Tabitha Paine & Tim Robertson Engagement (includes sexual assault discussion)

[eveandadam]

Unfortunately, Erin probably doesn't have any say at all to be able to even talk to Tabitha about such things. But at the same time she the person with most media presence (insta, etc) of the Paine family so she is the one people write to, of course. I feel sorry for Erin and Tabitha.

[ophelia]

 

On 13.2.2017 at 3:03 AM, JermajestyDuggar said:

BtW: did anyone figure out who the dude on the right is?

I'm curious about that too!!

On 13.2.2017 at 6:30 PM, nausicaa said:

At the same time, I do agree with @QuiverDance that it's jarring to see Erin standing next to a rapist in a photo.

The girl who was once scared she could end up sitting next to a girl with green hair in a worldy college class is now standing next to a rapist. In a photograph for her fundie husbands uberfundie family. Wow.

The lack of common sense, logic or whatever you call it just hurts.

[singsingsing]

3 hours ago, ophelia said:

I'm curious about that too!!

The girl who was once scared she could end up sitting next to a girl with green hair in a worldy college class is now standing next to a rapist. In a photograph for her fundie husbands uberfundie family. Wow.

The lack of common sense, logic or whatever you call it just hurts.

I think this is literally the only time I've seen the 'green hair' comment mentioned and not thought, "Come on, it was ages ago, she was young, it was one comment, get over it." Because it's such a striking example. They teach their kids to be afraid of the silliest things, and then this. Dancing is evil, you must not kiss before marriage, this system works and is necessary because it protects our precious children from the nasty, heathen, dangerous world... until you're molested by one of our leaders, or daddy decides to marry you off to a rapist. 

What is the point at all of the 'umbrella of protection', submission, home churching, purity rings, purity balls, 'Before You Meet Prince Charming', courtship, sidehugging, all of that, if you're just going to end up married to a guy who was convicted of rape? I mean, was it all successful because ultimately you're still a virgin on your wedding night with said convicted rapist? So ultimately it's not really about protecting your daughters, just about protecting the integrity of your property so you can pass it on in an undamaged state to the highest bidder? Hmmm...

[ophelia]

27 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I think this is literally the only time I've seen the 'green hair' comment mentioned and not thought, "Come on, it was ages ago, she was young, it was one comment, get over it." Because it's such a striking example. They teach their kids to be afraid of the silliest things, and then this. Dancing is evil, you must not kiss before marriage, this system works and is necessary because it protects our precious children from the nasty, heathen, dangerous world... until you're molested by one of our leaders, or daddy decides to marry you off to a rapist. 

What is the point at all of the 'umbrella of protection', submission, home churching, purity rings, purity balls, 'Before You Meet Prince Charming', courtship, sidehugging, all of that, if you're just going to end up married to a guy who was convicted of rape? I mean, was it all successful because ultimately you're still a virgin on your wedding night with said convicted rapist? So ultimately it's not really about protecting your daughters, just about protecting the integrity of your property so you can pass it on in an undamaged state to the highest bidder? Hmmm...

That sums it up perfectly, IMHO. And it shows just how damaging this lifestyle and how fucked up their understanding of being a girl/woman is.

[Carm_88]

6 hours ago, eveandadam said:

Unfortunately, Erin probably doesn't have any say at all to be able to even talk to Tabitha about such things. But at the same time she the person with most media presence (insta, etc) of the Paine family so she is the one people write to, of course. I feel sorry for Erin and Tabitha.

I feel like she was saying "Not my circus, not my monkeys." She definitely has no say in any of this, she might be a married female but I'm pretty that only puts her above single female. It's weird world that they live in.

[QuiverDance]

9 hours ago, eveandadam said:

Unfortunately, Erin probably doesn't have any say at all to be able to even talk to Tabitha about such things. But at the same time she the person with most media presence (insta, etc) of the Paine family so she is the one people write to, of course. I feel sorry for Erin and Tabitha.

 

I wouldn't thinnk she does.  My previous comment (How does Erin stand next to someone like this?) was in reference to her having to stand next to him in that family photo.  My thought is, he probably repulses her if she knows what he did.  She is probably afraid of him on some level, yet she is forced to interact with him.  

Doesn't everyone have that one weird uncle/cousin/by-marriage relative who gives you the creeps?  I know I have.  I would avoid that man like the plague, just based on his crazy eyes.  Sorry.  That's how I roll. 

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

 

I'm curious about that too!!

The girl who was once scared she could end up sitting next to a girl with green hair in a worldy college class is now standing next to a rapist. In a photograph for her fundie husbands uberfundie family. Wow.

The lack of common sense, logic or whatever you call it just hurts.

 

Exactly!

 

[choralcrusader8613]

1 hour ago, QuiverDance said:

I wouldn't thinnk she does.  My previous comment (How does Erin stand next to someone like this?) was in reference to her having to stand next to him in that family photo.  My thought is, he probably repulses her if she knows what he did.  She is probably afraid of him on some level, yet she is forced to interact with him.  

Doesn't everyone have that one weird uncle/cousin/by-marriage relative who gives you the creeps?  I know I have.  I would avoid that man like the plague, just based on his crazy eyes.  Sorry.  That's how I roll.

And if she does know what he did, she's probably also told that she can't hold that against him 'cause Jesus forgave him, so why can't you?

[Jigsaw3]

I just hope that Erin never leaves her children unsupervised around him.

I am not saying or insinuating that he is a pedophile: please don't read that into this statement. I AM saying he isn't trustworthy and will lie to defend himself. I would not trust him around my children.

[eveandadam]

There are just so many red flags in that, I haven't seen that many in any relationship and, as far as we know, he didn't even do anything bad to her.

I mean, ok..., maybe he treats her nicely and they really do love each other? Is the wedding date known?

[Bethella]

2 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Is the wedding date known?

April 1

[eveandadam]

Just now, Bethella said:

April 1

No, really?!!

[Bethella]

2 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

No, really?!!

yep, I'd laugh but I can't under the circumstances, I mean April Fools, really?

[Carm_88]

6 hours ago, Bethella said:

yep, I'd laugh but I can't under the circumstances, I mean April Fools, really?

"April Fool's has come and past and you're the biggest fool at last." Appropriate 

[eveandadam]

Even if I were in love with someone like Tabitha's fiancé, I still wouldn't marry him thinking about that poor other woman and him blameshifting afterwards.

[choralcrusader8613]

22 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Even if I were in love with someone like Tabitha's fiancé, I still wouldn't marry him thinking about that poor other woman and him blameshifting afterwards.

This. It's not just what he did, because I'm sure that the fundies around him totally believe this version of events, it's that he seems to act as though this whole situation just happened at him all of a sudden. Knowing the true version of events makes his blameshifting even grosser in that light.

[JermajestyDuggar]

38 minutes ago, choralcrusader8613 said:

This. It's not just what he did, because I'm sure that the fundies around him totally believe this version of events, it's that he seems to act as though this whole situation just happened at him all of a sudden. Knowing the true version of events makes his blameshifting even grosser in that light.

I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. So I wouldn't even trust him with my dog. He would probably blame the dog for shitting on the floor even though he's the one that forgot to take him out. 

[choralcrusader8613]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. So I wouldn't even trust him with my dog. He would probably blame the dog for shitting on the floor even though he's the one that forgot to take him out. 

As much truth as this is, I also have to admit that I busted out laughing when I saw this.

[nokidsmom]

On 2/17/2017 at 0:14 PM, eveandadam said:

Even if I were in love with someone like Tabitha's fiancé, I still wouldn't marry him thinking about that poor other woman and him blameshifting afterwards.

Same here.   This would be a dealbreaker not just for marriage but for the relationship.  It would be irrevocably over.  

On 2/17/2017 at 0:39 PM, choralcrusader8613 said:

This. It's not just what he did, because I'm sure that the fundies around him totally believe this version of events, it's that he seems to act as though this whole situation just happened at him all of a sudden. Knowing the true version of events makes his blameshifting even grosser in that light.

I will share a personal story here.  After I broke up with my college fiance, I learned that an "incident" that he had with a girl he liked and before he met me did not exactly go the way he confessed it to me.    He spun it as they were just "goofing around and she was teasing him", and most of his Christian friends believed his story but I got the true version from a close friend of this girl.  This friend was a reliable source.   I was just downright disgusted over the whole thing, and perhaps more over how he had spun the story.   The girl was unharmed btw, my wonderful ex-fiance (NOT!) manage to stop himself.   

Back to Tabitha, I really wish she would not go through with this.   This is one of the worst things a prospective spouse can have in his/her past IMHO, not just for fundies but for anyone.  Yes, people do deserve a chance at happiness and can learn from past mistakes but blameshifting is serious red flag that someone has not truly learned.

[nickelodeon]

Every time there's a new post in this topic I hope it's news that Tabitha has gotten it together and broken this shit off. Especially as we get closer to the wedding date. :\

[GreyhoundFan]

2 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

Same here.   This would be a dealbreaker not just for marriage but for the relationship.  It would be irrevocably over.  

I will share a personal story here.  After I broke up with my college fiance, I learned that an "incident" that he had with a girl he liked and before he met me did not exactly go the way he confessed it to me.    He spun it as they were just "goofing around and she was teasing him", and most of his Christian friends believed his story but I got the true version from a close friend of this girl.  This friend was a reliable source.   I was just downright disgusted over the whole thing, and perhaps more over how he had spun the story.   The girl was unharmed btw, my wonderful ex-fiance (NOT!) manage to stop himself.   

Back to Tabitha, I really wish she would not go through with this.   This is one of the worst things a prospective spouse can have in his/her past IMHO, not just for fundies but for anyone.  Yes, people do deserve a chance at happiness and can learn from past mistakes but blameshifting is serious red flag that someone has not truly learned.

I'm sorry about your fiance. I'm sure that was difficult.

I think if the scuz, Tim, had admitted he did something bad, learned a terrible lesson, and worked to improve his life without blaming the victim, I would have at least some respect for him. However, the minute he blamed the victim, NOPE.

I wish Tabitha could say no, but we all know that won't happen.

[nokidsmom]

1 minute ago, GreyhoundFan said:

I'm sorry about your fiance. I'm sure that was difficult.

I think if the scuz, Tim, had admitted he did something bad, learned a terrible lesson, and worked to improve his life without blaming the victim, I would have at least some respect for him. However, the minute he blamed the victim, NOPE.

I wish Tabitha could say no, but we all know that won't happen.

@GreyhoundFan, thanks.  It's been many years now and I since married Mr. No, who is a vast improvement.  Still it was very hard, even thought our engagement ended, at the time there was the possiblity of getting back together.  When I learned the truth behind this "incident" along with some other things that were quite damning, I knew there was no getting back with him as I could never trust him.  

Agree that if Tim realized he did something really bad, admitted it and worked to ensure it never happened again including doing the necessary work on himself and left it at that, then fine.  I could accept that. But blaming shows that you really don't get it at all.

I wish Tabitha would walk away from this, I really do.

[Dandruff]

2 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

Every time there's a new post in this topic I hope it's news that Tabitha has gotten it together and broken this shit off. Especially as we get closer to the wedding date. :\

Me too.  I'm already concerned for her children.

[QuiverDance]

4 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

Same here.   This would be a dealbreaker not just for marriage but for the relationship.  It would be irrevocably over.  

I will share a personal story here.  After I broke up with my college fiance, I learned that an "incident" that he had with a girl he liked and before he met me did not exactly go the way he confessed it to me.    He spun it as they were just "goofing around and she was teasing him", and most of his Christian friends believed his story but I got the true version from a close friend of this girl.  This friend was a reliable source.   I was just downright disgusted over the whole thing, and perhaps more over how he had spun the story.   The girl was unharmed btw, my wonderful ex-fiance (NOT!) manage to stop himself.   

Back to Tabitha, I really wish she would not go through with this.   This is one of the worst things a prospective spouse can have in his/her past IMHO, not just for fundies but for anyone.  Yes, people do deserve a chance at happiness and can learn from past mistakes but blameshifting is serious red flag that someone has not truly learned.

 

I found out stuff about my ex after the fact that wasn't true, too.  He told me his ex wife had left him for a woman.  Not true.  He told me his ex wife had been raped as a teenager and had mental problems.  Not true.  He told me he had shot someone in self defense.  Not true.  He told me his estranged father (who had abandoned him) had embezzeled large sums of money from a former employer and gotten away with it.  Not true.  In other words, he was a pathological liar.  

[nokidsmom]

43 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

I found out stuff about my ex after the fact that wasn't true, too.  He told me his ex wife had left him for a woman.  Not true.  He told me his ex wife had been raped as a teenager and had mental problems.  Not true.  He told me he had shot someone in self defense.  Not true.  He told me his estranged father (who had abandoned him) had embezzeled large sums of money from a former employer and gotten away with it.  Not true.  In other words, he was a pathological liar.  

Ex-fiance seemed to have learned spinning things so they sounded less bad and furthermore it worked on the gullible people around him.  To him, technically he was telling the truth but it seemed that omitting certain details and spinning the tale in rather vague ways was not a problem, because, hey, he was telling me and therefore was being honest.  Somewhere he never learned that one can lie by omission.

 

[eveandadam]

They have a wedding registry at bed bath and beyond:

https://registry.theknot.com/tabitha-paine-tim-robertson-april-2017/17573962

I actually like most of the things she picked...