The Hawkins Family

[MarblesMom]

11 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

You can make some foot long weens and sell them out of a little Ween cart. Maybe squirt a little Ween gravy on their buns for a fun surprise. 

I could run with this, but.... naaah.  I have a feeling this guy will be bringing us the beef for a while.  LOL

[mango_fandango]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Just get a damn job like everyone else. You can make some foot long weens and sell them out of a little Ween cart. Maybe squirt a little Ween gravy on their buns for a fun surprise. 

Sis Jerm

Y'all, 

My brain totally went somewhere dirty with that sentence. I will show myself to my prayer closet and repent for my soul whilst reading my KING JAMES BIBLE.

Sis mango_fandango

[Bad Wolf]

I particularly liked, GOD will be done in his grifting. Erm, GOD will be done with me if I can't get this motor home? God will be done with you if you don't donate? God will be done with this crazy world of we don't shape up? Just made me laugh.

[Nikedagain?]

Ok folks. Silly me. I just realized that Bro Gary and Sis Becky live in Stokes County where they have a very active KKK population there.

You know, good old KJV readin', God fearin', pink weenie gravy eatin' folks. Anyone wanna bet that Bro Gary is involved, at least peripherally? 

The university right by my house is debating removing a confederate statue any day now. Maybe Bro Gary will pull on up in the troubled motorhome and enlighten us. 

[Dandruff]

40 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

First he doesn't even have a litter of children to parade around. FOUR kids? That is it?

I'm surprised he got someone to stay still for any of them.

#MustBeHalloWeen

[Closed Womb]

Ok folks, to be honest, I might be looking for some good ween...

Sis Closed Womb

[grandmadugger]

So I clicked into the thread thinking it was about Tim Hawkins the Christian comedian. He makes me laugh but not as hard as this guy does. My grandma was raised dirt poor and went through the depression we ate cheap food as her comfort food but weens were never included. Red eye gravy yes, sawmill gravy yep, shit on a shingle check, cream gravy with sausage every weekend but never with weens. Plus most 1st graders write better than him. I think he should be praying for an education. 

[acheronbeach]

@Coy Koi My God this one is gold!  Bro. Gary makes Raquel sound like Fitzgerald.  Or JRod sound like a modest, demure, quiet flower.  

Quote

Ok folks my wife is now up to 6 people under her. I am so proud of how she has work so hard this last few weeks getting people under her

The things a woman does when she learns her husband is searching for good weens.  

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Ok folks

God is clearly with my family as we have a house, a car and plenty of money. 

Oh. Sorry. We both actually have jobs. Get one Gary and you might find you have enough for a motor home. Or are you not a 'job type' person? 

Sis Milly

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

9 hours ago, Howl said:

Way the heck back when, I went to a BBQ place that was super crowded, so we went to the beer joint next door to wait for our table.  There were some women in there drinking Big Red soda and beer, mixed together.  It was considered kind of a daring, upscale ladies drink, if that tells you anything about the place. 

Sis Howl

Okay folks, I know this was pages and pages back and a lot of y'all have already talked about Big Red, but I'm just gonna have one quick word about it. 

My introduction to Big Red soda was Rick Riordan's novel Big Red Tequilla. (It's the first in his Trés Navarre series that he wrote before the Percy Jackson books.) Big Red soda only showed up in stores here in the last few years and I can't see "Big Red" on the bottle without adding "Tequilla" in my head. I wonder which tastes better/worse; Big Red and beer or Big Red Tequilla. Your prayers on this all-important matter is highly sought. 

Rufus Bless,

Sis. WWJCD

P.S. I just adored reading this thread tonight. 

[Lurky]

@MayMay1123 So sorry for your loss.

 

 

Ok folks did any of you see the thing that was going around on twitter this week re the KJV?

I guess I've always taken it for granted, but how DO KLV-only Fundies get over the fact "their" Bible was commissioned and is named after a famously non-heterosexual man?

[formergothardite]

43 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I guess I've always taken it for granted, but how DO KLV-only Fundies get over the fact "their" Bible was commissioned and is named after a famously non-heterosexual man?

They say it is a liberal lie made up to attack the godly King James. 

[ThunderRolls]

10 hours ago, dilannsmom said:

2.) "Real flour"= Martha White self rise.  There is nothing like it.  I smuggle about 10-15 pounds into New York twice a year.  (Along with bone in Country Ham...cuz that hock makes mean bean soup!)

That's interesting, @dilannsmom! I honestly had no idea that Martha White was called "Real flour." 

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, I wonder if Bro Gary preaches as eloquently as he writes. I must find videos.

And Gary, why don't you take this job?

Spoiler

[Cleopatra7]

2 hours ago, Lurky said:

@MayMay1123 So sorry for your loss.

 

 

Ok folks did any of you see the thing that was going around on twitter this week re the KJV?

I guess I've always taken it for granted, but how DO KLV-only Fundies get over the fact "their" Bible was commissioned and is named after a famously non-heterosexual man?

Because KJV only fundies don't care about history. I imagine their timeline looks like this:

6000 BCE God creates the world in six twenty four hour days.

Stuff happens in the interim.

Circa 3 BCE Jesus is born.

Stuff happens in the interim.

Circa 33 CE Jesus is crucified.

Stuff happens in the interim

The Reformation starts in the Sixteenth century and Bible Believing Christianity returns (details not important).

Stuff happens in the interim.

1776 The US, the only country that counts, is established as "one nation under God."

Stuff happens in the interim.

1960s The US goes downhill with civil rights protesters, feminism, the anti-war movement, and the end of prayer in public schools. Much gnashing of teeth occurs.

Stuff happens in the interim.

1981-1989 St Ronnie is president. The brethren rejoice.

Stuff happens in the interim.

2008-2016 Satan Jr is elected to the highest office in the land, and commits the offense of presidenting while black. More gnashing of teeth.

2016-president Donald Trump makes America great again! Praise the Lord and the pass the ammunition!

Sis Cleopatra7

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Y'all, 

My brain totally went somewhere dirty with that sentence. I will show myself to my prayer closet and repent for my soul whilst reading my KING JAMES BIBLE.

Sis mango_fandango

Oh I meant for your brains to go there! 

[Spanger]

@grandmadugger- I've been thinking of tim Hawkins too, thanks to the family name, but wasn't sure if his brand of humor would be well received here.  Lol.  It's weird cuz he's definitely a Christian comedian, but I still think he's pretty funny.

this is one of my favorite tim Hawkins bits.

 

[Gobsmacked]

19 minutes ago, Spanger said:

@grandmadugger- I've been thinking of tim Hawkins too, thanks to the family name, but wasn't sure if his brand of humor would be well received here.  Lol.  It's weird cuz he's definitely a Christian comedian, but I still think he's pretty funny.

this is one of my favorite tim Hawkins bits.

 

Where has he been hiding! He is totes gorgeous. Very funny also. I'm in love.

[Lurky]

Sis @Cleopatra7, I nearly choked to death laughing at your timeline, but wow, it's probably true!  Unless you're John Shrader, who insists his version of the Baptist Church has always existed and it the one founded by Christ, and Baptists were never Catholics even, there's always been American-style-Fundy-Protestantism, and anyone who doubts him is motivated by Satan!

[Mrs. Bean]

Does the Hawkins family just move from area to area and send out a notice once they arrive? Seems like a poor model go drum up business. 

[Lurky]

OK folks if you could have the Fundy Friday visitor here of your choice, who would you pick?  I'd love Bro Hawkins, because it would be great to watch him mangle language in real time!

[acheronbeach]

Why does he speak like this?  He shouts a bunch of cliches, and finishes each sentence with a grunt.   Is this a legitimate American preaching style or is he just a weirdo? 

 

8:10 "Ain't no such thing as Christian rap!"  Also bad - drinking beer with "the Crowd", smoking dope with "the Crowd", rock and roll and - inexplicably - country music.  

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, I want to screenshot every single thing this man writes. He's amazing. There's a fantastic thread that starts on Oct 24, 2015 with a glorious anti-HalloWEEN post. One of my favorite moments:

Spoiler

And here his cornbread milks:

Spoiler

I've been watching his videos too. Truly inspiring. And Lord, the singing!

Sis Jinjur

[formergothardite]

Jesus needs to lay it on someone's heart to invite him down to my part of NC. I will put on my best IFB skirt and go listen. 

My grandparents used to eat cornbread and buttermilk. I remember it being something a lot of older people did when I was little. I personally found it terrible. 

[saintmom]

@Lurky I am DYING at Fundy Friday!  DYING  .  Oh, and could you enlighten me as to WHO that is on your avatar pic?