JinJer: Now with Social Media

[Four is Enough]

I think that word "train" gets a bad rap in the Proverbs quote..  after all, not everything we train a child to do is bad..

Potty training comes to mind. Putting toys away. Walking the dog/poop scooping.  This is training. Chores. Multiplication tables. 

Your child remembers all those hours spent with flash cards when he can figure out the tip at dinner without pulling out his phone.

[wotdancer]

Once upon a time I used an Amplified Bible, and I really liked the phrasing of the "train up a child" verse in it. It said "Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God's wisdom and will for his abilities and talents]". I liked the focus on the individual child's abilities and talents.

[KeshetParparNesicha]

Where does that "train up" translation come from? AFAIK the word in Hebrew means something more along the lines of educate or mentor.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

2 minutes ago, KeshetParparNesicha said:

Where does that "train up" translation come from? AFAIK the word in Hebrew means something more along the lines of educate or mentor.

(i know next to nothing about scripture itself) but my guess is that's one of the reasons the duggars love the KJV. *eyeroll*

[nickelodeon]

It's a fine verse, but when the Pearls made it the title of a book that has been responsible for the death of several children, they kinda ruined it for everyone.

[PumaLover]

It's a fine verse, but when the Pearls made it the title of a book that has been responsible for the death of several children, they kinda ruined it for everyone.

I was curious what you meant so I went down the rabbit hole reading about this book. Wow.

[Percy]

I constantly telling my 19 and 21 year old daughters that I am not their best friend,  I am their mother!  My girls and I are close and enjoy spending time together, but the have their own best friends.

My mother insists I am her best friend, and I am not comfortable with this.

Good thing everyone is different  cheers 

[2manyKidzzz]

I have three sons. They never wanted to be my best friend. 

[HarleyQuinn]

My som thought he could marry me when he grows up. He cried when I explained that he couldn't lol. 

Threenagers, man. Emotional.

[treehugger]

3 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

My som thought he could marry me when he grows up. He cried when I explained that he couldn't lol. 

Threenagers, man. Emotional.

Ha! I hear ya! My 4 year old daughter recently informed my husband that she was going to marry him as well. Of course, the next day she and her little sister (age 2) decided they were getting married instead. Basically, she just wants to wear beautiful dresses and party. 

[MadeItOut]

My older boy came home from his first day of nursery and declared I'm not cool anymore, because 'classmate' had said so - and he's my best friend.

[Front Hugging Fiend]

14 hours ago, Percy said:

I constantly telling my 19 and 21 year old daughters that I am not their best friend,  I am their mother!  My girls and I are close and enjoy spending time together, but the have their own best friends.

My mother insists I am her best friend, and I am not comfortable with this.

Good thing everyone is different  cheers 

I'm 21 and my mother tells me this often. It's a real shame because we were extremely close until she remarried when I was 13. Now I don't feel comfortable sharing most life events with her. I feel like I don't have the right to talk about deeper topics (love life, fears, my mental health, etc). because she so heavily emphasises that we're not friends, just mother and daughter. 

I'm all for needing to draw the line somewhere but it kills me that she doesn't want to be friends as well as mother/daughter. I'm 21. I'm an adult with three jobs, a bachelor's degree, and a master's degree on the way. I vote in elections, I can drink, I can buy my own home, I can leave the country whenever I want (and have done so twice). I don't need lecturing or correcting as much as I need loving advice and guidance, and encouragement. Having a friendship that sits alongside our mother/daughter relationship would really help support that, I think. We're drifting as I get older and she doesn't really know me all that much anymore. It makes me really sad. 

By all means, choose your own boundaries and relationships... I just think it's important to have alternate viewpoints every now and then. 

[Four is Enough]

2 hours ago, Front Hugging Fiend said:

I'm 21 and my mother tells me this often. It's a real shame because we were extremely close until she remarried when I was 13. Now I don't feel comfortable sharing most life events with her. I feel like I don't have the right to talk about deeper topics (love life, fears, my mental health, etc). because she so heavily emphasises that we're not friends, just mother and daughter.

I'm not sure why the dynamic changed when your mother remarried, but I am sorry for it. Make no mistake. I am friendly WITH my children, and I am more open with them than I was when they were younger and I had to maintain standards of politeness, sobriety, etc.. but I am still their mother

Can you approach her with a request for more openness from her and tell her what you said here? would she be receptive? Maybe she sensed something (and misinterpreted)  in you that caused her to back off.

[Front Hugging Fiend]

4 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

I'm not sure why the dynamic changed when your mother remarried, but I am sorry for it. Make no mistake. I am friendly WITH my children, and I am more open with them than I was when they were younger and I had to maintain standards of politeness, sobriety, etc.. but I am still their mother

Can you approach her with a request for more openness from her and tell her what you said here? would she be receptive? Maybe she sensed something (and misinterpreted)  in you that caused her to back off.

We've talked about it before. Her response is usually 'But I don't want to be that person with you.' or 'there are some things a mother just doesn't need to know'. It's not like I'm telling her about my sex life or anything, but if I go out with a guy and I think it's going well, I'd like to be able to fill her in? 

I'm a very sentimental person, and more emotional than she is. She doesn't like hugging me as an adult, so when I come back from long trips, it's a high-five at best. I've tried talking to her, particularly when I was hit with the worst of my depression a couple of years ago, and she just didn't say much at all. I think she thinks she can't be vulnerable around me or something... she's made it clear that her husband is her best friend now and she tells him everything, too. So I can't tell her something private without her discussing it with him. 

Don't get me wrong, I love her and care about her deeply. I also have a 6 year old (half) brother... I don't know. Maybe she struggles with parenting a young child and a young adult so I just get a bit more distance. 

Anyway. Sorry for the overshare. I never realised how much I was carrying from that. End rant! x

[Four is Enough]

Surprisingly, I do understand more than you might think. I am a fairly non-demonstrative person, and I have been encouraged to be that way (some might say bullied into it) by my EX husband. Many years later, I don't say "I love you" or hug people much.

My daughter wants me to be more girly and do things like shopping, manis and pedis with her, and I can't.. so luckily, the adult/mother figure who will do this with her is my sister.

My daughter can talk to me, and I will give her advice as a mother would, but I'm not going to encourage or support stupid young person behavior as, perhaps, another, younger person would.. and I'm certainly not going to tell her MY secrets. (unless, of course, she could learn something from it..)

Hugs virtually to you, @Front Hugging Fiend

[melon]

On 5/18/2017 at 2:29 PM, Queen said:

Hear, hear! I know when my parents lost their virginities and it's way too much information! I. Don't. Want. To. Know. But they come from a culture or social circle where it is expected to make your sexual debute on your wedding night, and to be open about this choice, even brag about it. It shows you are godly or something...  Well, at least my parents don't know about my first time, they only know I didn't "save" myself for marriage  

There are just some things,I will not discuss with my sons.See above.

Two of my sons figured out by the date of my wedding..to the birth of my oldest son,that I was pregnant when I got married.They asked as teens ,I admitted it,that was it...end of story.My oldest son has NEVER asked,but if he has done the math,I am sure he figured it out.

I had a nosey neighbor,he was a drunk,and I tried to avoid him because,let's say he was a dirty old man.He very sexual comments.He even asked me questions that were none of his business,or even mine.The oldest son had a girlfriend for 4 years,all through high school.This neighbor asked me if they,my son and his girlfriend were having sex....I said...I don't know,and I do not want to know.

Also my son is a diabetic,he refuses to control it.I have tried everything to convince him he needs to control it.I told him he could have impotence....at first,he did not know what that word meant.....then it hit him...Oh,it means a guy can't get it up". " I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM...I could have crawled under the seat of the car....so embarassed.

Too much info

Sorry for me giving to much info.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, Front Hugging Fiend said:

We've talked about it before. Her response is usually 'But I don't want to be that person with you.' or 'there are some things a mother just doesn't need to know'. It's not like I'm telling her about my sex life or anything, but if I go out with a guy and I think it's going well, I'd like to be able to fill her in? 

I'm a very sentimental person, and more emotional than she is. She doesn't like hugging me as an adult, so when I come back from long trips, it's a high-five at best. I've tried talking to her, particularly when I was hit with the worst of my depression a couple of years ago, and she just didn't say much at all. I think she thinks she can't be vulnerable around me or something... she's made it clear that her husband is her best friend now and she tells him everything, too. So I can't tell her something private without her discussing it with him.

I'm gonna be blunt, your mom sounds like a selfish bitch, she also sounds like my mother.  Our feelings are irrelevant it is all about what SHE wants. I'm sorry you have to live with this, and hopefully as you get older you can learn that it is her that has issues that have nothing to do with you.  I've learned over the years that I don't have to apologize for not having a good relationship with my mom, when she puts nothing in emotionally but demands everything in return.  Your mom sounds much the same, the fact that she can't put her daughter 1st once and awhile is so sad, you deserve better 

[meee]

On 5/19/2017 at 7:05 PM, KeshetParparNesicha said:

Where does that "train up" translation come from? AFAIK the word in Hebrew means something more along the lines of educate or mentor.

Yes. And it also says to educate according to HIS way - i.e. the way he learns best - not the way you think he SHOULD go.

[Front Hugging Fiend]

2 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I'm gonna be blunt, your mom sounds like a selfish bitch, she also sounds like my mother.  Our feelings are irrelevant it is all about what SHE wants. I'm sorry you have to live with this, and hopefully as you get older you can learn that it is her that has issues that have nothing to do with you.  I've learned over the years that I don't have to apologize for not having a good relationship with my mom, when she puts nothing in emotionally but demands everything in return.  Your mom sounds much the same, the fact that she can't put her daughter 1st once and awhile is so sad, you deserve better 

She puts my literal needs first and has always provided for me in every other aspect, so I think it's less of a selfish thing and more of an independent thing? Maybe, since she's not an emotional person, she only has the capacity to be open with one person at a time? I don't have it too bad all things considered. And she knows me better than Michelle Duggar knows her spawn, so that's something.

I hope you're doing okay in your own situation. Some women are just perhaps not meant to be maternal. Sucks. But we can handle it. x

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, Front Hugging Fiend said:

She puts my literal needs first and has always provided for me in every other aspect, so I think it's less of a selfish thing and more of an independent thing? Maybe, since she's not an emotional person, she only has the capacity to be open with one person at a time? I don't have it too bad all things considered. And she knows me better than Michelle Duggar knows her spawn, so that's something.

I hope you're doing okay in your own situation. Some women are just perhaps not meant to be maternal. Sucks. But we can handle it. x

My mom did provide for me financially in our house we equated stuff with love I don't think it ever bothered me until I had my own kids and then I just didn't understand how she could be the way she was. I know it it was how she was raised, her mother mad her look warm and fuzzy. My mother also has a myriad of other issues that make me wanting to have a friend relationship with her impossible. I'm glad your mom seems to be better than mine.

My issues consist of being just polar opposite of my parents in practically every way, for example my parents are racists, my father disgustingly and vocally so, my mother at least has the decency to say "I'm not a racists but...," before she makes her racist comment. The difference is my father is fine with me not agreeing with or doing things his way, but my mother takes it personally and as an attack on her abilities as a mother and wife, if I or my sister do things different than she did. Her way was the right way and we are wrong.  So I have all kinds of issues with both my parents 

 

[Yes, TOTALLY]

I wouldn't say my mother was my best friend, but I enjoy spending time with her as much or more than I do with friends.  There are things I keep private from her and I don't tend to get emotional around her but she is a font of knowledge about all sorts of things and we work in similar fields and enjoy a lot of the same stuff.  I think it's a sign of healthy attachment and a successful parent-child bond if you enjoy being around your parents as an adult.  I would never go out partying with my mum or tell her specifics about my love life, but there's nothing wrong with enjoying spending time together as a mother and child in an appropriate context. 

[nst]

On 5/21/2017 at 7:27 AM, Front Hugging Fiend said:

We've talked about it before. Her response is usually 'But I don't want to be that person with you.' or 'there are some things a mother just doesn't need to know'. It's not like I'm telling her about my sex life or anything, but if I go out with a guy and I think it's going well, I'd like to be able to fill her in?

my mom hated her mother for a variety of reasons, and she just told me yesterday that when my grandmother went into an old folks home (she has been dead for 14 years) she got drugged on purpose because of the way she acted and for the first time in my mother's life she saw this woman who had so many issues just sit there and clam up.  Perhaps it's a medical issue. 

I adore my mother and my mother adores me but she tells me that we must have boundaries and respect as we get older. 

 

[HarleyQuinn]

I don't see my mother often but when we do travel to see each other she turns me into her personal shopper. lol she says she likes shopping with me because I help her find stuff that actually looks good on her.

i had a really shitty relationship with my mother until I became a mother myself. I think a combination of that and moving far away made it easier for us to bond since we only see each other a few times a year now.

[Rachel333]

On 5/21/2017 at 5:18 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

My issues consist of being just polar opposite of my parents in practically every way, for example my parents are racists, my father disgustingly and vocally so, my mother at least has the decency to say "I'm not a racists but...," before she makes her racist comment.

I actually think I prefer the people who admit that they're racists to the people who claim not the be racist but then say racist things anyway.

I'm sorry your parents are like that. I have racist people in my family too, unfortunately.

[PennySycamore]

Has anyone else seen that new Safe-Lite auto glass replacement ad with the Safe-Lite guy who looks like Jeremy?