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Bates 22: Courting, Marrying, and Trying to not Look Fundie


Coconut Flan

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My parents have space above their cabinets. They used to put plants up there but its too high to water so they swapped them out for fake ones for awhile. Now they put candles that you can control with a remote. Its really nice. It gives extra light and they look nice up there. 

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11 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Kelly seems to focus on the child (or adult) in front of her. My mom also works a lot at a job outside the home so that could be it too. 

Keep in mind that we are seeing a "reality" tv show. We don't know how Kelly acts when she isn't being followed around by cameras or how your mother would act if she was. Kelly has shown that she is super image conscious so she is always going to try to appear as a most doting mother when it is going to be televised. 

 

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18 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Kelly has shown that she is super image conscious so she is always going to try to appear as a most doting mother when it is going to be televised. 

Something Michelle Duggar never learned during all the years of the show. You could always tell that most of the interactions with the kids were scripted and staged for the show and that it would never happen this way without the cameras. I don't think that Kelly actually is closer to her kiddos than Michelle is, but at least she manages to make it look like it. 

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On 1/13/2018 at 11:53 AM, Eternalbluepearl said:

@fluffernutter in my current house, we don't have that space above the cabinets. The cabinets go all the way up. In the past, I have left that space blank though and been happy with it. I actually adore empty spaces and empty shelves where my eye can rest. I grew up with a grandmother who was a hoarder. I didn't know that word until I was an adult but it definitely influenced my feelings towards "stuff." I have anxiety and have been into minimaliam since around college age. It always made me feel a little strange that a lot of things made me feel uncomfortable. When I was older (I'm early 30's), I learned it is called minimalism and there are others like me. Now, I follow minimalism pages on Facebook and I love to read about it. I follow The Minimalists, Courtney Carver, Smallish, The Minimalist Mom to name a few. Dana K. White has the blog/facebook page called A slob Comes Clean. She has excellent decluttering advice and a wonderful book. I've gotten really inspired to declutter more seriously in the last few years and now I feel so happy with my home. With my husband, new baby and I, we are living with plenty but no clutter and no excess stuff on the walls and it feels great. We have a few wedding and family photos up and that's it. We always get compliments when family comes over that there is so much space, that things feel so open, our house is so clean, etc. But then I will be told I'm crazy for not wanting whatever trinket or kitchen item by these same people so it's kind of funny that way. Anyway, welcome to decluttering! It's awesome. 

Thank you so much for sharing all the info! Checking out all the information you provided now! 

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Super random, but how in the world do these girls stay so thin with the food they eat. The way they eat seems so unhealthy but they all seem pretty skinny. I know in this cult they want the women folk to be skinny and beautiful, but how is eating cheap food full of preservatives yielding such skinny kids? 

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19 minutes ago, speller24 said:

Super random, but how in the world do these girls stay so thin with the food they eat. The way they eat seems so unhealthy but they all seem pretty skinny. I know in this cult they want the women folk to be skinny and beautiful, but how is eating cheap food full of preservatives yielding such skinny kids? 

For Carlin it's genetics but the rest of the girls aren't stick skinny. I remember watching united bates and was surprised that alyssa was thicker at 16 than she is 6 months pregnant now. They do usually diet down for the weddings tho. 

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2 hours ago, speller24 said:

Super random, but how in the world do these girls stay so thin with the food they eat. The way they eat seems so unhealthy but they all seem pretty skinny. I know in this cult they want the women folk to be skinny and beautiful, but how is eating cheap food full of preservatives yielding such skinny kids? 

In regards to your post, this cult does put a heavy emphasis on female physical attractiveness and I wouldn’t be surprised if that influenced these young men and women somehow - we’ve certainly seen it in their adherence to long hair and modesty standards, though a few have opted for less strict modesty standards than others. I’m not about to speculate about any of them specifically though because I’m really not comfortable commenting on other people’s bodies. 

(We’re actually having a full blown conversation regarding whether discussing weight is ever ok over on the Joy and Austin thread. I debated whether to answer you or not, but you seem more curious about the beliefs leading to their physical appearances more than anything. We have some posters here who know a great deal more about their beliefs than I do, so hopefully one of them sees your post and can step in.)

1 hour ago, crazysnark said:

For Carlin it's genetics but the rest of the girls aren't stick skinny. I remember watching united bates and was surprised that alyssa was thicker at 16 than she is 6 months pregnant now. They do usually diet down for the weddings tho. 

There are many factors that influence weight. Unless you are the Bates child in question or their physician I don’t think you can definitively state anything specific about their weights or genetics. Same goes for how big or small their bump gets during pregnancy.

Also, their first show is over five years old at this point. I would say it’s safe to assume the older children, like Alyssa, didn’t always have access to healthy food choices back then due to budgetary concerns. We know that Erin has been open about discovering healthy recipes and ingredients since she got married and I would assume the same might be true for the other married children as well. 

(I hope this didn’t sound rude or bitchy at all. That’s not how I intended it, so I’m sorry if it comes across that way at all.)

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I think there is a difference in saying a pregnant woman is fat vs saying the bates girls aren't naturally stick skinny. I think the bates girls are beautiful. 

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37 minutes ago, crazysnark said:

I think there is a difference in saying a pregnant woman is fat vs saying the bates girls aren't naturally stick skinny. I think the bates girls are beautiful. 

I agree there is a difference and I wasn’t trying to criticize you for that. All I was saying in my first paragraph is that you worded an opinion as a definitive statement. Unless you are Carlin Bates or you’re her Doctor you can’t know why she may or may not look a certain way. Same goes for any of the other people we discuss. 

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26 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I agree there is a difference and I wasn’t trying to criticize you for that. All I was saying in my first paragraph is that you worded an opinion as a definitive statement. Unless you are Carlin Bates or you’re her Doctor you can’t know why she may or may not look a certain way. Same goes for any of the other people we discuss. 

Yeah you are right I am not Carlin or her dr. Maybe she runs 5 miles on a treadmill every morning or maybe she stuffs her face all day with tator tot casserole. I don't know and I don't really care :cupcake:

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I think the Bates have a bit of a healthier attitude about food and body image than the Duggar women. The Dugs have talked about Michelle and Jana doing weight watchers and other comments have been made by various ones about trying to stay slim. Not saying theres anything wrong with that necessarily. I was uncomfortable that Jana seemed to be dragged to WW for some reason when the others werent and she never seemed outside a healthy weight range to me. The Bates dont seem to have much fucks to give about what theyre eating and enjoy a wide range of food and treats and dont really talk about watching it or anything. They dont seem to all wear the same size but they all seem comfortable with their weight or whatever. Just my perception, i think women staying slim is a thing that was pushed more in the Dug household. 

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1 hour ago, MsSaylor said:

I think the Bates have a bit of a healthier attitude about food and body image than the Duggar women. The Dugs have talked about Michelle and Jana doing weight watchers and other comments have been made by various ones about trying to stay slim. Not saying theres anything wrong with that necessarily. I was uncomfortable that Jana seemed to be dragged to WW for some reason when the others werent and she never seemed outside a healthy weight range to me. The Bates dont seem to have much fucks to give about what theyre eating and enjoy a wide range of food and treats and dont really talk about watching it or anything. They dont seem to all wear the same size but they all seem comfortable with their weight or whatever. Just my perception, i think women staying slim is a thing that was pushed more in the Dug household. 

I agree. I think it was just a silly attempt of "see Jana DOES get to get out of the house" narratives. Jana has always looked very healthy and not overweight in the slightest. The only reason I could see her needing to go is if she developed a binge/purge habit like Michelle and they just didn't say anything (which they shouldn't, it's none of our business and Jana has to put up with enough shit as it is) 

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1 minute ago, crazysnark said:

I agree. I think it was just a silly attempt of "see Jana DOES get to get out of the house" narratives. Jana has always looked very healthy and not overweight in the slightest. The only reason I could see her needing to go is if she developed a binge/purge habit like Michelle and they just didn't say anything (which they shouldn't, it's none of our business and Jana has to put up with enough shit as it is) 

I’m pretty sure Michelle took her when she was a teenager. So it wouldn’t have been for a “Look! She does stuff!” purpose because no one was criticizing them for not letting her live life at that point. 

I agree with the rest of your post though. I hope she went more as moral support for her mom then anything else. Regardless, you’re right that Jana has enough to deal with as it is. 

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Is anyone else noticed Abby Paine (Chad's Sister) on the last of the photos? I believe she is spending alot of time with Bates..is she tutouring younger kids and helping? Or is there maybe something going on between her and one od the older boys? I dobut its Lawson, but maybe Nathan? 

And i noticed that Kelly evan congratulated her birthday last year in a very personal message. 

 

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4 hours ago, miss_batson said:

Is anyone else noticed Abby Paine (Chad's Sister) on the last of the photos? I believe she is spending alot of time with Bates..is she tutouring younger kids and helping? Or is there maybe something going on between her and one od the older boys? I dobut its Lawson, but maybe Nathan? 

And i noticed that Kelly evan congratulated her birthday last year in a very personal message. 

 

I don’t think she’s with any of them. The Paines tend to send their daughters to other people’s homes as tutors and helpers. Tabitha lived with the Duggars for a while

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49 minutes ago, ophelia said:

But I could totally see her with Nathan. 

How old is she?

I could too. They would be a good match. 

I think she is 23.

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I had to laugh at this absolutely horrifying comment on the BUB Facebook page. As if these people aren’t sheltered enough - an entire town of Bates’ that’s not an unsettling idea or anything...

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I think that Kelton may actually be another Chad. He's fixing sinks and buying ice cream.  Does he live nearby?  

And Bobby's parents (at least his mom, poor thing) seemed really overwhelmed.  What was Kelly doing that she couldn't tell her kids to pick up their rooms for the company? 

Those are my thoughts from last night's episode...

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I have to admit something. The Bates suck me in. The show makes them seem so sweet and likeable and I find their show soothing. HOW do they do it? I know who they really are and yet I get sucked in with every episode. 

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5 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I have to admit something. The Bates suck me in. The show makes them seem so sweet and likeable and I find their show soothing. HOW do they do it? I know who they really are and yet I get sucked in with every episode. 

It’s not just you. Even some of us very big critics of the family can get sucked in. I think there are a few reasons why though:

- They’re a family full of extroverts and big personalities. Some of them (Lawson and Carlin for instance) can rub people the wrong way*, but they’re mostly pretty outgoing people. The Duggars, on the other hand, really aren’t - they seem to have more introverts in their family. 

- Speaking of the Duggars, the Bateses enjoy far better editing on their show than the Duggars do. TLC seems determined to try and show the Duggars as a normal family now, but there’s no coming back from the years of weird they aired on 19 Kids. The Bateses, on the other hand, lucked out BIG time that they only got one season on TLC. UP has been far kinder to them then TLC would have been.

- Additionally, I do think the Bateses have benefited from some careful image control. You don’t see them posting much about stuff that’s political or controversial. Whitney sharing she voted for Trump is really the only recent thing that comes to mind. Other than that, it’s mostly pretty generic and harmless Christian/fun young people/Family/loving couples stuff. 

*I swear to Rufus, if any of you jokers make a joke about rubbing Lawson the “wrong” way... :pb_lol:

ETA: I know it likely gets annoying to some people, but this is exactly why some of us are so vocally critical of the Bateses on here. It’s easy to watch a few episodes and get sucked in, but it’s harder to stay sucked in if you come on here and see other people reminding you about the sexual abuse lawsuit or the creepy af “groom’s” cake at Cherin’s wedding. 

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I have been thinking about something regarding Abby Paine. Wouldn't the parents make sure the boys didn't have any special feelings for her before she started living there?

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