Lori Alexander 13: Transformed and Still Judgey

[onemama]

11 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Don't have an optometrist...can't afford one. I've needed new glasses for years but shelling out a couple hundred bucks for the exam and new glasses just isn't in the budget. Any extra cash goes towards stocking up on groceries against the leaner times and trying to keep the cars running. My car has been sitting for the last two months...it needs a new power steering pump and that's 400 bucks I just don't have right now. My clothes shopping is just as sporadic. My job isn't continuous...I can teach for 8-9 weeks and then be off for a month or more. We pretty much live on hubby's SSDI (which sucks) and there ain't a lot of cash for extras. 

These are the things humble lady Lori won't even try to understand.  Some women are working to put food on the table or pay for necessary expenses, not because they want to make a name for themselves or afford luxuries. 

 

[feministxtian]

32 minutes ago, onemama said:

These are the things humble lady Lori won't even try to understand.  Some women are working to put food on the table or pay for necessary expenses, not because they want to make a name for themselves or afford luxuries. 

 

And...I'm unbelievably grateful for what we DO have. We don't live in luxury but we have everything we need and really, most of what we want...I'm extremely thankful that my hubby's medical needs are taken care of, that's one less worry to deal with. The next 6-7 weeks will be tight as hell until I start getting paid for teaching again (my first check will be mid-february), but we will be OK. Lori will never know the literal JOY of finding 60 bucks in a jacket pocket that shows up right when you need it. She will never know the simple joy of getting to splurge and buy a big gulp at the 7-11 because you dug all the change out of the bottom of your purse and you're thirsty. She'll never understand the happiness of being able to buy TWO tops at the second-hand store...

Yeah, being broke sucks ass...but I'm rich. Rich with the love of an incredible husband who literally waits on me hand and foot, wonderful friends who leave surprises at my front door...a 20lb bag of cat food with a note that says "love you", bosses at school who tell me they think I'm a fantastic instructor and are working on ways to bring more classes in for me to teach so I will get paid more, two crazy cats who provide hours of cuddles and cheap entertainment, Yup...I'm RICH as hell! 

[smittykins]

@lawfulevil

The only thing I would add is one of those low-income, prepaid cell phones with a fixed amount of minutes per month.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Hahahahh!! Today's post mentions again "pain is a great teacher"! Its basically all one big brag about how easy it was to discipline her children, how perfect they were. 

Think I will let Koala have fun with this one. 

[Fascinated]

Spoiler

Just dropping by to say that these rings are super cute. And when my one-year-old granddaughter is old enough I shall pamper her with something similar, or something different. Whatever she loves. Because I love her.  

(Apparently I will put her entire future at risk but, as I am a reckless, thoughtless, witless  person, I am going to take that chance.)

[AlwaysDiscerning]

I wonder if Pampers diapers are a sin? 

[Koala]

Lori Alexander:

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We never abused them

Ken Alexander:

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I can only remember creating a bruise on one child

Well, maybe they just abused their child that once...

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Ken had Ryan come over and pushed Ryan down on his bottom.

Normal (totally non-abusive) parents push their kids down as discipline, right?  No?  Yeah, no.

Lori Alexander:

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I spanked my children when I was angry 

 

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I spanked in anger sometimes

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A spanking will work if it is hard enough. We used a small leather strap

 

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My children definitely feared us growing up.

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I think they were actually afraid of me

So there's that.  

In today's post she says:

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I have no problem with the way you raise your children. You can never say “no”, let them sleep in your bed, and never spank them but make sure they obey you. 

Right!  Lori totally doesn't care if you spank.  Not one little bit!  

Lori Alexander:

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Women stop reading my blog when I write about spanking and submission. They have unteachable hearts.

Lori speaking to another parent:

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I told her she must take a wooden spoon or some other object and spank him on his bottom hard enough so it will hurt.

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according to these verses, if you truly love your child, you will use a rod on them...

And of course we can't forget the time that she was supposed to be watching her grandchildren at the park, but instead, this happened:

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I was at the park the other day with my grandchildren. There was a young dad there with his two year old daughter. We got to talking about discipline and I asked him if he spanked his daughter 

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 I went over to him and told him, "You know you are the man of the family. You should be able to spank your daughter if you feel this is what she needs." 

But she doesn't teach men, and she doesn't care if parents decide not to spank!  

[usmcmom]

Does supporting your married adult children fall under the label of "pampering"?

Hasn't there been a lot of talk of Ken and Lori providing financial help to one of their kids?  That brings me to another question: if a man is supposed to work and provide for his family (per Lori), how does that square with a young married man accepting financial help from his wife's parents?  

Let me guess; that rule applies to everyone else - not Ken and Lori's perfect children. 

Oh yeah, let's not forget how Lori's parents continue to pamper her - rubbing her feet, reading to her. In that video she made with her mother, I thought it was very odd the way her mother made the comment about how mean people are to Lori. It really came off as the bully's mom confronting the school principal because her bully child's victims actually fought back. It gave me some great insight into why Lori is the way she is. Her parents raised a bully. It also makes me wonder what Lori's kids are like and how they treat others. I hope they escaped the ways of their parents but if they emulate their parents' treatment of others, they are likely not very pleasant people. 

[Koala]

Just now, usmcmom said:

Oh yeah, let's not forget how Lori's parents continue to pamper her - rubbing her feet, reading to her. In that video she made with her mother, I thought it was very odd the way her mother made the comment about how mean people are to Lori. It really came off as the bully's mom confronting the school principal because her bully child's victims actually fought back. It gave me some great insight into why Lori is the way she is. Her parents raised a bully. It also makes me wonder what Lori's kids are like and how they treat others. I hope they escaped the ways of their parents but if they emulate their parents' treatment of others, they are likely not very pleasant people. 

Exactly.  Lori must have been in her forties or fifties when she had her elderly father reading to her as he massaged her feet.

She's talked about her mother cooking and running errands for her, and of course there's the time she sent her father for vegetable soup and he had the gall to come back with chicken noodle.  

They have also financially helped Ken and Lori.

Lori is against pampering for everyone but herself.  She's The Godly Mentor, after all, and as such, deserves special treatment.

@usmcmom I totally agree with you about Lori going whining to her (very sick) mother about all the meanies on the internet.  I think she was spoiled rotten as a child, and the result is what we see today-  a grown woman who thinks she's always right, and everyone should do what she says "or else" <---as Lori put it.  It's a shame they didn't put their foot down to her when she bossed her sisters.

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 I am the oldest of three girls.  I was bossy and controlling.  Ask my sisters.  They will tell you I always got my way.

That's where it started.  If Princess Lori had been told "NO!" then, she might have become a very different person.

 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I really, really dislike it when people lie in print.  Here is a quote from Lori's post today.  "We were gentle parents but not in this way. We were kind, loving, affectionate, warm, and joyful with our children..."

Nothing I have ever read from Lori or Ken shows me that they were kind, loving, affectionate, warm, and joyful with their children,

But -- What I have read shows me that they, and especially Lori, were (and continue to be) unkind, unloving, not affectionate, cold, and anything but joyful.

[Imrlgoddess]

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Hey Ken, next time you decide to "punish" Lori, how about making her spend some time ACTUALLY LIVING BY all her own rules? No fancy house. No expensive cars or clothes or accessories. No domestic help. A very limited grocery budget. Submit to your husband no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

I think a WEEK in a no-frills 1 bedroom apartment with a super-economy rental car and $50/week for food and gas would make Lori very, very sorry. And that would still be fucking easy street, because if she were like many of her readers, she'd have actual problems, like...

This would be awesome, but as much as I hope it would adjust her outlook, I have a sneaking suspicion she'd just attack her husband (gently with bible verses of course) that he wasn't being a "Godly provider".  She truly thinks his success is ordained by God and that she deserves to have that life.  But oh!  To see her wrangle children, laundry, and the husband without her own agenda???  That would be priceless. 

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@usmcmom I totally agree with you about Lori going whining to her (very sick) mother about all the meanies on the internet.  I think she was spoiled rotten as a child, and the result is what we see today-  a grown woman who thinks she's always right, and everyone should do what she says "or else" <---as Lori put it.  It's a shame they didn't put their foot down to her when she bossed her sisters.

^THIS ^  She's a spoiled old woman who was a spoiled little child.  She's gold digging brat who searched that man out, bullied him into marrying her, trapped him in that marriage with multiple children, and has reaped the benefits of a luxurious life where she got off scott free.  She didn't have to put effort into her kids, she didn't have to put effort into her home, and now she's trying to "teach" other women how to be just as cowardly and lazy as she is.  I don't know if I've ever witnessed a more selfish, hypocritical human being....

[onemama]

20 minutes ago, Imrlgoddess said:

This would be awesome, but as much as I hope it would adjust her outlook, I have a sneaking suspicion she'd just attack her husband (gently with bible verses of course) that he wasn't being a "Godly provider".  She truly thinks his success is ordained by God and that she deserves to have that life.  But oh!  To see her wrangle children, laundry, and the husband without her own agenda???  That would be priceless. 

^THIS ^  She's a spoiled old woman who was a spoiled little child.  She's gold digging brat who searched that man out, bullied him into marrying her, trapped him in that marriage with multiple children, and has reaped the benefits of a luxurious life where she got off scott free.  She didn't have to put effort into her kids, she didn't have to put effort into her home, and now she's trying to "teach" other women how to be just as cowardly and lazy as she is.  I don't know if I've ever witnessed a more selfish, hypocritical human being....

Little as I like Mrs. Pearl, at least she did walk the walk before she set out to teach it.  I'm not condoning her teaching, her nastiness or her bullying, mind, just mentioning that she actually lived what she preaches.

I wonder what Mrs. Pearl really thinks of someone like Lori.... 

[SweetFellowshipper]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say some brain bleachy stuff. I really think some of the women who go on and on and ON about this stuff (submission) endlessly are kinky or kinky-curious but have no other way to express it. (I know because when I was Mormon and kinky, I definitely "felt the spirit" reading "submission" stuff over and over again, lol). Whenever I read Lori's stuff, I see the opposite of a submissive person, but her comments about men spanking or physically overpowering women to get them to obey make me think there's a sexual interest there on her part or Ken's, not a genuine interest in Christian submission. Couple that with her singular obsession with being right and superior to other women, and you've got the single-minded shitshow that is her blog.

I think that about a lot of the submission bloggers. Think about it...There are endless topics to write about and you pick that one to solely focus on. And it's really convenient. It's "godly" but it gets you off. And I'm not saying they necessarily know why they do it, I think many genuinely think they're just spiritually convicted. I did. But now that I've become an adult I know that I was not only spiritually interested in the idea, lol.

[Imrlgoddess]

@SweetFellowshipper I have thought the same!  Only reiterated by the "but we get to have sex as often as we want!!" 

"Oh Ken....kiss me, beat, me, make me write bad checks!!!!"  

As an aside...did anyone else who's followed the WTF Fundies blog on Tumblr notice they snatched the above emoji recently?  Just wondering.

[SweetFellowshipper]

Just now, Imrlgoddess said:

@SweetFellowshipper I have thought the same!  Only reiterated by the "but we get to have sex as often as we want!!" 

"Oh Ken....kiss me, beat, me, make me write bad checks!!!!"  

As an aside...did anyone else who's followed the WTF Fundies blog on Tumblr notice they snatched the above emoji recently?  Just wondering.

In a way I feel bad for them because that's the one way they can explore their sexuality. There's that whole "Christian domestic discipline" contingent that claims it's "totally not kinky" to spank your wife for misdeeds, it's just what God wants. Poor things, just have your fun! God doesn't care! 

[Koala]

More from today's post:

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We were gentle parents 

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My children definitely feared us growing up.

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I think they were actually afraid of me

Lori:

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We taught them not to be afraid of the dark and have unwarranted fears very early on

Fear is not something you can just tell someone not to have.  What this really sounds like, is that Lori couldn't be bothered, and she told them to stop whining "or else".

Lori:

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I didn’t allow them to be picky eaters. 

And she raised not one, but two daughters with serious food issues.  One has publicly stated the she was on the verge on anorexia, and the other stated she had body image issues from an early age.  

Lori and Ken picked on their daughters for their weight, and ended up causing really serious problems in both of them.

These are quotes from their daughters:

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Between the milk allergy, stomach problems, low energy, prone to fainting/face-planting, anemia, and my mom forcing me to eat my salad when I was young {stubbornly, I would sit at the the table for over two hours a night refusing to eat my salad}, I am where I am at today. 

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 I can honestly admit that at one point I was on  the verge of anorexia. 

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My biggest struggle as a dancer was my body image. I never was happy with what I saw in the mirror.

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In my early years of dance, my body became my obsession. I had not even hit puberty and I was worried that I was too curvy or not skinny enough. Not only did my image disorder cause insecurity, but it gave rise to a host of other issues: bad eating habits, depression, injuries, foggy thinking, sleepless nights, and more. Idolizing the way I looked never helped me. It did not improve my appearance or my performance.

Yet Lori and Ken plodded along, obsessing over their weight, seemingly oblivious to how much their girls were struggling.  

One of their other children (a son) derived great pleasure from force feeding his daughter when she wasn't hungry, and denying her food when she was:

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Emma would love to be the boss. Most children would love to be the boss if they could. Ryan made Emma's breakfast this morning. He started feeding it to her. After one bite she said, "No!" Ryan made her eat at least 20 bites between her crying. He doesn't want her to get her way and become a picky eater. He is a very smart daddy.

Erin told me that when they eat dinner, Emma begs for their food. Ryan didn't like that so he set a blanket down and made Emma sit on it with her toys and books while they ate. For a week, she would just sit there and scream. Then she would just cry. Now when he lays the blanket down, she crawls over to it and plays happily while they eat. She knows her daddy is boss and means what he says.

So yeah, Lori didn't allow "picky eaters", and she didn't hesitate to confront her kids if she didn't think they were skinny enough.  The results?  At least 3 out of 4 kids had major issues.

She even had one kid convinced that consuming sugar was a sin:

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 My son, Steven, thought eating sugar was sinful while he was growing up. 

Lori has no business giving out advice in this area.  Her record is proof of that.

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Real life doesn’t pamper us at all. There are trials, hardships, and sufferings. Pampering doesn’t benefit your children at all. Many wives have husbands who were pampered as children and when they are sick, they moan and complain. It is the same with many wives when they are in pain or sick. Teach your children to do otherwise.

Yes, Lori has been clear that she didn't "baby" her children.  I suspect that's mostly because she was too spoiled and self centered to be bothered with them.

Lori:

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 If they fell and cried, we ignored them

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 When they were sick, I wouldn't let them complain.

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Erin told me she doesn't even know when Ryan has the flu since he won't complain about it.

On the flip side, when Lori is sick wants her damn potatoes and a foot massage from her elderly dad.  

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

When you never work or have any other passion/hobby besides your kids, your entire identity and life's work is riding on how those kids turns out. So its no surprise that Lori paints this picture of her kids childhood as being rosier than it actually was. She has to boast and do these sorts of posts to give cover and make her feel her life meant something. She raised four GREAT, issue free kids! See, all that staying at home and sacrificing self was worth it. 

Also, about complaining isn't there a big difference between complaining and just stating you don't feel well.  For example, Ryan can just say he isn't feeling well and express discomfort in a way that isn't complaining. Yet, since he doesn't even speak up to let everyone know he is sick it shows what great fear runs in that family. 

[lilwriter85]

3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

Does supporting your married adult children fall under the label of "pampering"?

Hasn't there been a lot of talk of Ken and Lori providing financial help to one of their kids?  That brings me to another question: if a man is supposed to work and provide for his family (per Lori), how does that square with a young married man accepting financial help from his wife's parents?  

Let me guess; that rule applies to everyone else - not Ken and Lori's perfect children. 

Oh yeah, let's not forget how Lori's parents continue to pamper her - rubbing her feet, reading to her. In that video she made with her mother, I thought it was very odd the way her mother made the comment about how mean people are to Lori. It really came off as the bully's mom confronting the school principal because her bully child's victims actually fought back. It gave me some great insight into why Lori is the way she is. Her parents raised a bully. It also makes me wonder what Lori's kids are like and how they treat others. I hope they escaped the ways of their parents but if they emulate their parents' treatment of others, they are likely not very pleasant people. 

I've had the feeling that Lori's parents spoiled and pampered her, but they just didn't see the negative effects of it. So, in their minds Lori is a victim when people call her out or disagree with her on the blog. I agree, they raised a bully, but they don't see it. In a way, I feel bad for Lori's parents because they pampered her, yet she bashed them a few times on the Always Learning blog. I get that everyone has problems with their parents and sometimes don't like certain things about their parents, but many don't bash them on a blog or social media. I also wonder about Lori's kids. I have the feeling that Alyssa is probably the nicest one.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

So if God forbid Ryan ever experiences any of the warning signs of a heart attack, will he just keep silent so as not to appear to be complaining. Thereby proving he's a tough, strong manly man, although one that might not survive the attack?

Not wishing anything bad to happen, just taking this not letting anyone know you have a health issue to the furthest extreme.

I'm fairly sure that Lori complained loudly and long about her stomach, neck and head pain to any and everyone within hearing distance.  Not to mention not getting her damn potatoes.

Because if we know about her complaining about potatoes, you bet her entire family knows -- and that she hasn't stopped complaining about it yet.

 

[lilwriter85]

Lori is one of those people who thinks that only her health issues matter and nobody else can talk about their health issues. I've know several people like this. I had a middle school science teacher who was a diabetic. She used to get pissed when kids asked to go to the school nurse or call home or parents' workplaces because they weren't feeling well and wanted to be picked. My teacher would say stuff like, "I have diabetes and come to work almost every day". This same teacher used to talk a lot about the other health issues she had such as her complicated pregnancies.

My bf used to work in home health care and he currently works as a social worker for people with disabilities. He has mentioned having a few ill or disabled clients who are like Lori. They don't like for their children, friends, or spouses to ever talk about having minor illnesses because they throw out the whole "I'm disabled or very sick and I have it worse than you" spiel. I get that there are people who have severe health issues and disabilities that they have to deal with on a daily basis. The ones who don't let others express discomfort over feeling ill or having their health problems are jerks. People shouldn't have to hide occasional illnesses or minor health issues just because they aren't big.

[louisa05]

23 minutes ago, lilwriter85 said:

Lori is one of those people who thinks that only her health issues matter and nobody else can talk about their health issues. I've know several people like this. I had a middle school science teacher who was a diabetic. She used to get pissed when kids asked to go to the school nurse or call home or parents' workplaces because they weren't feeling well and wanted to be picked. My teacher would say stuff like, "I have diabetes and come to work almost every day". This same teacher used to talk a lot about the other health issues she had such as her complicated pregnancies.

My bf used to work in home health care and he currently works as a social worker for people with disabilities. He has mentioned having a few ill or disabled clients who are like Lori. They don't like for their children, friends, or spouses to ever talk about having minor illnesses because they throw out the whole "I'm disabled or very sick and I have it worse than you" spiel. I get that there are people who have severe health issues and disabilities that they have to deal with on a daily basis. The ones who don't let others express discomfort over feeling ill or having their health problems are jerks. People shouldn't have to hide occasional illnesses or minor health issues just because they aren't big.

I wonder if some in her family didn't get used to doing that of their own accord, though. When my dad was sick with cancer, it felt pretty damn petty to complain about a sinus headache or some such thing in his presence. So I usually didn't. If he knew I was sick, he would never act as if it didn't matter and would actually worry and want me to get better, but I still hated to complain about some minor illness when he had stage iv cancer and all the side effects of chemo. 

[Koala]

Other than her brain tumor (which is more recent, and obviously serious), I wonder how many of Lori's issues were just Lori trying to manipulate her way out of taking care of the kids and the house.  A lot of her stuff was pretty vague.  Sabotaged birth control= you get to quit your job.  Neck pain & stomach aches = a nanny and someone to clean the house.  She also used it as an excuse to not cook dinner for the kids.  

Ken:

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Many nights Lori made her big salads which the kids loved, then they came running for daddy’s food that I cooked. Remember, most of these years Lori lived with a sick stomach and other health issues, so I had to fend for myself many days and nights.   

#1.  Based on what kid 4 wrote, I'm pretty sure she didn't love big salads.

#2.  Having nothing but a big salad for dinner "many nights" is not going to cut it for 4 growing teenagers (as evidenced by the fact that they wanted the food that Ken cooked).

#3. Why didn't Ken just make enough for his children?  He knew they were hungry and that Lori wasn't cooking for them.  The fact that he acts like he was put out by them asking for "his"
food just shows what kind of dad he was.

#4.  Lori didn't cook for Ken like she claims she did.  She used her illness to get out of cooking and to get her way about controlling food. 

Which makes these comments by Lori seem beyond ridiculous:

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I am amazed at how many women don't cook today. It is almost as if they are proud of it. 

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Women are called to be keepers at home and part of being a keeper at home is cooking. 

I could go on, but suffice to say that the message Lori preaches does not match the life that she's actually lived.

The life she's lived is a life of being pampered by her parents and the staff Ken hired to do the jobs Lori demands other women do.  

I am from the south.  If someone asks you what you've done all day, and the answer is "lazed about and accomplished nothing", you might say, "just sorried away".  It's a way to say you've been lazy.  I get the feeling that Lori has spent much of her life just sorrying away.  It's probably why she has no critical thinking skills, pitches a fit when she doesn't get her way, and lacks a basic understanding of how the world really works.  She's isolated herself in the house, she's regularly catered to, she's used to getting her way, and she refuses to hear anything that she doesn't like.

[purjolok84]

Lori Alexander:

We never abused them

I feel that if you have to publicly say that you didn't abuse your children (this goes for anyone) then this pretty much says something about you. And it's not good.

[Imrlgoddess]

 

7 minutes ago, Koala said:

Other than her brain tumor (which is more recent, and obviously serious), I wonder how many of Lori's issues were just Lori trying to manipulate her way out of taking care of the kids and the house.  A lot of her stuff was pretty vague.

I have wondered this same thing, how much of her "illnesses" were valid.  I've read and reread about the stomach issues which she calls parasites, and the neck problems.  I have similar neck issues, I even have a theracane like hers.  Now, according to the doctors I've had bulging discs for years but never "found" them until 2015. I went to work and lived life...I still do my work in and out of home with those same discs out of place and carpel tunnel that is unbearable some night.  Same with any gastric issues...I live in the land o'seasoning...I keep Pepto at work and home.  I've simply learned my strengths and weaknesses...but I certainly won't be lounging on the sofa being waited on hand and foot when I can at least be folding laundry.  

There's a huge part of me that thinks the things she had going on were bad enough, sure, but not so debilitating that she couldn't have gotten up and done the work she so vehemently insists other women do.  When I think about all her hypocrisies I wonder if she talks about the past as a reason or addition to having had such a bad marriage the first however many years?  (i.e. "I was very lazy but saw the error of my ways, please don't follow this example") But then she pops up with the crap about her parents still sha-sha'ing her when they are well past the age and she should be doting on them.  I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt...and I just can't.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Her health issues can't be that bad if she managed four pregnancies and four healthy babies all within a close time frame.  Or did the health issues just so happen to start after the last child?