Adoptive "Mothers" 3: Women Who Don't Deserve Mother's Day

[Inthemadhouse]

Does everyone think that Kimi actually believes that her girls are as disabled as she claims they are? Is she that caught up in her own delusion that she has convinced herself that not only do they all have severe needs, but that list of needs keeps growing and growing?
Or is this some weird Munchausen thing, where she knows that they are not as disabled as she is claiming, but the charade is worth it because of the emotional thrill she's getting out of it?
I really can't decide which it is.  

[DaisyD]

I think she really believes the things she says. The girls don't seem to see what a perfect Mormon mother she is, or how wonderful church is. Clearly that means there's something wrong with them.

[littlemommy]

42 minutes ago, DaisyD said:

I think she really believes the things she says. The girls don't seem to see what a perfect Mormon mother she is, or how wonderful church is. Clearly that means there's something wrong with them.

I completely agree. Just from all the cats (endless caaaaaaats) she has "saved" over the course of her blog I get the impression that she has a savior complex. She wants props. She wants admiration. She wants GRATITUDE, damnit.

[Granwych]

On ‎5‎/‎21‎/‎2017 at 6:27 PM, LilMissMetaphor said:

 

Kimi, you fucking tool, would you say that the second your biological daughter, if you had one, turned 18? "Boom, get out of my house, you're supposed to be an adult now."

In the group home where I worked, there was a 20 yr old severely handicapped individual -wheelchair, inability to ambulate, on a feeding tube.  This "kid" was there because her fundy parents decided it was time for the kid to be "out of the house" by now.  Even now, my stomach clenches remembering how nuts the parents were.

[Jellybean]

That devastates me, Granwych. I understand that people are scared of 'failure to launch' and want to encourage their kids to get out there and explore the world, learn to use their new independence, and set up on their own in preparation for the next generation. But kicking them out of the nest too early doesn't help anyone. Having a stable fall-back plan gives people the safety to explore and take risks. 

I know full well how much time and energy it can take to meet all those complicated medical needs (I use an electric wheelchair though I can walk a little; I get my nutrition through a long-term IV device and a feeding tube, and most of my meds via one tube or other) and I do feel for the parents, especially if they were utterly burnt out from a lack of support and no end in sight, but we're talking about their child - a human being - not some out-of-fashion plaything.

I don't know how things were at your group home, but I'm guessing from your reaction that it's not a block of self-contained units for people with disabilities, where they can receive appropriate help with medical and social care and can exert their autonomy with the help of personal assistants, getting a hobby and/or a job, choosing where and how to spend money, time and energy, and choosing the company they keep. I could get behind that sort of group home (that's what I would want for myself if I could no longer live at home with my husband) but they are few and far-between. I have friends who ended up in elderly care nursing homes, where they were the youngest person there by at least 50 years, and the expectation was that they would be shuffled from bed to wheelchair to meals to 'day room' and back to bed, every single day, which is not cool. 

ETA: Could there be a financial aspect to this? I'm in the UK, where things are funded very differently, but is there some sort of stipend for adoptive parents that ends when the child reaches adulthood?

Edited May 26, 2017 by Jellybean
Adding another thought

[SoGladIWasCofE]

I think it's more likely to do with kimis fixation on babies. She could kind of pretend that disabled minors are "really children", but she doesn't actually want to care for a disabled adult.

[Stormy]

17 hours ago, SoGladIWasCofE said:

I think it's more likely to do with kimis fixation on babies. She could kind of pretend that disabled minors are "really children", but she doesn't actually want to care for a disabled adult.

Thinking far ahead here, I can't help but worry for Apple as she gets older. Individuals with Apert syndrome have premature skull fusion that can affect their brain development, causing mild to moderate intellectual disability if untreated or treated too late. Although Kimi chronicled the many surgeries to correct this problem, Apple wasn't adopted until she was around a year-and-a-half old. As the various cranial sutures begin to close sometime between nine and eighteen months in the typical infant, there's a chance that the premature fusion may have already occurred for Apple. She could likely have some impairment that simply isn't obvious in a sheltered five-year-old (or one that'll go unnoticed by Kimi until Apple stops being cute).

[adidas]

I have always thought there was an element of Munchausen wrt Kimi.  But I'm no expert - from here in my armchair, all I have are her own words to go by. I think she is exaggerating the disabilities of the older 3 girls.

Off topic but I read this article recently and imo it was fascinating. 

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/malingering-by-proxy-the-parents-who-make-kids-sick-for-a-profit/news-story/b4bfd7329017b15620f817e83bd80582

[itsme]

Okay so vickis latest post is really getting on my nerves.

she insisted in several posts that giving Avery up was the right thing. The only thing. 

And now after Averys rehoming failed spectacularly it turns out she hadn't tried  Therapy?!?!

isn't that the first thing you turn to if your OWN Child (which Vicki still claims she considered her to be) exhibits  violent behavior towards others? 

How can she still spin her rehoming as the only Option available if she now admits she hadn't even consulted with psychiatrists? Just admit that Avery was too much for you and so you tossed her aside like a broken piece of furniture.

She just wanted an easy was out. Despicable. Just dont adopt then ( Plenty of good People don't.)

[keepercjr]

Wow that post is upsetting.  How could she have not tried therapy.  Vicky was in no position to adopt another teen girl.  She works all day leaving the girls at home to do their own homeschooling.  it doesn't seem they get much interaction with others except at church.  How she thought this would work for a troubled child is beyond me.  She does a good job of trying to keep them connected to their culture but that is about it.  I can understand that the other girls in the house are afraid of Avery If they have to be home alone with her during the day.  How is that even acceptable to her social workers?  If the child is violent they deem it acceptable for the one adult to be gone at work all day?  But hey she brought her over here to the land of plenty and taught her about god.  Good enough I guess

Did anyone notice the comments on Kimi's Mother's Day rant about Sissy?  

 

Quote

First, K! Happy Mother's Day. After reading the post I understand that it wasn't nearly as peaceful as you'd hoped, but know this, you are a wonderful mother. 

I really commend you for your patience and resiliency with Sissy. I'm exhausted just reading about her antics. She really doesn't understand what a wonderful family she was adopted into. 

I hope that her adult transition program gives you and your other girls the respite you all desperately need.

 

How horrible for Kimi that Sissy just doesn't understand what a good fortune she had being adopted by K.  

[Stormy]

Do you think Kimi could get reported to authorities (given she's displayed potentially illegal behavior)? There's no way there hasn't been at least one person who's read her blog and considered it; while that would sound like the righteous thing to do, I'm afraid it might make things worse for her girls if nothing were to come of it. She may never let them out of the house again.

[SoGladIWasCofE]

I definitely considered it. I'm still considering it. She's breaking the law. Importing a child, denying them access to their passport and locking them in, is human trafficking. The question is if it actually does any good.

I'm in a bit of a weird emotional place with this right now, I reported my downstairs neighbours to social services last night because I could hear children being hit. IDK it's actually going to help, but the social worker I spoke to seemed to think I should have called them sooner or gone straight to the police. Which is a far cry from the way they didn't give a rats arse when I was a kid, "it's fine unless it leaves marks". Yeah, I don't bruise easily at all. that shouldn't make it ok to hit me.

I think at this point, where she's already locking sissy in, it might do more good than harm. Especially since it sounds like what Sissy needs is basic info on other places she can go, and she'll be out of there. And she might be in a place where if an authority figure asks her if she's ok where she is, she'll say "no, get me out of here".

[littlemommy]

I'm in a weird place with this as well. I was a mandated reporter for years. I even made a call once, about a staff member at a day program shoving a client (not one from my agency, but I knew she was a client and not a fellow staff member). Nothing came of it, and that was strange and upsetting.

If this was something I had heard or seen firsthand, I would not hesitate. What makes it weird is the added "internet" layer of it. Getting this information through Kimi's odd filter, presented via a terse and very odd (doll clothes....cats....pictures of dead butterflies) blog. 

[SoGladIWasCofE]

Yeah, the "hi, my I can hear my downstairs neighbour hitting their kids. No, I don't know the kids' names, how old they are or how many of them there are." was odd enough as it was.

"hi, yeah, you might notice from the accent I'm from another continent, but i think this girl I've never met is being abused, because I read stuff on her adoptive mum's blog" probably wouldn't go down great. IDK. They might be obliged to follow up on it and would probably find some worrying things?

[Mercer]

I would have zero issue making a report; I've done it before as a mandated reporter and will do so again I'm sure.

The problem is that I simply don't have enough information to generate an actionable report about this situation. I don't know real names or exactly where she lives. All I have is internet hearsay. I don't think hotlining her at this point will do anything, and a report that doesn't go anywhere might just make her more secretive and put the kids at more risk. 

If more information comes to light, I would act on it.

[anachronistic]

Unfortunately, I really don't think reporting her would do any good. The kids all see doctors regularly, are fed, housed, clean, and not beaten or sexually abused. That's the stuff CPS does removal for. Not educational neglect or social isolation or any of the other awful thing So kimi does. You can't take away someone's kid because the kids soul is being damaged. It sucks beyond all measure, but it's true.

[Rachel333]

Damn, without context this title makes it sound like this thread is for people who really hate adoption.  I agree though that these people are horrible individuals.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Sissy is obviously more intelligent than Kimi makes her out to be. Her level of functioning seems to depend on how Kimi wants to present her as-either as someone who is completely incapable of thinking, or someone who is some kind of sneaky, evil schemer who is capable of a lot. I hope someone notices and helps her. I think the majority of the issues Sissy displays, are because of Kimi.

[Stormy]

2 hours ago, Mercer said:

I would have zero issue making a report; I've done it before as a mandated reporter and will do so again I'm sure.

The problem is that I simply don't have enough information to generate an actionable report about this situation. I don't know real names or exactly where she lives. All I have is internet hearsay. I don't think hotlining her at this point will do anything, and a report that doesn't go anywhere might just make her more secretive and put the kids at more risk. 

If more information comes to light, I would act on it.

Kimi gave her full name and exact location when she opened her home-run daycare to the public. I don't know if that info is still available since she shut down her daycare's website, but I do remember her last name and city off the top of my head. (I thought it was sketchy even before Sissy-gate, what with all the pictures she shares of her girls along with so many personal details.) I do agree with you that a warning from CPS would be enough for her to do more than just make her blog private.

I wouldn't have considered it earlier for the reasons @anachronistic gave, what with the fact that educational abuse and general meanness are too arbitrary to draw lines from. I also assumed that things would straighten out once the girls came of age and could take control of the situation themselves (or at least get kicked out by Kimi). There was even a lot of talk in the previous threads about Kimi potentially getting rid of Sissy the moment she could. Instead, it appears the newly adult Sissy is being held against her will; not merely manipulated into staying home with Kimi, but physically restrained via locks, alarms, and, apparently, firefighters. If it's true that Sissy's functioning enough to not need a guardian in the way Kimi insinuates, then human trafficking might be at play.

If Sissy can thrive in the adult program and gain some freedom that way, then I think she'll be fine. What I'm afraid of is the possibility that Kimi could refuse to relinquish (some) control in order for that to happen, and that she'd abruptly pull Sissy out (if history repeats itself) and continue to "care" for her in the way of further isolation.

3 hours ago, SoGladIWasCofE said:

(snip)

"hi, yeah, you might notice from the accent I'm from another continent, but i think this girl I've never met is being abused, because I read stuff on her adoptive mum's blog" probably wouldn't go down great. IDK. They might be obliged to follow up on it and would probably find some worrying things?

I agree, this context wouldn't be ideal; I do know, though, that action has been taken as a result of viral content from social media (Facebook and YouTube, specifically) before, as it's still a way to disclose and gather information about real people. It would be dependent on how much publicized content is present for analysis (specific offensive blog posts, etc.).

[Mercer]

CPS is actually not the report that I think needs to be made here. Poor parenting is not against the law, but imprisoning a disabled adult is. I haven't seen anything in the blog that is CPS reportable, but adults with disabilities have rights.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Mercer

[Edhelfin]

Kimi, you evil shrew.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Edhelfin
Because Kimi is a sneaky bitch who googles herself.

[Mercer]

Edited because all I really need to say is:

I would suggest that we drop the reporting discussion entirely and assume each poster will act individually according to his or her conscience. Giving the appearance that we are trying to dogpile Kimi will be counterproductive. This is getting into potentially problematic territory because we can't give the incorrect impression that we are attempting to act as a group here. We should just each do whatever we personally feel is appropriate and move the discussion on.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Mercer

[purjolok84]

On 5/28/2017 at 4:13 PM, anachronistic said:

Unfortunately, I really don't think reporting her would do any good. The kids all see doctors regularly, are fed, housed, clean, and not beaten or sexually abused. That's the stuff CPS does removal for. Not educational neglect or social isolation or any of the other awful thing So kimi does. You can't take away someone's kid because the kids soul is being damaged. It sucks beyond all measure, but it's true.

I know I've probably watched too much SVU, but Sissy is eighteen - is there an adult version of CPS for vulnerable adults (disabled, elderly, mentally ill etc)?

Knowing Kimi though, Sissy would suddenly become Einstein if authorities called to check if Kimi was locking in and exploiting someone disabled. Except that I don't think Sissy is as disabled as Kimi exaggerates anyway.

Edit: just read Mercer's post and agree with what's said - sorry I posted before reading.

 

Edited May 30, 2017 by Coconut Flan
Format.

[Stormy]

I found something kinda weird today. Remember when Kimi's daycare website was still up and there was the paragraph about how her daughters helped run the business (despite all their alleged special needs and incompetence, but I digress)? Specifically, it was advertised that her eldest daughter (Sissy) was fluent in both Mandarin and Cantonese.

Well, today, I was poking around on Kimi's blog out of boredom and found this post from 2012 when Kimi and Jie Jie were meeting Sissy for the first time. There, she stated that Sissy only spoke Mandarin.

I've stated before that Kimi's daycare website was a good indicator that she could be exaggerating her daughters' shortcomings since she takes her businesses so seriously, but I highly doubt Sissy would have picked up Cantonese since coming to the states. Why would she lie about something like that?

Edited May 31, 2017 by Stormy
Punctuation

[purjolok84]

It just makes me wonder whether any of the girls, especially Sissy, have ever been offered a translator in their medical appointments. Or is this a service that Kimi 'claims' they don't need?