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BOOK REVIEW: "The Power of a Transformed Wife"


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Big Daddy Junebug was a black&white thinker and certainly had his dislikes & likes about food -- but the most he'd ever say about us kids or Big Mama JB liking foods he didn't   was simply: "You eat weird."  LOL!! 

I've been having some trouble with memories of my folks and how they raised me, but this topic has really helped me see that they had their very positive attributes, too. 

I love FJ!

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21 hours ago, lawfulevil said:

My husband IS diabetic and I've just had to accept that there's only so much I can do. Spending your life policing another adult's behavior is the path to madness. It's acceptable to you (ugh, fine, I have accepted that the laundry hamper is a REGION and not a receptacle), acceptable to you if they're at least making the effort (many things), or it's not acceptable to you (gambling the rent or hiring a prostitute would be an instant deal-breaker). Trying to scream things from Category C to Category A is doomed.

<snip>

I agree completely with you. My husband is diabetic and high cholesterol and sleep apnea and over weight. we have been married over a decade and there is nothing I can do to make him eat healthy. I can have good things in the house, make good meals, etc. (I don't have a weight issue, even after having babies.) However, he has his own money and car and he can go get 5 bags of Doritos and eat them in one weekend. I can't stop him. I have tried asking nicely if he is hungry or bored and sometimes he is receptive to that but most of the time he isn't. I also can't stop him from salting his food that it looks like snow fell nor can I make him eat only 8 oz of meat and 1 cup of starch (rice or pasta). It won't happen. I've given up because if I am going to make the marriage work for the rest of our life, I have to stop stressing about his health because I can't make him care. I can, however, make sure he has enough life insurance so if he dies before old age, I'm not up a crick without a paddle. Sounds bad but sometimes you need to decide what to fight about, I don't love him any less but if I continued to nag him about food I would become very, very resentful of him. I also know that I need to be the good food choice for our children and show them that everything in moderation and a donut is not breakfast, unless on special occasions.

Lori takes all of this to an entire new level of crazy and obsessive. Obviously, not healthy for the marriage, at all.

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Has Lori or Ken ever talked about how they met, what their dating/courtship was like and all that? Why wouldn't they have an idea about each other's personal tastes before the honeymoon? Did all their meals together consist of restaurant food and they didn't pay attention to what each other ordered?

  My marriage was similar; and we learned how to compromise as far as personal tastes go. Of course because he had allergies there were some things I WOULDN'T cook, and would only eat myself when he was away, or I was out with female friends or whatever. As long as I washed well  before I saw him after, it worked. I'd like to hope that Lori, after her initial shock, learned to compromise with Ken too, and share their concerns about health and such. Maybe there IS more to Lori's illness than physical.

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There's a third 5-star review now. I'm suspicious that that reader is also a friend, because it praises recipes in the book, "many of which I have already tried." The book just came out. How could a reader unknown to Lori have tried "many" of the recipes already?

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15 hours ago, Koala said:

She had one of her children convinced that consuming sugar was a sin

That idea reminds me of a wonderful sermon I heard at an evil progressive liberal church I once attended. The priest talked about how he'd heard a parent telling their child something like they had to eat up all their vegetables at dinner because Jesus was watching and would be disappointed. The priest felt that sort of speech was wrong because attaching Jesus to every unimportant, not even remotely Bibically-related situation would water down the truly impactful messages in Scripture and wrongly teach the child that Jesus is just sort of a nasty tattletale. 

Yet again, we have the fundie logic that you should scare the crap out of kids about anything that differs from your lifestyle, because teaching them moderation takes work and care goes against the Bible. 

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1 hour ago, polecat said:

I bet her delete finger is just itching like crazy over on Amazon right now ... 

Can she delete reviews? They are responding to them. 

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Oh shit!!! Check this out!!

Cassandra Alexander says:

As I am the little one who was being "smacked" around for hours to pick up my raisin, I have a right to defend my parents. First of all, I was never abused...not even close. By having me pick up my raisins it was actually a sign of love. It wasn't easy for my mom to spend hours disciplining (disciplining, not abusing there is a big difference) me that day, but she taught me a valuable lesson that I was able to learn at 2 years old the easy way instead of 10, 20 or even 30 years later down the road the hard way. She taught me obedience. Obedience to authority and to God. My parents saved me from SO much grief learning this at a such a young age because I learned early on in life that when they say no or tell me not to do something it is because they have my best in mind, just like God. God disciplines the ones He loves because He is protecting the children He loves. It isn't easy for Him, but He knows better than us and wants to protect us from hurting ourselves. I don't know what your relationship with God is or why you hold so much anger towards my parents, but just because you don't agree with everything (or anything?) they say, does not mean that this book can not help save difficult marriages.

https://www.amazon.com/review/RRPA828JVEJXC/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=099816870X&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=283155&store=books#wasThisHelpful

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7 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Oh shit!!! Check this out!!

Cassandra Alexander says:

As I am the little one who was being "smacked" around for hours to pick up my raisin, I have a right to defend my parents. First of all, I was never abused...not even close. By having me pick up my raisins it was actually a sign of love. It wasn't easy for my mom to spend hours disciplining (disciplining, not abusing there is a big difference) me that day, but she taught me a valuable lesson that I was able to learn at 2 years old the easy way instead of 10, 20 or even 30 years later down the road the hard way. She taught me obedience. Obedience to authority and to God. My parents saved me from SO much grief learning this at a such a young age because I learned early on in life that when they say no or tell me not to do something it is because they have my best in mind, just like God. God disciplines the ones He loves because He is protecting the children He loves. It isn't easy for Him, but He knows better than us and wants to protect us from hurting ourselves. I don't know what your relationship with God is or why you hold so much anger towards my parents, but just because you don't agree with everything (or anything?) they say, does not mean that this book can not help save difficult marriages.

https://www.amazon.com/review/RRPA828JVEJXC/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=099816870X&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=283155&store=books#wasThisHelpful

Those kids are so messed up now as adults. Stockholm Syndrome?  It's sad she has no real thought of her own. She plays the You Need Jesus card and that's all she has. 

 

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I've never understood the "Train up a child" types, where they hit their children, to make them scared of disobeying, so their obedience to parents (and God) is based on fear. 

I'm an atheist, and I have strong beliefs I try to live by because I think they're right, and I want to be a good person, a good friend and a good member of a positive community.  I always feel sad for people who try to live by rules they think will stop them being punished - being good because they're scared of what will happen if they're bad, not because they think it's the right thing to do. 

I know some wonderful Christians who are trying their best to follow Jesus' example as much as possible, and because they want to make "heaven on earth" etc for positive reasons, and I respect that with all my heart.  How awful that all these Fundy kids will never have that choice, they're scared of an after-life that's the equivalent of being beaten for things they never understood, in a lake of fire, for all eternity.

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I still wonder some days if my mom didn't have a copy of the Pearl's book(s)...her methods were so similar to the ones that are praised by Lori.  Seeing my sister terrified as a grown woman of not only our mother, but of God, only makes me wonder how these folks feel deep down.  Way down in the recesses that they can't even find....I feel badly for those who had to endure being raised like that, but then again I know they are most likely perpetuating the cycle.  

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4 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I've never understood the "Train up a child" types, where they hit their children, to make them scared of disobeying, so their obedience to parents (and God) is based on fear. 

I'm an atheist, and I have strong beliefs I try to live by because I think they're right, and I want to be a good person, a good friend and a good member of a positive community.  I always feel sad for people who try to live by rules they think will stop them being punished - being good because they're scared of what will happen if they're bad, not because they think it's the right thing to do. 

I know some wonderful Christians who are trying their best to follow Jesus' example as much as possible, and because they want to make "heaven on earth" etc, and other positive reasons, and I respect that with all my heart.  How awful that all these Fundy kids will never have that choice, they're scared of an after-life that's the equivalent of being beaten for things they never understood, in a lake of fire, for all eternity.

 

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4 hours ago, Petronella said:

There's a third 5-star review now. I'm suspicious that that reader is also a friend, because it praises recipes in the book, "many of which I have already tried." The book just came out. How could a reader unknown to Lori have tried "many" of the recipes already?

     That's normal. . I have written positive reviews to support friends' endeavors. They were honest too.

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15 minutes ago, Shiny said:

Those kids are so messed up now as adults. Stockholm Syndrome?  It's sad she has no real thought of her own. She plays the You Need Jesus card and that's all she has. 

 

Stockholm Syndrome came to my mind as well.  Learning a lesson in obedience at 2 years old.  Give me a break.  Two year olds don't have that kind of awareness or self/impulse control.  

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58 minutes ago, Shiny said:

Can she delete reviews? They are responding to them. 

No, she can't, and I'll bet it's driving her NUTS. She CAN complain to Amazon and have them review them, but I'm not sure how effective that is at removing reviews.

53 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Oh shit!!! Check this out!!

Cassandra Alexander says:

As I am the little one who was being "smacked" around for hours to pick up my raisin, I have a right to defend my parents. First of all, I was never abused...not even close. By having me pick up my raisins it was actually a sign of love. It wasn't easy for my mom to spend hours disciplining (disciplining, not abusing there is a big difference) me that day, but she taught me a valuable lesson that I was able to learn at 2 years old the easy way instead of 10, 20 or even 30 years later down the road the hard way. She taught me obedience. Obedience to authority and to God. My parents saved me from SO much grief learning this at a such a young age because I learned early on in life that when they say no or tell me not to do something it is because they have my best in mind, just like God. God disciplines the ones He loves because He is protecting the children He loves. It isn't easy for Him, but He knows better than us and wants to protect us from hurting ourselves. I don't know what your relationship with God is or why you hold so much anger towards my parents, but just because you don't agree with everything (or anything?) they say, does not mean that this book can not help save difficult marriages.

https://www.amazon.com/review/RRPA828JVEJXC/ref=cm_cr_dp_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=099816870X&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=283155&store=books#wasThisHelpful

 

Oh man ... I sure hope this doesn't mean those grandbabies are going to be getting spanked for hours on end in a year or two. This is awful. 

I can't understand at all defending that type of behavior. 

 

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14 minutes ago, polecat said:

No, she can't, and I'll bet it's driving her NUTS. She CAN complain to Amazon and have them review them, but I'm not sure how effective that is at removing reviews.

Oh man ... I sure hope this doesn't mean those grandbabies are going to be getting spanked for hours on end in a year or two. This is awful. 

I can't understand at all defending that type of behavior. 

 

But those precious gifts from the Lird will be saved from SOOOOOOOO much grief because of their spankings!  

 

Sickos.

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Its a shit book. I've followed her blog for a while and bought the book asap. Biggest waste of money ever even though I bought it to snark it and its just spectacularly bad. I am going to rip out pages and make it into paper roses 

Her poor kids were screwed from the get go with this one 

I've got a niece dealing with weight and food issues because of being forced all through her childhood to clean her plate :/

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I read Cassandra Alexander's comment earlier and this really stood out to me. 

Quote

. By having me pick up my raisins it was actually a sign of love. It wasn't easy for my mom to spend hours disciplining (disciplining, not abusing there is a big difference) me that day, but she taught me a valuable lesson that I was able to learn at 2 years old the easy way instead of 10, 20 or even 30 years later down the road the hard way. She taught me obedience.

I know it's been discussed many times before, but here is Lori's daughter explaining how wonderfully her mother disciplined her at the age of two. She is writing this comment to defend the infamous raisin incident. This is her sole purpose. And she is accomplishing this by telling us that she endured 'hours of discipline' that day...hours!...about raisins. Thankfully, as a result, she didn't have to wait until she was an adult to learn obedience.  It is really quite astonishing. 

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And yet another comment by Cassie, who seems to have appointed herself, or been appointed (hmm?), Lori's defender/ attack person.

This in response to a 1-star review entitled "Reader Beware" [Bolding/ underlining mine]

"I am a daughter of Ken and Lori Alexander, the youngest to be exact. My parents did a great job of raising all 4 of their children. Yes, they are not perfect, but they seek the best they can to do things God's ways. If you are a Christian, then you should be able to respect my mom's views and teachings as being Biblical and understand that by teaching things God's ways she has saved thousands of marriages and you should rejoice with the ministry God has given her. If you are not a Christian, then I am sorry you have such anger in your heart and have to take it out on other people. It amazes me how people, like you, can twist truth. I know what I am saying right now probably will not influence you at all. But as a daughter who lived with my parents for 24 years, I know them and can speak on their behalf that they are amazing, loving, God-fearing parents. I am extremely grateful for the childhood I had and the protection and provision they gave me growing up. I pray the Lord softens your heart and gives you are heart of grace and understanding."

So to recap;    Lori is the most godly mentor that ever godly mentored.  She's saved 1000s of marriages people.  1000s!!  If we're Christians we should be in absolute awe of her Biblical rightness and her ministry.  If we're not in awe .....

Well... then we're not Christians. We twist the truth. We have anger in our hearts.  And Cassie is praying for us.

Isn't that special of her.

Maybe it's me, but I always thought the raisins story was about her older daughter. Weren't Ken and Lori tag teaming "disciplining" during the raisin incident?

Hitting a 2-year old (or any child) with a leather strap is the very definition of abuse -- not "discipline"

Stockholm Syndrome indeedi

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On ‎10‎/‎9‎/‎2016 at 6:35 AM, acheronbeach said:

I don't follow LoriKen, but if she thinks cheese spread abstinence means love, she's completely off her rocker.

Lori's off her rocker about lots more than cheese spread.

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This woman sounds like the type who believes that if she does not control every aspect of her husband's life that he will run away with another woman. And honestly is that so far off from what the fundies preach? Poor Lori didn't understand that when you marry one of these men you have to surrender your own identity and assume his/what he likes. So according to Debi she should have had a few fake cheese crackers and thrown her own desire to be healthy out the window because Debi. Because Pearls. Because Michael's beard.

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1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Maybe it's me, but I always thought the raisins story was about her older daughter. Weren't Ken and Lori tag teaming "disciplining" during the raisin incident?

 

I'd always thought it was the oldest daughter, too. 

And yes, the whole story was the definition of abuse. It was disgusting. 

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Lori's version of the incident:

Quote

One of them wouldn't pick up their raisans. We would tell her to pick them up, she would say "no", and we would spank her. She would cry for awhile. After awhile, we would again tell her to pick up her raisans. She refused. We spanked her again. We would make her stay where she was until she finally picked up her raisans. Ken and I would take turns because it was very tiring but oh, so worth it. 

Quote

The first time our children had a temper tantrum or refused to obey us, around 18 months, Ken and I would take turns telling them to pick up the toys {or whatever they were refusing to do} and then give them a swat on their bottom if they wouldn't do it.  With all four of our children, it took almost four long, difficult hours.

So she is talking about 4 hours of "swatting" an 18 month old.  I hope to God that's not how Cassi plans to raise her new baby.

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I don't have kids (although I do plan to). I see photos of young kids and they are just so fucking adorable. How ANYONE can beat cute young toddlers is beyond me. If I had kids you can bet I'd be clutching them right now telling them how much I love them. 

And seriously? She refused to eat raisins? Oh please. That's a reason for spanking her?? Gimme a fucking break. Kids that age go through all sorts of weird food phases. One week they love cheese, the next they hate it. That happens. Get the fuck over it and don't fucking spank your child. 

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Cassandra:

Quote

Bashing her book as soon as it comes out is just nasty (their are many of you guys doing it...you should feel ashamed of yourselves)
 

Really?  Do you think it was "nasty" when she posted a picture of your brother's classmates, criticizing their dresses? 

Or what about the time she gossiped about the neighbor's dirty house or the business her friend's daughter runs?  Was that "nasty"?

Quote

My mom has her opinions on how she has seen things worked for marriages. She is just sharing those opinions. People should be able to glean from her teaching which they want and leave the ones the disagree with behind.

So for clarity, Lori is free to express her opinions on her blog for the entire world wide web to see. Readers should weed through the garbage to "glean" what they can, and then be a dear and keep their traps shut. Only Lori is allowed to give her opinions (I guess, since she speaks for The God of the Universe).

Quote

Ultimately, we all have to make our own decisions before the Lord and bashing other people for their opinions is truly not Christ-like.

But isn't that exactly what Lori does?  She tells working moms they are "blaspheming the word of God". She pulls comments and makes entire posts around bashing the author.  Here lately she has taken to trashing other bloggers/writers/speakers.  

Has Cassi told Lori that she finds her behavior not to be Christ-like? 

Quote

 First of all, I was never abused...not even close. By having me pick up my raisins it was actually a sign of love.

Repeatedly spanking an 18 month old over a 4 hour span is ABSOLUTELY abusive.  I'll take that a step further.  Spanking an 18 month old is abusive.  And since I'm on the subject, hitting a child is abusive.

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