Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[Lurky]

For people saying "where I live the pressure to be married by 27 and have kids by 30 is huge" - you can absolutely do your bit to change this by making sure you're not pressuring your friends and relatives yourself, and if you do have kids, by not pressuring them either.

(Got to say, the idea that someone is not enjoying cultural pressure to be married & having kids already, AND saying they really want to be a young grandparent is a weird one for me, because to me it's saying they don't like feeling the pressure themself, but are absolutely intending put the same pressure on any hypothetical kids)

[neurogirl]

The Midwest pressure is so real. Boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, moved in together last August, and the pressure from my extended family is insane. On the other hand, his family is from the East coast, and though he's the baby, he's the only one in a super serious relationship. We are 24. 

My aunt had a baby at 16, another at 19, a third at 20 (the last one after marriage to the father of the second two) and she is absolutely pressuring her daughters-in-law (30ish and 27ish) for "grandbabies," to the point where she is pleading for them on Facebook. She's extreme but it's a common feeling in small towns in the Midwest. Fortunately my parents have lived all over the country and are more chill. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Chiming in on the marriage conversation. I'm 37 and single. I've always wanted to get married, not necessarily to have kids, but because beneath my cynical jaded exterior lies a hopeless romantic who wants a life partner, and who wants to celebrate that union publicly with a fantastic party for all our family, chosen family, and friends.

I started the longest term relationship I've been in thus far (6.5 years) when I was 26. I was convinced we would wind up married it, and I believe I wanted it, despite the rising sea of red flags surrounding that relationship. I'm thanking my lucky stars now that I did not stay in that relationship. It became incredibly toxic, and in the 4.5 years since it ended I've struggled finding connection, love and trust with those I date.

I've see many people in my network who married in their 20's and who are now in their late 30's-early 40's and divorced, or really don't seem happy in their relationships. Sometimes I wonder how much societal pressure played a role in some of those early marriages, and I wonder how things would've played out differently if they had not gone through with it.

[Minionmayhem]

4 hours ago, ak1188 said:

The pressure in the Midwest is real and it's intense... My fiancé's family has been hassling him about getting married since he was in his early 20s and he's 37 now.

It is. I wasn't even looking to date anyone when I stumbled upon my husband. I was 19, in college, and we knew each other for 2 weeks before deciding to get married, then planned to get married 2 weeks later. 

Our families didn't even bat an eye and threw together a church wedding in that time. That's really where I branched off from the pattern though. Everyone assumed I would leave college and start having kids, but I finished my bachelors and we waited years to have kids. We left the Midwest and I would never encourage my kids to get married so young. We are lucky as hell that we worked out, all of our friends who married around the same time haven't been so fortunate. 

[Jana814]

I'll be 37 in August. I have never been married. I have had one relationship a few years back and have not have one since. He was emotionally unstable and very immature so I think I'm afraid to be in another one. My parents have not pressured me to have one so I'm lucky in that sence. 

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

Its totally true about the marriage pressure in the midwest. I lived in a rural part of Colorado when I was in college, and for a little bit after I finished college, even, which is sort of similar to the midwest. Even that far west, the pressure was pretty intense. I graduated early from high school because I skipped 11th grade, so I finished college early too, when I had just turned 21, and I still remember telling one of my coworkers about my graduation ceremony, and her response to me being, "That's great! So does this mean you and your boyfriend are going to get married now?"  I was 27 when we finally did get married, but by then we had relocated to California, so the lectures changed from "You need to hurry up and get married, you're almost 27!" to,"Are you sure you don't want to buy a house before you get married? You're only 27..." which we both found pretty amusing. 

[HarryPotterFan]

4 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I graduated in 2006! That being said, I think there is always some pressure but I take it with a grain of salt. There are 2 going on 3 in my class that have reproduced at this point. I'm pretty content with my cats to be honest.  

I graduated in 2008! I'm seeing more and more people in my class getting married. One of my friends has 2 kids! I can't even handle myself, let alone children.

3 hours ago, Nashville92 said:

 What I have trouble with is self esteem, mine is lower than low so I have no confidence in myself to ever find a husband.  I do realize things could be a lot worse and I'm just greatful I'm not in a terrible relationship. 

Any who I'm excited to see her dress

I have the same problem! It's gotten worse since I started my new job, and it's kinda made me feel like I couldn't handle kids...

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

1 minute ago, HarryPotterFan said:

I graduated in 2008! I'm seeing more and more people in my class getting married. One of my friends has 2 kids! I can't even handle myself, let alone children.

I have the same problem! It's gotten worse since I started my new job, and it's kinda made me feel like I couldn't handle kids...

all you people talking about graduating in '06 or '08....are we talking high school here? 'cause I graduated HS in '11 and I have several former HS classmates married, with kids, or getting married next year. Even more from my college class, as well as the year behind be and the brand new college grads. haha.

[Rachel333]

3 hours ago, Georgiana said:

And just between me and FJ, I think I might have met "The One".  It's just that he is unfortunately engaged to someone else right now, so that's a minor hiccup.  See what happens when you rush into marriage and engagement?!? 

Hey, you never know. My dad was engaged when he met my mom. That's a part of their story they don't talk about much.  I didn't learn about it until I was probably in my teens and I was pretty shocked. There was no cheating or anything going on though; my dad just realized she wasn't right for him, broke up with her, and then started dating my mom.

[HarryPotterFan]

@ihaveanexamintwodays I'm talking about high school. And damn, that's some young marriages.

[Georgiana]

11 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

Hey, you never know. My dad was engaged when he met my mom. That's a part of their story they don't talk about much.  I didn't learn about it until I was probably in my teens and I was pretty shocked. There was no cheating or anything going on though; my dad just realized she wasn't right for him, broke up with her, and then started dating my mom.

Thanks!!!!  Fingers crosssssed!

[VineHeart137]

I graduated high school in '07 and I've been married for nearly 4 years (and we have a child who is nearly 2!), and I have several married friends. Last year alone we attended 5 weddings for people from our (college) class. This is in Florida.

[GnomeCat]

47 minutes ago, ihaveanexamintwodays said:

all you people talking about graduating in '06 or '08....are we talking high school here? 'cause I graduated HS in '11 and I have several former HS classmates married, with kids, or getting married next year. Even more from my college class, as well as the year behind be and the brand new college grads. haha.

Yes I was also referring to highschool too. Class of 2006. I remember getting a ton of lectures on not getting knocked up in highschool and the 2 years of community college I attended. Once I graduated from college it was like a switch was flipped and pregnancy was all of a sudden encouraged. Parents declaring they were ready to be grandparents. The pressure was on. I'm almost 31 now but people close to me know I'm not certain that is a path I want to walk in life so the topic is usually avoided with those individuals. 

[Nikedagain?]

4 hours ago, Georgiana said:

At 29, I'm pretty much over it.  I own a home, have 3 adorable cats, a wonderful job, a loving chocolate lab...I have a GREAT life.  I have AWESOME friends.  FULFILLING hobbies.  Besides a few tax breaks (oh the horror!), I'm not missing a damn thing. Is it sometimes harder to be single?  Sure.  But you know what?  You learn how to do it on your own, and the journey ain't half bad.  

I know I want kids in a few years, and while I would LIKE the father to be my spouse, it's really not ESSENTIAL.  It's 2017, and since I can afford kids, there's nothing stopping me from becoming a single mother.

You can't see us, but my 3 cats, my elderly Jack Russell and I are all bowing down to you.

YOU GO GIRLLLL

[MadeItOut]

54 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

Hey, you never know. My dad was engaged when he met my mom. That's a part of their story they don't talk about much.  I didn't learn about it until I was probably in my teens and I was pretty shocked. There was no cheating or anything going on though; my dad just realized she wasn't right for him, broke up with her, and then started dating my mom.

My folks were the same.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

You all are making me feel OLD I graduated in 88, LOL!  At my 10 year year reunion I would say probably 1/2 the class was married and or had kids, I was 1 of the marrieds and had a 6 month old.  What I'm most surprised about now is the number of girls where were pregnant or got pregnant with in a few months of graduation, out of 130 ish kids I know of 30 who have grand children I know of 5 women who have kids that are 28 almost 29 and we graduated 29 years ago this week.  1 girl was 4 months pregnant when we graduated but didn't tell anyone because they were still kicking girls out at that time, they kicked 2 girls out through out the year 1 one month before graduation.  Most of the people I still keep in contact with via facebook have kids that range in age from early 20's to 2 men who have infants.It is funny to see some of our classmates becoming grand parents while the last of us are just becoming parents. 

[JesusHDuggar]

So, on jessa's instagram she shared a screenshot of her and Ben face timing with JinJer. Do you think they're gonna miss the wedding or is just another Duggar style red herring? 

[Carm_88]

5 minutes ago, JesusHDuggar said:

So, on jessa's instagram she shared a screenshot of her and Ben face timing with JinJer. Do you think they're gonna miss the wedding or is just another Duggar style red herring? 

That was posted three days ago and we don't know when the actual screen shot was taken. So, take it with a grain of salt. 

[marmalade]

That's from a few days ago, and probably a red herring to throw people off. I'm sure the Vuolos have been in town for a few days. I'm assuming the rehearsal is going on right now. Sunset in Fayetteville is around 8:25, but they don't have to rehearse at the exact time, unless they want to time it out to get sunset pictures. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

JD could fly down and get them and be back in less than 10 hours or they could fly up there in less than 4.  I don't see any of the siblings missing this wedding.  It will be down to the howlers and lost girls before we see siblings not being able to make it because of pregnancy and distance or lack of funds depending on where they are all living at the time.  No one at the church is going to begrudge JinJer taking the weekend off to attend her sisters wedding.  Odds are all the sisters from Hannie on up will be bridesmaids & I'm sure buddy Jenni will be in there some how as well.  

[purple_summer]

I'm another late aughts grad and so far it's easier to think of all the people who are married/do have kids rather than don't.  I'm also the only one of my cousins on my mom's side who isn't married or in a long term relationship and I'm not the youngest...

[marmalade]

31 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

JD could fly down and get them and be back in less than 10 hours or they could fly up there in less than 4.  I don't see any of the siblings missing this wedding.  It will be down to the howlers and lost girls before we see siblings not being able to make it because of pregnancy and distance or lack of funds depending on where they are all living at the time.  No one at the church is going to begrudge JinJer taking the weekend off to attend her sisters wedding.  Odds are all the sisters from Hannie on up will be bridesmaids & I'm sure buddy Jenni will be in there some how as well.  

Haven't seen any activity on either plane this week. It looks like JinJer took to the road. 

[bekkah]

7 hours ago, nausicaa said:

 You are young, no matter what others tell you. (And on that point, have you thought of moving somewhere where being single and 27 is not strange at all? It would probably be good for your mental health and also give you more dating options. I know it's probably a big change, but you've said you've made finding a partner a priority.)

I am sticking around for one more year. And likely, I won't be moving because I am applying to grad school and what I want to do happens to have the best grad school in the country in the city I live.  

 

I have actually went through some big transitions this year.  Some people have the financial luxury of being able to move, I don't.

 

My point is that culture still values being a mom and a wife as the highest thing a woman can achieve. A man can have a career and that is what his life is about but a woman is more likely to be asked about the state of her uterus. It is heart breaking to see the girls fall into marriages that are possibly unhealthy. 

 

[HarleyQuinn]

So if the rumors are true, wedding tomorrow night?

[mirele]

Any idea on how much this wedding is going to cost? My brother took my mother to her grandson's wedding last weekend in another state. They came back and both of them reported the cost of the wedding was in excess of $200,000. (I was particularly surprised to hear that from my mother, who is legally blind and pretty close to deaf, so the number must have been bandied about pretty publicly for her to have heard it.) My brother said he thought the flowers at the country club reception cost $50K. The bride is an only child and her father dotes on her, apparently. For the record, I was not invited because I am persona non grata with those relatives due to my politics. However, this was a good thing because someone did have to stay home and take care of our combined pet menagerie.  When I heard how much was spent on the wedding, I was glad I wasn't invited, because I would have had a conniption fit. 

I have to think that the Duggars do it much cheaper than that!