Seewalds 18 - Spurgy and Henry

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

Speaking as someone who also had controlling parents growing up, maybe Jessa not cleaning the dust bunnies under the bed is just a, "Meh, I'll do it later, because no one is here telling me I have to do it right now" sort of situation. In my experience, when you go from having your parents up your ass all day to having no set schedule to speak of (or a smaller schedule), its tempting to fall into lazy habits just cause you don't have to be constantly looking over your shoulder and holding your breath from being monitored all the time anymore. My first couple of apartments in college were trashed when I moved out of them. After awhile though, I got some space from my upbringing and thought to myself, "It would be nice not to be living in such a sty, maybe I'll deep clean my next place every month or so to keep it from getting super nasty." 

IDK- I've seen way too many kids walking on kitchen counters in Duggarville to ever believe that the Duggars were hardcore cleaners.

Or they could just be lazy- I'd put my money on that choice.

[actuallyjessica]

There's a difference between having a messy home and a dirty home.

I know many SAHMs that have spotless homes, and designated play areas which are constantly picked up.


And then I know people with no children whose homes are covered in dust with clothes and paper piled around.

There's a happy medium I personally aim for, clean but lived in.

[Fun Undies]

14 hours ago, Timetostoplurking said:

I agree, a mother spending all her time on the house is not ideal for the kids.  However, Ben is a professional toilet cleaner.  (Just ask JB.  Lol). Maybe he should be cleaning the house. 

Hahahahaha . . . hello, the house is "women's business".  Toilets can be handled by men, and even trash, sure.  Rest of the house, is all "women's work" in their lifestyle.

7 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm going to assume that comment came out wrong. At least I hope it did. I'm a SAHM and its the toughest job I've ever personally had. Best job too because I have the cutest boss. But it can be really tough at times.

^ love that line, I'm stealing it

When it comes to tough days, and a clean house:
There was one day where I was just really overwhelmed with just how messy how house was looking (ironically, it's even messier today lol).  Toys where everywhere, and no matter what I did to get my kids (28mo, and 11mo. at the time) set up and distracted, whenever I moved out of their sight to clean a room, they hollered and screamed until I came back (they were training me well haha).  Anyways, I called my mom, and said, "Mom, how come if I'm home all day, I can't clean anything?  I feel like I've been doing it all day!  But you could never tell!"

She says, "You can't compare your situation to someone who works - it's not better, or worse, it's just different.  If you were working, and cleaned your house before you left the house, you'd come home to the house in the same way, it'd be clean - instead YOU have people living in your house all day, who.don't.care that you just cleaned it.  They are making messes all day long.  It sucks, but you'll have a clean house when they go to school."

I think it was then that I started crying, because I planned to homeschool
(BUT that's no longer in the cards sadly, because my health wouldn't allow me to be consistent.  So instead I'll do part time teaching during the summer months, and be heavily involved with the PTA )

^ Gees this was a long reply, but hopefully some encouragement for the SAHM moms (being a mom is hard, no matter how you slice it!  SAHM, WAHM, working mom, chronic illness mom, etc.  It's hard!!)

6 hours ago, DaniLouisiana said:

THIS!  My husband is a neat freak and I hate it!!!!!!! He has always had the whole damn garage and some of "my" patio for his projects. I get  to share every single iota of space in the house with him and he bitches and whines that my projects are "everywhere". 

When my kids were little, on no school days during the week, we cranked up the music and cleaned-for him. Our house was and has always been considerably neater and cleaner than my bio mother's homes and I'm an only so ........

Now, as I told him just this morning, he expects 2× the work with less than -3 the help. Plus my auto immune disorder and stupid doctors. 

I just wanted to quote you and say I'm really sorry you're dealing with health issues AND a stubborn husband :/  And I "liked" your comment, not for the words, but just to show some support *internetstrangerhugs*

[Chickenbutt]

You all need to relax about your houses being clean. Who cares? Swipe the counters, throw in a load of laundry, throw what you can in the dishwasher and play with your kids. Cuddle them, take them to the park, rock them, get on the floor and play with them. Your house will be fine not being cleaned every day. Look at it this way......in 20 years your house will not be complaining that mom/dad never spent time/taught me/played with me/hugged me/etc. Your children are only young once and you only have so much time to teach them and play with them. Soon enough they will be in kindergarten, elementary, middle and high school. Then they will be off to college/military/marriage/whatever. And they will tell people of all the time you spent with them and taught them. They will not tell everyone about how clean your house was. You can clean your house when your children are older. 

ETA: When your teenage son open a door for a woman, people are going to say "His parents taught him respect" Not "His mom kept a clean house"

When your daughter graduates with her degree in engineering "Her parents taught her the value of education" Not "Her mom kept a clean house"

When your child volunteers at a homeless shelter."His/her mom taught him/her compassion" Not "his/her mom kept a clean house"

There are more important things in life other than a clean house.

[albanuadh_1]

I thought Jessa had said that she hadn''t cleaned under the bed since they moved in. So... it wasn't dusty because she just had a baby and wasn't up to cleaning. She never did it!

[singsingsing]

11 minutes ago, albanuadh_1 said:

I thought Jessa had said that she hadn''t cleaned under the bed since they moved in. So... it wasn't dusty because she just had a baby and wasn't up to cleaning. She never did it!

THE HORROR.

[Carm_88]

I'm real sick of the dust bunny conversation. To me, if someone saw my dust monsters and commented on them or commented on a picture, I had posted to tell me that they were there; I'd tell them that I have better things to do then care about the dust bunnies. Jessa now has two child, she didn't at the time but perhaps, she was sick of all the things she had to do in the TTH. Like people who move out and stop making their beds or folding their clothes right away, because that was the way their parents did it and it never bothered them. 

Perhaps though, she just doesn't care. Like I don't care and other people here don't care. A few dust monsters aren't the end of the world. 

[Kak]

3 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I'm real sick of the dust bunny conversation. To me, if someone saw my dust monsters and commented on them or commented on a picture, I had posted to tell me that they were there; I'd tell them that I have better things to do then care about the dust bunnies. Jessa now has two child, she didn't at the time but perhaps, she was sick of all the things she had to do in the TTH. Like people who move out and stop making their beds or folding their clothes right away, because that was the way their parents did it and it never bothered them. 

Perhaps though, she just doesn't care. Like I don't care and other people here don't care. A few dust monsters aren't the end of the world. 

Amen

[Chickenbutt]

I totally agree. There are much more important things in life.

[VooDooChild]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

THE HORROR.

Yeah.  I don't think it's a big deal.  I never clean under my bed until we move.  I take that back.  I clean as far as my big fat Dyson will reach.  I mean, I get it.  Jesse has two jobs: house care and babies.  But it's nice to see her enjoying her little ones instead of worrying about dust under the bed.

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, VooDooChild said:

Yeah.  I don't think it's a big deal.  I never clean under my bed until we move.  I take that back.  I clean as far as my big fat Dyson will reach.  I mean, I get it.  Jesse has two jobs: house care and babies.  But it's nice to see her enjoying her little ones instead of worrying about dust under the bed.

And if as stated she never cleaned under the bed, and for at least 1 year she had no babies, I guess she didn't want to clean. 

Lazy wins.

Just more proof that the Duggars are liars and certainly their way is not better than others' ways.

[VooDooChild]

3 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And if as stated she never cleaned under the bed, and for at least 1 year she had no babies, I guess she didn't want to clean. 

Lazy wins.

Just more proof that the Duggars are liars and certainly their way is not better than others' ways.

But do everything as unto the Lord and stuff.  It's for the Lord, so It's totes okay.

[singsingsing]

27 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And if as stated she never cleaned under the bed, and for at least 1 year she had no babies, I guess she didn't want to clean. 

Lazy wins.

Just more proof that the Duggars are liars and certainly their way is not better than others' ways.

Edit: you know what, never mind. This argument is utterly inane and not worth it.

[calimojo]

I am not a clean freak, so I personally don't care on average how clean someone's home is unless of course it is some sort of extreme nasty funk. 

 

But,  I think the reasons why we notice this with the J girls, is that Michelle and JB have touted how their lifestyle is superior and that her daughters were being raised to be excellent keepers of the home.  Having a clean home, home cooked food, etc, is THEIR Value that they have been shoving into the faces of their fans and audiences for years. 

So it is all rather ironic, that the married girls so far,  don't seem to have very stellar domestic skills.  Neither seem to cook much, and Jill's housekeeping in particular seems very sketchy.    Jessa's home, is, I imagine like a lot of us, in that it is relatively clean and tidy, but under the bed, behind the couch, etc,  it is dusty.  I have never really seen Jessa's  home look outright messy or disorderly,  but having some dust bunnies under the bed is no big deal. 

 

But again,  I think we notice it because we are all wondering just what is it she does all day?  We know Ben isn't working full time,  we know she has access to her sisters to help with the kiddos.  Her house is tiny.  But per her own admission, she rarely cooks, and doesn't seem to do the deep cleaning much. 

 

 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Edit: you know what, never mind. This argument is utterly inane and not worth it.

So why bother replying?

Totally unnecessary- the down vote clearly expressed your thought.

1 hour ago, calimojo said:

I am not a clean freak, so I personally don't care on average how clean someone's home is unless of course it is some sort of extreme nasty funk. 

 

But,  I think the reasons why we notice this with the J girls, is that Michelle and JB have touted how their lifestyle is superior and that her daughters were being raised to be excellent keepers of the home.  Having a clean home, home cooked food, etc, is THEIR Value that they have been shoving into the faces of their fans and audiences for years. 

So it is all rather ironic, that the married girls so far,  don't seem to have very stellar domestic skills.  Neither seem to cook much, and Jill's housekeeping in particular seems very sketchy.    Jessa's home, is, I imagine like a lot of us, in that it is relatively clean and tidy, but under the bed, behind the couch, etc,  it is dusty.  I have never really seen Jessa's  home look outright messy or disorderly,  but having some dust bunnies under the bed is no big deal. 

 

But again,  I think we notice it because we are all wondering just what is it she does all day?  We know Ben isn't working full time,  we know she has access to her sisters to help with the kiddos.  Her house is tiny.  But per her own admission, she rarely cooks, and doesn't seem to do the deep cleaning much. 

 

 

Thank you- and I agree this is exactly why it has been discussed here. The domestic/homemaking gig is part of why/how they separate themselves from heathen women. IMO, this is totally an appropriate topic to discuss on this board- more so than how they "look".

[Carm_88]

I wouldn't judge her housecleaning skills as poor because of a few dust bunnies. Spurgeon is clean and in clean clothes, Henry seems to be about the same. From Counting On and pictures, both the family/living area and kitchen seem to be quite clean. There wasn't a hundred dirty dishes in the sink. I don't think it's a comment on her housework ability. 

[calimojo]

I don't judge her house work as much as I judge her lack of cooking skill.  Again,  we were sold this idea that these girls were being trained their whole lives to be wives, skilled home makers and good mothers.   This was sold as their highest calling and yet Jessa claims to have only cooked a few times since they got married?  Now maybe it is because Ben really likes to cook, which if true is fine, or course, but again,  Either Michelle didn't do a good job in preparing these daughters of hers to be good homemakers, or they are playing up the "I don't know how to cook" thing as some sort of comic relief for the show. 

 

I am not surprised that they aren't gourmet cooks, because in the early days of living on a budget, that wouldn't have been practical. 

 

I would respect the not cooking/cleaning thing, if it were portrayed as part of their rebellion from  gothardisms womanly destiny, but that doesn't seem to be the case. 

 

Jessa seems to really be in love with being a mom.  It has softened her and she genuinely seems happiest when she is with Spud.  If she chooses not to be the perfect wife, mother and homemaker that is fine.  Goodness knows she wasn't allow to make many choices in her life before, and as long as she and Ben are in agreement with their lifestyle, then no big deal.  But if it is part of her asserting her own individuality from the gothard expectations of womanhood, I would love to hear her talk about that.  But it seems on screen anyway,  that she isn't busy doing anything else (I am referring to pre-birth of Henry), so it ends up looking more like laziness than it does a choice to vary from gothardism in anyway. 

 

Now we all know from the state of the TTH that housekeeping doesn't seem to be a huge priority for Michelle either.  It is frequently messy and likely has some dust balls under the beds as well. 

[Jilli]

I know Ben has allergies and that would be the extent of my concern when it comes to dust bunnies. As long as everyone is mostly healthy and happy, it's a win to me.

I'm a second generation terrible house keeper. I can't say anything really.

[calimojo]

Honestly, my allergies are worse after cleaning my dust bunnies than if I just leave them sit. I use it as my excuse for not cleaning under my bed! 

 

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

So why bother replying?

Totally unnecessary- the down vote clearly expressed your thought.

Thank you- and I agree this is exactly why it has been discussed here. The domestic/homemaking gig is part of why/how they separate themselves from heathen women. IMO, this is totally an appropriate topic to discuss on this board- more so than how they "look".

I'm guessing that @singsingsinghad already submitted a comment before deciding it wasn't worth it - so she had to erase what she had written and replace it with something else (because you can't delete a comment entirely.)

I think discussing their skills can be relevant (and moreso than their appearances as you pointed out). But the dust bunny incident just seems a bit overblown in my opinion. She was pregnant for most of their first year of marriage - it's entirely possible that exhaustion from pregnancy and then from caring for a newborn played a role in the lack of under the bed cleanliness.

Like others have said, the house in general doesn't seem grimy or dirty - lived in maybe, but not dirty. She, Ben, and the kids seem relatively well groomed and clean as well. I consider those things more important than how dusty the space under a bed is.

[singsingsing]

18 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm guessing that @singsingsinghad already submitted a comment before deciding it wasn't worth it - so she had to erase what she had written and replace it with something else (because you can't delete a comment entirely.)

Yep, that's exactly what happened. 

[calimojo]

Jill seems to be a much worse housekeeper.  I do remember being pretty grossed out by how messy Jessa's car was though. 

 

As to the homemaker skills,  I kind of wonder what their humpers think, because they were all so convinced that Michelle was mother of the year and teaching her girls to be such wonderful young homemakers.    So,  when they watch the show,  and they see that Jill can barely parent her child and seems rather detached, her home is a mess and she seems less bubbly than in the past,  And Jessa, though a much more involved mom and clearly well bonded to her son, can barely boil water,  what do they think? 

It just seems to be a small example of the failure of parenting and hypocrisy when they have positioned themselves as the best parents ever and their adult children are less that stellar examples of this.  First there is Josh, then there is Jill, clearly in over head in CA and then there is Jessa, in control and seemingly happy, but vain and definitely not a godly example of strong work ethic.   

 

All kids dependent on daddy for some or all of their income, their homes, their cars, etc, perhaps with the exception of Jinger, which is still unknown. 

[Destiny]

On 24/02/2017 at 1:21 PM, Denim Jumper said:

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it was a matter of mind-numbing boredom from cleaning up the same messes day after day, to the point where I just didn't give a fuck anymore about how clean the house was, so long as I kept up with the dishes and laundry.

Pretty much this. I'm a SAHW, though not by choice (no employers seem to want me), and that's pretty much where I am with cleaning too.

On 24/02/2017 at 6:04 PM, actuallyjessica said:

And then I know people with no children whose homes are covered in dust with clothes and paper piled around.

So you've been to my place then! Mister is a packrat and a mess maker, and it's boring and miserable to keep up with cleaning up after him. It bugged me for a bit, and then I decided that if, in 50 years, it would not matter that there's piles of his shit on the dresser, it didn't matter now. It kept us from divorcing before we ever married. 

I kept an absolutely impeccable you could eat off my floor house before that.

[Pasta]

Y'all can judge me.  I'm a mess.  Dishes are always in the sink.  My floor is covered in dirty clothes.  In my defense, it's my first place and I'm lazy, hah. 

[Destiny]

1 hour ago, calimojo said:

Honestly, my allergies are worse after cleaning my dust bunnies than if I just leave them sit. I use it as my excuse for not cleaning under my bed! 

Pretty much this for me too! I'm allergic to life, and cleaned out under my bed for the first time in a couple of years a few months ago. I was gasping for breath the rest of the day. No thanks, y'all can judge me for being a terrible wife. I'm ok with that. I'm also an adequate at best cook, and I was a product of fundie marriage training. Even fundie girls can toe the line and still give zero fucks about home skills. I did.