Tabitha Paine & Tim Robertson Engagement (includes sexual assault discussion)

[choralcrusader8613]

Hey, everyone. I started a thread in NHB for people who want to discuss the ins and outs of sex offender registries. Thread can be found here:

Feel free to bring your links discussing those issues over to the linked thread.

[QuiverDance]

How does someone like Erin Bates stand next to that man, knowing that he did what he did? It's so messed up. 

[SweetFellowshipper]

28 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

How does someone like Erin Bates stand next to that man, knowing that he did what he did? It's so messed up. 

Yep. Yet another reminder that the Bateses are cute but deadly. 

[Carm_88]

29 minutes ago, QuiverDance said:

How does someone like Erin Bates stand next to that man, knowing that he did what he did? It's so messed up. 

How can any of them stand there and think "This is a great idea! They should definitely get married!" Wouldn't a normal person be telling Tabitha that she deserves more? 

[SweetFellowshipper]

43 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

How can any of them stand there and think "This is a great idea! They should definitely get married!" Wouldn't a normal person be telling Tabitha that she deserves more? 

Her own brothers and sisters!!! What a sick cult. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

How can any of them stand there and think "This is a great idea! They should definitely get married!" Wouldn't a normal person be telling Tabitha that she deserves more? 

I'm not fundie but I would tell my sister ONCE at the beginning of the relationship and then leave it alone. Theres no point in my constantly telling her over and over. But I would keep my kids far away from him. 

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

On January 25, 2017 at 8:33 PM, LovelyLuna said:

If I believed in reincarnation based on passed sins I would say that Tabitha was an awful person in her passed life.

Old maid, Duggar slave, horrible older husband...

I hate this fucking cult.

I'd probably bring it up more than once, but anyway I agree. 

 

I'm not sure how some here can blame Chad and Erin so quickly.  We don't know that they introduced them as some have speculated, we don't know that they didn't try to advise against the union, we don't know squat. She is under her father's authority, not Chad's 

 

(I was quoting @JermajestyDuggar, I don't know what's up with the quote box.)

[SweetFellowshipper]

2 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

I'd probably bring it up more than once, but anyway I agree. 

 

I'm not sure how some here can blame Chad and Erin so quickly.  We don't know that they introduced them as some have speculated, we don't know that they didn't try to advise against the union, we don't know squat. She is under her father's authority, not Chad's 

 

(I was quoting @JermajestyDuggar, I don't know what's up with the quote box.)

Their advising against the union would 100% shock me as they're still in the fold and have never gone against the grain in any way. But yes, it's certainly possible. I usually err on the side of going by past behavior. 

[justmy2cents]

It's entirely possible that Erin and Chad had no idea about his past. They may have gotten a very sanitized version if they got anything at all. We really can't know. This really is a big fail for her father who's authority she's under.

[Snarkle Motion]

10 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It's entirely possible that Erin and Chad had no idea about his past. They may have gotten a very sanitized version if they got anything at all. We really can't know. This really is a big fail for her father who's authority she's under.

I don't blame Erin because I don't expect Erin to ask about it or to try to search his past online. I absolutely blame Chad for this and I was formerly a huge Chad supporter. He obviously had a past, Chad should have asked about it and looked into it as someone who is marrying his sister.  And clearly so should have Mr. Paine. How can these people talk about headship and protecting women and then be so lackadaisical when it comes to who they hand their daughter over to?

[JesusCampSongs]

It wouldn't surprise me either way, Tabitha knowing vs. Tabitha not knowing. It's obvious that Tim Robertson (is a convicted rapist) is doing everything he can to spin raping his roommate into a tale of persecution by a heathen seductress. It was probably something to the effect of, "She enticed me with her feminine wiles, Satan built a fortress in my heart and so I went along with it, and then her boyfriend came home and she cried rape. The State and the Law conspired against me, so I pleaded guilty to avoid jail time." 

Given how that whole cult espouses what can be charitably termed rape culture on crack, it wouldn't surprise me at all if the Paines/Bateseseseseses/Duggars believed his version of events, and no amount of evidence we (or anyone else) can dig up will convince them otherwise.

[IreneIssh]

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

This is the picture I was thinking of. 

So is it on their blog still?

[JermajestyDuggar]

29 minutes ago, IreneIssh said:

So is it on their blog still?

I can't find it on their blog. I looked around today. Does anyone else remember seeing that picture on the Paine family blog starting this past fall?

ETA: I just found it on Erin's Instagram from thanksgiving. So yeah, they were serious enough on thanksgiving to pose for a family picture and then Erin post it. 

BtW: did anyone figure out who the dude on the right is?

[eveandadam]

Honestly, if he would just say it out loud and admit to it then this would probably still not prevent Tabitha from marrying him, as he repented to his sins before Chist, was convicted, put on the list and removed from it a few years later.

Tabitha was brought up in this cult and I would think of her as being "courageous" enough to still marry such a man if he admitted to it.

But, no, he needs to shift the blame on the victim because MAN, WOMAN and SIN. I would say he would be even better off with the Bates' and Paines if he just admitted to it. The only thing preventing him from doing so is either a false sense of pride or, plain and simple, psychopathy.

[Dandruff]

6 hours ago, eveandadam said:

I would say he would be even better off with the Bates' and Paines if he just admitted to it.

Not so sure about that.  What do the Bateses and Paines admit to, at least publicly?  I'm thinking he may have found a perfect niche for himself and his washed-away sins.  If Satan lured him into the situation, which I believe is how he now sees it, then why shouldn't Satan and those he worked through be acknowledged?  He got drunk which was bad, then his roommate left him alone with his girlfriend who worked in a strip club, something happened, he was falsely accused, was afraid to defend himself and was persecuted, but eventually came out clean through the help of the Lord, hallelujah.

Pesky Internet.

[nausicaa]

20 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

I'm not sure how some here can blame Chad and Erin so quickly.  We don't know that they introduced them as some have speculated, we don't know that they didn't try to advise against the union, we don't know squat. She is under her father's authority, not Chad's 

Yeah, I don't understand the blame on Chad. He has no authority under their patriarchal rules nor under the law. Her father, not her brother, approves of her suitors in their religion. In the eyes of the law, Tabitha is a legal adult and can marry any other legal adult she'd like. Chad can't exactly kidnap her and keep her locked in his house until after the wedding date.

I would hope he talked to her and advised against it, but who knows what's gone on behind the scenes. And I really mean "who knows," Erin and Chad could be sweeping the rape under the rug and victim blaming up a storm, but we just don't know. I do think Erin's comment on her Instagram had shades of disapproval of this union.

At the same time, I do agree with @QuiverDance that it's jarring to see Erin standing next to a rapist in a photo.

[Snarkle Motion]

18 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Yeah, I don't understand the blame on Chad. He has no authority under their patriarchal rules nor under the law. Her father, not her brother, approves of her suitors in their religion. In the eyes of the law, Tabitha is a legal adult and can marry any other legal adult she'd like. Chad can't exactly kidnap her and keep her locked in his house until after the wedding date.

I would hope he talked to her and advised against it, but who knows what's gone on behind the scenes. And I really mean "who knows," Erin and Chad could be sweeping the rape under the rug and victim blaming up a storm, but we just don't know. I do think Erin's comment on her Instagram had shades of disapproval of this union.

At the same time, I do agree with @QuiverDance that it's jarring to see Erin standing next to a rapist in a photo.

In their world, and even in the broader culture, a brother is supposed to look out for his sister. I wouldn't be blaming him except that this person is so clearly from their area that I can't understand how they would have met without Chads help or prior approval. 

[eveandadam]

18 hours ago, nausicaa said:

 I do think Erin's comment on her Instagram had shades of disapproval of this union.

 

Yeah, I got that impression, too. Erin sure must have a hard time to keep sweet over this.

[nokidsmom]

39 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

Yeah, I got that impression, too. Erin sure must have a hard time to keep sweet over this.

That's the feeling I got.  No way of knowing for sure, of course, but her comment seemed somehow terse to me. 

Actually, I think it's smart that she keeps out of it.   She may disapprove, but first off, this is her husband's family and as others pointed out, it's the father's responsibility to vet a husband for his daughter.    Who knows, watching this might put some questions in her head about some of the patriarchy bullshit she is used to living under.

1 hour ago, Snarkle Motion said:

I wouldn't be blaming him except that this person is so clearly from their area that I can't understand how they would have met without Chads help or prior approval. 

It's entirely possible, in fact I think it's probable, that Chad was not aware of Tim's past. 

[eveandadam]

5 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

    Who knows, watching this might put some questions in her head about some of the patriarchy bullshit she is used to living under.

Let's hope so!

It's apparent that daughters get married off and impregnated fairly quickly before they reach the age where they question things like a grown-up person. IMO this starts around the age of 23-ish, maybe even as late as 25. Most fundie women get married earlier than that and by 23 would have 1-2 children, too late to think about things deeply and in the worst case, too late to leave.

Tabitha is 31 years old. Is she still in that panicky phase where she thinks she would be left on the shelf if she doesn't get married right now, no matter how bad the guy is? I thought the "omg, I won't get a husband, I need to get married right now!" phase for fundies is more around the age of 25?

But, maybe, she really loves the guy? Who knows...

I do hope, Jana, 27, does it diffrently though and passes the panicky phase before she get's married later.

 

[formergothardite]

I don't blame Chad and Erin, but I wouldn't be surprised if they knew the "blame the lying slut" story and thought nothing of it. They grew up in an environment where sexual assault was downplayed and normalized. Just look at what both their fathers have been accused of. In that culture accepting that women will lie about being sexually assaulted is normal. I don't think his story would have made them think twice about him. 

 

[Snarkle Motion]

3 hours ago, eveandadam said:

Yeah, I got that impression, too. Erin sure must have a hard time to keep sweet over this.

What was Erin's comment?

[SweetFellowshipper]

I didn't get that from Erin's comment. Erin is a sweet girl but seems like she very much wants to be liked. Her ATI comment was crafted so as to purposely come across as not supporting it, while the truth is likely hazier, and without having to actually ever speak against it. That comment about Tabitha's fiance seemed much more "please don't post negative things on my page" to me than "I disagree with her choice." Erin is a kind person but she definitely does not want to be controversial. We'll likely never know her actual feelings about much of anything. 

[Coconut Flan]

I took it as a take that dirt where it belongs and my rug is not the place. 

[formergothardite]

If my SIL was marrying a rapist I probably wouldn't want people bothering me about it on social media either. But @SweetFellowshipper is correct Erin isn't going to post things that are going to be controversial.