Lori Alexander 15: Leaving A Fire With Her Makeup Bag

[feministxtian]

I can sort of understand the "decision to love someone" even when you REALLY don't even like them...however, at some point, compatibility, shared beliefs and ideals, a desire to stay for the long haul and doing whatever it takes to fix the broken relationship is just as, if not more important. 

Marriage IS hard...but 99% of that "hard" is just understanding that you no longer come first, that you have to take that other person into consideration with everything...I mean, being self-centered is easy...but having to step outside of that is hard. ESPECIALLY if the first time you've ever shared a bedroom with anyone is when you got married...I'll tell ya...going from being the self-centered only child to being married SUCKS...

[louisa05]

3 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I can sort of understand the "decision to love someone" even when you REALLY don't even like them...however, at some point, compatibility, shared beliefs and ideals, a desire to stay for the long haul and doing whatever it takes to fix the broken relationship is just as, if not more important. 

Marriage IS hard...but 99% of that "hard" is just understanding that you no longer come first, that you have to take that other person into consideration with everything...I mean, being self-centered is easy...but having to step outside of that is hard. ESPECIALLY if the first time you've ever shared a bedroom with anyone is when you got married...I'll tell ya...going from being the self-centered only child to being married SUCKS...

They are actively preaching that you don't need anything but shared religious beliefs, though. That is a recipe for disaster, IMHO. 

I lived alone from age 24 to 37 then got married. Didn't find it hard then and don't find it hard now.

But I've been informed quite often that we are doing it all wrong or it would be oh, so very hard. 

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I lived alone from age 24 to 37 then got married. Didn't find it hard then and don't find it hard now.

I was an only child...I never had to share my toys  Learning to live with someone who was SO different from me was hard...hubby and I are as different as night and day...He's tall, I'm short. He's organized, I'm a walking, talking disaster area. He's artistic and creative, I'm logical and analytical. He's slender, I'm fat. He's blonde, I'm a brunette. He's losing his hair, I have enough for both of us. I like cats, he wasn't too crazy about them...until now. 

But...it's worked for almost 20 years...maybe it has been that we are two people who are just too stubborn to give up...

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Marriage can be a big adjustment for everyone but not necessarily a burden, if you know what I mean. I only had my own room for senior year of high school, went to college with 2 roommates and then enjoyed living alone until I got married at 36.  Being single was great. I loved having my own apartment.

To be honest, it was weird living with someone again. It felt like every time I turned around, he was there, usually asking me what I was doing. Drive me nuts for a while. He also was chatty when he got home from work at 2 am (I worked days.) we negotiated a truce- he couldn't talk to me after 11 pm and I couldn't talk to him before noon. So I have no fear of being alone. Some people need lots for solitude.

[Koala]

For some reason (have I mentioned it's been crazy busy here?) Lori's response to Dave is just sinking in with me.

Lori:

Quote

Thank you, Dave! I do know other older, godly women who are beautiful because of their godly, submissive, and gentle spirits besides me, thankfully! 

Is she kidding me right now?  What a response!

#1 Thank you to whoever pointed out that the comments were still there!  I was looking in the wrong post.  Her comment section is so messed up since the move, that I can never find anything.

#2 I would be mortified if a man who wasn't my husband talked to me that way.   After I was done being mortified, I would be totally creeped out.  Those comments would have never seen the light of day, because I would have deleted this quicker than you could think.

#3 Lori most certainly DOES NOT have a godly, gentle spirit.  She's downright mean.  

#4 Dave may *think* she's submissive, but when Ken (who actually lives with her) was here, he told us otherwise.

 

[Evangeline]

Beth Moore spoke out against Trump after the "locker room talk" incident. I bet that's when Lori turned against her.

[usmcmom]

Considering Lori's stance on spousal abuse, I thought this might be a good place to share this link. It popped up in my Facebook feed and made me instantly think of the Alexanders. I'm sure they will call it "advice from the pits of hell."

 http://foreverymom.com/marriage/enough-enough-church-stop-enabling-abusive-men-gary-thomas/?utm_content=buffer41e42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

[quiversR4hunting]

29 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Considering Lori's stance on spousal abuse, I thought this might be a good place to share this link. It popped up in my Facebook feed and made me instantly think of the Alexanders. I'm sure they will call it "advice from the pits of hell."

 http://foreverymom.com/marriage/enough-enough-church-stop-enabling-abusive-men-gary-thomas/?utm_content=buffer41e42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Bravo. That article was really good. No snark nor sarcasm, glad he spoke up. I just wish many of these people would really read what the author/speaker wrote about. 

[Emilycharlotte]

Amen, amen, amen! 

And yes, K and L would definitely consider this false teaching. Remember, in all their years of mentoring they have NEVER seen a bad marriage that was the husband's fault! 

[Granwych]

9 hours ago, Hane said:

@DaniLouisiana, a woman I know who does a lot of sewing (regular clothes and theatrical costumes) says she finds a lot of good, inexpensive patterns on eBay.

Keep an eye out, and register for mailings at Joann's-- I never spend more than $1.99 for a pattern (Vogue and Butterick ones are a bit more) when they're on sale.

But sewing sheets--only for a baby's crib.  Recently, we had to buy a new dryer.  I asked the salesman what the steam feature was for.  He replied, "So you don't have to iron things like sheets."   I had to curtail my hysterical laughter--me, iron sheets??  I strip the beds, wash, dry, and put them back on the beds.  Ironing them is NOT in my housekeeping notebook.

[DaniLouisiana]

@Granwych-iron sheets-no. You want ironed sheets, I'll give you the irob and show you where the board is kept.

Thank you for the info. Now, do you know a translator for patterns? Lol! That's why my hubs said he'll cut and pin for me and show me what goes where...I can't make sense of knitting patterns either. I stick with cross stitch and bead weaving (picture graphs, not words). 

[KDA]

7 hours ago, usmcmom said:

Considering Lori's stance on spousal abuse, I thought this might be a good place to share this link. It popped up in my Facebook feed and made me instantly think of the Alexanders. I'm sure they will call it "advice from the pits of hell."

 http://foreverymom.com/marriage/enough-enough-church-stop-enabling-abusive-men-gary-thomas/?utm_content=buffer41e42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Awesome article!!

My marriage was abusive. Incredibly so. Lori's advice made it So. Much. Worse. So bad, in fact, that I considered suicide more than once.

Now, my marriage is back on track. What saved it? NOT following Lori's advice. Standing up for myself, kicking his sorry ass to the kerb, being separated for almost a year while we sorted himself out, then setting very strict boundaries before we got back together. Had those boundaries not been agreed to, we would not have got back together. If the boundaries are not adhered to, it's over for us. No more chances.

So far, more than six months in, it's working. Fingers crossed it continues to do so. We've been together almost half my life and I can't bear the thought of life without him, but when he gets abusive (I'm not going into the reasons why he gets abusive on here) it's awful.

[polecat]

5 hours ago, Granwych said:

Keep an eye out, and register for mailings at Joann's-- I never spend more than $1.99 for a pattern (Vogue and Butterick ones are a bit more) when they're on sale.

But sewing sheets--only for a baby's crib.  Recently, we had to buy a new dryer.  I asked the salesman what the steam feature was for.  He replied, "So you don't have to iron things like sheets."   I had to curtail my hysterical laughter--me, iron sheets??  I strip the beds, wash, dry, and put them back on the beds.  Ironing them is NOT in my housekeeping notebook.

 

I had an excruciatingly embarrassing moment recently when my son had a crafty thing that required an iron -- and he asked, "What's an iron for?" Sigh. Not that I let my kids walk around in wrinkly clothes. It's just that I am a firm believer in the chuck-them-back-in-the-dryer-for-a-few-minutes method.

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

And today yet again -- Another example of Lori using someone else's article without attribution (would that be stealing in LoriKen world?)  

OR she's flat out lying to us (my vote).  Because we know how old her grandchildren are.  Hint -- they aren't reading C.S. Lewis.

From the doodle:  "Since my grandchildren left The Screwtape Letters on my coffee table,"

[Loveday]

From today's FB post: "How many things does your husband do that irritates you? Have you learned to stop allowing it to bother you or do you nag him to death about it? The first way builds your home up and the second one tears it down."

Well, Lori, when my husband does something that irritates me, I ask him nicely to stop, or to do it in a non-irritating way, because he's a decent human being. Nine times out of ten he does as I ask without me having to ever mention it again.  As for the tenth time, I shrug it off, because Lord knows I do things that irritate him as well.

See? No nagging, and I don't have to tell myself to stop being bothered about it. That's called a middle ground, or a shade of grey, or a compromise--all things you don't believe in but which make life so much easier for both parties in a marriage. You really should try it sometime. 

Her black and white thinking never ceases to amaze me. She wouldn't know a nuance if it bit her in the butt.

[Koala]

1 hour ago, polecat said:

I had an excruciatingly embarrassing moment recently when my son had a crafty thing that required an iron -- and he asked, "What's an iron for?" Sigh. Not that I let my kids walk around in wrinkly clothes. It's just that I am a firm believer in the chuck-them-back-in-the-dryer-for-a-few-minutes method.

I do not even own an iron.  

I find that if I don't overload the dryer, and I hang things immediately after they are done drying, I don't really need one.

On another note, after our last couple of thread drifts I've been thinking.  Based on what I am reading, it seems like the avg. FJ member is much more happy and productive than Lori.

While Lori admits to trying to control Ken's (and her children's) food intake by serving Big Salads every.single.night. (and leaving Ken to cook for himself), it seems most here (even the job type people) manage to get a nice dinner on the table most nights.  It's just barely past 8 A.M. here, and I already have 2 roasts and 2lbs of carrots in the crockpot.  Around 5 I'll make some rice and green beans and dinner will be done.  We're having apple pie and ice-cream for dessert.

On top of that, I have already made my bed, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, and started today's laundry.  It's amazing how much you can get done if you don't feel like you have to control other adults.

Meanwhile, Lori is somewhere making posts about ignoring all of the things you hate about your husband and pretending to love him, even tough you really don't. 

Yeah, no thanks.  I don't have to pretend to love my husband, because after nearly 20 years together, I am still so happy to see him when he comes home in the afternoons.  

He still wakes me up in the middle of the night just to talk or tell me how much he loves me. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a damn thing that he does to irritate me.  In fact, he spoils me, and I am pretty sure I don't even deserve him (but neither does anyone else, so I am keeping him).  

I think I'll pass on Lori's cheap definition of marriage (she provides 10 min. sex / he provides plenty of money for expensive beauty supplies).

If she wasn't so damn mean, I think I'd really feel sorry for Lori.  

 

[Loveday]

10 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

And today yet again -- Another example of Lori using someone else's article without attribution (would that be stealing in LoriKen world?)  

OR she's flat out lying to us (my vote).  Because we know how old her grandchildren are.  Hint -- they aren't reading C.S. Lewis.

From the doodle:  "Since my grandchildren left The Screwtape Letters on my coffee table,"

Shit, her grandchildren aren't even old enough to read the Chronicles of Narnia, much less Screwtape. 

 

[Koala]

6 minutes ago, Loveday said:

Shit, her grandchildren aren't even old enough to read the Chronicles of Narnia, much less Screwtape. 

She posted about her granddaughter's birth in 2011, so the oldest would be around 6. Suggested reading age?  13. 

[Loveday]

3 minutes ago, Koala said:

She posted about her granddaughter's birth in 2011, so the oldest would be around 6. Suggested reading age?  13. 

Yeah, I read The Screwtape Letters in either 8th or 9th grade English, so that's just about right.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

All I can think of is maybe the grandkids took the book from somewhere else while playing or making a mess and placed on the table and it sparked her to start a post by seeing the book again. Still a longstretch. Maybe like SSM, she has some imaginary grandchildren who are older.  

This is what makes her a shitty writer though. Why even mention that fact at all. Its not relevant to anything. You could just say "I came across The Screwtape Letters and it inspired me to do a post...." Done. No mention of grandchildren.

[dairyfreelife]

19 minutes ago, Koala said:

She posted about her granddaughter's birth in 2011, so the oldest would be around 6. Suggested reading age?  13. 

Hmm, so she's Kindergarten age. I wonder if Emma goes to school or if Erin is homeschooling her. Can't recall Lori stating either way on what type of education her grandchildren are receiving. 

[usmcmom]

4 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

All I can think of is maybe the grandkids took the book from somewhere else while playing or making a mess and placed on the table and it sparked her to start a post by seeing the book again. Still a longstretch. Maybe like SSM, she has some imaginary grandchildren who are older.  

This is what makes her a shitty writer though. Why even mention that fact at all. Its not relevant to anything. You could just say "I came across The Screwtape Letters and it inspired me to do a post...." Done. No mention of grandchildren.

I was thinking the same thing - that maybe they pulled it off the shelf and were pretending to read or something. I can't  believe Lori would allow that without making sure they were spanked but it happened a lot with my kids (not the spanking part) - "Oohh! Grandma's got books in this shelf too; let's pull all of them onto the floor and 'read'."

Also, it could be a passive aggressive jab at her adult children, reminding them that they let their little ones mess up her house and leave a book lying where it does not belong. 

Mainly, I am just amazed that she has written yet another post about "Hey girls! Let's talk about all the ways our husbands drive us crazy...so I can scold you of course."  

She is completely setting them up for hand smacking. They will tell her what their husband do and she will find a way to tell them they are not quite ignoring it in the godly way she expects. 

[Koala]

Look at Lori ignoring abuse like a pro.  

Reader:

Quote

My husband drinks and I'm finding it very hard to ignore

Lori:

Quote

Does his drinking cause him to not work and provide for the family? Does it cause him to abuse you or the children?

Reader:

Quote

He doesn't work have a job and in the past yes abuse was involved

She very clearly says he doesn't work and abuse HAS been involved in the past.

Lori:

Quote

I am so sorry but as long as he is not physically abusing you or the children, God's perfect prescription for you is still 1 Peter 3:1-6. There is nothing more powerful to effect change than the power of a life that has been transformed by the Lord.

Seriously?  She just said there was abuse involved.  

Thankfully another reader (read: someone a hell of a lot smarter than Lori) chimed in:

Quote

Kimberly, I cannot overlook that you said abuse has been involved in the past. I believe the Transformed Wife is choosing to interpret that this means he has changed and you should stay with him. However, it is clear that the behavior that led to the abuse has not changed, and that you are still in a dangerous situation. I would encourage you to seek the advice of close, godly friends, the elders of your church or pastor, or if necessary, some sort of counselor. When you are risking being abused, either yourself or your children, action needs to be taken to eliminate that risk.
Stay strong sweetie! I'm praying for you

See, that's the problem with doling out advice when you aren't very smart.  You end up telling random women on the internet to stay with men who have abused them (and possibly their children).

Lori likes to tell her readers they they won't find "xyz" in the Bible.  Well I'll tell Lori something for free.  You won't finding mentoring strangers online anywhere in the Bible.  You mentor people you actually know, because otherwise, you end up giving STUPID advice.  

Ahmmm, Ken?  Remember when we told you she was dangerous?  THIS is why.  It never even crossed her mind to advise the reader to seek help.  She totally ignored her admission that abuse has been involved.  She has NO BUSINESS giving this woman advice.  

And another thing.  If the job part wasn't important, why did Lori ask?  I'll tell you why.  She wanted to be able to tell the woman what an ungrateful shrew she was for complaining when he held up his end of the deal by providing $$$$.  That's a husband's only value in Lori's mind.

That's why she totally ignored the fact that the woman admitted he doesn't work and he has abused her.  The only purpose of getting that information was to use it against the reader herself.  When she didn't hear what she wanted to hear, she ignored it completely.

[usmcmom]

Ken and Lori make me ill. Nowhere in the Bible does it say a wife is responsible for her husband's salvation, which is what Lori is implying with her response. Also, there is nowhere in the Bible that says a woman's sin is greater than a man's. This is what Ken and Lori teach when they say a woman must be silent about her husband's sin but a man is to correct/discipline/punish his wife for hers. 

These two are rotten representatives of the Christian faith and I highly doubt that God is at all pleased with the way they treat others, regardless of how well they can quote scripture. 

[EowynW]

I have an Iron but only use it to block my knitted projects. My fundy mother is horrified that I haven't yet properly used my Iron or my Bread Machine. I'm a fundy wife failure. 

 

ETA: I do love home baked bread but since I now have to stay gluten free Mr EW says he doesn't care for me to make it all just for him. Which I will occasionally anyway, since he's been such a dear about jumping in and eating what I eat to be a support me.