Unintentionally hilarious religious art

[Gobsmacked]

39 minutes ago, EmmieJ said:

I'm diabetic and to control my blood glucose numbers, I not only avoid sugar, I've got to keep my carb intake pretty darn low.  I was hoping that if I made it to heaven, I'd get to indulge in carby-goodness, like biscuits and gravy.  In between my assignments as a guardian angel of course.

I love this entire thread, but this picture looks more like the driver picked up a hitchhiker, and the situation has just turned very creepy.  Hitchhiker:  "Do you believe in the afterlife John?"  Driver:  "Gross!  This guy has onion breath.  Think I'll pull into this gas station and tell him he's gonna have to find another ride."

But how will hippie Derrick arrive back home in time for his tater tots then? Jill- the -cling will be mighty annoyed.

[mango_fandango]

3 hours ago, ADoyle90815 said:

My guess is that the pigments used back then were toxic, so the illuminators were probably high at the time.

Half naked guy: HUG MEEEEEE

Other guy: For God's sake, Frank, NO! 

[Four is Enough]

4 hours ago, ladyamylynn said:

http://the-toast.net/2016/04/14/two-monks-invent-art/ I think you might love this.

OH< I do love it! Off to share that with some of my other manuscript nerd buddies!

[Naga Viper]

13 hours ago, formergothardite said:

This is art in the sense that the guy wrote and sang a song about heaven. He manages to make heaven sound terrible. Does hell serve breakfast? 

Oh, this is fabulous—the endlessly monotone repetition, the listless backup singer, the fact that he put all the brand names in one verse so they can be dropped in case of boycott (...or whatever). I think I need to subject my Facebook friends to this.

[FundieFarmer]

   Why is Jesus such a busy body control freak?! Let them do their job for Christ..... crying out loud!


      I think this is something Gabe would do.
        
      This is weird. And his head is disproportionately small.

I'm fairly certain the one of surgeon Jesus exists in the hospital where I'm having open heart. I'll have to try to get a photo to share before I go under. It's a gem.

[PennySycamore]

7 hours ago, ladyamylynn said:

http://the-toast.net/2016/04/14/two-monks-invent-art/ I think you might love this.

@ladyamylynn,  I noticed that the bare-breasted woman appears to suffer from breast hypoplasia.  I hope she didn't have any babies because she would have needed a wet nurse.

[SamiKatz]

On 1/10/2017 at 7:54 PM, HeadshipRegent said:

If I ever die from some unspecified circumstance, just assume this is how I went down. 

 

Apparently he hasn't gotten to the "turn the other cheek" area of the bible yet.

[THERetroGamerNY]

This just may be the best thread ever here... lol

[KnittingOwl]

On 1/9/2017 at 8:09 PM, IreneIssh said:

That is spot on. Can someone please photoshop a fedora hat and ~5 scarves on that Jesus?

I'm positive someone could do a better job than me, but it's been two days and I had to try.

[Peas n carrots]

He also looks like he could be saying, "Why don't you have a seat over there."

LMAO @ Chris Hansen Jesus! Deliver us from all your sins for sure.

I happen to like this one very much.  If my loved one is being operated on, I would hope that God is watching over the surgery and keeping my loved one safe.  Have some religious tolerance for those who believe.  That's what's wrong with this world.  People don't have religious tolerance.  Not all believers are extremists, and many main stream Christians and people of other faiths pray to their God when their loved one's life is in jeopardy.  People who mock someone's God are just as bad as extremists that are critical of other people's beliefs.  Saying that God's intervention in surgery is being a "busy body control freak" is mocking the God of Christians. 

Oh jeez lighten up Francis! No one is making fun of your sincerely held beliefs - it's just bad art. The intended message is not coming across very well and it looks like Jesus is messing with the surgeon's hand rather than being a helpful presence.

If you can't take some good natured fun in stride you really are in the wrong place. Many non-theists aren't making fun of your beliefs, but how dang seriously you take any perceived slight to those beliefs.

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder but to me this guy looks more annoyed that Jesus is crowding his personal space than relieved that Jesus is advising him how to drive. 

LOL the driver looks soooooo uncomfortable. I would be too if I had a dude sitting behind me grabbing my shoulders.

[LadyCrow1313]

16 hours ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

This is hilarious, it looks like they are looking for a specific and limited resurrection

  Hide contents

All in all I'd say those monks thoughts weren't chaste and pure. They also had a lively imagination.

Oh sure they did. They weren't allowed to get down & funky (or at the very least, took vows of celibacy), so they had to get their kinks out somehow. (More power to them, I say.)

Speaking of medieval art, has anyone seen the medieval tapestry art pics that incorporates the modern day Sherlock into them? It's very, very funny, & well worth the search. (I've mainly seen them on Pinterest, but have also seen a few on Facebook, too.)

[Grimalkin]

20 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

I'm fairly certain the one of surgeon Jesus exists in the hospital where I'm having open heart. I'll have to try to get a photo to share before I go under. It's a gem.

     Oh FF! I did not realize you were getting open heart. I genuinely hope it goes well and that your recovery is quick and painless. I hope your family and loved ones will not be to anxious and find comfort while sitting in the waiting room. That is nerve wracking for everyone. I do pray God and his angels guide the staff. (Just not in a medelsome way!) 

      Do you know when you are getting it?

[Grimalkin]

     I don't want this to be combined with my last post but I will forget to post.

      This freaked me out as a kid I think it was in the encyclopedias I used to pore over.

 

     Last time I was at The Art Institute I wandered into the Medevil art section. I was completely enthralled. It was closing and I really wanted to stay longer.

[Peas n carrots]

     I don't want this to be combined with my last post but I will forget to post.
      This freaked me out as a kid I think it was in the encyclopedias I used to pore over.

 
     Last time I was at The Art Institute I wandered into the Medevil art section. I was completely enthralled. It was closing and I really wanted to stay longer.

So there is a face in the gremlin's butt? That is some active imagination...

[Mercer]

For some reason the Jesus lovingly cradling a raptor picture really speaks to me. Not quite sure what exactly it's saying to me.  But I actually really like it because it's so bizarre and surreal and I love their facial expressions. Jesus really seems to love the raptor, and the raptor's content face reminds me of my cat. I don't understand what it means but I would totally put it up in my house purely as offbeat art. Just goes to show there's no accounting for taste!

[Grimalkin]

3 hours ago, Peas n carrots said:

 

So there is a face in the gremlin's butt? That is some active imagination...

 

Or it was painted by a fifth grade boy.

 

1 hour ago, Mercer said:

For some reason the Jesus lovingly cradling a raptor picture really speaks to me. Not quite sure what exactly it's saying to me.  But I actually really like it because it's so bizarre and surreal and I love their facial expressions. Jesus really seems to love the raptor, and the raptor's content face reminds me of my cat. I don't understand what it means but I would totally put it up in my house purely as offbeat art. Just goes to show there's no accounting for taste!

      I have a print of a llama wearing glasses in my entryway, or it might be an alpaca......I'm not sure. Since I can't afford really expensive original artwork hipster llamas will have to do.

 

    ETA:

[Black Aliss]

On 1/11/2017 at 6:52 PM, FundieFarmer said:

I'm fairly certain the one of surgeon Jesus exists in the hospital where I'm having open heart. I'll have to try to get a photo to share before I go under. It's a gem.

I hope they follow better aseptic procedures.

2 hours ago, Mercer said:

For some reason the Jesus lovingly cradling a raptor picture really speaks to me. Not quite sure what exactly it's saying to me.  But I actually really like it because it's so bizarre and surreal and I love their facial expressions. Jesus really seems to love the raptor, and the raptor's content face reminds me of my cat. I don't understand what it means but I would totally put it up in my house purely as offbeat art. Just goes to show there's no accounting for taste!

I hear you. I loved that one, too.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

On Wednesday, January 11, 2017 at 4:43 AM, formergothardite said:

This is art in the sense that the guy wrote and sang a song about heaven. He manages to make heaven sound terrible. Does hell serve breakfast? 

Well, it certainly isn't as good as the Newsboys song. (Note the last line in the chorus.)

Lyrics:

Spoiler

"Breakfast"

Hold the milk, put back the sugar

They are powerless to console

We've gathered here to sprinkle ashes

From our late friend's cereal bowl.

Breakfast Clubbers, say the motto

That he taught us to repeat:

"You will lose it in your gym class

If you wait 'til noon to eat."

 

Back when the Chess Club said our eggs were soft

Every Monday he'd say grace and hold our juice aloft

Oh, none of us knew his checkout time would come so soon

But before his brain stopped waving, he composed this tune:

 

[Chorus]

WHEN THE TOAST IS BURNED

AND ALL THE MILK HAS TURNED

AND CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS WAVING FAREWELL

WHEN THE BIG ONE FINDS YOU

MAY THIS SONG REMIND YOU

THAT THEY DON'T SERVE BREAKFAST IN HELL

 

Breakfast clubbers, drop the hankies.

Though to some our friend was odd,

That day he bought those pine pajamas

His check was good with God.

 

Those here without the Lord,

How do you cope?

For this morning we don't mourn

Like those who have no hope

 

Oh, rise up, Fruit Loop lovers -

Sing out sweet & low

With spoons held high

We bid our brother, "Cheerio!"

 

[Chorus]

Video:

Spoiler

 

 

I actually had tickets to the concert for this album, but I went to visit my grandma in another state instead. I don't ever regret my choice, but I hear it was a great concert!

[Showtunesgirl]

56 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Well, it certainly isn't as good as the Newsboys song. (Note the last line in the chorus.)

Lyrics:

  Reveal hidden contents

"Breakfast"

Hold the milk, put back the sugar

They are powerless to console

We've gathered here to sprinkle ashes

From our late friend's cereal bowl.

Breakfast Clubbers, say the motto

That he taught us to repeat:

"You will lose it in your gym class

If you wait 'til noon to eat."

 

Back when the Chess Club said our eggs were soft

Every Monday he'd say grace and hold our juice aloft

Oh, none of us knew his checkout time would come so soon

But before his brain stopped waving, he composed this tune:

 

[Chorus]

WHEN THE TOAST IS BURNED

AND ALL THE MILK HAS TURNED

AND CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS WAVING FAREWELL

WHEN THE BIG ONE FINDS YOU

MAY THIS SONG REMIND YOU

THAT THEY DON'T SERVE BREAKFAST IN HELL

 

Breakfast clubbers, drop the hankies.

Though to some our friend was odd,

That day he bought those pine pajamas

His check was good with God.

 

Those here without the Lord,

How do you cope?

For this morning we don't mourn

Like those who have no hope

 

Oh, rise up, Fruit Loop lovers -

Sing out sweet & low

With spoons held high

We bid our brother, "Cheerio!"

 

[Chorus]

Video:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

I actually had tickets to the concert for this album, but I went to visit my grandma in another state instead. I don't ever regret my choice, but I hear it was a great concert!

So the Newsboys/Audio Adrenaline/Reliant K concert was actually my first as a teen, and I must say I did thoroughly enjoy their set. (I also happen to love the Breakfast song and most of the songs from the "Take Me to Your Leader" album)

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@Showtunesgirl, I think my favorite Christian concert with more than one group was probably the one with Third Day, Chris Rice, and Michael W. Smith. Both Third Day and Michael W. Smith used multiple musicians and instruments, but in the middle act, Chris Rice just walked onto the stage with his guitar. His whole set it was just him, his microphone, and his guitar. And he was amazing. (I've never been to an Audio Adrenaline concert, so I'm a bit jealous.  Especially since you got to see them with Mark Stuart as the lead singer.)

[Showtunesgirl]

@WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? Ok, don't hate me, but I actually got to see Audio Adrenaline twice (they did a solo concert at my college campus years later, which I actually liked better because it was much smaller and more intimate than the thousands of people at the first concert). I am jealous that you got to see Michael W. Smith though. I remember watching his performance on an episode of "Secret Adventures" as a kid and wishing I could see him live. However, I also loved seeing Chris Tomlin in person (he did a Passion concert with Lincoln Brewster), and I agree, he's amazing. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@Showtunesgirl, I won't hate you for seeing Audio Adrenaline twice and you won't hate me for seeing Michael W. Smith twice, okay?  Before the concert with Chris Rice and Third Day, I saw Mikey in a concert with D.C. Talk. (I think it was for Change Your World in 1994.) It's been a few years, but I remember enjoying his performances a lot both times. We can both be jealous of my oldest sibling, because they won front row tickets and backstage passes to the first concert. Yup, my big sib got to meet Michael W. Smith and got a signed poster. Color me green!

My first real concert as a teenager was Second Chapter of Acts on their NightLight tour.

Spoiler

And now I seem to have drifted into talking about Christian album covers. 

[mirele]

On 1/11/2017 at 11:05 AM, Black Aliss said:

This makes me unreasonably happy. I used to have to drop off my youngest kid for playdates with a friend, whose parents had more money than taste. They collected Thomas Kinkade originals. I don't know if they actually liked the art or if it was just an investment. Anyway, thanks for the enightenment, in case I ever have to look at another Kinkade.

I know someone (Karen de la Carriere, a former Scientologist, has appeared on TV shows speaking about how awful Scn was in that they wouldn't even let her look at her son when he died) who has made bank selling Thomas Kinkade pictures. I believe she's the largest seller of his works. She found her niche and she has worked it assiduously. I would never tell her I find his work banal.

[ladyamylynn]

I used to love 2nd Chapter of Acts!!

[AmazonGrace]

 

Peter and Paul seem to have a cosy little bromance but what's with the foreheads and necks?