Seewalds 13 - Baby Still Baking

[VineHeart137]

I'm just waiting to see if Baby Seewald and Lexi Mae Webster arrive on the same day. Unlikely, but they're due less than a week apart, so it's possible.

[Stormy]

My turn:

February 10th, hospital birth. They will plan for an attended homebirth, but will decide to go to a hospital at the last minute once Jessa's due date comes and goes. There, Jessa will be pumped full of pain medication and will enjoy being pampered and waited on for the duration of her labor, which Ben will tweet throughout. The result will be uneventful vaginal birth followed by a selfie. It will be another boy, 9 lbs. 12 oz., and his name will either be Ulysses Tozer Seewald or Tozer Calvin Seewald. ("Toes" for short.) He will have a full head of luxurious curly chestnut hair and his mother's pouty lips. Since Spurgeon has been such a joy, Toes will be the opposite. It will be four months before he sleeps through the night, and afterwards he will shriek if Jessa so much as leaves the room. By then, Jessa will be pregnant again with yet another boy. In fact, she will have four boys total before she finally has a girl, and Spurgeon will assume the role of surrogate sister-mom and be a master diaper-changer before the age of nine.

What do I get if I win?

[Denim Jumper]

How about Cotton Mather Seewald?

[Dubiousclaire]

I just googled "hideous biblical names" and the one most mentioned was "Dorcus" for a girl. So I am going with that...Dory for a nickname.  I think they will attempt a home birth, until a major freak out occurs, and Jessa goes to the hospital and gets an epidural. 

Jessa will be face timing Jinger the whole time,  Michelle will be baby talking and uselessly fetching supplies and towels the whole time, and Jill will be hand-wringing and crying because she doesn't know what to do, Ben will be looking up relevant bible quotes, Joy will be texting her boyfriend, Jim Bob will be at the big house with all the boys trying to think of some useless project to do, and Jana will be sitting in the living room rolling her eyes. 

[NakedKnees]

My guesses:

Girl (just because this family seems pretty even between girls and boys)

Born 8:21AM February 13th after less than 24 hours of labor.

Old-fashioned but normal name, surprising everyone. Ideas: Grace, Faye, Edith, Esther, Carole, Opal. Something like that. No noticeable theme.

Smaller than Spurgeon

No health scares for Jessa

Born at home with a proper midwife, Jill, Ben, Spurge, Me-chelle, and a little aunt or two present. Jim Bob dialed in. No Jinger.

Jessa will have had more prenatal care than with the last baby

And finally, the baby will evade that damn Duggar nose everyone seems to inherit. 

Also, while it is unquestionably tragic to be a girl born into this life, I hesitate to say that the baby being a boy is significantly better for anyone... it's the headships who are trained to keep the girls subservient. That might be oversimplifying, but it's still tragic. And, to be brutally honest, I think a conventionally pretty fire-and-brimstone girl like Jessa might be better suited to their lot in life than a homely meh-on-all-levels guy like Ben, assuming the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Either way, I hope this kid escapes the cult with their parents and/or brother, or on their own.

[JeanieCat]

Jerusha is my least favorite biblical name for a girl!

[Bad Wolf]

Jerusha. Wasn't that the name of the girl in Daddy Longlegs? Been a long time since I read that.

[patsymae]

8 minutes ago, JeanieCat said:

Jerusha is my least favorite biblical name for a girl!

Also Hepzibah, Zipporah, Beulah, Orpah

[SamiKatz]

31 minutes ago, JeanieCat said:

Jerusha is my least favorite biblical name for a girl!

This makes me laugh 'cause I saw a woman on TV the other day called Jerusha, and I thought "Hey, I like that name",  lol.

 

[nickelodeon]

29 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Jerusha. Wasn't that the name of the girl in Daddy Longlegs? Been a long time since I read that.

Yea! She changed her name to Judy very early in the book, for obvious reasons.

[PennySycamore]

Now I like Tzipporah (or Sephora), but maybe because Yvonne De Carlo played her in the 1956 film and I thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the entire movie.  I think it's a relatively common Hebrew name among Jewish girls and women. 

Oprah Winfrey's name was supposed to be Orpah, but her mom, grandma or aunt misspelled it on her birth certificate.

[ClaraOswin]

Depending on what kind of insurance Ben and Jessa currently have....I could see that playing a big part in where they choose to give birth.

[Buzzard]

1 hour ago, ClaraOswin said:

Depending on what kind of insurance Ben and Jessa currently have....I could see that playing a big part in where they choose to give birth.

Insurance?

I'm guessing they have some type of group pay/self insured bs

[fluffernutter]

My hope: They have an uneventful, unmedicated hospital birth due to the complications first time around attended by a CNM with an OB on call.  She has Jana or Jill be her doula (I used to be one so I think they are quite useful : ) , and has a baby girl they name Just Normal Katherine or Totally Ordinary Allison. No family other than sister-doula and Ben.

 

Reality: another home birth attempt, attended by what looks to be Jill and some other unnamed female who may or may not be a cpm,  2-3 sisters and baby-voice Michelle. A shit-show ensues and another hospital transport, followed by the clown-car full o' duggers. Jessa and baby turn out fine and baby is a boy named Zebulon and everyone pats Jill on the back for "keep her cool" and using her mad "midwife" skillz to make the "smart" choice to transport. Everyone gathers around and hold hands and prays. 

[Screamapillar]

If they had any common sense they'd just go to the hospital or hire a qualified midwife to avoid the astronomical expense of an unplanned hospital transport. I guess the unplanned hospital transports are God's plan whereas sensibly seeking qualified medical care is the work of tiny demons.

[Kira]

I found this list of unusual biblical names:

http://nameberry.com/list/456/Unusual-Biblical-Baby-Names

 

My new(fake) predictions:

January 29

Twins

Benoni Grace

Rosh Benjamin

[MoonFace]

1 hour ago, fluffernutter said:

My hope: They have an uneventful, unmedicated hospital birth due to the complications first time around attended by a CNM with an OB on call.  She has Jana or Jill be her doula (I used to be one so I think they are quite useful : ) , and has a baby girl they name Just Normal Katherine or Totally Ordinary Allison. No family other than sister-doula and Ben.

 

Reality: another home birth attempt, attended by what looks to be Jill and some other unnamed female who may or may not be a cpm,  2-3 sisters and baby-voice Michelle. A shit-show ensues and another hospital transport, followed by the clown-car full o' duggers. Jessa and baby turn out fine and baby is a boy named Zebulon and everyone pats Jill on the back for "keep her cool" and using her mad "midwife" skillz to make the "smart" choice to transport. Everyone gathers around and hold hands and prays. 

I was thinking you were going to say SING KUMBAYAH

Now there would be a NAME!   Little Kumbaya Seawald

[December]

2 hours ago, Buzzard said:

I'm guessing they have some type of group pay/self insured bs

That'd be my guess, too. Are those sort of plans even common outside of fundie circles?

5 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

How about Cotton Mather Seewald?

It'd be hard to find something more out there than Spurgeon, but that's at least in the same league! I'm torn whether I think they'll continue with obscure-ish religious names, or it'll be the one really odd name and then a bunch of trendy ones.

[Kira]

44 minutes ago, December said:

That'd be my guess, too. Are those sort of plans even common outside of fundie circles?

It'd be hard to find something more out there than Spurgeon, but that's at least in the same league! I'm torn whether I think they'll continue with obscure-ish religious names, or it'll be the one really odd name and then a bunch of trendy ones.

The boys will have obscure religious names and the girls will have trendy ones?

[Dandruff]

6 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

I'm just waiting to see if Baby Seewald and Lexi Mae Webster arrive on the same day. Unlikely, but they're due less than a week apart, so it's possible.

Lexi Mae, following an uncomplicated delivery, will arrive at the precise moment she's due.  Little Tozer or PenGuin, following hours or days of typical ratings-enhancing Duggar BS, might be lucky to just arrive.  Same day?  Suppose it's possible.

I'm becoming so cynical.

[sndral]

Gender: Boy

Date: born 2/11 (because that's my BD.)

Name: Flame Calvin Seewald.

Weight: 10 lb.s 3 oz.

She'll try to deliver at home, but will need an emergency unplanned transport to the hospital where some unfortunate Dr. will have to deal w/ a patient who's had no prenatal care that he's never seen before & her attendant Duggar circus (and maybe TLC cameras.) Once at the hospital w/ a bit of pitocin & an epi she'll get it out vaginally.

Selfie posted 5 min.s post delivery.

[Iamtheway]

7 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

I'm just waiting to see if Baby Seewald and Lexi Mae Webster arrive on the same day. Unlikely, but they're due less than a week apart, so it's possible.

I was 100% sure this was a Grey's anatomy baby. 

[FloraKitty35]

7 hours ago, Denim Jumper said:

How about Cotton Mather Seewald?

or Increase Mather Seewald.

[Iamtheway]

3 hours ago, Screamapillar said:

If they had any common sense they'd just go to the hospital or hire a qualified midwife to avoid the astronomical expense of an unplanned hospital transport. I guess the unplanned hospital transports are God's plan whereas sensibly seeking qualified medical care is the work of tiny demons.

Tiny demons are the worst! Forcing you to make sensible decisions that can save the lifes of you and your baby. 

Oh no, here comes one  making me to go to bed so I can function as a human being tomorrow ... when will they stop?

[nst]

8 hours ago, Stormy said:

My turn:

February 10th, hospital birth. They will plan for an attended homebirth, but will decide to go to a hospital at the last minute once Jessa's due date comes and goes. There, Jessa will be pumped full of pain medication and will enjoy being pampered and waited on for the duration of her labor, which Ben will tweet throughout. The result will be uneventful vaginal birth followed by a selfie. It will be another boy, 9 lbs. 12 oz., and his name will either be Ulysses Tozer Seewald or Tozer Calvin Seewald. ("Toes" for short.) He will have a full head of luxurious curly chestnut hair and his mother's pouty lips. Since Spurgeon has been such a joy, Toes will be the opposite. It will be four months before he sleeps through the night, and afterwards he will shriek if Jessa so much as leaves the room. By then, Jessa will be pregnant again with yet another boy. In fact, she will have four boys total before she finally has a girl, and Spurgeon will assume the role of surrogate sister-mom and be a master diaper-changer before the age of nine.

What do I get if I win?

by the power vested in me - you will get a child named after you 

Joy will name her first born girl - stormy 

happy