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"I Kissed Dating Goodbye" author is crowdfunding a documentary on the impact of his book


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17 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

I do feel a bit sorry for the young woman who thought the documentary would be a great Master's thesis.  She opened a can of worms for herself.

Yes, it's a shame. And the idea of examining the impact of the book and the culture within which it was embedded is interesting!

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3 hours ago, L1o2u3 said:

They've almost met their kickstarter goal. 

 

Sheila Wray Gregoire has written a blog post about her thoughts about that documentary and how her attitude towards courtship has changed.

Only ~3K short. We may actually see this documentary! 

That's an interesting article! She's right that the courtship model places a heavy burden of expectation on people.

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Now they have all the money they need :) 

 

even though I question the motives behind making the movie and I don't feel like supporting the kickstarter campaign, I'm really interested in the outcome of this project. 

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I feel like I can already guess the outcome, he basically says he was young and then blames people for taking his writings too seriously. I doubt this will be a "Wow, I really screwed up big time and messed up a whole lot of lives. I was wrong, my books are crap and should be burned and I'm sorry that I ever wrote them" sort of a thing. 

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11 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I feel like I can already guess the outcome, he basically says he was young and then blames people for taking his writings too seriously. I doubt this will be a "Wow, I really screwed up big time and messed up a whole lot of lives. I was wrong, my books are crap and should be burned and I'm sorry that I ever wrote them" sort of a thing. 

YUPPPPP.

 

My prediction: they will present three people/couples: one for who IKDG worked for, one for who it didn't work, but it all turned out okay, and one for who it didn't work at all and a trainwreck ensued. They will then present all three outcomes as being equivalently likely, with many weaselwords and nonpologies from Josh. 

 

(note: I was raised Southern Baptist in the 90's, and a lot of my peers read that book. My parents thought the whole idea was effing stupid and never mentioned it, much less tried to impose it. I probably would have run away if they had!)

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2 hours ago, JesusCampSongs said:

They will then present all three outcomes as being equivalently likely, with many weaselwords and nonpologies from Josh. 

And then Josh will say "Iʻm sorry if it didn't work for you. Here's a link to my new ministry website!"

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20 minutes ago, hoipolloi said:

And then Josh will say "Iʻm sorry if it didn't work for you. Here's a link to my new ministry website!"

I was always a bit skeptical, in large part due growing up in a Lutheran community which encouraged critical thought.  In the 12 or 13 years I've been closely observing fundamentalist/patriarchal "christianity," I've become downright cynical.

When whoever in the NT predicted there would be wolves *within* the church turning people off of religion, they certainly predicted it right. 

I'll watch the documentary if I can do so for free, but I've every expectation it will be exactly as @hoipolloi and @JesusCampSongs prophesy!

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The other day, I brought up Josh Harris's inexperience when writing the book, and I discovered that a family member knew about the crowdfunding and contributed a little :(

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  • 2 months later...

So not sure if this a good thread to post this in but figured I would put it here because the Duggars have consistently promoted "courtship instead of dating" and I believe at one point they even talked about this book.  Heard a Family Life radio program tonight where the author of the Kissed Dating Goodbye book is coming out to say his book has actually hurt quite a few people and now twenty years later he realizes that the courtship program he lays out leads to couples getting too close too fast.  Also, that as his kids have matured he has realized that parents must begin to relinquish control to be able to allow the children to mature spiritually.

Right now the author is filming a documentary about what he has learned since that book came out.  It was really quite eye-opening....  

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It was broadcast on a local Christian station, but Family Life Radio is national.  When I google it- the blog comes up with an option to listen to today's broadcast through your browser.  I just thought it was so interesting because my parents tried to shove that book down our throats when my sisters and I were teens.  

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We've known this for years but now that he's speaking out against his model, I wonder if these fundies will distance themselves from it. The Bontragers have not used the word courtship. They say "relationship" instead. I would guess more fundies will be following this language change. The Bates already have a rather long "getting to know you" period before courtship. These fundies will probably just latch into some other book telling them how to date. 

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When he pulls the book and all of its spinoffs  from Amazon, he may start to have a bit of credibility.   If he can't do this due to some type of arrangement with his publisher, putting a big disclaimer in there would help. 

 

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On 7/10/2017 at 2:10 PM, Anonymousguest said:

This was actually his point when he didn't apologize last year. He said he was young, he didn't know anything, her didn't write the book as a list of rules people should adopt (reading between the lines, people should be more discerning and think for themselves). Unfortunately there is a portion of the population who was looking for a rule book to follow, and their kids/community suffered. Is that his fault?

I remember reading on a modesty blog, with an audience of many a fundie but also Christian/Jewish/Conservative women in general, several years ago that "Homeschooling is not the 11th Commandment and I Kissed Dating Goodbye is not the 67th book of the Bible". The author of the post was addressing legalism I believe. Anyway, as to who's "fault" it is, I think daddy Gregg used his boys* as a platform to gather a following. Honestly, it wasn't until years after I did dump Harris' tennants within the realms of emotional purity (the crux of his argument for "courtship" imo) that I actually made the connection that at the time Harris wrote this book, he had not been in one courtship yet. 

 

*don't get me started on "Do Hard Things"

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I'm a total idiot, apparently I posted a link to this thread in this thread:smiley-signs131:

So sorry - my only excuse is I've hopped up on cold meds all week, and must have lost my damn mind.

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No, this topic began in the wrong place so it and subsequent replies were moved.  The problem is some people already have a window open and are replying as we're moving.  Sorry it made you feel bad though.

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I've never been a Christian, let alone a fundie, but I will never forget my one encounter with this book.  It was 1999, I was a freshman at a very prestigious university generally considered to be among the top 10 in the US academically, and one Friday night while my roommate was out trolling for a hookup at the Pi Kappa Alpha dorm, I was perusing the books on her bookshelf and saw this one and read a little but quickly abandoned it because wtf.  I kind of wish I'd asked her about it, but I never did.  Anyway, when I later heard of it again on FJ and other sites discussing fundies and their strange ideas, it struck me as even more bizarre that my roommate who loved to go to frat parties and hook up, who liked to dance around our room to "Back That Ass Up" while prepping for these parties, and who attended an extremely selective university at which I doubt you'd ever find any  fundie-style homeschool graduate (ESPECIALLY a female one), had this book and brought it with her to college.  

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The “emotional purity” argument drives me nuts.

I was an emotional hot mess long, long before any man came along and that had more to do with my messed up family structure and adoption issues than anything else. My first time didn’t help but for heaven’s sake, that was a weak argument for me the first time I heard it and still is.

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14 hours ago, dramallama said:

I've never been a Christian, let alone a fundie, but I will never forget my one encounter with this book.  It was 1999, I was a freshman at a very prestigious university generally considered to be among the top 10 in the US academically, and one Friday night while my roommate was out trolling for a hookup at the Pi Kappa Alpha dorm, I was perusing the books on her bookshelf and saw this one and read a little but quickly abandoned it because wtf.  I kind of wish I'd asked her about it, but I never did.  Anyway, when I later heard of it again on FJ and other sites discussing fundies and their strange ideas, it struck me as even more bizarre that my roommate who loved to go to frat parties and hook up, who liked to dance around our room to "Back That Ass Up" while prepping for these parties, and who attended an extremely selective university at which I doubt you'd ever find any  fundie-style homeschool graduate (ESPECIALLY a female one), had this book and brought it with her to college.  

I went to college around that time as well (back that ass up always seemed to be playing at all the college clubs) and my roommate would have brought a book like that to college so we could all read it and laugh hysterically on a boring Tuesday night in the dorm. We laughed at a lot of stupid books back than. 

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Just now, JermajestyDuggar said:

I went to college around that time as well (back that ass up always seemed to be playing at all the college clubs) and my roommate would have brought a book like that to college so we could all read it and laugh hysterically on a boring Tuesday night in the dorm. We laughed at a lot of stupid books back than. 

I considered that, but it didn't really fit her personality to do something like that. I never saw her pick it up at all. My roommate's family lived near campus and she went home every Sunday to go to her family's (United Methodist) church so I just figured she got it from a youth group or something, though it still struck me as odd because that's hardly a fundie denomination AFAIK, and she so clearly did not subscribe to that line of thinking about dating and relationships.

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