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    • Curious

      Guest Speaker 1.26.17 @ 8pm eastern   01/22/2017

      I am pleased to announce that we have are going to have a Q&A with an ex-evangelical on Thurs, January 26, 2017 @ 8pm.  The Q&A will last for approximately 1 hour.  I will be setting up a subforum for guest speakers as I hope to be able to get some other folks come talk to us. Our guest on Thurs will be Chris Stroop.  Here is his bio: Christopher Stroop grew up a rank-and-file member of the Christian Right in an Evangelical enclave community, Stroop's childhood social milieu consisting mostly of family and people associated with church and/or Christian school. From about the age of 16, Stroop found himself dealing with an increasingly acute crisis of faith that was not addressed properly by the people he talked to about it, and he was subjected to spiritual abuse. Stroop nevertheless went on to earn a BA in history and German from Ball State University (summa cum laude) in 2003, and then a Ph.D. in modern Russian History and Interdisciplinary Studies in the Humanities from Stanford in 2012. Subsequently, Stroop spent three academic years teaching in the School of Public Policy at the Russian Presidential Academy of National Economy and Public Administration in Moscow, where he kind of sort of almost got in trouble for "teaching Pussy Riot lyrics." Currently, Stroop teaches nineteenth-century European history and Russian Studies classes as a Provost's Postdoctoral Scholar at the University of South Florida and, as a freelance writer and public speaker, speaks out against the abuses of conservative Christianity in general and the the white Evangelical subculture he comes from in particular. You can find many of his writings in this vein on Religion Dispatches. If you would like to support this work financially, please click here (for monthly support) or here (to leave a one-time gift). Stroop's more academic writings can mostly be found here, and you can follow him on Twitter - @C_Stroop.   We are going to use the Q&A forum format.  I will be setting up a special forum just for Chris.  I will open the forum about 15 minutes before the Q&A starts so you can start asking your questions.   We have a few rules.  Failure to follow these rules will get you temporarily placed in the Prayer Closet so we can preview your posts.  If you get put in the PC during the Q&A you will be released once it's over, but lets just follow the few simple rules so none of that is necessary. Rules for Q&A: 1. Be polite.  This is not an event meant for snark.  Chris is taking time out of his busy schedule to talk to us.  He is an expert in the things we discuss here, so let's give him respect, please. 2. One question per post.   Please don't bog him down with a bunch of questions in one post.  We are using the Q&A format so he can easily answer questions.  Putting a ton of questions in one post defeats the purpose.   You can continue discussion on the thread as he answers and ask another question in the same thread if you have one after he answers. 3. Please try to keep thread drift to a minimum during the Q&A.  After it's over, if you want to continue discussion on the topics  and they drift, that's fine. 4.  Be polite! These rules are subject to change as I and the helpmeets think over possible loopholes (cause there is always one person that has to push boundaries)
choralcrusader8613

Tickling the Ivories - Jinger and Jeremy Vuolo

540 posts in this topic

5 hours ago, feministxtian said:

 

I was going to quote you, but I just couldn't let those words be put here again. I truly had to go back and check because I knew that the lady in the pics with the adorable grands was just lovely, you are quite pretty! I'm not one to ever lie, or just say something because it's polite...but you are a very fine looking woman! Seriously, get that voice out of your head because it lies...

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thank you all! you guys are cheaper than therapy...and a whole lot more fun!!!!

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My hair is fine and totally straight and dark blonde, starting to grey around the temples.  (Actually it started that about 10 years ago and I thought I'd start coloring it if it got much worse, but because I'm blonde it actually looks just like a highlight and didn't start to spread further until recently.  I'm almost 48 and now planning to just go grey naturally unless it looks really uneven at some point).

Anyway... I have to shampoo daily or my scalp feels disgusting and my hair looks limp and oily.  But in CA where I live, it usually dries on its own in about an hour, so my hair-care routine is 5 minute shower with wash and condition, comb out, and that's it.  It's now shoulder length, no bangs, no layers, and has basically been the same cut at different lengths forever (I had it at a chin-length bob for about 6 years and just recently grew it back to shoulder-length again).

On the subject of kids' hair:  my oldest (girl) once let her long, thick hair get so matted in the back that we had to chop it short.  I know someone upthread sounded really upset about parents doing that.  It really had no other options... she'd been swimming a lot with goggles but no cap or ponytail, and the damage to her hair made it break and matt and it was just horrible.  She was 11 at the time and I think the hairstyle she ended up with was a bob so not completely chopped off.  

My youngest (boy) grew his hair long and then got a cut that looked like a ladies' bob... so he and I basically had the same haircut.  (His is also dark blonde and thin).  He liked the length but he hated being mistaken for a girl, so he recently got it cut shorter.  I like it much better now, but I'm trying not to go overboard saying that to him ;-). (He's 12).  

My middle kid (boy) has amazing hair... super thick and a little wavy.  He wears it short in the back and longer in the front and can swoop it to the left or right or back.  It grows really quickly, too.  

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I like all this hair discussion, so many different hair care routines!

Growing up, mine was always somewhere between wavy and straight. It would never lie flat but there was no uniform wave to it. Then, in my early twenties, I got it permed and it was the best thing I ever did for my hair. It was almost like the perm finally taught my hair how to curl properly and now, about ten years later, I still have the curly mermaid hair I always dreamed of! I maintain it by washing with shampoo and conditioner every other day, then let it dry while I sleep.
In the morning, if I want to wear it down, I wet it again then scrunch the curls with an old cotton t-shirt, let it air dry, and I 'm good to go. I do, however, have some problems with dryness and frizz (probably from wetting my hair too often or something) and I think it's time I stop being lazy and see if another hair care routine would help me retain moisture.

The second best thing I did for my hair was find a cut that works for it. I finally learned that my hair cannot be cut straight across at the ends, it must be cut in a "U" shape or it looks like crap. Also, I keep my hair long. Currently, it is down to about my waist. I love it this length, it works well with my face shape and I know that if I got it cut short I would end up looking like a man.

Also, in the last few years, strangers have started calling me a redhead, which I thought was weird since I always felt my hair was strawberry blonde, but my hair has gotten darker lately so I guess I'm a ginger now!

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Welcome to the Ginger Club, @GoddessOfVictory!!! 

I have straight as a warped board hair,meaning if its short enough it has a tiny bit of curl. Its too long for too much of curl now being just to my shoulders or little below-gotta go get it cut soon. I wash it every other day with conditioner between. I could probably go longer but if my hair smells dirty to me, its gettin' wash ed now! I'll probably get it cut in the next 3 weeks, kinda depends on if I run away from home to get away from my DD drama.

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Merely donating DNA and/or use of a womb to a child doesn't always make a man or woman a great parent.  I could give examples from my own upbringing all night long.  My own kids probably have lists featuring me and my ex's boneheaded statements.  But one of my favorite examples is when my father decided to tell me all about how his marriage to my mother blew up.  

It started out OK, with Dad acknowledging that they were too young and didn't know each other well enough to marry, but they both had reasons to want out of their family home (my dad's father was abusive and my mom came from a very large, poor family).  Back in the late 1950's, kids tended to stay in the home until marriage, so Mom and Dad got married.  Soon there was a baby, and then another.  My father tried to start a business that failed and then along came another baby.  

So there was Dad, forgetting his audience when he said "We might have made it with one or two kids, but the third kid was the end.  We just couldn't deal with having a third kid."  Guess who's the third kid?  

My stepmother elbowed him and he realized what he'd just said, but Dad wasn't about to back down.  "Why are you elbowing me?  It's true.  If we hadn't had so many kids, we might have made it.  But three kids were too many.  It was too much.  It killed our marriage.  If there'd been better birth control we'd have stopped at two, but then she turned up pregnant again and it was too much.  I don't see why I have to pretend it didn't make a difference.  Three kids were too many for us, so we got divorced before she could get pregnant again."  

Thanks, Dad.

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9 hours ago, GoddessOfVictory said:

I like all this hair discussion, so many different hair care routines!

Growing up, mine was always somewhere between wavy and straight. It would never lie flat but there was no uniform wave to it. Then, in my early twenties, I got it permed and it was the best thing I ever did for my hair. It was almost like the perm finally taught my hair how to curl properly and now, about ten years later, I still have the curly mermaid hair I always dreamed of! I maintain it by washing with shampoo and conditioner every other day, then let it dry while I sleep.
In the morning, if I want to wear it down, I wet it again then scrunch the curls with an old cotton t-shirt, let it air dry, and I 'm good to go. I do, however, have some problems with dryness and frizz (probably from wetting my hair too often or something) and I think it's time I stop being lazy and see if another hair care routine would help me retain moisture.

The second best thing I did for my hair was find a cut that works for it. I finally learned that my hair cannot be cut straight across at the ends, it must be cut in a "U" shape or it looks like crap. Also, I keep my hair long. Currently, it is down to about my waist. I love it this length, it works well with my face shape and I know that if I got it cut short I would end up looking like a man.

Also, in the last few years, strangers have started calling me a redhead, which I thought was weird since I always felt my hair was strawberry blonde, but my hair has gotten darker lately so I guess I'm a ginger now!

 Try using an Argan oil spray after washing! My thick curly hair used to always go dry and frizz but I started using a Treseme argan oil spray on wet hair after I wash it and it has worked wonders! 

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4 hours ago, Flossie said:

So there was Dad, forgetting his audience when he said "We might have made it with one or two kids, but the third kid was the end.  We just couldn't deal with having a third kid."  Guess who's the third kid?  

 

I know I'm more distant from the situation than you (obviously), but I'm hearing it a little differently. I hear him simply saying that the sheer number and cost is just too much for a young family without a good financial support system.  I don't hear him at all saying it was anything personal about you, you just happened to be third.  People sometimes tell their kids they're an "accident" baby but they still love them to death and once they're born they would have never had it any other way.  My mother would sometimes talk about how exhausting it was raising all of us as babies and toddlers (one after another, barely a year apart). I mean, we knew it was true, we were there! Most of it by herself. We never took it as she didn't love any one of us. We understood that yes, babies are hard and a very difficult stress on marriage.   I'm thinking that's what your dad meant, because I see the subject of his conversation as his relationship between her and him, not between, him and the kids. He was probably just trying to justify the demise of the marriage.  Yes, he could have been more tactful, men do sometimes just focus on facts and not emotions,  but I'll really bet he meant nothing at all about you.

I hope you don't end up feeling too bad about what he said.  Maybe a conversation with your stepmother could help clear it up.

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10 hours ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

 Try using an Argan oil spray after washing! My thick curly hair used to always go dry and frizz but I started using a Treseme argan oil spray on wet hair after I wash it and it has worked wonders! 

Thanks for the tip! I'll have to try that out!

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Ehh the Argon oil can leave it greasy, use smll amounts until you know how your hair absorbs it.

 

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Can I get some advice for thin hair? I have it bad both ways-my hair is painfully thin and extremely curly.  Not like gorgeous Shirley Temple curls but more like a rat's nest.  I've used Nixon but I'm not sure it's genetics or what that keeps my hair thin.  I do color from time to time-I do have a few Grey's at 27 lol

Edited to add my hair is long, I wish I could get is as long as Jessa but that's doubtful 

Edited by Nashville92
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On 21 January 2017 at 2:51 AM, anotherone said:

My grandmother said that when she was young she had beautiful long hair but her mother made them wash their hair with Fels Naptha.  If you know what that is, you'd be as horrified as me because that stuff is so harsh. I rarely see it around anymore (she was a teen around 1920) but it is this strong laundry soap.  Apparently gentler soaps in the liquid form weren't around at that time.

My Nana ( born in 1908) used to, as a teen, wash her hair using homemade soap. That's really all that was available then unless your family was wealthy.

Nana  and her sisters used rain water collected in a barrel. Rain water was softer than tap water.

They rinsed their hair using vinegar in the final rinse to make their hair shiny.

They made a conditioner using egg white and beer! It does work, Nana used it on me once when I was 12. Smells odd though!

They all struggled with greasy hair in their teen years. A family failing passed to me sadly.

It must have been very difficult to keep hair clean and shiny before the advent of the array of hair care products available today.

 

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With all this talk of hair care and routines, I just have to say "You're fired!" to my stylist.  I've gotten two really lousy haircuts in a row.  She left it too long in November and cut it too short this time.  I wanted it to the bottom of my earrings.  Yes, I wanted it short, but it's too short and it's uneven.  I'm stuck wearing a bandanna for a few weeks to it grows out enough to get cut again.  Yep, it's that bad!  This haircut is a vivid reminder if why I wore my hair long and up or braided for 20 years.

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4 hours ago, Gobsmacked said:

My Nana ( born in 1908) used to, as a teen, wash her hair using homemade soap. That's really all that was available then unless your family was wealthy.

Nana  and her sisters used rain water collected in a barrel. Rain water was softer than tap water.

They rinsed their hair using vinegar in the final rinse to make their hair shiny.

They made a conditioner using egg white and beer! It does work, Nana used it on me once when I was 12. Smells odd though!

They all struggled with greasy hair in their teen years. A family failing passed to me sadly.

It must have been very difficult to keep hair clean and shiny before the advent of the array of hair care products available today.

 

It was hard for everyone to wash their hair for sure but shiny hair wasn't expected the same way, it was more a lucky genetic fluke. 

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17 minutes ago, elliha said:

It was hard for everyone to wash their hair for sure but shiny hair wasn't expected the same way, it was more a lucky genetic fluke. 

Also, hair was more likely (almost certain) to be styled.  Unwashed hair is actually better for styling, especially if you want it to look smooth/stay put.  I pull my hair back into twists/braids/bun styles frequently, and while my hair would look greasy and gross left down after a few days without washing, it looks perfectly fine when styled.

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