is being an asshole. 

I started writing about this, but you said it better. 

I'm not willing to pass judgement on every parent who has a reveal party because you can celebrate finding out the sex of your child with a party, while still fully intending to honor who your child ends up being or how they identify. Same with parents using gender specific pronouns for their young children. Just don't be an asshole and love your kid for who they are. 

[SorenaJ]

You don't need to buy gender neutral clothes. The baby couldn't care less. Buy whatever you think looks nice. You are the one who has to look at it. If you like tutus, buy tutus. If you like dungarees and joggers, buy those. 

To me sex just seems like such a random thing to announce, you have got a brand new amazing baby, does it matter if the genitals look one way or the other (or a third?).  

And you might not be an asshole and accepting the child however they identifies, but for other people gender and conforming and treating people a certain way because of how their genitals look is still a very real thing, and they are going to push those onto your child, so why start this early? 

[justoneoftwo]

4 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

You don't need to buy gender neutral clothes. The baby couldn't care less. Buy whatever you think looks nice. You are the one who has to look at it. If you like tutus, buy tutus. If you like dungarees and joggers, buy those. 

To me sex just seems like such a random thing to announce, you have got a brand new amazing baby, does it matter if the genitals look one way or the other (or a third?).  

And you might not be an asshole and accepting the child however they identifies, but for other people gender and conforming and treating people a certain way because of how their genitals look is still a very real thing, and they are going to push those onto your child, so why start this early? 

I don't think its a random thing to announce.  Let's be honest, there is not much to announce about a baby, particularly pre birth.  Even after birth you can say how big it is, its sex, its name (which usually shows its sex), and if it is eating and sleeping.  Thats it.  This is likely one of the biggest things to ever happen to the parents, but there is so little to say at first, so they announce everything they can, and at 20 weeks sex is it.  

[Carm_88]

I'm going to add this and then bow out here. For people who have had losses or have had trouble conceiving, they may want to celebrate every moment of that pregnancy but you really can't do that. So revealing the gender, that's a little thing for everyone else but for them it's getting far enough along to know. You don't know what people are going through and it's easy to judge, but harder to have compassion. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, HOTW said:

Totally  agree  when my daughter was  PG she did  not find out the sex..youd think she had commited a crime by peoples reaction!! And trying to find newborn clothes that were genderfree was almost impossible!

I thought it was highly amusing that so many people were legit pissed I didn't find out the sex of my fetus.

[VelociRapture]

Just now, Carm_88 said:

I'm going to add this and then bow out here. For people who have had losses or have had trouble conceiving, they may want to celebrate every moment of that pregnancy but you really can't do that. So revealing the gender, that's a little thing for everyone else but for them it's getting far enough along to know. You don't know what people are going through and it's easy to judge, but harder to have compassion. 

Thank you for this. 

I can attest to the accuracy of this post. I lost my first pregnancy late February last year and found out I was pregnant again just over two months later. I was a ball of nerves the entire pregnancy and I struggled to really enjoy being pregnant at times because of that, but there were a few moments that brought us a lot of happiness and relief. Getting far enough to know our baby was female was one of those moments because we never even got past the second month the first time. It was a milestone moment for us and it was great being able to refer to the baby as "she" or by the name we chose rather than "the baby" or "it."

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I thought it was highly amusing that so many people were legit pissed I didn't find out the sex of my fetus.

My sister and BIL didn't find out. We all found it really fun to guess while she was still pregnant. Most of us wound up guessing correctly that the baby was male. He's only 1.5 so time will tell whether or not he actually is or if he identifies otherwise. Either way, he's the greatest little person and none of my family will love him (or my daughter) any less if he tells us we were actually wrong. 

(And I know this to be true because my brother is Transgender. Some of my older family members don't really understand, but they love him no matter what and they've been supportive as he transitioned. At the end of the day, that's all we can really ask for.)

[laPapessaGiovanna]

3 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

A pastime in lots of Europe is making fun of Americans and being anti-American, which might not work out with actual Americans.  

True. But as I often try to remind people the majority of Americans aren't like the whackos that make it to our news nor like the Dotard in Chief. So please try to address your fellow American FJers as the clever and sensitive people they mostly are and you'll get much nicer replies.

3 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

The first time I met an Italian they hugged me really tight, and they were a complete stranger. I was what is going on?? I didn't move at all. 

Must have been a southerner, we northerners make do with a half hug and two kisses on the cheeks, three if you want to be friendly and wish good luck.

[JenniferJuniper]

I found out the gender each time because I saw no reason to wait.  I was always more interested in who the child would turn out to be rather than the shape of it's genitals, and that takes longer to find that out.

With my second daughter, my husband didn't want to know.  So I didn't tell him.  But I did let my mother put up a pink teddy bear border in the baby's room.

My mother has always had a thing for wallpaper in kids' rooms and the bears were cute enough. She bought it and put it up, so whatever.  I knew she'd eventually want to do her own thing (and God, the bright red paint at age 10 was ghastly).  My husband however thought this was a total fake out - and assumed this actually it meant we were having a boy.  He was completely shocked when she was born.  My mother - "The pink teddy bears weren't a clue?"