Family Living on Purpose (FLOP?): Erika Shupe pt. 10

[elliha]

I am 35 and don't have a driver's license. Is it an inconvenience sometimes? Yes. Is it a big enough inconvenience for me to long to have one? No. Will I eventually get a driver's license? Yes, hopefully I will be able to afford to get one in a couple of years. 

In Sweden you have to be 18 to get a driver's license but you can start practising at 16 (but only with an adult present who has taken a course or with a driving teacher) and most people do get their license around the time they are 18-20. I just didn't want to and I am very hard to teach things when I am not motivated. Everyone said that once I discovered how hard it was to be an adult without a license I would want to get a license but it has never really gone beyond mildly inconvenient and I rarely ask other people for rides or so. My husband has a license so now we have a car and of course we use it but it has been more me teaching him how you walk, cycle and go by bus to places and not me tagging along with him as a driver. We are going by car today though but that is more a punishment than a perk for me, we are going to meet my MIL...

Would I tell my children to get a license? Yes, if they want to but they can see I do fine without a license too and it is fine by me if that makes them conclude that they don't need one. To be honest, I hope that in the future cars will be much less common anyway (environmental reasons). It is true that not having a license can make things harder and some jobs do require a license but I am a teacher and most teaching jobs don't so it hasn't really been a problem for me personally. 

[Coy Koi]

54 minutes ago, lilah said:

Given that the Shupes are against organized sports I don't know if they'd want Karen or Melanie do do any of that.

But unfortunately for them (actually fortunately, if they had any sense), they seem to have two young ladies who have their own minds and aren't unduly concerned with what their parents want them to do.

[SuperNova]

I haven't checked in on dear Erika for a while now. What the hell happened?! Public school? Kids with jobs and driving privileges? What caused this drastic change? Do we get more than one jelly bean at a time, too? It's anarchy in the Shupe household. 

@elliha I didn't learn to drive until my late twenties. Everyone I know pressured me, telling me how much more freedom I would have. I'm now in my mid thirties and I still don't like driving very much. I drive only when absolutely necessary even though I have a car. I still refuse to drive on the freeway and take a train to see my daughter who's at a college 400 miles away. 

[mango_fandango]

5 hours ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

Pretty much everyone has a car in london? Really? I lived in Chelsea (live in nanny) & none of my friends had cars. The only people I knew with cars where the rich. 

Maybe that's central london though and it's different further out? Like in Sydney, probably 50% of my friends had cars if we lived inner city (different now we have kids) but 80% would have cars if they lived further out.

Yeah, that's what I meant. I don't live inner city. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

8 hours ago, SuperNova said:

I still refuse to drive on the freeway and take a train to see my daughter who's at a college 400 miles away. 

I wish we had passenger train service here. We had Amtrak service when I was a kid, then it stopped. They tried it again for awhile in the 90s, but I guess they didn't get enough riders, because it stopped again and hasn't restarted. There are times I would much rather take a vacation trip by something other than car, but our only other option is flying. 

[feministxtian]

I got my license 17 days after I turned 16. I'll never forget it. It was Good Friday...I was off from school and my dad was off from work. The mother was working. Dad tells me that we're going to the DMV to get my license. I reminded him that the mother said I couldn't get it until school got out for the summer. Dad says, and I quote "she's not the one driving your ass all over hell and back". I got my license. Dad told the mother he had taken me and I had passed the stupid driving test. The fight was epic. 

The mother hated driving. Not having my license also gave her more control over me (which was why she didn't want me to get my license). Well...yeah...no. She also had a shit fit when I bought my first car shortly after getting my license. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I want my kids to learn to drive under my supervision and my rules. If my children waited until they were 18, they would be off at college not long after that and I wouldn't be able to guide them and teach them to make good choices in driving like I would if they learned at 16 and still under my roof. 

[feministxtian]

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I want my kids to learn to drive under my supervision and my rules. If my children waited until they were 18, they would be off at college not long after that and I wouldn't be able to guide them and teach them to make good choices in driving like I would if they learned at 16 and still under my roof. 

Keep telling yourself that...my parents tried that...by the time I'd had my license 4 months, I was street racing with friends. By the following summer I was quarter-mileing on a road behind the community college and doing all sorts of stupid stuff with friends. The upside is that my then boyfriend's uncle was a VA state trooper and took us to the VSP driving range and taught us a lot about controlling a car at high speeds. 

Oh, and my kids drive like maniacs too. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

16 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Keep telling yourself that...my parents tried that...by the time I'd had my license 4 months, I was street racing with friends. By the following summer I was quarter-mileing on a road behind the community college and doing all sorts of stupid stuff with friends. The upside is that my then boyfriend's uncle was a VA state trooper and took us to the VSP driving range and taught us a lot about controlling a car at high speeds. 

Oh, and my kids drive like maniacs too. 

The thing is if they get caught underage, I can give them consequences along with the courts. If they are out of the house, I can't do much. 

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The thing is if they get caught underage, I can give them consequences along with the courts. If they are out of the house, I can't do much. 

Kids are smart. VERY smart. I didn't get my first speeding ticket until I was over 30. Not that I'd never broken a traffic law (I've broken most of them), I just never got caught. My parents talked smack about consequences but...being smart, I never got caught. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, feministxtian said:

Kids are smart. VERY smart. I didn't get my first speeding ticket until I was over 30. Not that I'd never broken a traffic law (I've broken most of them), I just never got caught. My parents talked smack about consequences but...being smart, I never got caught. 

They actually have tracking devices on cars now. My husband is very tech savvy. I'm not worried. But thanks.

[FeministShrew]

I got my beginnier's perimit at 15, but I was 17 by the time I got my license. My older kid couldn't wait for a license, got the permit on their 15th birthday, and took the road test as soon as the waiting period was up. They had driver's ed from a really good local driving school.
Younger son, 20, has had his permit twice, let it expire, & recently got it again. He has no desire to drive. He lives in a small town & walks, bikes, or rides his skateboard to work & wherever. His girlfriend has her license, & they bought a car together, so he's half-heartedly planning to take the road test soon.

[apandaaries]

Driving really depends on where you live.  I have friends who grew up in cities with good public transportation; some of them are in their 40s and still don't know how to drive.  It does seem like it's more challenging to learn later in life.  It's also easy to overlook the fact that cars are actually quite dangerous, even more so now that people have phones with internet capabilities.  That said, there is no way I could live where I live without a car.  There is almost no public transportation in my area.  I'd love to see more public transportation in the US for so many reasons, but given the current proposed budget and political climate, the odds of that happening are very, very low.  

[lawlifelgbt]

I got my license at 19, but didn't learn to drive in the city reliably and often until last fall. Before that, I *could* drive, but didn't have my own car and usually took public transit. But then I moved to the Midwest suburbs and found it was much faster to drive to work than bus.

So I learned. Had a couple panic attacks and minor scrapes, and one low-speed crash, but now I can do it without thinking much. It's just practice. Better to learn younger, because no one could guide me when I recently learned at 26.

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Keep telling yourself that...my parents tried that...by the time I'd had my license 4 months, I was street racing with friends. By the following summer I was quarter-mileing on a road behind the community college and doing all sorts of stupid stuff with friends. The upside is that my then boyfriend's uncle was a VA state trooper and took us to the VSP driving range and taught us a lot about controlling a car at high speeds. 

Oh, and my kids drive like maniacs too. 

I still think Jermajesty is right. Some kids will do stupid things and others won't. I wouldn't miss out on the chance to teach my kids what I know, just because one of them might make foolish choices. Besides, even kids that do foolish things may still absorb some of what I teach them.

I learned to drive at 27. It was way harder than it wouldn't been as a teen. No one cut me any slack for being a beginner. 

I just finished spending two years helping my daughter learn to drive. She began at 15 with a learners permit, got her license at 16 and really, only now at 17 would I call her a fairly experienced driver.

There was so much to learn and so much to teach! Night driving, snow driving, driving in the rain, on the highway, in the city, what to do when you have a flat, when a light blows out, when someone tails you. It goes on and on. I'm glad we were there for her during all that. It was way harder for me to learn that stuff on my own. I wouldn't choose NOT to teach, simply because she might ignore some of my rules or do foolish things. This way, I know she knows HOW to make good choices, the rest is up to her. She's done very well so far, knock wood, though I'm sure there are things she hasn't told me. 

(I'm not saying the entire process isn't terrifying, because it is!  Partly because there are "maniac drivers" on the road, or people who think "driving like a maniac" is amusing or a point of pride. My children--and other people's children--are out on the road with those maniacs! There are adult classes for people who need to improve their skills, and IMO adults who don't drive well should consider taking them)

[Sylvan]

I don't think I could have handled driving at 16, but I kind of wish my parents had pushed me to start earlier. I'm 27 and just had my first lesson with a driving instructor last week. I put it off for years because of my ADHD and anxiety, and so far it's just as difficult and nerve-wracking as I imagined it to be.  I sure am looking forward to the freedom though! The public transit system where I live is garbage.

It sounds like Erika still has Melanie on a tight schedule and controls the amount of time she gets to spend on her hobbies. I hope she can escape to an introvert-friendly living space in a few years, with all the reading and drawing time her heart desires.

[SuperNova]

@Sylvan  I can empathize. After waiting for so long to drive, I was more nervous than your average 16 year old with a permit. Anxiety is the main reason I still don't drive on the freeway. The cars are moving way too fast for my comfort. It does get easier, though. I don't drive a lot but I'm very comfortable behind the wheel now. 

[feministxtian]

My mother finally got her license when she was close to 40. She HATED driving, I mean HATED it. And, because she was so uptight behind the wheel, she actually caused accidents. Fortunately my dad pretty much taught me how to drive. He was a very laid back driver, rarely got excited over the stupidity on the road...I'm much the same way. I'm comfortable driving in the city, I'm comfortable driving on the freeway and I'm comfortable driving on the track. However, because of my love of muscle cars and speed, I usually scare the hell out of anyone who's riding with me. Oh well, I know what I'm doing, I know what my car will do and I have many years' experience driving muscle cars...my first car was a 1972 Chevy Nova, 350cid, Holley 650 on top, Dana 9 inch ass, posi gears. Ran 70's on front and 50's on the back. Man I miss that car...now I drive a 2004 Mustang GT, 4.6l V8, full headers to X-pipe exhaust, 3.73 gears in the ass, 245-45's all the way around. She only puts about 350hp to the back wheels...I'm looking to boost that to north of 400 soon. 

[Black Aliss]

On 4/18/2017 at 8:07 PM, Jellybean said:

Thanks for sharing that recipe @mango_fandango. I've never seen a guacamole recipe with cream in it. Is that a US thing (anyone?), or is that just Erika? I use my brother's recipe - no idea where he got it, but it is just avocado, lime juice, red onion, red chilli, olive oil and coriander (cilantro). Not quite as easy as Erika's version, but pretty close, especially as we keep coriander in the freezer all chopped and ready to go - no defrosting required.

No, it's not a US thing. Except for the olive oil your recipe is far more typical (read: that's how I make it)

You've probably also never seen anyone try to stretch one avocado to feed 9 kids. . . . I know I haven't.

[Coy Koi]

2 hours ago, Sylvan said:

I don't think I could have handled driving at 16, but I kind of wish my parents had pushed me to start earlier. I'm 27 and just had my first lesson with a driving instructor last week. I put it off for years because of my ADHD and anxiety, and so far it's just as difficult and nerve-wracking as I imagined it to be.  I sure am looking forward to the freedom though! The public transit system where I live is garbage.

I got my license when I was 20, almost 21, so, pretty late. I took driver's ed when I was 15 but never felt at all comfortable driving (my mom is an extremely nervous driver/passenger/person so she also rarely let me practice). Driving does NOT come natural to me at all. And to make matters worse, I'm exceptionally terrible at directions. I had a TON of anxiety about driving and just honestly didn't really think I'd ever be able to do it. I'm 35 now and when I feel like I can't do something, I still remind myself that I also thought I couldn't learn to drive, that's how big of a deal it was to me.

All that to say that I understand how you feel but I really did get used to driving and I'm fine at it now. I still avoid certain tricky driving situation when possible and it will never be as effortless for me as it is for many people, but I get by just fine and I'm sure you will too!

[Lurky]

21 hours ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

Pretty much everyone has a car in london? Really? I lived in Chelsea (live in nanny) & none of my friends had cars. The only people I knew with cars where the rich. 

Grew up in London, with a ton of friends still there, and most people I know who live in the city don't have cars any more (some are members of a car club though).  I'm guessing it depends on where someone lives (eg if people live in Outer London, places like Bromley/Watford/Croydon, eg, and yeah, as you say, also depending on wealth/class.  With the Congestion Charge to drive in Inner London, plus parking prices on one hand, and on the other, the pubic transport system, even people who do have cars usually don't use them.  Maybe for school runs?  But with supermarkets delivering, eg, it's not even necessary to use a car to shop like it was when I was growing up.

I never even took lessons - driving isn't necessary in most UK cities.

[SuperNova]

@feministxtian I was finally motivated to get a license because I fell in love with a 1960 Fairlane that a friend had in his driveway. He was a derby driver and planned on wrecking it at the county fair. He owed me a favor and sold it to me cheap. It doesn't exactly tear up the road with a 292 Y block, no power brakes, or power steering but I love it. Mr. Nova has a 66 Fairlane that would probably be more in line with your taste! 

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, SuperNova said:

@feministxtian I was finally motivated to get a license because I fell in love with a 1960 Fairlane that a friend had in his driveway. He was a derby driver and planned on wrecking it at the county fair. He owed me a favor and sold it to me cheap. It doesn't exactly tear up the road with a 292 Y block, no power brakes, or power steering but I love it. Mr. Nova has a 66 Fairlane that would probably be more in line with your taste! 

That 292 could be seriously livened up...bore it about 60 over, get rings to boost compression to about 10.5:1, slap a 650 double pumper on top, cam the shit out of it...dude...that'd be one helluva car. What's the 66 running under the hood? Those were sweet little cars...

[SuperNova]

It's a 289 with a high rise performer rpm intake manifold, 650 Holley double pumper, bored .30 over balanced and blueprinted, 272h crane cam, headman headers, msd dual spark ignition, electronic breaker less distributor, and a 4 speed top load transmission. Lol. Does this make sense to you? Mr nova is relaying this stuff as I type and I'm clueless. 

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

It's a 289 with a high rise performer rpm intake manifold, 650 Holley double pumper, bored .30 over balanced and blueprinted, 272h crane cam, headman headers, msd dual spark ignition, electronic breaker less distributor, and a 4 speed top load transmission. Lol. Does this make sense to you? Mr nova is relaying this stuff as I type and I'm clueless. 

awwww shiiiiiiiiittttttttt....tell Mr. Nova that I about peed my pants on that....shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt...that bitch will scoot!!!! What's the 1/4 time like?