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choralcrusader8613

Lori Alexander 15: Leaving A Fire With Her Makeup Bag

460 posts in this topic

Another reader has chimed in to let The Godly Mentor know that living with an abusive alcoholic isn't really comparable to living with a man who forgets to put the cap on the toothpaste.

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Alcoholism isn't a small annoyance. This must be addressed directly. There are support systems for family and friends of addicts such as Al-Anon groups and the SMART Recovery Friends and Family Workbook.

Yeah, but that detracts from what's really important here: Lori's message.  So what if she's been abused.  Pain is a great teacher!

Seriously though, Lori Alexander gives very dangerous advice to abuse victims.

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This is the final way the Spirit is manifested in our lives; “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesian 5:21). It is by living in submission to those over us that we show we are walking in the Spirit.

I don't think that is the point of the passage at all.  In my Bible, husbands, parents and masters are also addressed and told, basically, to honor and serve those "below" them.

 

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Lori has pretty much said (well actually she has said) that if a wife is being submissive and pleasing her husband, he'll have no reason to want to abuse her.  

No matter what's going on, the wife is always going to be at fault.  

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4 minutes ago, onemama said:

I don't think that is the point of the passage at all.  In my Bible, husbands, parents and masters are also addressed and told, basically, to honor and serve those "below" them.

 

yes, fundies conveniently ignore that fact. It's very sad to me. Lori reminds me of my Mom, though my Mom is sweeter than she is and isn't quite as hardnosed, but the underlying attitudes are the same in them. :-/

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 Lori Alexander:

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Why would a husband want to begin abusing a wife who begins being cheerful with him, learns to please him, loves serving him and meeting his needs?

 

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1 hour ago, Koala said:

 

And another thing.  If the job part wasn't important, why did Lori ask?  I'll tell you why.  She wanted to be able to tell the woman what an ungrateful shrew she was for complaining when he held up his end of the deal by providing $$$$.  That's a husband's only value in Lori's mind.

That's why she totally ignored the fact that the woman admitted he doesn't work and he has abused her.  The only purpose of getting that information was to use it against the reader herself.  When she didn't hear what she wanted to hear, she ignored it completely.

         I barely read about Lori anymore because she so tedious.  I found this bit very insightful and on target. I think this really sums up her message in a nutshell.  It's horrifying.

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Lori refuses to acknowledge that she may be doling out advice prematurely.  

She replies:

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 No, it doesn't fall under a "small annoyance" but it does fall under a "disobedient to the Word" husband from 1 Peter 3:1-6.

But the truth is, Lori really doesn't know what it falls under, because she has almost NO information.  All she knows for sure is that the reader's husband is an abusive alcoholic with no job.

That's why it's important not to give internet strangers advice about such serious matters.  She literally has no clue what she's talking about.  She has no idea whether she's advising this woman to stay in an extremely dangerous situation or not. And honestly, I don't think she gives a damn.

Believe it or not, for her idea of Biblical mentoring to work, you need to be willing to leave your home and form personal relationships with other women.  You need to be a part of a community.  If she thinks God never intended women to leave their homes, then I think it's pretty safe to say he didn't want them babbling on the net either.  

Lori is lazy, and she's found a perfect excuse to control others (she's a godly older woman don'tyaknow).  It's perfect for her.  She can gossip and dole out cruel advice without ever walking out her front door.  Hell, she can even flirt with all of the men who she most definitely teaches.

Edited by Koala
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And then she says...

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Yes, being buzzed is not sober as we are called to be but you can't convict and change him by being upset and critical toward him. You are still supposed to respect and love him. Please read and study 1 Peter 3:1-6.

And dammit, if you don't, you're the one in sin, not him.

:angry-banghead:

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5 minutes ago, Loveday said:

And then she says...

And dammit, if you don't, you're the one in sin, not him.

:angry-banghead:

She refuses to acknowledge that the woman says he has abused her.  She is going to ignore it, come hell or high water.

Lori used to say she had never encountered an abused wife.  I think we can safely assume that she was flat out lying.  

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3 hours ago, Koala said:

Thankfully another reader (read: someone a hell of a lot smarter than Lori) chimed in

It's good that someone reading has sense. Even suggesting a counselor as a last resort is still miles better than the original response.  

3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

Nowhere in the Bible does it say a wife is responsible for her husband's salvation, which is what Lori is implying with her response.

Yeah, but it's not uncommon among people/groups discussed here either. Maybe someone can make $$$ publishing separate man Bibles and lady Bibles for people to keep all the different rules straight. If they haven't already. :my_dodgy:

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So Trey thinks it is tragic that women don't have to spin cotton into fabric to make clothing anymore.

How about if Trey stops using modern technology to spread his shitty opinions then. He can write them down using a quill and ink and travel the country on horseback to deliver copies.

And grown adults are supposed to ask their partners how to use their free time?

I don't think so.

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1 hour ago, December said:

It's good that someone reading has sense. Even suggesting a counselor as a last resort is still miles better than the original response.  

Yeah, but it's not uncommon among people/groups discussed here either. Maybe someone can make $$$ publishing separate man Bibles and lady Bibles for people to keep all the different rules straight. If they haven't already. :my_dodgy:

I know it is not an uncommon belief among fundie. It is even fairly common among less stringent "Christians."  I have had people tell my daughter and her friends that young women should dress modestly to "protect their brothers."  Then I watch them jump back in terror while my fangs come out and I tell them "My daughter is not responsible for your son's salvation any more than your daughter is responsible for my son's salvation."  We are nowhere near fundie but, unfortunately, our church has some pretty sexist views like that. They are, thankfully,  slowly fading but they tend to rear their ugly heads occasionally.  

I just get so mad at Lori's bullying tactics when they go beyond The Great Yoga Pant Debate and enter into the realm of actual physical abuse. 

I think Lori actually takes sick delight in knowing a woman is being abused. Then she can sit on her high horse and smugly remind herself and others of her self-proclaimed superior status. After all, LORI is not abused because LORI is the epitome of submission. She loves to flaunt her financial security and "happy marriage" at others and give them the message "You could have all this too if you would just live like I live."  

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Wow. Lori is a dangerous, dangerous woman.

This bitch needs a reality check, and fast. 

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 How many things does your husband do that irritates you? Have you learned to stop allowing it to bother you or do you nag him to death about it?

 

Not all that many, actually. Now, if I'm going to be brutally honest, the week before my period, I get really irritable. And because I know I'm irritable, I try to keep more to myself so that I'm not snapping off anyone's head. He definitely does annoying things, but a cheese wrapper left on the counter isn't worth making a huge fuss about. Let it go, Lori. Let it go.

And all you naysayers thinking Lori's grandkids wouldn't be reading The Screwtape Letters? You should all know by now that those homeschooled little angels are probably light years ahead of your public schooled ruffians and ragamuffins. After all, WORKSHEETS! Of COURSE they're reading The Screwtape Letters (which I think I read in junior high or high school, but I went to a Christian school, so what do I know?).

8 hours ago, Koala said:

I find that if I don't overload the dryer, and I hang things immediately after they are done drying, I don't really need one.

bbm -- that's what gets me, lol. I tend to get distracted with other things and leave stuff in the dryer too long. Jeans and things like that don't matter too much, but polos, henleys, etc. look atrocious if they get the least bit wrinkly. Sigh.

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21 hours ago, usmcmom said:

Considering Lori's stance on spousal abuse, I thought this might be a good place to share this link. It popped up in my Facebook feed and made me instantly think of the Alexanders. I'm sure they will call it "advice from the pits of hell."

 http://foreverymom.com/marriage/enough-enough-church-stop-enabling-abusive-men-gary-thomas/?utm_content=buffer41e42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Too bad nobody has posted this article for the lady being abused by her alcoholic, unemployed husband. The article should make Lori's head spin like in the exorcist 

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9 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Too bad nobody has posted this article for the lady being abused by her alcoholic, unemployed husband. The article should make Lori's head spin like in the exorcist 

And the men will reply up a storm: "What about the women??????" "how one-sided"!  "This is the stuff that's destroying the Church!!!!"  "Gary Thomas is an effeminate feminist in rebellion against the Sanctity of Command!!"

Post it and sit back with a bowl of popcorn on your lap.

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In her old blog, Lori published a post on October 11, 2014 on what to do in cases of abuse.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-to-do-in-cases-of-abuse-or.html

"If you are in an abusive relationship and fear for your life, please call 630-617-0088 immediately."

"2. If you are scared for your children or yourself, you need to leave and separate for awhile."

"4. If there is physical abuse, it is not only okay to involve law enforcement, but often necessary to involve law enforcement."

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2 minutes ago, Joyce said:

In her old blog, Lori published a post on October 11, 2014 on what to do in cases of abuse.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-to-do-in-cases-of-abuse-or.html

"If you are in an abusive relationship and fear for your life, please call 630-617-0088 immediately."

"2. If you are scared for your children or yourself, you need to leave and separate for awhile."

"4. If there is physical abuse, it is not only okay to involve law enforcement, but often necessary to involve law enforcement."

Too bad she has far more posts like the one above dismissing abuse and telling these ladies to "stand by your man" which is ironic that Lori didn't admire Hilary for doing as she instructs (in this area). 

 

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3 hours ago, Joyce said:

In her old blog, Lori published a post on October 11, 2014 on what to do in cases of abuse.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-to-do-in-cases-of-abuse-or.html

Yes, that post was made *AFTER* Ken came here and got an absolute earful about how dangerous and abusive Lori's advice was.  

We had quotes of her encouraging a woman who was (very clearly) abusing her daughter to "hit harder".  She told her that is she hit hard enough it would work, even though the woman admitted that at one point she thought she'd broken her daughter's arm.

After that he went home and told her they needed to clean up the blog (she refused, btw).  I know that, because Ken came back here to whine to us about it.

Reader:

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Not with her, we tried hand, and although I was against it belt, wooden spoon, cane everything she would just keep going, I stopped after I thought I broke her arm... And tried other ways. The shower was the only thing that gave her pause... 

Lori:

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A spanking will work if it is hard enough.

Another woman confided to Lori that her husband was abusive.

Reader:

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So what happens when a wife is trying to respect her husband's leadership but he's the one feeding them junk food and junk media and threatening to punch them in the face or break their arms 

The reader continues:

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Do I stay with a man who throws fits of rage and viciously verbally abuses us while my children grow up the same way and are lost because of his example? 

Lori's response:

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Since he has never followed through on his threats, he probably never will 

Lori continues:

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The Bible doesn't give an excuse out of marriage for a man like this.

In fact, in the very post you linked, a reader said the following:

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Hello, my husband of 28 years is bipolar. He has a bad temper. Doesn't hit. He calls names, puts me down, blames me for most everything. We are both Christians. However, he stopped attending church in 2004. He smokes po* and has our 2 oldest kids smoking it with him. They are 20 and 22. Anyway, I am very tired. I'm 50 and tired. Tired of arguing. Tired of his temper. He doesn't want to change. We've been around the mulberry bush so so many times. We both have been faithful within our marriage. Please pray for me to withstand this and live a peaceful life moving ahead. I will continue to honor my wedding vow. Although, submitting myself to him sexually makes me mad. I will be obedient to God however.

Lori (who claims to be mentoring women via her blog) totally ignored her.  She never said one word.  Why?  Because she doesn't give a damn, and the post was just a token to shut people up when they said she was encouraging women to stay in abusive situations.

Edited by Koala
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7 hours ago, Koala said:

 

Lori (who claims to be mentoring women via her blog) totally ignored her.  She never said one word.  Why?  Because she doesn't give a damn, and the post was just a token to shut people up when they said she was encouraging women to stay in abusive situations.

Lori DEFINITELY encourages women to stay in abusive situations. Especially if it's only verbal/emotional/financial abuse. Physical abuse, she gives a very reluctant 'out' but unless it's physical abuse to the point of endangering lives, she thinks we should just stay there and be more submissive.

I don't think she realises just how harmful emotional abuse is, for both the woman and the children witnessing it.

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1 hour ago, KDA said:

Lori DEFINITELY encourages women to stay in abusive situations. Especially if it's only verbal/emotional/financial abuse. Physical abuse, she gives a very reluctant 'out' but unless it's physical abuse to the point of endangering lives, she thinks we should just stay there and be more submissive.

I don't think she realises just how harmful emotional abuse is, for both the woman and the children witnessing it.

Here's the pathetic thing.  As pointed out earlier in the thread, Lori is apt to tell women that there's no "out" for a woman in an emotionally abusive marriage.

If you really want to give her something to puzzle over, ask her to cite the scripture that gives a woman an out from a physically abusive marriage.  She won't have any.  I asked Ken while he was here, and he didn't have anything either. 

The "rules" of who gets an out and who has to stay, are totally made up by Lori herself.  She doesn't want to admit that, because then she'd have to explain why she's okay with verbal abuse/substance abuse/financial abuse. 

I really don't even think she has much of a problem with physical abuse.  That's why she asked the reader if her husband had been physically abusive, and when the reader said he had, Lori pretended not to see it and told her she had to stay.   
 

 

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Thank you, quiversR4hunting, Koala, and KDA. Yes, it's harmful and dangerous to stay in abusive situations. Lori's advice makes me think of Gaslight and Big Little Lies.

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And because she's a Debi Pearl fangirl, I assume she's Team "if he sexually abused your children and goes to prison, wait for him, visit him faithfully(including his victims), and welcome him home with open arms when he gets out."

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1 hour ago, smittykins said:

And because she's a Debi Pearl fangirl, I assume she's Team "if he sexually abused your children and goes to prison, wait for him, visit him faithfully(including his victims), and welcome him home with open arms when he gets out."

Yes, that is why she admires Anna Duggar so much.

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Today's post = ssdd.  Feminist are weak she says.  Because reasons.  

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Feminists are not strong women as they suppose. They are weak. Strong women don’t get offended at every little thing that disagrees with what they believe.

Great point, Lori!

Now tell us more about how offended you are by women who sell or wear thongs.

Oh, the pearl clutching that's been done over thongs.

Or how about another post on the horrors of the halftime show.

Or even better, the Great American Idol Rant!

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This is suppose to be a family friendly show. I don't think it is anymore. The last two nights were awful, morality wise. I love the contestants!!! This has been my favorite show, along with watching the Chargers play football, but I am starting to feel like I need a bath afterwards.

Lady Gaga? How she coached them, what she wears, and her performance? Blech! Jordan Sparks...I didn't enjoy her performance considering she's wearing a purity ring. Steven Tyler's video was inappropriate for children to see. Lauren singing about being evil and Lady Gaga saying being evil isn't so bad at the end of the day.  Oh and I can't forget the Victoria Secret commercials (which I speed through).  It all just seems so highly sexualized and impure. That saddens me.

Did anyone happen to see the commercial on Wednesday night encouraging homosexuals that it gets better with age or was that my imagination? I just keep reminding myself that this isn't my home so I shouldn't expect to feel comfortable here.

But yeah, great point Lori!

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Dennis Prager wrote a brilliant piece in the National Review called Feminism Make Women Weak. My favorite part of the entire article was the last paragraph. “You want to know what women are strong? Here’s an example: Any young woman who announced in a college class that as much as she may want a career, she is more interested in finding a good man to marry. In other words, any young woman who announced that she isn’t a feminist.” I wanted to stand up and shout, “YES!”

T'was a true act of bravery, to be sure.  College students who want to marry are completely unheard of.  A real anomaly, that one.

Good thing Lori was "strong" enough to fight her urge to stand up and shout, "Yes!".  After all, we know what Lori calls her "loud" readers.  That's right....prostitutes.

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Feminine women should understand the differences between the sexes. Men struggle with their sexual nature and this doesn’t make women better and men perverts. No, this is just the way they are. “The male desire to touch the bodies of just about every woman they are attracted to is — trigger warning here — normal. It has nothing to do with hatred of women or viewing women as unequal.”* Strong women can handle this knowledge and instead of being offended by it, we sympathize with men in their struggle 

That paragraph has Ken written all.over.it.  Every line.

"I just want to touch ALL THE WOMENZ!  It's probably the thongs they wear.  You know how mean they are, causing a Godly man like me to stumble.  You feel sorry for me, right honey?  After all, the Lord made me this way."

*gag*

Lord have mercy...

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