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The Boyer Sisters, Part 3


samurai_sarah

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Yep, the Boyer sisters are taking a break.  Was it something we said?

Pretty picture, yada yada, rocks thrown in stagnant ponds make ripples ...

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This is such a great analogy for our lives right now. There were several rocks thrown into our little pond last year, but the one that has left the biggest ripples was Brigid’s wedding. Not only has Brigid’s life changed since that wonderful day, so has ours. Our hearts, souls, and lives have all grown so much in the last six months.

This blog of ours has been affected, too, but we haven’t been honest enough with ourselves to realize this fact until just recently. It kind of reminds me of when we were little girls. There were some Summers when we would grow so much we couldn’t wear our favorite dress shoes come Wintertime. We, like our little girl selves needing new shoes, need a new way to blog in order to fit it into our ever changing lives. We also need a break to take time away, de-stress, relax into our way of life, and come up with new ways to continue our journey of living life as the new “Boyer Sisters” that we now are. Change is inevitable. We are accepting it, and going to move forward. We covet your prayers, specifically that God would show us three how to change the way we blog to accommodate who we are and what we are doing. Thank you, dears. We all love and appreciate each and everyone of you. We are excited for this new chapter, and we know God will continue to do many great things with this special place called, The Boyer Sisters.

See you in a couple of weeks!

Love and blessings,

It would be nice to see a change in the way they blog.  And definitely a change in their journey - for the better.  I'd like to see some personal growth.

3 hours ago, Nina said:

Leo does not write with my account. WE merely talked about what happened. 

It was just a friendly warning for Leo not to use your account for a second time and be sure to make his own account.  Look back over your posts.

I realize you are probably writing in a second language, your first language seems to be German, but I'm still skeptical about aspects of your story.  Either you were there at the event yourself observing - or you weren't.  You are telling Leo's story because you weren't there - but you were also there holding him in your arms to comfort him.

I'm still confused.

The Boyers were, of course, at the Linden, TN WWII reenactment in Sept. 2016.  It's <5 months ago.  Not too late to send them a letter.  

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16 minutes ago, Nina said:

My SIL tried /promised to do soI think. But her english is so much worse then my english. So I doubt she did.

I can understand that, since your English is better, I would encourage you to send a letter to both I have a child with special needs and I am a huge advocate for educating people when they don't know how to recognize and/or treat people who have special needs. 

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I'm really glad they're taking a break, if they need one. There are so many reasons why - if they're having problems (emotional, financial, etc), or if they just feel the pressure to keep doing it as it brings in money, but they don't feel it's authentic anymore, or if they're just tired of having to present a perfect front.  But it's great that they're being true to themselves.  It can be really hard to step back from a successful web-business, especially if it does bring in money, and a lot of validation/praise etc, so good on them.  I wish them all the best.

(Of course, my personal fantasy is they're doing it because they're moving away from the isolated SAHD path!   But they were pushed into performing from an early age, with the singing, and the blog is an extension of that, so I really hope they all find a life they really enjoy - whether singing/blogging still, or doing something completely different)

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I was there and remember nothing similar to what Nina describes.

The chasing off of rambunctious little children is a common enough occurrence, it's quite possible that Brigid confronted a 5 year old boy and let him know in no uncertain terms that he was in a place he wasn't supposed to be. I do not for an instant believe the "freak of nature" comment. I feel like it was added to make the story more scathing. Also I don't believe "yelling" properly describes Brigid's tone of voice. an urgent NO! (perhaps repeated 2-3 times) followed with a short explanation of not being allowed on stage or a shooing away is quite plausible

The story contradicts itself by charging Brigid with unintentionally aggravating Autism issues then adding a damning detail of her knowing that there was something wrong with the child and calling him a "freak of nature". Brigid doesn't talk about people that way in private and it is unimaginable that she would say that sort of thing in public.

Is it possible Leo misheard what was actually said and took offence without provocation?

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27 minutes ago, Gabe said:

Is it possible Leo misheard what was actually said and took offence without provocation?

@Gabe, this is the internet.  Anything is possible.  This story could be gospel truth, highly exaggerated, or made up out of thin air.  That is why we are looking at it critically.  We try to be fair.

I would think Brigid might remember being confronted by a European (possibly German) man trying to explain her behaviour was not helping to remove a child with special needs from the stage, however.  I suggest you ask her.

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20 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

 Anything is possible.  This story could be gospel truth, highly exaggerated, or made up out of thin air.  That is why we are looking at it critically.  We try to be fair.

We do tend to do that with people who start producing stories,  which is why @Gabe,  people questioned SnarkySally too and didn't just believe her blindly.

The situation sounds very memorable, so I'm going to guess that it would have made an impression on Brigid, so Gabe should ask her about it. 

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I'm pretty doubt.jpg about this whole fracas, if only because Nina waited 300 years to mention that she's (indirectly?) encountered the Boyers outside of their blog, which you'd kinda think would have come up earlier...

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17 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

I'm pretty doubt.jpg about this whole fracas, if only because Nina waited 300 years to mention that she's (indirectly?) encountered the Boyers outside of their blog, which you'd kinda think would have come up earlier...

Very fishy.  Especially as "Leo" was only interested in Gabe's WWII reenactments and Brigid's ability to drive a car.  Surprising after that terribly traumatic encounter with Brigid:

 

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Thank you for your input, @Gabe.  

Although I gave @Nina the benefit of the doubt, I intentionally worded my response to reflect that the story was *as she presented it*.  Internet or not, there are at least two sides to any story, and this one involves a language barrier to boot. I had forgotten that Leo had previously directed an unrelated inquiry to Gabe. Now I can see that the parts are not adding up to the sum.  Obviously, we may never know what actually happened and everyone involved will have their own interpretation of the event (as is normal), but seeing the two perspectives has been incredibly helpful. 

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1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

I would think Brigid might remember being confronted by a European (possibly German) man trying to explain her behaviour was not helping to remove a child with special needs from the stage, however.  I suggest you ask her.

 

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

The situation sounds very memorable, so I'm going to guess that it would have made an impression on Brigid, so Gabe should ask her about it. 

IF he is the real Gabe, something he refused to provide evidence of. 

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On 1/24/2017 at 11:24 AM, Nina said:

Since my husband has not yet managed to make a valid account (do not ask me what went wrong, I have no Idea) I will try to tell you why he does not have warm feelings for the Boyer Girls and Brigid in particular. My H, his sister plus her Son (5) and I went to US and since my SIL needs a few "interesting" photos for her photography school map we decided to also visit the Reenactment at Linden. My Nephew and my H are both on the Spectrum. Both are uneasy in large crowds and allergic to eye contact. But Nephew is way worse since he is also still learning more basic social cues and opens his mouth too much;) I love them both fiercely. Nephew M. loves the Boyer Sisters CD my Mother bought as a Secret Santa and he was ecstatic to find the Girls were playing this day. The little guy went up to the stage, and climbed on. My Husband ran after him and encountered Brigid rudely yelling at the frightened boy. She stared into his eyes and restricted his movements by blocking potential escape routes. When L. Tried to explain why shouting was not working she called the boy a freak of nature. All three smiling and nodding. My SIL came over and removed her Son while I had to hold my Partner, helping him calm down. There were several other families with children that left after this. One family also had a Spectrum child. They told me that the Boyer have always been a bit strange around special needs people. 

Of course he went onto the stage while they were not yet playing. The stage was basically empty. 

@Nina, I am honestly curious-- if your nephew and husband are both uneasy in large crowds, why did you go to a battlefield reenactment?

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I'll say this... it sounds a whole lot more plausible that a kid crawled up on a stage and Brigid forcefully told him "No!" 

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12 minutes ago, acheronbeach said:

I'll say this... it sounds a whole lot more plausible that a kid crawled up on a stage and Brigid forcefully told him "No!" 

that's my opinion now.  and if this happens periodically at their shows while they're busy with prep, i can see why she doesn't recall the specific incident.  (again, assuming everyone is who they say they are and is telling an accurate account.)

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 They both wanted to go. SIL could have gone alone. But both  her Son and Leo wanted to go as well. Leo always tests his limit. And it keys in with his special interests. So it would take a lot to deter him. 

 If Brigid had said: Down from the stage please - I doubt my Nephew would have stayed. I know, all people are quick to defend their young, but if strangers tell Nephew to do something he is normaly very quick to do the right thing. Provided the keyword please is used. 

Leo is just about the most forgiving person I know. He does not hold grudges but wants to understand if he did something to contribute to a problem. I think he is genuinely curious.  I do not know why Leo is interested in the Boyer´s. I suspect that he fascinated by their view of Life. And of course Gabe, as he presents himself here, is what he always hoped to be. A man who does what he wants. A man with a goal. A man who wears unusual clothing and is not afraid of what people believe about it. 

I always read their blog when I ended a good laugh and examples of good photography. 

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On 1/18/2017 at 4:51 PM, Palimpsest said:

Sorry, I have a collection of these Victorian and Edwardian novels for girls.  I like to track the birth of feminism and the emphasis on good education, schooling and college in them.

So what did you think of Louisa May Alcott's An Old Fashioned Girl and Eight Cousins? (If you haven't read them, just want to say we enjoyed them as well as, if not more than Little Women.)

Those were two of the books we enjoyed, even in the middle of our fundiness, though OFG got a little preachy in a couple of places, at least it felt that way. I may seek them out again and see what I think of them now.

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Little Women, et all, confused the heck out of me, because my dad lived down the street from Orchard House and I could never figure out the geography or where the factory they put under old Mr. Laurence's nose was.

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2 hours ago, refugee said:

So what did you think of Louisa May Alcott's An Old Fashioned Girl and Eight Cousins? (If you haven't read them, just want to say we enjoyed them as well as, if not more than Little Women.)

There is a major feminist/suffragette section of a chapter in An Old-Fashioned Girl.  In fact, there may be more, uh, covert messages than feminism!

I'm surprised it got by your censors! :pb_razz:

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"You have seen two of my new friends, Miss Mills and Jenny, now I 'll show you two more," said Polly, presently, as they reached a door, and she led the way up several flights of public stairs. "Rebecca Jeffrey is a regularly splendid girl, full of talent; she won't let us call it genius; she will be famous some day, I know, she is so modest, and yet so intent on her work. Lizzie Small is an engraver, and designs the most delightful little pictures. Becky and she live together, and take care of one another in true Damon and Pythias style. This studio is their home,–they work, eat, sleep, and live here, going halves in everything. They are all alone in the world, but as happy and independent as birds; real friends, whom nothing will part."

I have, btw, a real soft sport for Alcott and other authors of girls' classics like LM Montgomery & Susan Coolidge. 

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11 hours ago, refugee said:

So what did you think of Louisa May Alcott's An Old Fashioned Girl and Eight Cousins? (If you haven't read them, just want to say we enjoyed them as well as, if not more than Little Women.)

Those were two of the books we enjoyed, even in the middle of our fundiness, though OFG got a little preachy in a couple of places, at least it felt that way. I may seek them out again and see what I think of them now.

An Old Fashioned Girl is one of my all-time favorite books -  from the bronze boots to the lovely Grandmama telling her stories.  There is also that wonderful chapter in Part 2 when adult Polly takes Fanny to meet her friends - who are all living independently and working hard to support themselves and their families back home.

Eight Cousins - Gabe would love it because the cousins all wear kilts!  It's a bit sickly sweet with Rose having to be a feminine model for her cousins, but you have Alcott introducing the Rational Dress Movement and Rose happily dumps her corsets.  I have the sequel too, Rose in Bloom.  I won't spoil it for you. :)

Interestingly, Alcott hated the pressure she got from her publishers to marry off all her characters happily.  I think she especially hated having to invent a husband for "Jo."  Alcott herself never married but adopted her youngest sister's daughter when May (Amy) died.  She deliberately went against her publisher's wishes in both An Old Fashioned Girl and Jo's Boys.  Maud did not marry "but remained a busy, lively spinster all her days," and Nan "remained a busy, cheerful independent spinster, and dedicated her life to her suffering sisters and their children."  The other female characters in Jo's Boys also succeeded with their chosen careers even after they dwindled into marriage.

Alcott knew first hand about earning a living.  Bronson Alcott was an irresponsible dreamer with his head in the Transcendental clouds.  The women all worked to support the family and his always failing flights of fancy.

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10 hours ago, anachronistic said:

Little Women, et all, confused the heck out of me, because my dad lived down the street from Orchard House and I could never figure out the geography or where the factory they put under old Mr. Laurence's nose was.

Ah, it was a literary device.  I've done the Alcott tour too many times.  My favorite by far is the Wayside house.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wayside

The Alcotts lived there for a time (they moved multiple times) but it was later owned by Hawthorne, and then Margaret Sidney (Five Little Peppers).

Hawthorne put a staircase facing the back door in the Wayside.  This was so that if he looked out of his 2nd floor study window and get saw Bronson Alcott trotting down the road from Orchard House to visit - he could nip down the back stairs and into the woods to escape him.  Bronson was apparently a real chatterbox.

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2 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Interestingly, Alcott hated the pressure she got from her publishers to marry off all her characters happily.  I think she especially hated having to invent a husband for "Jo."  Alcott herself never married but adopted her youngest sister's daughter when May (Amy) died.  She deliberately went against her publisher's wishes in both An Old Fashioned Girl and Jo's Boys.  Maud did not marry "but remained a busy, lively spinster all her days," and Nan "remained a busy, cheerful independent spinster, and dedicated her life to her suffering sisters and their children." 

Love me some Alcott! Iirc Nan became a doctor.

I love how LM described a tight knitted community of feminist women in An old Fashioned Girl. Polly and Jo are my favourite characters. But my favourite book is Little Men, as an educator I appreciate it really very much.

Did you know that the Alcotts were part of the underground railroad? And Abby May was a known feminist and one of the first professional (and paid) social workers of Massachusetts. She was a feminist that worked full time out of her home in the middle of 19th century! She would make Lori's head explode.

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21 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Did you know that the Alcotts were part of the underground railroad? And Abby May was a known feminist and one of the first professional (and paid) social workers of Massachusetts.

Yes.  Abby May was a wonderful woman.  To be fair to Bronson Alcott, his first school in Boston failed partly because he was radical enough to accept children of color as students.  He wasn't all bad - just totally irresponsible.  

Books:  I recommend Eve LaPlante's Marmee & Louisa: The Untold Story of Louisa May Alcott and Her Mother, Susan Cheever's Louisa May Alcott and Richard Francis's Fruitlands: The Alcott Family and Their Search for Utopia.  

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On 1/27/2017 at 8:25 PM, hoipolloi said:

There is a major feminist/suffragette section of a chapter in An Old-Fashioned Girl.  In fact, there may be more, uh, covert messages than feminism!

I'm surprised it got by your censors! :pb_razz:

We were one of the odd-duck families in the congregation. I believed that women should be SAHM if they wanted to be, as a choice (and if they could pull it off, economically), and the women in the liberal church we left kept saying it was a waste of one's talents, abilities, and college degree to want to "just" be a mother. You know, if I had got some encouragement from those older women that it was "okay" to stay home with little ones, at least until they reached school age, I might not have sought out the more conservative (what am I saying? the sick, twisted, controlling patriarchy--though it didn't start out that way, it started out "conservative" and slowly boiled the frog) social network.

The reason I was "against college" was not the same reason they were, for example. I had met people in my adult life without college educations, who were self-educated, who had more of knowledge and understanding in their little fingers than I had in my whole college-educated being. I knew a lot of party-types at college--the ones who were there for a good time, and to spend their parents' money. I didn't see the point in our kids going thousands of dollars into debt and starting out life that way--it took dh and me years to pay off our college loans. We also knew a few entrepreneurs who were doing fine without college degrees.

Of course, I realize now that I was overgeneralizing. It's a bad habit of mine.

All that to say, we read books that they probably wouldn't have touched with a ten-foot pole. We read them, and discussed them. When I said "preachy", one of the parts I was thinking about was that chapter where Polly introduces Fanny to the community of independent women. And "preachy" doesn't mean I disagreed with Alcott's message, just that she interrupted the flow of the story quite a bit to get her point across. (Again, kind of like Uncle Alec's lecture on women's clothing in Eight Cousins. It was interesting in its own way, but slowed the flow.) For us, it was an opportunity to discuss the realities of the society Alcott was describing, and compare it to the opportunities people have today.

It was only after we'd been in the culture for more than a decade, not noticing the tightening chains, the ever-more-constraining circles being drawn around our choices, that I began to believe that *all* that women were allowed to do, by what the bible said (by what they said it said, actually), was to stay home, perhaps have a cottage industry, and raise children for the Kingdom. They made it sound so noble, too.

ETA p.s. And what a horrible deity we ended up worshipping in the end. I still don't quite understand how it happened, but I don't trust churches anymore. Or maybe it's my own judgment I have trouble trusting.

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