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Tim Robertson and Tabitha Paine: April Fool's?


choralcrusader8613

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Here's what I don't get: the concept of this being her "last chance" at helpmeetdom and children. There are holes in that being the logic at play here.

First of all, if you're going to marry someone you barely know like fundies generally do, then who cares who it is?! Just marry whoeverthefuck is NOT a rapist/violent and can repeat the "godly" lines. It's not like you need to fall in love and build up a trusting relationship over the course of years like most normal people do.

Second, the go-to line about kids always seems to be about "leaving it in God's hands." It's rarer to hear the quiver-filling bible references from actual quiverfull fundies. So... I know it must be a nightmare for some of these fundie kids, but the thought of getting married and NOT producing children must be a possibility they at least grapple with.

 

 

Nah, in my opinion, if Tabitha goes through with this wedding, the only explanation is sheer, misogynistic, cult brainwashing forced on her by her community. No more no less. I hate to take away her agency by saying that or anything, but I'm just so, so, so angry about this. And I'm not looking forward to how many pet fundies will stay silent in this injustice.

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You think there's a chance Tabitha would shut down the social media/wedding info to pacify the Duggars alone? I could see Dim Bulb "laying it on her heart" to make it a private affair. For their benefit of course, not hers.

Or is there a chance she would call the whole thing off because of negative publicity?

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On 3/11/2017 at 3:54 PM, nausicaa said:

Tabitha still lives at home though. Plus, he just comes off like an immature slob (ya know, in addition to being a rapist) so I just don't get the vibe he has some sleek Restoration Hardware bachelor pad. Nothing about this dweeb in his neon orange shutter shades comes off to me as "established."

So it would still make sense to hold a bridal shower to get some nice towels, serving dishes, and decorative objects. Plus, these Fundie girls get screwed out of so many other little celebrations non-fundies get, I always think it really sucks if they don't at least get to really enjoy the wedding events and lead up. 

But my fingers are still crossed that she said "I'm better than this," and called it off. 

(And I'm with you on how unfair it is that the people who marry and have kids later, and so have hosted the bulk of the showers, are expected not to have showers themselves. Preach it sister.)

I got married last year at 29. I hardly got any towels at my showers. I mostly asked for hardcore practical things with very little frills since I am evidently a man in a girls body who just like practical useful things. (My sister made up for it so my Mom still got to do the frilly stuff.) Anyway, my fundie parents really pulled in and got us a ton of very useful appliances and home things (bless them on this. They really did try way more than most fundie parents) but Mr EW's parents literally gave us one piece of useless decor and a set of towels. Seriously. Anyway, my MIL had a FIT about us not getting more towels. She bitchranted about that all one afternoon while I was trying to clean and set up our house before I moved in. She said that in her day people didn't buy all that "expensive stuff" and instead gave "useful things like towels." Um, things like my expensive blender%2POST http://www.freejinger.org/topic/29045-tim-robertson-and-tabitha-paine-april-fools/ HTTP/1.1 Host: www.freejinger.org User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; Linux x86_64; rv:45.0) Gecko/20100101 Firefox/45.0 Accept: */* Accept-Language: en-US,en;q=0.5 Accept-Encoding: gzip, deflate Content-Type: application/x-www-form-urlencoded; charset=UTF-8 X-Requested-With: XMLHttpRequest Referer: http://www.freejinger.org/topic/29045-tim-robertson-and-tabitha-paine-april-fools/ Content-Length: 3646 Cookie: __cfduid=dbd25718a1d07c9d33e7a16f215dc33ba1489770895; ips4_IPSSessionFront=de30329b15a

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I doubt Tabitha even knows that people wrote to Erin because of her fiancé or that there is an article online about the Duggars throwing a party for a rapist (aka her finacé) or that he even is a rapist (he probably didn't tell the full truth about his past). My bet is she doesn't even know people are talking about it and are worried about her. We might underestimate the shelteredness (not having acces to information online/to the media) of Tabitha.

Chances are really high that she goes through with this wedding in an ignorance-is-bliss state and after the wedding, when she will realize what his real past is a few years down the road, she will still convince herself that it is God's plan and everything is fine.

 

And: is it just me or are there new items added to the wedding registry ?

Edited by eveandadam
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I can't believe how low the bar is set for men who want to marry into the cult. This is the lowest bar I've seen in any culture so far to be considered marriage material, honestly. I would not even have married Jeremy Vuolo mainly because the cop /jail incident. This may be just me and I am very picky, but the fact that Jeremy probably wasn't pure before marriage and spent a night in jail because he pushed a cop (please correct me if I'm wrong) would already ring alarm bells with me if I were pure before marriage and never even considered doing something against the law.

But in their world, a man convicted of rape, a man with a decade of impure living under his belt (drinking, girlfriends, jail), men with almost no education (in part, because they are too young to even have one) and cheaters are entitled to the perfect purest wife who didn't even touch the dirt she walks on, so to speak.

On the other hand, do you believe the Duggars would even allow a woman into their house who is openly gay, has sex outside of marriage or even children from several men? Or would they let one of the sons marry a girl who's had boyfriends in the past (I'm not even talking about a criminal record, here).

This cult, to me, seems like a collecting bowl for the most evil men and the purest women.

Excuse my rant but when you look at Tabitha and Tim, this kind of relationship can only happen within this cult. I always compare couples I see and meet to what would happen if humans where animals living in the wild, only a minimal social construct around them and money not being an issue, would they still be a couple? With Tim and Tabitha, I would say, erm, no!

 

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2 hours ago, eveandadam said:

I can't believe how low the bar is set for men who want to marry into the cult. This is the lowest bar I've seen in any culture so far to be considered marriage material, honestly.

 

In my country a fascist era law let rapists go unprosecuted if they married their victim with the so called "matrimonio riparatore" (repairing marriage), because rape was considered a crime against morals not a crime against a person, once the facade was whole what was behind didn't matter. The law that instituted the "matrimonio riparatore" was challenged many times since 1965 (Franca Viola refused to marry the mafia man who raped her, went through hell in court and won), but abrogated only in fucking 1981, yesterday.

ETA rape became a crime against the person and not just against the morals only in 1996.

Edited by laPapessaGiovanna
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14 hours ago, eveandadam said:

And: is it just me or are there new items added to the wedding registry ?

Yep :-( 

I guess that's our answer. The wedding is still on if she's still adding stuff to the registry. However I still think it's weird as hell that only one thing has been bought and the wedding is just 2 weeks away. People sure are waiting until the last minute.

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2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Yep :-( 

I guess that's our answer. The wedding is still on if she's still adding stuff to the registry. However I still think it's weird as hell that only one thing has been bought and the wedding is just 2 weeks away. People sure are waiting until the last minute.

That is weird.   At this point one would expect Tabitha would have had a shower or two.   Even if one is this weekend, purchases would have been made already.   Makes you wonder if people around her and her family are questioning if she should go through with it.

A few years ago, my cousin got engaged and planned a wedding about 6 months down the line.  My family had some serious questions about him marrying his fiancee (I won't get into details, but it was not good) and even his aunt told me not to go out and book airline tickets or get stuff off their registry (the wedding did not happen btw).   Some years before that, a friend of a friend was getting married and I was advised not to get any shower gifts until the very last minute, the couple was so terribly mismatched,  it was obvious.  Even my friend who was MOH at the wedding had serious reservations about it at the end (the wedding did happen btw).  So IME, if people have serious reservations, they tend to hold back on making purchases or arrangements until they absolutely have to. 

Hypothetically, if I had to attend this particular wedding, I wouldn't be rushing out to buy a shower gift.  Or maybe I would get a gift card that she could still use in case she calls it off.

Edited by nokidsmom
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I really don't find it odd that most gifts haven't been purchased yet. I just got married at the beginning of the month and people waited until about 2 weeks out to buy things from our registry. Most people live out of state though so they were buying online and shipping gifts to our house which may have influenced the timeline. 

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Yeah, I got married in October. No shower, because we are well into adulthood & had two households to combine, but people asked so we made couple of registries. One Target, one Bed Bath & Beyond. Bath towels, kitchen towels, pot holders, a set of pots & pans- things that we needed to replace anyway. Plus a food processor & a 4 slice toaster. Only four people bought off the registries - kitchen towel sets, a bath towel set, & the pans. Everyone else looked at the registries, then bought similar stuff elsewhere & brought to the wedding. Toaster, food processor, some towels...I had no problem with it, I was just happy to get gifts!

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I come from a long, proud tradition of inbred white trash, so my wedding/shower/registry experience is primarily from that perspective. (However, I've hosted many showers and directed quite a few weddings outside of the family as well.)

For my family and social circle, it's just about a universal truth that the registry will be hit hard and fast by older relatives seeking to purchase smaller-priced items before they are gone, followed by steady waves of people who generally purchase the cheapest item remaining at whatever point they decide to buy. The parents of the bride and groom typically purchase one or two of the higher-priced items well in advance of the wedding as a sort of declaration of confidence. 

I've only ever had one registry neglected like Tabitha's, and that one also had items added at the last minute. It was for a cousin, who was hastily marrying a man in the aftermath of her father's death. I didn't find out until much later than she'd publicly called the wedding off about 4 times in the months leading up to the big day, though she never bothered to tell me that. (I was hosting and directing, so it would have been nice to know.) Nobody bought anything because everyone was worried that it would be a waste. My cousin added more items to one of her registries less than a week before the wedding because she was trying pretty hard to attract more peoples' interest in the wedding. Ultimately, she received some gifts, but precious little from the registries. 

 

There may be many excellent reasons why this wedding registry has been so ignored by the family, but I have my doubts.  It's possible that she's been getting things from people who didn't use the registry, but if that were the case, she would have no reason to ADD things to the registry. Our conjecture on our personal experiences aside, the real frame of reference for this wedding is the experiences of Tabitha's married siblings, and others in their social group... and none of those people had an untouched registry 12 days before their wedding. (As far as I know.) It seems certain that she plans to marry this cretin (creTim?) now, but all signs indicate that the wedding guests have had cause to be cautious.

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I thought the reason people put masses of items on wedding registries was because some stores give big discounts to the happy couple after the wedding if guests haven't bought the stuff.

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2 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

I thought the reason people put masses of items on wedding registries was because some stores give big discounts to the happy couple after the wedding if guests haven't bought the stuff.

That's true - most places give you a coupon off your entire purchase of what hasn't been bought. But the registry people -- a least in my experience -- really push you to register for at least three gifts per guest.

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28 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

That's true - most places give you a coupon off your entire purchase of what hasn't been bought. But the registry people -- a least in my experience -- really push you to register for at least three gifts per guest.

Ha! We were at Bed Bath & Beyond after the wedding (using a gift card to buy dishes, lol), and there was a young couple walking around the store with the registry person. She was pushing them to add all these useless, expensive little hostess knick-knacks. "Now this is a crystal butter dish. You have to have this. Register for two at a minimum. And an 8-pce. crystal hostess set - you should register for two of these. Oh, here's a silver chopstick stand - two of these. Now, pickle dishes..."
We looked at each other & laughed, because the same lady kept calling before the wedding, wanting us to come & fill our registry in-store. I'm glad I did mine all online.

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Ha! We were at Bed Bath & Beyond after the wedding (using a gift card to buy dishes, lol), and there was a young couple walking around the store with the registry person. She was pushing them to add all these useless, expensive little hostess knick-knacks. "Now this is a crystal butter dish. You have to have this. Register for two at a minimum. And an 8-pce. crystal hostess set - you should register for two of these. Oh, here's a silver chopstick stand - two of these. Now, pickle dishes..."
We looked at each other & laughed, because the same lady kept calling before the wedding, wanting us to come & fill our registry in-store. I'm glad I did mine all online.

Ha! That's where we went too! DH and I had a hundred guests and he kept telling us the important of making sure there were at LEAST three options for every guest. We already had a house. We didn't NEED a bunch of random crap. We mostly registered for basic cheap stuff we wanted to replace, with a few nice items thrown in.
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3 minutes ago, Mela99 said:


Ha! That's where we went too! DH and I had a hundred guests and he kept telling us the important of making sure there were at LEAST three options for every guest. We already had a house. We didn't NEED a bunch of random crap. We mostly registered for basic cheap stuff we wanted to replace, with a few nice items thrown in.

We invited 30 people, about 25 showed up, & most of those were couples, so we got maybe 10-12 gifts? We only registered for a few things fro BB&B, and the rest from Target. (Most of our guests have Target budgets, like us.)  I think we had one thing per guest.
My most favorite and treasured gifts? The cat coffee mugs my oldest gave us, and two vintage Star Trek decorative plates (Uhura & Kirk) from the president of our Star Trek club.

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Is it considered rude if you give the marrying couple money as a wedding gift in the US? Where I live almost everyone gives cash (it's considered polite to give at least as much as the couple paid for your restaurant dish, so in Poland about $50), especially now that people live with each other before marriage and simply have this stuff. I never heard about anyone doing a registry here. So, let's say I go to a US wedding with $100 in an envelope, would that be frowned upon? :D

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Is it considered rude if you give the marrying couple money as a wedding gift in the US? Where I live almost everyone gives cash (it's considered polite to give at least as much as the couple paid for your restaurant dish, so in Poland about $50), especially now that people live with each other before marriage and simply have this stuff. I never heard about anyone doing a registry here. So, let's say I go to a US wedding with $100 in an envelope, would that be frowned upon? [emoji3]

No, cash is never frowned upon !
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Haha! I always give cash, I figure it's easier to get something that you actually truly want! 

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My guess would be that the majority of people at the wedding will be fundies. Aren't they more likely to make a quilt or something instead of buying something off the registery? Or people could just be like me, always buying at the last minute because I forget. Are we sure it isn't a fake registry? 

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14 minutes ago, socalrules said:

 

My guess would be that the majority of people at the wedding will be fundies. Aren't they more likely to make a quilt or something instead of buying something off the registery?

 

Incorrect! You get a shitty homemade crib mobile, like Josh and Anna made for JiDerick.

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From all the weddings I attended (Central and Southern Europe) there was only one with couple with a registry. It wasn't at a store but simply a website with household items they would like and you could choose the exact item yourself and then purchase wherever you liked.

For the rest it was cash all the way. I'm fine with it, I don't need to buy shower curtains for people. Registries are pretty rare here and almost considered tacky. Just like baby showers. Very uncommon.

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On 3/18/2017 at 4:14 AM, laPapessaGiovanna said:

In my country a fascist era law let rapists go unprosecuted if they married their victim with the so called "matrimonio riparatore" (repairing marriage), because rape was considered a crime against morals not a crime against a person, once the facade was whole what was behind didn't matter. The law that instituted the "matrimonio riparatore" was challenged many times since 1965 (Franca Viola refused to marry the mafia man who raped her, went through hell in court and won), but abrogated only in fucking 1981, yesterday.

ETA rape became a crime against the person and not just against the morals only in 1996.

Deuteronomy 22:29: If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

 

Because bible.

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That was actually pretty progressive three or four thousand years ago. Unfortunately some people seem to have missed the memo that we've advanced just a bit since then.

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