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Coconut Flan

Anna, Josh, & the Ever Multiplying M Kids, Part 11: His Cheating Heart

614 posts in this topic

Continued from here:

 

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Hey @Coconut Flan, just wanted to note that the last thread didn't get locked (or isn't showing as locked on my end!)...disregard this obvi if it's just a glitch on my screen. 

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Thanks - no it's the combination of migraine and Maxalt and my mother's whiny dog.

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Just now, Coconut Flan said:

Thanks - no it's the combination of migraine and Maxalt and my mother's whiny dog.

I hope you feel better soon! And that the dog decides to give it a rest, lol. 

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I will I expect, but thank you.  The Maxalt almost always works and the dog just wants me to go to bed.  It's only 8:30 in Cali so it's too early for me.  He's given up for the moment finally.  I prefer the nights he takes himself to bed. 

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@Coconut Flan I hope your migraine is better. I get them too. 

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The previous thread had a snapshot of a discussion on Marcus' nerf gun gift. I get the names Alpha Male and Beta Male, but Delta Male? What's a Delta Male? And why no Gamma Male (going with the Greek alphabet theme)?

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Apparently, Josh Duggar has joined the lawsuit. Wow. (Does it get discussed here?)

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2 minutes ago, sunshine said:

(Does it get discussed here?)

It's on the Lawsuit thread.

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Posted (edited)

I seriously wonder about this couple. I have a few theories in my head about why Anna has managed to let Josh back in on all levels.

I wonder if it's one of these reasons:

1) She is smitten. She's admitted that Josh was her first every thing (and it's safe to say her only?) She is like many people who forgive their first of darn near anything they do, because the forgiver is too afraid (or unable) to explore what comes next. Easier to just try again and pretend like everything is going to be okay because love conquers all.

2) She has a plan. She's piling up her coins to leave Josh when she is financially stable and best fit to independently raise her family. For now, she'll go along with the flow like nothing's wrong.

 

3) She already knew. She knew Josh was living a double life (minus the cheating) and she feels it is her role to protect him from his family and controlling parents. And she's going to love him through this and by love she means real LOVE like the love mentioned in I Corinthians 13 not the lackluster love -modern love- that has boundaries, contingencies and guidelines. Because that kind of love keeps us from agape. Or something.

4) She's stuck. Like most poor under-educated women with children she is left with the task of solely caring for her children. She knows good and well her brother's talking trash. He wouldn't really help her. Not in a way that would be best for she and Her kids. Her parents think she should stay and pray. She doesn't want to be a burden to others. She has to make the best out of the situation because this is her destiny.

 

5) She's delusional. This can be combined with #1. Anna really thinks Josh can change. And guess what. He can. Just not with her because she represents every thing he loathes. He wants out of that world but think it is too late because he is weak and dependent. He resents his parents he's always resented them. But now God will clean Josh's heart because he repented and God will make him clean a new. Anna will be there with open arms to show she was always worthy of his love and respect.

6) She's prideful. She wants to stick it to the man. She will show all the nay sayers. She loves Josh. Their family will shine and prove critics (public and personal) alike that they are wrong. She is right. And Josh is right because God said so. God gave her Josh and they're gonna make it. Them and their babies against the odds.

My best bet is a combination of #3 and #6 as her motivation.

Edited by TatiFish9
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28 minutes ago, TatiFish9 said:

I seriously wonder about this couple. I have a few theories in my head about why Anna has managed to let Josh back in on all levels.

To add onto your theories: 

7) She's scared. Of everything: being alone, finding another relationship, looking for a job, paying her own bills, etc. 

Side thought, I wonder how the rest of the Duggar girls would treat her if she divorced Josh? It seems like they are her best friends. Would they be forbidden/threatened by their parents from hanging out with her? Would the rest of the family stay close with the M Kids? 

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I think she wants more kids, doesn't want them to grow up without a father (even him), doesn't want the responsibility for what might happen to them if she leaves, is thinking the Lord will be on her side as long as she keeps trying...and she doesn't have a plan.

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1, 3, 4, 5.

She doesn't strike me as prideful. She strikes me as broken-hearted, and trying to do the best that her naive, ignorant and sheltered life has taught her how to do. I think she loves him in that desperate teenage way of "I can't let go even if he's a jerk". Combine that with her upbringing, church culture and ongoing family pressure from both sides - everything and everyone is telling her that divorce is wrong, that her feelings don't matter and that she needs to forgive, because don't forget she's a sinner too, so it would be hard-hearted and bitter not to do for Josh what Christ has done for her. So she's doing her best to do what she's been told is right, even if she's miserable and has no idea how happy and good her life could be. Plus the thought of leaving her babies and getting a job might be completely overwhelming, especially as most of them are still preschoolers.

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6 hours ago, TatiFish9 said:

4) She's stuck. Like most poor under-educated women with children she is left with the task of solely caring for her children. She knows good and well her brother's talking trash. He wouldn't really help her. Not in a way that would be best for she and Her kids. Her parents think she should stay and pray. She doesn't want to be a burden to others. She has to make the best out of the situation because this is her destiny.

5) She's delusional. (...) But now God will clean Josh's heart because he repented and God will make him clean a new. Anna will be there with open arms to show she was always worthy of his love and respect.

6) She's prideful. She wants to stick it to the man. She will show all the nay sayers. She loves Josh. Their family will shine and prove critics (public and personal) alike that they are wrong. She is right. And Josh is right because God said so. God gave her Josh and they're gonna make it. Them and their babies against the odds.

 

My bet is 4, 6 and a bit of 5. Maybe a short time ago 5 was an important reason, but probably she's getting real about Josh.

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7 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

I second number eight.

Once my first husband's family figured out I wanted to leave they developed a habit of one of them would hold my son and keep him within reach and made it very clear I could leave any time I wanted to, but they would keep him. If for some reason they couldn't find a reason to pop in when my ex wanted to go out, then he would lock us in. There were only four of them and one child in my situation.

...and having lived it, I can assure folks that all that stuff that people think is just paranoia and TV plots, that's really happening every day. It's a big part of how they continue to get away with it  too and needs way more open conversation if ever we as a society are going to adequately combat it.

 

That's terribly frightening. I am so glad you were able to escape in the end. I assume with your son?

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5 hours ago, BemusedByFundamentalism said:

That's terribly frightening. I am so glad you were able to escape in the end. I assume with your son?

Initially with him, though shortly after his father begged for a visitation claiming he couldn't wait until court. I didn't want to be one of those parents who weaponise their children, so I agreed. He absconded with him. That's how I come to know that "possession is 9/10 of the law" applies in families' court too.

When he did return, he produced 28 'witnesses' from our church community to speak to our characters. They made him out a godly, upstanding man, dealing with a dishonest (as in not totally the proverbs wife - things like having shouted at him when caught him out cheating with one of his girlfriends) and difficult wife. My having instigated the divorce, called the police when he was late back with my son, applied for a preventative steps order etc was presented as unstable and flaky. My job (then actor and dancer - the latter in an interfaith group) was trotted out as essentially prostitution and proof of dishonesty (that was challenged by my guy and their side halfheartedly rebuked).

I have two more surviving children (3 from 16 surviving in total across both marriages) from my second marriage - there's that indoctrinated wife/mother = life purpose thing again. Due to my disabilities they are in a very supportive adoptive situation and thriving. The judge who dealt with that was at least good enough to see that theory are forever protected from both men.

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Posted (edited)

So do you think Josh wants to be with Anna? He cheated, got caught, went to Jesus jail, and now is back home with Anna. He may not actually want to be there. I despise Josh and I'm not defending him or worrying about his precious feelings after everything he has done, I'm just realizing I haven't thought about the fact that maybe Josh wants to leave Anna.

Edited by Eternalbluepearl
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18 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

So do you think Josh wants to be with Anna? He cheated, got caught, went to Jesus jail, and now is back home with Anna. He may not actually want to be there. I despise Josh and I'm not defending him or worrying about his precious feelings after everything he has done, I'm just realizing I haven't thought about the fact that maybe Josh wants to leave Anna.

To be honest, I don't think he really knows what he actually wants. On one hand, he clearly is not happy the way things are. On the other, he has a restrictive and fundamentalist upbringing consistently telling him that he's the worst type of sinner if he leaves his wife and the lifestyle.

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Posted (edited)

If he became a monk he could leave her without it being so much of a sin.

 

Religious extremism had a hand in the pile of crap 'man' he is, let them contain him - preferably a long way away from everyone.

Edited by MadeItOut
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Josh never loved Anna IMO. She was the band aid to his porn and molesting problems. Josh never treated her particularly well. He was always giving her looks like she was dumb or just annoyed. For God's sake right before his wedding when he and Boob were talking over the "sex book" and Boob made a joke that the book did not ave pictures Josh said it was ok because he would have a "working model" to work with. WTH? A working model? How about a wife who you love? To  me that proves he never really loved her or considered her feelings. 

4 minutes ago, MadeItOut said:

If he became a monk he could leave her without it being so much of a sin.

 

Religious extremism had a hand in the pile of crap 'man' he is, let them contain him - preferably a long way away from everyone.

Not as a baptist. 

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Anna, I feel, is stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand she could leave and figure out life for herself. That's scary though. Why scary? Well that's what is on the other hand: family pressures, going to hell, breaking up the family, being blamed again and again. What if she loses her children? What if she cant make it on her own? What would she do? How would she live? It's a lot and Anna is an adult, she could do all of this. It would never be easy and every day would be a struggle but she could. I don't think she will because I think she does believe that Josh loves her and that Jesus can fix everything. She cling to her faith. 

I can't imagine feeling that stuck but maybe she's happy? It's hard to know what I would do because I'm not where Anna is. So I can't truly put myself in Anna's shoes. I feel bad for her, will continue to feel bad for her. More for the children who are complete innocents but still for Anna as well. 

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I don't think Josh ever loved Anna. I think she loves him for whatever reason. I also think her father pushed her into marrying Josh because he thought he was a good guy and could provide for her. 

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I say it's a combination of 3, 4, 5.

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