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BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"


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No. Cassi is wrong. It is not just sharing an opinion. Lori solicits--seeks out-- very vulnerable young moms and tells them everything is their fault. She ignores verbal abuse (which is often a predessor to physical abuse), and when women mention it, she tells them to pray and be silent. She thinks disobedient children should be "spanked harder." She and Ken act like they wish men could hit their disobedient wives (remember the picture of John Wayne spanking a woman?). Ken thinks sex is a right, and he's decided that incest is not that bad (so female victims of incest can't "get out of" sex). 

No, Cassi, it is not right to take vulnerable unhappy women and make them feel it is all their fault. It's not right to make them feel they should have sex if they don't want to. It's not right to imply that they are "out of control" because they are disagreeing with their husbands. It's not right to say that all women, everywhere, should stay at home just because Lori did not like working (or feels ashamed she is not working now that her kids are grown). None of that is right, because it hurts other people.

 

Lori is also a hypocrite.

Don't use birth control. . . she used birth control

Don't send your girls to college. . . Cassi went to college, as did Lori. 

Be frugal. . . Lori had a nanny and housekeeper.

Keep having kids no matter what. . . Lori stopped because she was "sick"

Be there for your kids.  . . Lori had a nanny

Clean your house yourself. . . Lori had a housekeeper

Obey your husband. . . Lori busted her diaphragm and wears high heels when Ken doesn't want her to

Homeschool your kids. . . Lori did so only for middle school

I could go on and on.

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3 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

If you are a Christian, then you should be able to respect my mom's views and teachings as being Biblical and understand that by teaching things God's ways she has saved thousands of marriages and you should rejoice with the ministry God has given her. If you are not a Christian, then I am sorry you have such anger in your heart and have to take it out on other people. It amazes me how people, like you, can twist truth. I know what I am saying right now probably will not influence you at all. But as a daughter who lived with my parents for 24 years, I know them and can speak on their behalf that they are amazing, loving, God-fearing parents. I am extremely grateful for the childhood I had and the protection and provision they gave me growing up. I pray the Lord softens your heart and gives you are heart of grace and understanding."

OH PLEASE!! And, yes, the review is mine...

I love how they twist disagreement into "anger in your heart". 

Honey, your mom's teachings are not biblical. They are the bible according to Lori Alexander. 

I live with my husband, we're fairly happily married after some VERY rough years...and I won't be a doormat to him. 

Oh, and while my kids occasionally got a pop here or there while they were little...like over 3...I would not spend HOURS making an 18 month old pick up raisins, beating her ass the whole time. At that age, I'd probably just sweep the mess up and never think twice about it. Come to think of it...I had a few 18 month olds...and I don't remember turning picking up anything into such a power play. 

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Cassandra:

  Quote

"Bashing her book as soon as it comes out is just nasty (their are many of you guys doing it...you should feel ashamed of yourselves)"

 

Why is giving a poor review to a book nasty?  Why should anyone be ashamed of themselves for giving a poor review?

If you're going to publish a book and put it on Amazon you're probably going to get reviews, and some might not be good.

Casandra, you are coming across like an entitled brat with that statement.  Now where oh where did you get that attitude from, I wonder??

 

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1 minute ago, kpmom said:

 

Cassandra:

  Quote

"Bashing her book as soon as it comes out is just nasty (their are many of you guys doing it...you should feel ashamed of yourselves)"

 

 

I see her mama taught her well...ROFLMAO!!!

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Cassandra:

Quote

 If you are a Christian, then you should be able to respect my mom's views and teachings as being Biblical and understand that by teaching things God's ways she has saved thousands of marriages and you should rejoice with the ministry God has given her. 

Three things:

1) Not every Christian will agree that Lori's interpretation of scripture is correct.

2)  Cassi asserts that Lori has saved thousands of marriages.  Let's do the math on that.

Lori has been blogging since 2011.  According to her own account, she read Created to Be His Helpmeet 8 years prior to that.  Let's be generous and say that she began mentoring the day she picked up the book. That gives her 13 years of mentoring from the day she picked up the book.  

Cassi says thousands, but let's just say Lori knows two thousand couples and has single handedly saved their marriages.  That would mean she was averaging saving 153 marriages a year.  So basically, in a given year she saved a marriage every other day.  

Even if we cut it down to a thousand, she would have been saving approx. 76 marriages a year.  That's more than one marriage per week. 

Please....

3) As for rejoicing for Lori in her ministry- Lori has thrived on a steady diet of bashing other bloggers/writers/speakers for the last year or so.  Perhaps she should stop gossiping about them on her blog, and instead, rejoice with them in their ministries. 

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this is just getting better and better...Lori is getting a bunch of shit and there's no handy-dandy delete key to use! 

https://www.amazon.com/review/RRPA828JVEJXC/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=099816870X&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=283155&store=books#wasThisHelpful

Love this!

Doris says:

This exchange plus an attack from another family member has demonstrated that this is not a book based on Biblical principles, which it purports to be .Frankly, I think anyone who orders it should consider that the Alexander's may be able to trace them! This is all nuts, lol.

 

 

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Bashing her book as soon as it comes out is just nasty (their are many of you guys doing it...you should feel ashamed of yourselves

Here is an entire post Lori dedicated to bashing Sarah Young, who wrote Jesus Calling.  She also called out Beth Moore.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/11/beware-of-jesus-calling.html

That's just the tip of the iceberg, though.  Lori has thrown countless other readers, bloggers, speakers under the bus.  Funny how her daughter didn't turn up in comments to tell her how nasty it was of her to bash Sarah's book.

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2 minutes ago, FundieWatcher said:

Summary: Lori can dish it out but can't take it. 

Yeah, that's a no-shitter!!!!

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Cassi is married right?  Just had a baby right?  So why is she posting on Amazon as Cassandra Alexander?  Aren't godly submissive wives supposed to take their husbands' last names?

Keeping her maiden name after marriage seems almost .... GASP .... Feminist,

Oh Nos!!!!! Not that!!  Anything but that!!  Help me sweet Jesus

Next thing you know Cassi will get  (horrors) a job.

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I read all the reviews...she's getting KILLED...and Ken is also commenting. I just called him out :) because family members are NOT allowed to comment/review!!!! 

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I'm worried about @usmcmom, did she  get lost in the rabbit hole? Can the rescue ferrets not find her?

@I love Pringles did you did a review since you could be a verified buyer review? Can you give us more specifics  on the bad content? 

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I don't think that Lori realized that Amazon reviews cannot be deleted.  She put her book out there for the world to read and review and probably thought that all her fan girls would praise her to the skies,

She never dreamed that anyone would dare criticize the Godly Mentor's godly book.

But the reading public had other ideas and now Lori can see what a true open forum is really like.  She has no delete button, no control, and no way to answer back. All she can do is read what people really think about her and her book.  Because you know she's reading Every, Single. Review.

Interesting that only Ken and Cassi are defending her, primarily Cassi.  If she was such a great mother why aren't her other children rushing to her defense?

Edited to add

I fully expect a blog post very, very soon about how evil worldly, secular, she-devil, abortion-getting, hooking-upping, career-having Feminists are trashing her wonderful book on Amazon reviews.

Because we're all evil, worldly,secular, etc, etc, and we hate Jesus and the Truth of God's word (as revealed to and then interpreted by Lori).

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22 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I'm worried about @usmcmom, did she  get lost in the rabbit hole? Can the rescue ferrets not find her?

@I love Pringles did you did a review since you could be a verified buyer review? Can you give us more specifics  on the bad content? 

I'm still here. My son-in-law just left yesterday and then I went to a play with my husband, ordered sushi and watched that darn debate. That was enough punishment for one evening.

I did read more of the book today and hope to write something tonight (is there a way to save a draft of my comment so I can come back to it?). I will say this, Lori writes a considerable number of paragraphs bashing other bloggers.  I think Sheila specifically is who she goes after, although she does not name the author. Also, the first chapter was a little uncomfortable for me because Lori writes such disparaging things about her mother. Her mother is terminally ill, right?  How sad that some of the final words she will see from her daughter are words of disdain. 

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@quiversR4hunting I haven't reviewed it yet. Mostly because right now they are obsessively watching the reviews and I really am not sure what to say. I keep rewriting and deleting and rewriting this because the book is seriously that bad and I'm not eloquent at all. I read and trash books as a hobby (Re: Twilight) and this was an awful book. I'll gather my thoughts and try and write them up and make them coherent in the morning. 

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Did Ken delete his comments on Amazon?  I did not see his but I sure saw sweet little Cassie's remarks. Not only does her mother's teaching shine through, but her personality as well.  

Poor Cassie. She has no idea how vicious the world of internet comments can be. She should stay off her computer and take care of that new baby. Doesn't her mother say that young women should stay off the internet and tend to their homes and families?  

Ok. I am going to try to write another review. You guys; it's JUST. SO. BAD. 

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On 10/7/2016 at 9:18 AM, usmcmom said:

I've been thinking about that (and all her food issues) quite a bit. It seems to me that Lori really never totally submitted because Ken began eating big salads and smoothies. She even controls his meals and snacks. She certainly got her way on that one. Also,  she doesn't frame her nagging with an attitude of caring about his health; but just with "this is what I like; you should like it too."  

On another note, her whole submission story really shines a light on her black and white view of life. Instead of just deciding to treat her husband with respect and dignity, she had to go to the extreme of this over-the-top severe interpretation of scripture. In their world it is either horrible nasty wife or  cmpletely submissive wife who agrees with her husband even when he's wrong. There is no middle ground in their world. That is, of course, assuming Lori is truly a submissive wife, which I highly doubt. 

I think you are right. There is at least one very long quote from The Joy Filled Wife in there. And....I was going to surprise all of you but...ROBERT IS QUOTED AT LEAST ONCE!!

So, yes; it looks as though Lori has tossed together blog posts and comments and called it a book. 

The back story wasn't unexpected, but it sounds like she goes into more detail.  So yeah, she was into extremely rigid thinking, a complete inability to understand that other people may have a different perspective, and a bizarre obsession with controlling food choices even back then.

Once again:  she was miserable because of vegetables.  Ken wouldn't eat his veggies, and that made her sad.  Somehow, she thinks that this makes her qualified to help women who have husbands who are objectively awful, like TheJoyFilledWife.

Lori's advice is only useful for women who happen to be exactly like her.  So yes, if you have a fit and feel unloved because your spouse eats a cracker with cheese product, giving up control might help.  Not because of Titus 2, but because that's a seriously weird thing to get upset about, and you clearly have issues.

 

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Honestly, I feel sorry for Cassi.  Those comments just drive home the fact that she has been thoroughly brainwashed.

She has been programmed by her parents to see her mother's blogging as a "ministry" and to see any disagreement with her as an attack on God.

She has been programmed to see undergoing hours of being strapped over something utterly trivial as a toddler as something that was necessary to save her from turning into a disobedient and lawless adult.

She has been programmed to know that it is her job to rush to her mother's aid at all times, no matter what is going on in her own life.  [Lori's need to be defended is apparently more important that anything else for two new moms - you'd think that getting sleep and caring for new babies would be a higher priority.]

She parrots, almost word for word, things that her parents have said.

She seems to be quite incapable of writing decently or understanding how logical arguments work in the real world.

She seems like she may actually be quite sweet, and even admits that her mother can be rigid.  It's just that she lived with her mother for 24 years, she spent many years being homeschooled, her mother would have been sick for almost her entire life, and unlike her brothers and older sister, she really didn't have that much of an outside career which could have provided some balance and outside perspective.  Yes, this is the "fruit" of Lori's parenting:  a child who cannot think for herself, who has been programmed instead of taught, and who seems to fear any deviation from the script.

 

 

 

 

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Yep, she makes herself miserable by trying to force a grown man to eat exactly the foods that she likes, and gets angry and hurt and feels unloved if he doesn't enjoy being treated like a child. This horrifying, ongoing nightmare definitely makes her qualified to advise other women to stay with their (choose one) angry/violent/narcissistic/verbally and emotionally abusive/substance abusing husbands. You want to leave because  your husband calls you stupid, locks you in the garden shed, and spends his entire paycheck on drugs and lap dances? Suck it up! This woman lived through decades of EASY CHEESE!!!!

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Chapter One: "My Life Growing Up"

In this chapter, Lori gives a brief overview of her upbringing and tells the "how we met" story of Ken and Lori.

She quickly tells us that her parents argued "almost all the time," and chalks it up to their different upbringing; specifically that her mother grew up in a family of seven children and her father was an only child. This, evidently led to very different outlooks on life.  I personally cannot understand this because my husband and I also had very different upbringings and we do not argue all the time. But we all know how Lori likes to paint with a broad brush, so I won't try to comprehend this reasoning. 

Her father was gone quite a bit due to his job as a hospital pathologist. When he was home, Lori says she and her sisters, while trying to fall asleep, usually listened to their parents arguing. 

She tells us she knew at a very young age that she loved to teach and often played school, assigning herself the role of teacher or principal.  "Yes, I loved to be in control from a very young age," she tells us.  if one of her children had been that way, Lori would have labeled it as sin and punished them, am I right?  

Because Lori did not have many friends, even in grade school, she considered her mother her best friend. Her mother shared her frustrations about her father with Lori, causing Lori to dislike her dad.  I can certainly agree with Lori when she says this was inappropriate. However, because her mother disciplined and fixed them nourishing meals, she knew she was loved. Discipline and food have clearly been constant factors in Lori's definition of love.

*Trigger Warning*

Spoiler

Lori tells us that even the other Christian girls she hung around with in school "looked and acted no different than the rest of the world."  She also says the same about the couple of boys she dated.  She shares a story about her first date at the age of sixteen. The boy took her to the drive-in and "immediately pushed me down on the front seat of the car and started making out with me.  Actually he made it known he wanted a lot more than a few kisses."  She insisted he take her home and he did. 

I truly feel bad for Lori that this happened to her. It must have been very frightening for her and nobody should have to endure that kind of treatment. 

Even though Lori was not allowed to date until age sixteen, she seemed to have few rules besides that age restriction.  Her mother did not mind if they dated unbelievers but told the girls "to marry a Christian and not to have sex before marriage. This was the extent of her counsel."  Lori states that even though she and her sisters were "technically virgins" upon marriage, she wishes her mother had set stricter guidelines for her. 

Lori went to college only because her father wanted her to have a career "just in case."  In her senior year, she informed her parents she would never get married. But then...

SHE MET KEN! Turns out, Ken had a girlfriend back home and he actually broke up with her once Lori agreed to date him.  Note to Ken's Florida girlfriend:  YAY YOU! You dodged a bullet and I hope your life is wonderful!

Even though Ken and Lori argued basically from the beginning, they decided to get married.  After Ken's "matter of fact proposal - no ring, no romantic dinner, nothing special...." Lori said yes even though she did not even feel excited about it.  Lori decided to marry him because "I knew I loved him even though I didn't enjoy him." 

Holy smokes, people! No wonder this marriage was such a disaster. 

They were very attracted to each other, according to Lori, and they knew they'd make great parents. That's why Lori decided to "Follow through and marry Ken."  Oh geesh!  The transactional vibe she assigns it is just so so wrong.  The arguing continued after their marriage and Ken continued his poor eating habits, which "remained a HUGE source of contention" between them.  Oh my gosh, the food issues with this woman.  She could not understand why they argued because she thought she was being submissive and "kept the house clean, fixed delicious meals and gave him lots of sex. I thought I was perfect!"

As she tells us of the births of her children, there is no mention of poking a hole in her diaphragm - just a casual mention that after Ryan was born they decided together that she could quit her job.  She talks about how she loved her children and took them to AWANA and...you guessed it...fed them nourishing foods.  Her mother lived nearby and could help a lot, which was great since Lori was sick by this time.  Funny how useful her mother was when she was needed, even though she was not a good example for Lori and her sisters when they were young. 

She shares the timeline of her illnesses and tells us that for one of her appointments, during which she was to get MRI results, Ken left for a business trip. That is when she learned of the mass on her pituitary region.  Ken, of course, could not be bothered to be with his wife when she was to receive such important test results; although he did fly right home after she called and told him the news.  It was during the recovery from one of her surgeries that she began reading Debi Pearl's book.

She shared the book widely and discovered she had a "gift for teaching and a passion for mentoring." Um....Okaaaaay. 

She ends this segment of her book with another swipe at her mother, telling us she wishes she'd had an older, Godly woman setting an example for her.  Then she shares a post from her blog - one about Michael Pearl and Voddie Bauchman.

In the next chapter (2) we are reminded that she and Ken enjoyed "working with a church in their premarital counseling program."  Run, young people run!  That's coming up in "Why I mentor Women."   

*Note: I tried to hide a small portion in a spoiler, because I worried it might be triggering. I hope it worked.  I've never used the "spoiler" before. 

 

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On 10/7/2016 at 5:47 AM, alba said:

 


To be fair, I think "compiled" might be a more apt term than "written" as it sounds like she's just repurposed existing blog content rather than actually writing a book.

 

And she got a publisher to buy in to this?

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11 hours ago, Koala said:

Ultimately, we all have to make our own decisions before the Lord and bashing other people for their opinions is truly not Christ-like.

 
 

Oh, Cassie, it's the very definition of Christ-like. Christ was pretty vocal about condemning people's opinions. 

Quote

 

Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, saying, "The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: all therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not. For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

" But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments, and love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, and greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.

 "But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. and call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ. But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant and whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.

 "But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in."

 

 
 

I could even make it a bit more relevant with: 

Quote

 

"Then Jesus spoke to the women and the blog followers, saying, "The Alexanders tell people to do what they say and not what they do/did (birth control, working wife, unsubmissive marriage, etc.). They put heavy, difficult, painful burdens on women's shoulders, but they wouldn't dream of carrying such burdens themselves.

"Everything they do is to make themselves look righteous. They talk about modesty and sacrifice, but they show off their cleavage to their navels and live lives of luxury. Mrs. Alexander loves nothing more than to be known as a 'wise older woman' and blogs incessantly to achieve that title.

"But this title is not hers. She sets herself above God, and her husband dictates all the ways Jesus is wrong. There is only one who is your master, and that is Christ. The Alexanders exalt themselves, but they shall one day be abased.

"Woe unto you, Alexanders, you hypocrites. You make the kingdom of heaven inaccessible to women with your silly rules and wicked pronouncements, but you won't be going in yourself." 

 

 
 

I should also add: 

Quote

 

 "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment,mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

 "Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity."

 

 

 

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