Real Life Fundie Encounters - Part 4

[Rosalie]

@EowynW I bet your MIL is experimenting with your recipes, hence the radio silence 

[EowynW]

7 minutes ago, Rosalie said:

@EowynW I bet your MIL is experimenting with your recipes, hence the radio silence 

Oh I don't know. My inlaws are Gothard folk.  I personally don't drink but I do use it for cooking and medically. Which is still a huge no no for them. 

[Rosalie]

4 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Oh I don't know. My inlaws are Gothard folk.  I personally don't drink but I do use it for cooking and medically. Which is still a huge no no for them. 

I’ve been sneeking on you, so I knew. Hence my answer. Which I wrote while giggling 

[clueliss]

Yesterday I took a day off of work and went to see my mom in suburban KC (it was overdue, I hadn't been due to work/weather/flu since right before Christmas - and mom has dementia and is in memory care).  Coming home on good ole I70 I noticed (not for the first time) a couple of 855 for truth billboards.  

Just did a google search and found this gem on Patheos.  

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/reasonadvocates/2017/02/22/855-for-truth/

The author called them and debated/argued with them.  These are apparently throughout the south (and Missouri which at times I include in the south due to attitudes I encounter, history and linguistics)  There are photo examples of the billboards there.  

 

I mentally countered exposure to said billboards with a purchase of Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church by Rachel Held Evans for a whopping 99 cents at Amazon last night (I recently started following her on twitter when someone I used to go to church with before I moved to mid-mo retweeted something she posted (she since went on an anti-patriarchy rant/thread) and I'm in love with her.  

[FeministShrew]

I'm getting ready for my son & DIL's baby shower today. It just occurred to me that someone might give them a copy of Babywise or To Train Up a Child. I will not keep my mouth shut if that happens. 
I don't think any of her close friends or family are fundie, or even religious, but I don't know her extended family. I do know that many people around here take anything  & anyone that claims to be Christian (the Duggars/Bates, for example) at face value & promote it without digging deeper.

If my pseudo-preacher ex & his wife give anything like that, all bets are off.
Sis "I Hope I Don't Go To Jail Today" Shrew.

[Briefly]

9 hours ago, FeministShrew said:

I'm getting ready for my son & DIL's baby shower today. It just occurred to me that someone might give them a copy of Babywise or To Train Up a Child. I will not keep my mouth shut if that happens. 
I don't think any of her close friends or family are fundie, or even religious, but I don't know her extended family. I do know that many people around here take anything  & anyone that claims to be Christian (the Duggars/Bates, for example) at face value & promote it without digging deeper.

If my pseudo-preacher ex & his wife give anything like that, all bets are off.
Sis "I Hope I Don't Go To Jail Today" Shrew.

Yes, if they got one of those books then you should ask to borrow it so you can read it.  Then you can accidentally drop it in the shredder.  You could find something more appropriate to give back to them instead!

[EowynW]

So my fundie mom got upset today. My non fundie aunt (who is my favorite aunt and is a widower with only sons) told her that she'd give me some of her land (she's also a farmer/homesteader) if I'd move and take care of her one day when she's old and frail. I think it was just a joke, but my Mom took it very personally. Mom said that just "because she has three awesome *kids doesn't mean other people get to have them willy nilly." And her children are to be taking care of her and Dad, not of anyone else.

*all of us "kids" are in our late 20/early 30s. Two of us are married and the last one getting married in May.

This issue has always confused me. Like Lori Alexander, my Mom thinks one of the duties and responsibilites of children is to care for aging parents. It's one of the "blessings" (reasons i think they mean too, IMO) of having children. My Mom is also a huge supporter of the moms and daughters should be the strongest best friends, sole girlfriend type thinking  

I spent my late teens and all my 20s being a dutiful SAHD caring for my Mom & Dad through various illnesses & accidents + running the home while my mom went back to school and started her own business. In addition to all of that, I was a caretaker for my Mom's parents, until Grandpa's death and Grandma moved herself to a better living situation SO HER KIDS WOULDNT HAVE TO CARRY THE BURDEN OF CARING FOR HER. 

I think having children so they'll care for you is a terrible reason to have them. Wading through these fundie attitudes about children when dealing with both sets of fundie parents one of the many many things that  is more and more swaying me to not having any of my own. Plus if I have them, I'll be in my mid 50s before they're gone, then it'll be time to start caring for my parents again. And help with Mr. EW's parents to. And I will have spent my whole life caring for people. And I just don't know if I can do that, to be honest. I don't want to do that. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

14 hours ago, EowynW said:

while my mom went back to school and started her own business.

So ... if your mom did this why were you not allowed to further your education/ have a career?  Seems very hypocritical to me.

Was it because your mother was already married with children and you were supposed to be waiting in limbo for Mr. Right to show up?

In your case Mr Right was right there all along, but what was wrong with getting higher education and then working while "waiting."*

*Not that I think women should wait to start their lives when Mr. Right shows up.  Life is going on no matter what and there should not be the magic trigger moment when you get to start it. Magic trigger= being married.

The oldest Maxwell daughter is 36-37, still waiting in Maxhell for Mr. Right so she can begin her life.  I really hate to believe she will wait forever. because the stupid SAHD "rules" say she can't have her own life unless she's married.

[EowynW]

No clue. It was weird. Every once in awhile they'd say "do you want to go to school? We can't/won't pay for it though" & "you know you don't need it anyway to be a wife and mom." And they would say they "never held us back." But, They wouldn't help with even trade school. And the daughters in our family didn't have access to enough cars for them all to work full time to pay for it, plus job requirements were so strict as to what we could and couldn't work at, none of us qualified for aide due to how much parents earned,  and we certainly never qualified for scholarships. I think my sister & I were so overwhelmed and depressed we just gave up. The penis bearers in our family were forced to start working full time, start a savings account, build credit, get a loan, buy their own vehicles, but no such help for the girls. It's still so weird and messed up in my head to think about. 

[Briefly]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

The oldest Maxwell daughter is 36-37, still waiting in Maxhell for Mr. Right so she can begin her life.  I really hate to believe she will wait forever. because the stupid SAHD "rules" say she can't have her own life unless she's married.

That is really sad.

[smittykins]

And even if/when she does get married, it really isn’t her own life; she exists as an extension of her headship.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

7 hours ago, EowynW said:

do you want to go to school? We can't/won't pay for it though

But they obviously paid for your mother to go to school.  I guess I don't understand why it was OK for her to go to school (and be paid for), but not you and your sister. Because to me that was definitely, deliberately  holding you all back.

"..... job requirements were so strict as to what we could and couldn't work at"   This really interests me because my parents told us we could do/be whatever we wanted.  What are acceptable jobs for fundie girls?

Just going to throw out it's not too late for you to continue your education if you want, There might be financial aide available or work study or part-time at night while you continue working. 

You've got you own life now -- you can do/ be anything you want.

[EowynW]

@Red Hair, Black Dress my mom got in on a full scholarship for her trade. 

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Just asking -- were your parents home schooled / private christian schooled?

 

[EowynW]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Just asking -- were your parents home schooled / private christian schooled?

 

Both public schooled. 

[mango_fandango]

Well, I “bought” the Babywise book (it’s a charity shop, and I’m doing some good by getting rid of it) and I dumped it in the kitchen bin when I got home. 

[Briefly]

6 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Well, I “bought” the Babywise book (it’s a charity shop, and I’m doing some good by getting rid of it) and I dumped it in the kitchen bin when I got home. 

I've added that one to my list to look for when I go thrifting.

[Granwych]

On ‎2‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 2:19 PM, EowynW said:

My MIL wanted to know about putting her herbs to use. So I sent her my resource for making tinctures. With Vodka. Complete radio silence on that topic now.  

I have a jar of honeysuckle flowers in vodka that's been steeping for nearly 2 years.  Should be just about done, ya think??

[GenerationCedarchip]

On 2/23/2018 at 12:58 PM, mango_fandango said:

Well, I “bought” the Babywise book (it’s a charity shop, and I’m doing some good by getting rid of it) and I dumped it in the kitchen bin when I got home. 

Babywise makes me cringe.  I think because it went so mainstream and sounded reasonable enough for lots of people to buy into it. My old fundie church was heavily into Baby wise but even there it's started to be a topic (thankfully) open to debate. 

[Travlr98]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I actually ran into someone from PP’s church on the bus the other day. She is from Germany and said she came here for chuch. When she said the church was a Baptist Church in Tempe my radar went off and I wanted to find out which church she went to. I finally got her to tell me the name of the church. Lo and behold it was Faithful World Baptist Chuch. She hall gave me pamphlet as I got off the bus. Sure enough when I opened the pamphlet there was a picture of PP 

[EowynW]

I always have plenty of real life fundie encounters to share, lol  

So...

the youngest and last in my fundie family is getting married in May. He's 26 1/2. 

My mom texted today saying he just confessed to them that he needed some sex ed help because "he didn't know where to put it" after they got married. He doesn't know any basic anatomy for down there. And my Mom started going on and on about how "sweet and precious that was" because he was so "innocent" and it makes her "so so so happy." Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon.

I cried a little into the dishwater after that. I just cannot wrap my head around not giving fundie children, young adults and grown ups a decent anatomy and sex education until literally 2 months before they get married. And bragging about it. The lack of education makes marriage so hard for these people when they do get married!! (I have fundie friends who haven't even experienced an orgasm yet in almost two years of marriage!) 

I educated myself during my 20s. I watched some online, read books & articles and thoroughly knew how my body worked. But my mom thought I was an innocent fundie flower and gave me a sex book 6 weeks before my wedding. I was always the rebel.  

I have been planning to purchase a good egalitarian marriage book for them, but now I'm going to add a sex book. And I'm going to talk to my little brother in the next few weeks and just be blunt about about some sex stuff, I think. We've always been very close. He's already been asking marriage advice from us and I fully see him slowly leaving fundiedom over the years. It'll just be hard with both parents being hard core fundie. But I have hope. 

 

[Briefly]

8 hours ago, EowynW said:

I always have plenty of real life fundie encounters to share, lol  

So...

the youngest and last in my fundie family is getting married in May. He's 26 1/2. 

My mom texted today saying he just confessed to them that he needed some sex ed help because "he didn't know where to put it" after they got married. He doesn't know any basic anatomy for down there. And my Mom started going on and on about how "sweet and precious that was" because he was so "innocent" and it makes her "so so so happy." Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon.

I cried a little into the dishwater after that. I just cannot wrap my head around not giving fundie children, young adults and grown ups a decent anatomy and sex education until literally 2 months before they get married. And bragging about it. The lack of education makes marriage so hard for these people when they do get married!! (I have fundie friends who haven't even experienced an orgasm yet in almost two years of marriage!) 

I educated myself during my 20s. I watched some online, read books & articles and thoroughly knew how my body worked. But my mom thought I was an innocent fundie flower and gave me a sex book 6 weeks before my wedding. I was always the rebel.  

I have been planning to purchase a good egalitarian marriage book for them, but now I'm going to add a sex book. And I'm going to talk to my little brother in the next few weeks and just be blunt about about some sex stuff, I think. We've always been very close. He's already been asking marriage advice from us and I fully see him slowly leaving fundiedom over the years. It'll just be hard with both parents being hard core fundie. But I have hope. 

 

I'm glad he has you.

[MamaJunebug]

The Westbrook “Baptist” Clowns are due in St. Louis on Monday morning. Early. Too early for me. I’m woebegone! I always wanted to go see them in-person, take a selfie with them in the background, dance -- dressed in rainbow accessories — to whatever song they were parodying...bummer. 

[thinandfit]

21 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

The Westbrook “Baptist” Clowns are due in St. Louis on Monday morning. Early. Too early for me. I’m woebegone! I always wanted to go see them in-person, take a selfie with them in the background, dance -- dressed in rainbow accessories — to whatever song they were parodying...bummer. 

How will you cope without being present at such a joyous occasion! I am sure passersby will be able to feel the Godliness radiating from them These people actually really annoy me because they give anyone who calls themselves a Christian a bad name but I was weirdly fascinated by their Louis Theroux documentaries despite them being extremely holier than thou and smug

[Briefly]

22 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

The Westbrook “Baptist” Clowns are due in St. Louis on Monday morning. Early. Too early for me. I’m woebegone! I always wanted to go see them in-person, take a selfie with them in the background, dance -- dressed in rainbow accessories — to whatever song they were parodying...bummer. 

They have a tendency to announce many different places at the same time, in the hopes that they can appear and not have as many protesters because all the protesters have gone to the wrong place.  However, they have so many people who are on to them that there are always plenty of people to protest them wherever they actually are!