A Totally Accurate and in No Way Sarcastic Duggar Cheat Sheet

[VelociRapture]

10 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Well, that's truly bizarre. At least I didn't misremember the flamingos being painted and stuck out on the lawn. Just strange that it was for a girl. Oh, those goofy Duggars. 

They painted half of them blue and left the other half pink. It makes sense for a sex reveal in that regard (if you try really hard.)

2 minutes ago, Greendoor said:

One small error.  You have JinJer getting engaged two years before they started courting.  Should  be 2016  not 2014.

Love you recaps and sense of what is right.

 

 

Thank you! Another poster pointed that out too. It's been edited to reflect the correct year. 

[Bad Wolf]

Hmm. You said that they use the modesty standards from the bible, but you weren't sure where from. I'm pretty sure there's a part in Genesis where Eve realized she was naked after eating the forbidden fruit. I'm pretty sure she gathered a bunch of fig leaves and fashioned herself a frumper.

Seriously, great job.

[GreyhoundFan]

Another great job, @VelociRapture! My BFF is having a bad day, but I read parts of your cheat sheet and it made her laugh hysterically. She passed along her kudos on a job well done.

[TuringMachine]

@VelociRapture you are amazing.

If I were to add a couple points, 1: the dillards are greedy assholes who have no issue asking for money to "support" them while they live rent free in Jill's father's mansion, and 2: When Michelle took Johanna out for her "special day" with mom, she (Michelle) managed to make it all about her fear of horses and nothing about Johanna. 

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, onekidanddone said:

This is a real thing. It is called exercise induced anaphylaxis and my daughter has it. It quite rare according to her allergist. In my kid it is  the combination of a particular wheat protein (we are not sure exactly what) and vigorous exercise with in an hour or so after eating. Kid had gym right after lunch last school year and required two trips to the  ER in one month.  It is scary as hell when you see your child struggling to take a breath.

Yes, I think you mentioned that in the Dillard thread. I tried not to be snarky about his medical condition because it's a legit issue and not something he really asked for or caused. I wasn't sure about the exact specifics though, so I just did my best to try to explain.  

1 hour ago, TuringMachine said:

@VelociRapture you are amazing.

If I were to add a couple points, 1: the dillards are greedy assholes who have no issue asking for money to "support" them while they live rent free in Jill's father's mansion, and 2: When Michelle took Johanna out for her "special day" with mom, she (Michelle) managed to make it all about her fear of horses and nothing about Johanna. 

Thanks! I added both points. 

2 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Another great job, @VelociRapture! My BFF is having a bad day, but I read parts of your cheat sheet and it made her laugh hysterically. She passed along her kudos on a job well done.

Tell her I added a part to Hannie's summary where I referred to Michelle as "the walking wonder womb."

[onekidanddone]

5 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Yes, I think you mentioned that in the Dillard thread. I tried not to be snarky about his medical condition because it's a legit issue and not something he really asked for or caused. I wasn't sure about the exact specifics though, so I just did my best to try to explain.

No worries I knew you weren't snarking on his illness. Derdork has plenty of snark material on just about everything else.

[TuringMachine]

For my own amusement I found the clip I was talking about. 

Spoiler

 

Michelle barely acknowledges Hannie's presence. 

[Bad Wolf]

Hannie  said she would take her brothers and sisters if she went again. Don't blame her. A bow on top of the helmet? Well, we might not know she's a girl since she's sitting astride a horse, even with a dress.

[JMO]

I don't know where you'd put it but as a treat the Duggars take their kids out on their birthday for a special lunch with M and JB. Probably their only 1:1 time all year.  I think the fact that josh napped while Anna was laboring in the tub with Mac needs to be in their section. The matching shirts and pillow she made with their picture probably needs a mention. Their whole courtship and marriage was in it's own league.  They did actually serve food to their guests though.  

The whole marriage counseling crap that they did with Derrick is totally snark worthy too.

Man, I've watched them way too much. 

[KnittingOwl]

32 minutes ago, JMO said:

IThey did actually serve food to their guests though.  

Yes, food prepared by the ladies of the church I believe.  I also seem to remember chicken salad being mixed by hand without wearing gloves.  Barf.  I'll take root beer floats in the cold parking lot over that.

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

I lol'ed so hard at the"fuckface" being used in place of Josh's name throughout his summary. Excellent work @VelociRapture, and thank you for taking the time to put all of these together! 

[ThunderRolls]

@VelociRapture you are a true gem to do these awesome write-ups! I love the shade in Jessa's bio - she had 2 kids to tend to (pre-Henry)! 

One thing, which I'm not sure is worth adding, is when Jackson and Hannie were little and allowed to be besties, he would pretend to be the Lone Ranger and he designated Hannie "Tonto." Their relationship was seriously one of the best parts of the show. 

[Karma]

An excellent summary. @VelociRapture, my dog is wondering why I'm sniggering.

[Four is Enough]

Sadly, I found out that I share a birthday with one of the Lost Girls. Guess it was going to happen eventually.

[VelociRapture]

Update: I added the info about their one on one parent time, Fuckface napping, awkward courting of Fuckface and Anna, and a bit about Jim Bob hazing Derick via financial questions.

[anaandrade]

Today is Kendra's birthday. The Duggars just posted a happy birthday post on FB.

[GoddessOfVictory]

On 8/10/2017 at 8:59 AM, VelociRapture said:

Jinger likes taking photos and took engagement photos for Jill and Jessa. She was also shown baking bread with Joy

When I first saw this, I thought it said "breaking bad" and had a good laugh imagining Jinger and Joy attempting to copy Walter White.

Also, after reading the part about Anna, it became clear to me just how evenly spaced her kids are. She has never had a baby in an even-numbered year. But she has had a child in every single odd-numbered year since she was married. I guess we can bet on 2019 then.

[speller24]

This has made my day! I love it!

[onekidanddone]

21 hours ago, anaandrade said:

Today is Kendra's birthday. The Duggars just posted a happy birthday post on FB.

I forgot, is she turning 18 or 19?

[VelociRapture]

19 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

I forgot, is she turning 18 or 19?

She just turned 19. So she'll (barely) be the same age Joy and Alyssa Webster were when they both married.

[FundieFarmer]

Holy shit, I now know more about the Duggs than I ever thought possible. HOW. WOW. WTG, VR!!!

[Toothfairy]

Wow I didn't know Joseph and Kendra was so young. My kids are the same age as them. Love your recaps. 

[shock928]

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, this isn't physical abuse speculation but it was revealed that they use a rod to spank the children (without leaving bruising) on thier butt per the report of one of Josh's victims. *Fuckfaces victims

Fantastic work velocirapture!

Edited August 13, 2017 by shock928
Edited for emphasis on fuckface

[Daisy0322]

7 minutes ago, shock928 said:

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, this isn't physical abuse speculation but it was revealed that they use a rod to spank the children (without leaving bruising) on thier butt per the report of one of Josh's victims. *Fuckfaces victims

Fantastic work velocirapture!

Probably according to Arkansas law as long as it doesn't leave a bruise it's not "abuse"... didn't look this up but I remember something like this from my mandatory reporter class from when I worked at a daycare.

[Palimpsest]

Yes, "spanking" with an object is legal in AR so long as it doesn't leave bruises.  It stinks.

@VelociRapture, you might want to add that JB and M openly endorsed blanket training, Michael Pearl, and TTUAC in the past.  They have tried to wipe the evidence from current sites but it is archived.

The "rod" was probably plumbing line, recommended by Pearl because it hurts like hell and leaves short-term welts rather than bruising.